A man is born by others, but he must die by himself.

I recently went to Thailand and went on a trip to the Kwai River. When they left on the bus, the guide began to ask:
All in place? Look carefully, have you forgotten anyone?
One man in the back row was very upset:
You have checked every stop! We went faster, already want to eat, and to the hotel still to go and go!
The bus did not rush, and here we see that behind us from the last force rushes a motorcycle with three seeds, with two obviously Russian women screaming something very loud and shaking their hands. The bus stopped, the women paid with the motorcycle driver and entered the bus - it turned out that it was the wife and aunt of this man from the rear row!

MEPs called on Poroshenko and ministers to head the gay parade in Kiev.
Angry homosexuals don’t want to go alongside these piddars.

What would you do if you were a widow?

Man: I don't know, I usually don't imagine such nonsense.

I: That is, yesterday you imagined what you would do if you became a widow and never imagined being a widow?

Husband: With you, I’m more likely to be a prostitute than a widow.

In St. Petersburg and Leningrad region, many have Finnish Schengen visas. It is simple, fast and allows you to walk around Europe. But in order to get a Finnish visa again, most trips must be made to Finland. And ideally spend on its territory most of the time in the Schengen area (meaning to enter and leave through the Finnish border).

A few years ago, one of my former colleagues had a Finnish visa coming to an end and he pointed out that there were more trips to other countries. He decided to "drop the visa" and was going to visit Finland again. There was nothing to do there, so he decided to go there and back one day. Usually travelling through the border and having passed all customs procedures, he left a couple of kilometers and stopped. Should I go somewhere? I visited the country, there is a mark on the passport, what else do I need? He smoked, walked around the car, turned around and came back to the customs.

A Finnish border guard took the documents, stung his finger into the computer and somehow unhealthy revived.

What did you do in Finland?

I went to the store.

You spent 20 minutes in the country. You would not have time to go to the store, make shopping and come back. What purpose did you visit Finland?

The car was dragged into the box, forced to unload all the things. They smelled a dog. Then they began to break the car. Everything that could be quickly removed was removed. The doors were dismantled, the filters were opened, the reserve was removed, which the customs officer seemed to be going to dismantle, but changed his mind. We looked everywhere with lights and cameras. Then they gathered everything together, wished good luck and let go. In the end, I spent all three hours.

The acquaintance was very afraid that then no visa would be given at all, but submitted documents and received Schengen without problems. Now, while visiting Finland, he tries to get to the store and thinkfully shop in it.

I was 11-12 years old when we came to my mom’s birthday.

At the table, everyone said toasts and gave gifts.



My daughter, my mate, congratulated her mother and handed her a gift bag. Guests were asked to open and show what was there. Inside was a statue of a cat with a frog sitting under a tree.



Then the wife’s husband invited the guests to see their new repair in the bathroom, and everyone went there.



I stayed in the room with the woman and her daughter. Without embarrassing me, she said to her daughter, “Are you stupid? Why do I have this dumb cat with a frog? Where did you get that nonsense? Am I a kindergarten to give me that?”



The girl cried, left, and did not leave the room until the end of the party.

We met this girl after 15 years at a wedding of common acquaintances.

She and her husband gave a multi-wark and money. Her husband congratulated the newlyweds, and my mom's daughter's colleague probably repeated 5 times that they gave them a multivarka, as they asked that she was good, and they would need it. It was evident that she was very worried.



Love your children, and accept all their gifts with joy, be it a statuette, a drawing, a soft toy, or a craft of shit and sticks.

Russia is a place for excitement.

What do you know about times and customs?! to
You know nothing. In our school there was a grand scandal before the holidays: on the shift, a 16-year-old student seduced a 22-year-old junior teacher, and uncovered this sinfulness by a 25-year-old school psychologist, pregnant with the same young man. In what happened, the 30-year-old mother of the student does not see anything.

How do you know I am not a serial killer? Asked a passenger.
“The chances that two serial killers will find themselves in the same car are just tiny,” I replied.

What do you know about times and customs? ! to

You know nothing.

In our school there was a grand scandal before the holidays: on the shift, a 16-year-old student seduced a 22-year-old junior teacher, and uncovered this sinfulness by a 25-year-old school psychologist, pregnant with the same young man.

In what happened, the 30-year-old mother of the student does not see anything.

It was a few years ago. She was transported to the universe after her vacation to Moscow. I went to my grandmother to say goodbye. She prepared for her a dried trout (meat, melissa, to make tea) - all signed, wrapped in newspapers and bound with rubber. I say in a joke, say, in the examination will be arrested - they will say marijuana is lucky (and the daughter only with hand luggage). Here my grandmother grabs out one of my clutches and ticks under my nose terribly, expressing dissatisfaction with my insensitivity, says: It is written CHABREC!!!! to

One beautiful summer, my friend bought a white cotton coat, the length I can't. Young long-legged, looked good in a shirt, if not one but... In the process of walking the shirt slipped up a little, and it was from the back and on the general view that was exposed, what should be hidden from the eyes of strangers.

