He resigned from the SS. For 25 years I did not get a little bit (which I did not regret afterwards). I come to the military department, to the retirement department, papers, certificates, certificates... The aunts are bored, they began to list me, how much I lost, not reaching 25: -

Do you know that you will not have a free sanatorium and resort service?

I know.

Do you think the pension would be higher?

I know.

Do you know what...?

I know.

and...

Yes I know.

And finally, a check shot from one of the aunts: "Those who have served for 25 years rely on a free orchestra from the military commissariat at the funeral... do you know how offensive it will be?"

An installor came to work. Three installations went normally, from the fourth did not give money (the customer paid in cash).

Vassula for the money.

I took my salary. And not completely.

You are on salary. Salary at the end of the month.

I need money now.

Vasa decided to say goodbye. No one needs surprises.

Call in a week.

Are there any installations?

There is, of course. But not for you. We are not working with you.

Here are you fucking. I will not give the perforator.

Okay you was. Take it to the grave.

The perforator for 18 thousand was withdrawn from my salary.

Call in six months.

Jake and Hi. Now they will call, give me a characteristic. I am prepared for work.

I call, I give a character. Vasa calls back and quarrels.

Glad you realized what a person you are. Or the perforator wanted to get you back.

In a week, a summary falls on the mail. Vasa is looking for work. The main qualities are responsible, reliable, honest.

An ordinary bastard is one who does not hurt just how, but strictly in order.

The older brother told me. He was fascinated by electronics, the good in the USSR in radio retail stores were stuck, pay, do what you want. So here. His neighbor called on him to turn on music. What he had there – radio, magnetophone, records – was not the point. In short, the debt. Brother read magazines (“radio” and so on.He moved his brains and consulted someone. Eventually, a device appeared, now called a glue. So the test! Now he is waiting, not waiting for the neighbor to wrestle his charm. I broke. My brother gave up his device. He says, even heard, like after the music suddenly “pshshshshshshshsh”. The neighbor cut off the sound. After a while he cried again, but quietly. God is with you, listen. And then I went back to all the power, shit. My brother turned on his device. A few times again, and so on. The neighbor knew that his brother was intelligent in radio technology, so after a while he turned to him. The further dialogue:
Listen, what kind of shit? The equipment is class, everything is wrong, but as loud as I turn on, it immediately cuts off, interference from the speakers goes, only "pshshsh" is heard. I listen loudly, everything is okay. and help.
The half brother:
What are you, stupid? KGB surveys are everywhere. As long as the music sounds normal, you’re heard, and as you’ve rubbed on “all,” you’re hiding something, well, like a spy. You have already been calculated. Do you want to see?
Crying to Mother! What to do now?
Just don’t turn on the music loud and that’s all.
Since then, everything has been calm in their house.

Who built your house? It worked great...
Oh the pimples!
– to?? to
They hired workers to lay the foundation. They digged, filled and left. The stoneworkers, they came asking: What stones the foundation was poured? The walls were laid and gone. I used to do stuffing, they too – what kind of stuffing did they do? And so on. It turns out that the house was built only by pedorras...

I bought weights in the bathroom. Now I always know exactly how bad I am.

Oh the precision! You weigh before, you weigh after, you weigh after, you deduct – you are ready.

Yes, it is even easier.

Last night I went to the bathroom, and there was wet, water on the ankle.

I remove the curtain, I see that the cranes are broken and the water cannot be closed.

In this second I understand everything: that you will have to pay the sanitary, there will be an offensive bill for water, all the neighbors up to the first floor will be flooded.

And this awareness scares me. I recover and wake up. Honestly, I’m so glad that it’s just a dream, I’ve never been.

It is at such moments that you realize that you are already an adult.

The year 2010. Good acquaintances moved to PMZ abroad. Finally, while I was available, I was ordered a photo session of my family – parents, daughter and son. In some part of the shooting, he made silhouettes, asking his father to kiss his daughter, age 6. He refused to incite the anger of the pedophiles. I was stunned by my father’s fear. I pretended to understand his phobia and continued to film. Later, I shared this misunderstanding. And what do you think, one woman was convinced that my dad skillfully hid his pedophile nature from me. In the Ohio. and twice.

There are a lot of stories when a taxi driver forgot to follow with a customer at the specified address and just went where he needed. So here is one story of a friend, the end was unexpected for all the characters of this event. One weekend, after a lot of drinks, a friend decided to order a taxi and go home. Everything was as appropriate arrived a taxi driver (in a personal car) and went. In a few minutes, two people: a taxi driver and a friend had different life events. Story 1 (friend): I wake up in some car, maybe with whom I drank I don't remember, I try to get out, the doors are closed, well I opened the door from the salon, I go out, the alarm sounds. He thinks I’ll wait, smoke, there’s a guy flying on me and begins to bump... Story 2 (taxi driver): worked the second day, very tired, went home to sleep, my girlfriend wakes up at night and says your car is opened (our food), well, I’ve flown out. Two unfortunate people met. It is unclear after how long they realized what connected them.

We somehow in the yard could not agree on how to divide, because we were an uneven number. But here came the bomzh (clothes torn and dirty, hair planted and folded, the roof swollen) and asked for fifteen rubles for beer (2003). They said to him, “You stand at the gate, if you play well, we will buy you a bottle of port wine.” Gianluigi Buffon and Peter Schmeichel are nervously smoking around the corner compared to this bomber. To pull out the "dead" balls, steep up in the folds... Except that on the sword did not sit. This is for a bottle of baggage, not five lams of euro.

