My wife something:
"No, we don't need a third child, I don't want to go to school for the fourth time"

I sit in the bus and hear a girl’s phone conversation.
D: I have a tariff "Loss", do you know that tariff? Tariff "Loss", call and drop! I have the same.(It is all proud)
O_O

The Dinner. The whole family gathered.
My mother was on correction during the day.
With a bright smile on his face, he shows his father bright pink nails. He asks, is it beautiful? Waiting for a compliment. The father, who was an avid fisherman, with a cold-blooded look and an indifferent voice, replied, "The squid would have knelt."
I love them.

XXX is yes. And to talk pleasantly - smart unshakable fun. And when I crushed the ash in the snow, I was not lazy to come to me with my expenditure of 23 liters per hundred and to push it out of the hole.
YYY: Did you have to test the new jeep's screw pulling capability!
XXX: He just pulled out his hands.
This is Pasha.

Whom did you hunt for?and :)
XXX for Zombies.
YYY: Are they coming?and :(
XXX: Their
xxx: You go this way through the corridor, and someone throws you on and so: "Where is the report for the month?" or "Wow, I don’t raabotage you".
xxx: and at the end of the day you are already going by yourself and in your head only one thought "Mozgiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiy... my braingyiyiyiyiyiy..."

Ally: ppg))))) type 45 baby berry again
But don’t forget that strawberry is also a berry.

The Magic Language of Python
You said something to him, he understood it, and he did something.

Today at work...
The incoming call.
I imagine.
A nice female voice reports, “Ilia, I’ve been told that you’re the sweetest and most cultural person in your entire company, and I want to offer you....
“Billets to the theatre?”
The woman was scared, “No!” I want to offer you a gonobobel!”
I was scared, “What?”
She says “Honobbel!”
I think of myself, “Of all the pleasures I know, this must be something new.
I say, “I almost agree, but how will we do it?”
She said, “You don’t know what gonobobobel is?”
I said “No!”
She said, “It’s a blueberry, we didn’t bring it expensive!”
The curtain.

from Skype. A friend’s story:
They were abroad. We entered a store full of fun clothes. We try to ask the sellers to sample something - they look with round eyes. Fortunately, someone from the staff who understands English came and explained to us that it was a cleaning machine.

xxx: I sit, I play another rpg, bore under my nose to pump this.The pregnant wife, chewing herself on the stomach, says: here we are born and we will give you to the folder, let it pump.

Shersh: I never understood what she was doing...

mvgolubev: It looks like a comment from a man who came together in the State Duma.

Choosing between smart, good and beautiful, smart men marry the good, good men marry the beautiful, and beautiful men marry the smart.

I forgot about Mom.
They miss the nights.
Sometimes calling us
Always interested in us.

I became seriously ill a week ago and decided to go to my small town to get treated, so that I could rest from the bulge of Moscow. While I was driving, my mother called, and the mother’s heart was like that. Almost not so, it immediately feels. I had to split up, that yes, I got sick, I did not regret myself - I went to the hospital to give injections...
Let’s talk briefly about my mom. (That’s also about my mom!) Mother 70 years old, at the age of 15, left the house without a penny of money from the colloquial, raised us, children, all gave higher education and a kick in life. She worked as a builder in the same office for 49 years, starting with a simple painter and ending her career as chief engineer. And in his 70s ONLY in the summer together with the workers wing the roof (and the workers!)) On the house in the village and on my careless call, “How are you feeling?” On all the loud communication of the device, she said, "Don't interfere, say, I sit on the roof!" In the office, there was a shock.
Mother lives mostly in the village, native and deaf, the nearest bus to civilization - 5 km away. You can get a taxi for 250 rubles. Right to the parade entrance.
And now try to imagine my condition, when after some time my mom arrives on the bus, to which she went on foot 5 kilometers!!! “I’ll inject you myself!”“Hospitals are running!” The question is, why not a taxi, or I give little money? My mom replied that when she learned that I was sick, she didn’t even remember the taxi, having walked 5 km on the same spirit!
...from the awareness of such an incentive I am leaving until now...
“A glorious tribute to you, Mother!” said I, and just bowed on my knees in front of the eyes of the hollow court, “Because I have you!”
“Well, my little girl! Get up quickly, you’re crazy!” My mother was licking me on the head, and I couldn’t get up pretending that I had a rope. Tears flowed on my cheeks, and the world around me suddenly became sunny and warm again, like when I was a child.

Chameleon-adminka

Our new drugs – obdirol and rosorine – will relieve you from the desire to get sick.

I got a beautiful bouquet of white lilies for the weekend. I brought a bucket to work. Those who are familiar with lilies will understand me, because lilies have a very strong smell.
I have to say that there are two guys sitting with me in the office. The first two days the guys held, but then they broke through on comments and criticism. Regular ventilation of the cabinet did not help them avoid a chemical attack.
A week later, some flowers began to fade and fall, the leaves yellowed.
Today Philip approached them with a happy sight and said, "What a beautiful sight!"

fr0zen1989: I have reached the age when many celebrities are younger than me.

Akuz-linguist: dress up on your dogs, so that you do not eat all the ugliness
FishHook: And knives, so as not to spoil all the ugliness.

My friend broke the ligaments on his leg, and the doctors told him to walk with a stick.
I want a trunk like the house!
Everyone wants a trunk "like House"

First of all, after a breakup, you need to be drunk with friends. What did you do immediately after you split up?

I stood up in the middle of the room, took off my pants and ruthlessly scratched the eggs with both hands. Laughing at this bad laugh.

Recently I’m in the gym and I hear this dialogue between the coach (T) and a girl (D), clearly worried about her weight:
Q: Did my shoulders lose weight?
The larger the shoulder, the larger the waist.

I laughed a long time, but he was right)))))))))))