I, as a good friend, this to Yulka, at which she laughed cuddly and said that it was so planned. Okay...

In June and July I saw this shirt very often, it looked very lucky to a friend. We together (I and a girlfriend in a shirt) went to rest, go to holidays and even to work. And in August, a friend came up with a complaint:

I have it all. I see her under the coat, why didn’t she say it? Yulia was upset.

How did you not say? She spoke. You did not believe.

“I thought you’re jealous) And nobody said except you, neither at work, nor your girlfriend. uki

We must not fight by numbers, but by weapons.

Two years ago, I worked in a fire alarm company. The General won a tender for dismantling and installing in several kindergartens. He sent our brigade there. To be honest, I resisted for a long time, it was very hard for me to watch the children who were abandoned. But the boss sold, and we started the work. At first, the children were afraid of us, then used to and already helped, unfolded control blocks, wrecked wires, and we brought them anything delicious from the house for this, the educators did not object. It was even fun, fast friendship, but there was a moment when we needed to move to another object. The separation was not easy. Even my wife and I rushed to adopt one, but we were not given, because in the demands we needed our own apartment, and we only rented and had a newborn child.
In general, children are very cruel, and here, where there are no one who could fully give them their love and care, especially. And especially children are cruel to those who are not like everyone else. And one girl in one of the internships was exactly like that, red, red, like fire and all, all in the lights, straight, all the face wrapped. Obviously, the children attached to her and often offended her. Several times, I remember, I even talked about this topic with teachers, but the conversation was very cold.
tk. Her friends didn’t go well with her, and we quickly made friends with her. She was very curious, she wanted to know, “What kind of box is this? What are you doing with this plastic? Why do you have a screwdriver with a lamp? and etc. and. She had to explain everything thoroughly, otherwise she did not lag behind and asked to explain in a new way. For this, sometimes in the morning, when she came to "help" us, in a joke, I called her Vaccination. “Here, the spark has come again.” She was terribly offended and red, becoming just fire. Then I came down from the stallion, knocked her on the shoulder and said I was joking. Then I picked up cookies or candy and cooked.
It was winter and I built them a hill in the yard, in the breaks between the work. I bought a few inflatable plugs and during the walk there was a whole agitation, everyone wanted to ride. And as to the evil on this hill, Prishekka broke her hand, a unsuccessful fall, and most likely one of the children pushed her, and the educators did not look after her. I remember that day I came home upset when I told my wife that they both separated. Thank God, everything went well and my hand healed quickly, but I did not see the Vaccine again. She was transferred to another corps, which was in another part of the city.
But this is not the end of the story, this story has a happy end. Not long ago, coming from another trip, I went to pick up my bone from the garden. As usual, I dress him in the dressing room and comes in, whoever you think, a stick! Oh, what a joy, she immediately recognized me, hugged me, say hello, Vladimir Andreevich. I too, how cold are you? And here mom goes in, you won’t believe, too, red-cutting and with swallows. We talked, I told everything, how and where, under what circumstances I met. We agreed to meet in the children’s park. It turned out to be unlikely to have them in the family all red and dad and mom and son and now Nastenka. They had a tragedy before that, got into an accident and the youngest daughter died. And when the sorrow became unbearable decided to adopt a child, came to the first internship and accidentally saw the Vaccine, it was like a thunderstorm in the clear sky. They adopted her without thinking and lived there for a year.
I hope we will continue to meet them. And they will be fine.

What are you sitting for?
for the liking.
Do not scream. You have 5 years, and you have 8. I replied, do you confess?

I remembered a story that happened a couple of years ago at the previous place of work.

The laboratory worker who worked with me that day says - after lunch the son will come, school is over, wants to go somewhere for work in the summer, asked for fluorography.

No question, I say, we will do. Let him come.

A young man of 16 years comes, a laboratory worker takes him, I open the second compilation of pictures and look at them. Normal lungs, without any pathologies.

And then a joke comes to my head, to say, and to play a guy, I will say that it is easy to see that he is smoking. I ask him, strictly, what do you smoke? ? to

I think the guy will say no and that’s all. And he stumbled, dulled, red, standing, staring at Mommy without blinking. Here I realized that in vain I joke so — burned the guy, not wanting to.

The laboratory is like that, yes, my son, tell me. for a long time? Do you like it, Al?

He began to say something in his excuse, like recently, just tried, I will not again.

Okay, says Mommy, go home to your son. We talk tonight.

