And do you know that any false statement is much shorter than its convincing and comprehensive denial?

Bananas in the USSR

The year is about 1980. And communism has already won, or is about to win.
I come out of school and write:
“The smoke! I went with the banana. It is 1278. Lunch at the table. Singing and singing in the shade! Pope”
On that day, my father went to the second shift. I, in my echo, keep a note of my mother, who was in the first shift, and I will go to stand.
I put 1 kg in my hand. And then my father was released from the robbery. For the ordinary reason that we could buy extra kilograms of banana.
The torso ticks painfully slowly. by 19:30. Through the shell they shut up. The “Majake” sounds like a trivial musician.

People start to worry, everyone understands that tomorrow, at the opening, there will be no bananas for sale. Everything will go by its own way, by the mud. The requirement is naturally formulated:
Work until the last banana!

An initiative group is formed to present an ultimatum to the Directorate of the Trade Center. The Directorate responds approximately as follows:
Fuck you comrades Hegemon!

Here it should be noted that a strike of bus drivers took place a few days earlier in Togliatti, which was by all sorts of BBC, "Free Europe" and other "voices". Gorky got the first number.

Such here. The row is worried once, the row is worried two... The calls to defeat the shopping center "to her mother" begin to spread. It is not 20 minutes as the representatives of the party committee come. After evaluating the situation, they give an indication fully consistent with the demands of the crowd and me, in particular:
Trade until the last banana.

We were “wrapped” around midnight. Mom, Dad, I’m three pounds. Three kilograms of wood fluorescent green bananas. Here it should be noted that my parents bought bananas for the second time in their lives, so they were experienced, in terms of bananas, consumers. We rolled these green strands into rolls and put them on the closet - "to reach", i.e. to mature. A few days passed there. And, miraculously, my parents got me yellow, soft, tasty bananas from my closet!

And here I, a twelve-year-old boy, go out with a deficient banana in my hand and a smile wide over my shoulders.
A neighbor, a 35 year old aunt.
Smoke, what are you eating?
Aunt of Light, this is a banana. We stood in line together.
They are green and wooden.
They were immature. Like tomatoes, they also come to the closet.
Aunt of Light said. - And we stood in a row for eight hours, at the hour of the night came home, tried: a tree and in the mouth hangs. They decided not to eat raw bananas and cooked them. A cluster succeeded. Everything went to the toilet.
And they are what they are!! Smoke, let me try it.

I gave her a banana. She leaned, carefully took the tip into her mouth, bite it off... and whispered, turning her face:
to melt! What a fool, but who knew?

A 35-year-old woman saw a banana for the first time. and c)

Deputy Speaker of the State Duma Petro Tolstoy suggested that Russians should be treated with oak bark and drink "Boyarishnik" instead of American medicines.
He proposed and flew to Germany for a course of treatment for hemorrhoids, which he received during his fruitful work in Douma.

If you imagine that you are in a fool, everything immediately comes to its place.

Call from the bank “***”.
I would like to offer you a credit card.
First, please tell me where did you get my phone number?
I cannot give you that information.
In that case, we end our dialogue.
Sorry, can I ask why?
Because I don’t want to start a relationship with your bank with a lie.

In response to the aggressive policy of the United States, Donald Trump will be banned from harvesting in Russian forests.

Strange journalism: they can be persecuted, but they cannot.

On the advertising board of Dutch supermarkets you can find invitations to any private courses – from playing traditional Japanese drums to yoga for babies. But what happened today was in a good sense different from everyone else.
The title was distinguished by its severity and concisity, leaving no doubt that the advertisement was written and the courses were organized precisely by a man - "Courses for Women. $20 for 8 lessons
(In the price we included included only the cost of materials). In 8 lessons you will be taught:
How without the help of a man to attach a shelf to the wall and the basis of using a drill and other terrible drills. 2nd How to hang a painting or photograph with the help of the previous lessons on the shelf knowledge. Basics of electricity. How to deal with the electrical shield, return to the working position of the tumblers when disconnected and solve other electrical problems without the help of a man and at the same time do not get a current blow. How to repair a broken bicycle on the road if there is no man nearby.
The other problems and ways to solve them (which you still have there breaks) by agreement, in the course of classes. If you pay another 2 euros per class - you have the right to drink coffee with one of us for breakfast and discuss, among other things, other cases of house breakdowns and ways to repair them. Bonus - you will be good at learning from us, we will learn how to spray the shelf or frame itself, we will look at your successes. We are not professionals, we are handcuffed older men who are boring at home at retirement and have nothing more to do.”
Useful courses, should be used for women to enroll.

