There is a lot written about inadequate buyers. It will be positive. When the daughter was born, my ex-wife and I decided to buy a wheelchair, because there was no money for a new one, a lot was spent on repairs, children's mixtures. We found for 1,500 rubles a wheelchair, given together with a pear. Called - to travel through the whole city with a transfer on the bus. I came - the wheelchair is steep, the color is green with orange inserts, unusual, but sympathetic. He gave the money and started calling a taxi because he didn’t want to go with her in the bus. The time was about 21 hours. Taxi is not appointed. The girl seller said that let’s wait for her husband, he will come from work and take you home. I was really uncomfortable and I refused. While waiting for a taxi, she sent me to drink tea. Word by word, she just gave me three packs of baby diapers of the smallest size, one whole and one begun bowl of Nutrilon (a mixture for baby food, a substitute for breast milk) and baby slides and diapers (but all good and obviously smooth and washed). I was wildly uncomfortable, indeed, but if clean, then everything she gave was very necessary.
Her husband came. When he found out that the taxi wasn’t going, he just took me home. I just took it and took it. I invited them to drink tea, but they refused.
My wife, when she saw me loaded with all kinds of childish things, was in shock.
I was very pleased, such a sense of human love I had never experienced again.

Better to ride a bicycle to the beach every day than a Mercedes to work.

I have been married for 15 years and have decided to have a child.

We go with her to the pharmacy, she buys 8 packs of ovulation tests, 5 pieces in each.

I ask :

Is it for a year?

She answers:

-Listen, 15 years of marriage, I want to know exactly when ovulation, why another time to bother my husband with sex.

A surgeon told me. One day he examined the patient before the operation and she seemed to be familiar to him. I thought for a long time where he could see her and decided that most likely in the hospital where he was going on internship. He asks:

Do you work in the third hospital?

Yes there.

Is eating in the dining room just as bad?

I think yes. I still work as a chef there.

He was a subordinate officer in the city of Ottawa, and he was a subordinate officer in the city of Ottawa, for what he called Betmen. B 10 clacce y nac ought to be ypoq, consecrated to sicknesses, pedeed by sicknesses. We waited for this time, we, we, we, we, we, we, we were incompetent, like a 50-year-old uncle, a subcommittee in a military, we would be able to pick up pizza. They said, how he would be to blush and blush, the cymptoms of syphilis and gonopeia.

This day was typed. Bethman went to the clacc, we, the pitchers, xixikali in the dyche. And he said to them, “With this piece of money you know it and you use it! “And I said to him, ‘I know and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know.”

My partner at work is superstitious.

Nothing can be passed through the threshold, money can not be given in the evening, etc. We will argue and there will be no money, and everything in the same spirit.

Yesterday, I said you can’t give money!

I lost 5000!

I ask how?

Yes, the boss came to check, and I was a buoy. He was fined 5000. You should have had money in your hands!

I wanted to explain that crawling at work is the most silly sign, and the journey will not believe it.

Clean in pockets, like in Singapore.

When I was a teenager, I underwent a knee surgery. The doctor brought me a flommaster and told me to mark the right knee with a circle, and the second with a cross, and then left the room. I did everything exactly as he said.
And then he evened the arrows to the circle and wrote "Operate here", added more crosses on the other knee and the inscription "Do not touch". From boredom, I spent the next half-hour painting my own body and leaving messages like "I won't give the Appendix," "What did I do? The knee is below.” I even asked my mom to write something on my back like, “If you’re reading this, it’s not that side. Turn it.”
When the anesthesiologist appeared, I had time to cover up with a prosthesis. They told me that I was carrying all the nonsense before turning off, but that’s a different story. The operation went well and I had to stay in the hospital for the night. Later, the doctor came to see me and told me how I managed to break the schedule of the operation.
In general, when the staff removed the slide and read the same notes, everyone cried, not stopping, for ten minutes. Finally, having calmed down, with great difficulty taking themselves into their hands, they began to turn me over to put me on the operating table... And then they saw the last inscription...
As a result, the operation started half an hour later than planned, and all because of my love of drawing.

What did you do today, dear?
- I drove a certificate for the universe to do, then went to my parents, gave my dad the disc that I told you, and then went to work.
I thought I missed you.
I am always forgetting the correct answer.

As a child, my classmate Ruslan borrowed from me a Sega disc with the game Zero Tolerance. By the way, no one called our cartridges from gaming consoles cartridges, only disquets, and the disquets themselves - flops. So, the discet he did not give, saying that during the repair of the apartment he was poured with lime and he threw it out and in exchange gave me "Jungle strike" - the game undoubtedly deserves attention. But the problem is that Zero was played by my father and he wanted him back and he didn’t want to play in helicopters. I did not know what to do. But then I went on a visit to my classmate Egor and he and I went out into the yard, where we played chips with neighboring boys. I was in the height and played at one guy almost a whole tubus of Mortal Kombat chips. He had no chips left, and he begged to play with him for something else. Then I asked if he had any Segov games, including Zero Tolerance. I won the disc, but I regretted the guy and gave him his part of the chips. I asked for the sake of interest where he bought this game, he replied that my classmate Ruslan lost a discette to him in chips.

Teachers with the test went on vacation. I’m at home now, watering flowers. I remembered how it was the first time.

She also ordered the flowers. Then she left with her daughter (my then not even a bride, but a friend).