If you are reading this, forgive me! I didn’t think the joke would be a joke. Smoking is harmful!

Is the Nostalgic Club here?

But he is not as before...

Two years ago, I worked in a fire alarm company. The General won a tender for dismantling and installing in several kindergartens. He sent our brigade there. To be honest, I resisted for a long time, it was very hard for me to watch the children who were abandoned. But the boss sold, and we started the work. At first, the children were afraid of us, then used to and already helped, unfolded control blocks, wrecked wires, and we brought them anything delicious from the house for this, the educators did not object. It was even fun, fast friendship, but there was a moment when we needed to move to another object. The separation was not easy. Even my wife and I rushed to adopt one, but we were not given, because in the demands we needed our own apartment, and we only rented and had a newborn child.

In general, children are very cruel, and here, where there are no one who could fully give them their love and care, especially. And especially children are cruel to those who are not like everyone else. And one girl in one of the internships was exactly like that, red, red, like fire and all, all in the lights, straight, all the face wrapped. Obviously, the children attached to her and often offended her. Several times, I remember, I even talked about this topic with teachers, but the conversation was very cold.

Because her friends didn't go well with her, we quickly made friends with her. She was very curious, she wanted to know, “What kind of box is this? What are you doing with this plastic? Why do you have a screwdriver with a lamp? She had to explain everything thoroughly, otherwise she did not lag behind and asked to explain it in a new way. For this, sometimes in the morning, when she came to "help" us, in a joke, I called her Vaccination. “Here, the spark has come again.” She was terribly offended and red, becoming just fire. Then I came down from the stallion, knocked her on the shoulder and said I was joking. Then I picked up cookies or candy and cooked.

It was winter and I built them a hill in the yard, in the breaks between the work. I bought a few inflatable plugs and during the walk there was a whole agitation, everyone wanted to ride. And as to the evil on this hill, Prishekka broke her hand, a unsuccessful fall, and most likely one of the children pushed her, and the educators did not look after her. I remember that day I came home upset when I told my wife that they both separated. Thank goodness, everything went well and my hand quickly healed, but I did not see Prishpka again, because she was transferred to another corps, which was in another part of the city.

But this is not the end of the story, this story has a happy end. Not long ago, coming from another trip, I went to pick up my bone from the garden. As usual, I dress him in the dressing room and comes in, whoever you think, a stick! Oh, what a joy, she immediately recognized me, hugged me, say hello, Vladimir Andreevich. I too, how cold are you? And here mom goes in, you won’t believe, too, red-cutting and with swallows. We talked, I told everything, how and where, under what circumstances I met. We agreed to meet in the children’s park. It turned out to be unlikely to have them in the family all red and dad and mom and son and now Nastenka. They had a tragedy before that, got into an accident and the youngest daughter died. And when the sorrow became unbearable decided to adopt a child, came to the first internship and accidentally saw the Vaccine, it was like a thunderstorm in the clear sky. They adopted her without thinking and lived there for a year.

I hope we will continue to meet them. And they will be fine.

Five years ago, we lived in a private house. We had an old six (Vaz). Here came the moment when we purchased a second car in the family, but since a tranche was excavated on the site, there was only enough space for 1 new car, the sixth decided to leave behind the yard.



One day, I will drive a six, but literally in a few minutes it will swallow. The gasoline was zero. He wrote everything down to his illiteracy, dropped it out of the canister and went.



Literally a week later, the situation repeats, then it has become obvious that gasoline is melting. And the most offensive, the tank was filled in the evening, and in the morning all the gasoline was sucked out. And not just for us.



This situation was discovered by the grandfather, who stumbled, called them chacals and said that he would take revenge.



The tranche that had been excavated earlier had already been buried, so the sixth in the large number could be won. But the Father forbade to do so until the offended are punished (literally).



The grandfather disconnected all fuel highways and the pump from the six tank. He poured water into the boiler, diluted it all with salt and sugar, until it did not fall into precipitation. Then he added some chemical fertilizer for the plants, a little yellow colorant and finally gasoline for the smell. Waited a little, watched that the mixture is stable, does not foam, does not spit and does not try to burn.)))) Well, he poured it all into the tank, the car was forbidden to use.



The car stood for a week and a half, until in the morning they saw that the fish was hanging. They pulled out almost a full tank. Then the grandfather told me to push the car into the yard. The tank was removed, washed well and placed in place.



How do we know that karma has surpassed its heroes? A couple of days later, on our fence in the night, they wrote a yellow paint "Pida races" and struck something twisted a couple of times. Unfortunately, 2 leaves were damaged and had to be replaced, but the grandfather was pleased and personally replaced everything himself.



There was no more gasoline on our streets! :)

The cost of travel on paid roads should not exceed the amount of the fine for excess speed on free roads.