Sometimes you don’t want to do anything so much that you don’t even want to do anything.

Following yesterday's story No. 948596 about the Bark Night. I didn’t think it would interest anyone, but the comments inspired me.
My friend has a familiar Nina. There was a period when she realized that the name was somehow not Feng Shui. She replaced him with Olga. A few years later, she changed her mind and returned the “girl name.”
But the nickname “Olenina” remains to this day.

A whole generation of Russians have grown up who have not seen the real lush Kremlin funerals.

The Russian father went to Ethiopia, to the Orthodox.

In the temple there, of course, all the fathers are black, the parishioners too. The white father is looked at with uncovered suspicion.

The local father noticed this and, when presenting us to the parishioners, said:

You don’t see that he’s white, his soul is still black!

I was 5 years old and my parents often and for a long time sent me to my grandmother in the village. As soon as her friends came to her and the death of some grandmother alone, they said to sing. My grandmother took me with her because she had no one to leave with.

We came into a beautiful cellar, in the middle of which there was a grave with a dead grandmother. Then the old ladies unfolded their Talmuds, set up candles, icons and began to read prayers with a quiet voice. A few hours later, I got tired of it and started calling my grandmother home. But not here it was, their prayers they subdued all night long, and I, well, at least was allowed to sleep. Fortunately, I did not pay attention, because of my age, to the fact that I slept on the only bed in the house, that is, at the place where the dead woman last rested.

A few years later, when my grandfather died, I asked my grandmother why my grandfather didn’t sing like his grandmother. The grandmother tightened her twists, remembered who she was talking about, laughed and said that grandfather should not sing so before dawn. He, say, was not a witch like that grandmother, and could not get up from the grave in the middle of the night to curse the whole village and send it to that light.

My friend has a familiar Nina. There was a period when she realized that the name was somehow not Feng Shui. She replaced him with Olga. A few years later, she changed her mind and returned the “girl name.”

But the nickname “Olenina” remains to this day.

Yesterday I went to throw money on the card. There are 24 hours a day ATMs and a terminal. Right in front of me came the grandmother and headed to the terminal, well, I had to stand behind her and become an involuntary observer of very strange actions. Grandma slowly and measurably gets the card, puts it in the terminal and knocks out cash... Near 5 free ATMs! Okay, I think I’ll wait... It’s going to be 7,000R. He takes the bills in his hands and begins to whisper with them, recounting and looking carefully. It all lasts about 30 seconds, and her hand begins to stretch toward the terminal screen. Well, I think, finally, now the button will be pressed to finish the service and I’m ready. But why is her hand pressing the button to deposit cash? 8-0 And... the money just taken out of the ATM is returned to the receiver and credited back to the card. With a pleased look, the grandmother takes out the map and goes away.

I still think that fucking, was it?

The son lives with the mother and the mother lives with the son - these are fundamentally different characteristics of the man.

What a turbulent nightlife in your village, I admired the abundance of bright colorful lights at night, while on board, taking the landing of a military transport aircraft.
“Yes, it’s Manhattan,” replied the pilot.

The courtyard was in the 90s and so everyone survived as much as they could. The flyers of the semi-abandoned military airfield in Transbaykalya did not wait for gifts from fate and carried from China everything that could be sold in their homeland. The wealth of fuel at the airfield was wrecked - the USSR, taught by bitter experience, was thoroughly preparing for war with its neighbors. The pilots agreed to navigate and crossed the border to the nearest Chinese airport, filled fuel, loaded widebody and flew back.

In one of these flights, a radiogram came on board: "Mine the cargo overboard, check at the airport." The aircraft stood in a circle near its airfield and opened the loci and dropped 20 tons of cargo into the taiga. It is now every thing in the packaging and with instructions, and then everything was taken on weight. So it looked: paddles on which there is a large plastic bag and a load in it is scattered. That day, the cargo was miniature plastic trees with a battery and a solar battery - it is charged during the day, and at night the tree is poured over with all its LED lights.

Here are all these various colors of broken bags and decorated the forests around the airport. At first it was fun - in the woods, a disco as on the stage of the theater of the stage, then came the egers and gave them to the flyers. I don't know what the Chinese made their goods from, but the fact: for some reason, the whites began to drag these trees to their trees, and the bees loved these toys and dried them with honey. The bears quickly bite this trick and began to deliberately look for and bite these trees, sometimes even swallow them whole. As long as the bears beat with toys it was fun. Even this was definitely a plus - the chief, who loved hunting, easily tracked the owner of the taiga, following his "shining deer" tracks. Then some talk told about the “nightlight” of the taiga in the newspaper and the ufologists came to us. This is the secret “airport jump”. The commander scratched the tail and ordered to correct and report.

Reporting, of course, was, but with the "fix" came out a hint: sent soldiers to clean the taiga from colorful disgrace. Having gathered a few thousand trees calmed up, hoping for the impending harsh overseas winter. Oh, it wasn’t there. The pebbles survived the winter and in the spring bright multi-colored moths on the crowns of trees again illuminated the night sky.

Experienced fans know about 10 rhythms to the name Mutko.
Builders have a much richer imagination.