I was surprised by my future aunt. I asked her, “Well, how did you pour flowers?” I didn’t want to answer banally, “All polished, dear aunt.” I wanted to penetrate in this style: the hibiscus polished, the narcissus moisturized, the pion supplied with moisture...

To do this, he shot all the plantations, called for help in social networks. All the flowers were recognized, the names learned. Waiting for the question of the aunt about irrigation - deployed in a SMS twisted this is all. I sit down, all like adrenaline, waiting for admiration from the aunt.

The answer came almost immediately:

Did you bring your grandmother home? ? to

In the early 1990s, a mother with many children received assistance from a religious community in Germany. The packages were very good. They always sent a lot of products and even toys for children. And here, after receiving the third package, the woman decided to thank the German friends. She went to a good store and bought linen towels and towels there. I picked up the package and sent it to the Germans. A month later, she received a letter from her.

Hi to!

We are very grateful for your package! But we are forced to inform you that we stop helping you because we have made sure that you are on your feet and can make such expensive gifts! Good luck to you!

P.S. In Germany, products from natural fabrics are quite expensive

I was in a shopping center on the weekend. I walked, decided to bite. He went there to the so-called “restaurant courtyard”, took a beer, chewed something. I sit. There are two young ladies nearby. They argue. Speaking both at the same time. Alone with my 5-year-old son. The child runs, whispers, looks at everyone in the plates. Generally it interferes. got them all. Attempts to appeal to the mother’s conscience do not lead to anything... Nearby is a colorful Jewish couple. Both are very old. Finally, the man does not stand and, slightly grazing, gives up. Loud, but I can hear:

“And what a shame, when this young man will fall asleep, everyone around will have to behave quietly... I almost drowned in beer...

When I was a kid and my grandfather took me from the kindergarten, at my request, we first went to the supermarket. Look at what toys, video cassettes with cartoons, and the limit of my fantasies - cartridges on the console. Not to say that I didn’t have toys when I was a child, but what kids don’t like such departments in the store. Although there are children who have a piece of brick was a car, and a plane, and a spacecraft, there would be a fantasy. And being in one such department, we see a picture of a seller showing a toy to a potential buyer, a mom with some little of my years.

It was a pretty large police car on a radio control, with flashes on the roof. The seller somewhat pressed on the controller - the doors of the car opened and police with pistols emerged from them. I opened my mouth. But that was not all. A knock on the controller - and the trunk opens in the car, and a small helicopter with a rotating propeller is installed there. And then the mother of this child asks the seller:

Is the helicopter taking off?

No, it does not take off. The propeller turns.

The little one looked at the machine, then the mother, then the seller and so cynically says:

No need then.

At 14-15, when I wanted to walk around until morning, my parents were against it. I was released until 23:30, maximum 24:00. A minute later, I was punished. And here on some weekends I came later than I could and daddy as usual: "The next weekend no fun." And here’s the long-awaited Friday night, Dad is relentless, and that’s it.

I really need it, everyone is waiting. And I decided that I could go out the window of my bedroom. I prepared in advance under the window on the street foam. jumping out of the window was high and probably loud and was waiting for everyone to fall asleep. Parents check for the fortress of sleep and everything is ready. I took my shoes in my hands, went out and covered the window. And so I go through the courtyard, quietly and as quickly as possible, I am already at the finish, it is left to open the stove and... I hear the voice of the father from behind, saying, “and you are where?” he stood on the threshold all this time and watched me)) I: “Nobody, I’m coming back.”

Getting out, I will tell you, was easier.)

I went on a blind date. We agreed to meet in the park. I sat down on the bench and sent a message to the girl, “I’m already in the park, I’m sitting next to the fat girl.” I remembered that slide for a lifetime.

I am going to the subway, get out of the train on the escalator, to the city to climb. In front of me a girl, thin such, beautiful, in stretching pants. He goes and goes, and I think about something. Here I don’t understand where between me and this girl, some guy is sharply embedded and right here to watch her ass begins. He looks at something so carefully. It starts to amuse me and I look at him, I watch. The girl is dumb, she is in the phone. The guy at some point notices that I look at him and there is a comedy of the situation. He was a little confused! retreats to the side, apparently having decided that I did not just take the position here, but he bowed and the review is bordered. Here I get somewhat uncomfortable, I take a look away, like I am not at business. Chela is even more confused, apparently he thinks he’s bitten me and broken my head, and he’s trying to fix the situation (! ) Makes a timid but well noticeable invitation gesture with the hand, like let’s, look. There is a grey grandfather going in front of me, and a dumb man shakes his head.

You love the tropical sun, keep your business in the shadow.

He was such an actor. by Vladimir Etush. A comedian, a favorite of the people. He remembered: War, you are 41 years old. As a theater artist, I had a armor. I go on stage. There are only a few dozen spectators in the hall - almost all women. And I was ashamed. He abandoned his armor and went to the front as a volunteer.
There are a lot of people on the stage who can be ashamed?

The great specialist is sick, lying in the hospital. On a visit to the treating doctor asks:
Doc, when am I on the list?
The Doctor:
In eight or ten days.
A: And before then? I need to go to the factory. In the coming days, the equipment will come, mounting and letting go!
D: And what, will it not work out without you?
C: Yes, they’ll do it, but they don’t need to understand it!