“How can we keep your constitutional right to confidentiality of correspondence and negotiations if we don’t know what you are writing and negotiating between you?” I sincerely disagree with the FSBs.

The USSR was ahead of the entire planet. Already at that time, the sausage was wrapped in crafter paper, and the distribution of cellophane bags was severely limited.

Members of the Flat Earth Society greatly underestimate the fact that we are very lucky that the Earth is horizontal rather than vertical.

A colleague just told me. He worked as deputy director of the rehabilitation center in the regional city. In winter, the territory was completely covered by snow. The director calls his mom (my colleague) and speaks.

- You need to put the territory in order, here is the phone of Volodymyr, he will help.

Oh well ok. Calls to Wolverine.

and AL! by Volodya? Hi to. I was told to contact you about the cleaning of the area of our center.

No question, Volodymyr answered.

30 minutes later, the center already had cleaning equipment and in an hour everything was cleaned.



He is the mayor of the city.)

Even the pathologists gave the oath of Hippocrates.

It was a long time. I was constantly playing chess with Alexander Vladimirovich, my teacher in the theory of metal processing. with variable success. Before the exam he said to me:
"Well, let's do so, at the exam we play a game, you win, I bet 5, no one - 4, and you lose - 3.
I have to say that I was a round excellence with an increased scholarship, and a possible trio did not smile to me. And the prophet is a man of words, as he said, so he will do. I am not a coward either. I agree. Exam, the first 5 students are preparing, and we have a party going. Eyes are tense. But I think I already have more chances. Here comes another undergraduate - in electrical engineering. He says nothing, only looks, studies the position. Here Alexander Vladimirovich bends over the board, and says in a whisper: so, the rules change: you lose - five...

Today, the three richest Russians have lost $12 billion.
Tomorrow they will find them in the pockets of the rest of the Russians.

The Internet in Russia is rapidly developing and steadily turning into television.

I went to my grandmother in a new building. My grandmother is old, almost 90 years old, but still healthy. The apartment has been repaired, everything is new and pleasant. I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I open the valve with cold water - it does not rotate. He pulled stronger and didn’t turn again. Accidentally turned to the other side - easily turned, the water went. Not cold but hot. I crashed, relieved the pressure of the hot, I opened another valve (by logic, it should be with cold water, although it has a red "shelter"), already in the right direction. It does not turn! I had already gone through this quest, so I immediately turned back. Okay, there was a cold pressure! Adjust the water to the desired temperature. And here I got! It is extremely difficult to regulate the water when the shells are confused and one of the valves (at the time I didn’t remember which one) rotates in the opposite direction. That is, you can, of course, but you need to be morally tuned and be prepared for this rebuff. And to jump into the bathroom and quickly rinse your hands, thinking of "something of your own", will not run out unambiguously. So I succeeded. I twisted there and there several times, splashed, washed with the water that was available. I go out, I ask my grandmother, and what does she have to do with cranes? He said that the sanitary equipment was installed. I did not immediately look, and then, while waiting for them to reinstall, a few days tortured and decided - let it stay as it is. Not to relax. At my age, he says, gymnastics for the brain will not hurt again.
Everything has been working so for several years. Grandma is still alive.

Storm in Africa. The driller stands on the brake. And next to the branch sits a monkey and constantly watches him. Once the driller went out to suck, returns, and the monkey is already on the brake instead of him and drills. And so every time. It was worth the driller to move away, as the monkey stood up in his place and started drilling. The boss looked at the case and fired the driller.
Six months later they call the driller with the drill and say:
- Ivanovic, come back to us, we need a drill.
You have a monkey.
The monkey has become a master, and we need a driller again.

The weekends usually end too quickly. I suspect they don’t report the clock. Saved time is spent on Mondays.

“What will a white stone become if it is thrown into the Black Sea?” asked the chief of the site, referring to the Omonists built on the site.
Almost immediately, from the spot, screams of “black”, “green” and even for some reason “blue” followed.
Raised about himself, the major looked around the gray-cammish ranks of demonstration guards and cried out, “Wat, he will! It is wet!”
- You, fool, can someone explain to me, he continued, why did you break the ramp? She survived 20 CUVs, and only the Omons, who first came to the army field, broke her. It is not low, it is specially excavated - it is the maximum possible safety height during the frontal assault of the fire point... "After which, seeing the uselessness of explanations, he shrugged his hand and left.

In the 90s, the army got, many were disbanded, someone was taken to a clean field and abandoned. We also broke up: some went on endless journeys as part of the combined units, who broke up - went to business, others to the guard and so on, and not very much. Polygon at our part gave omona.

Twenty years later, taking advantage of the opportunity, I went to the field. The completely gray chief of the field survived all this time in his post. already in state. It happens when a person is sick for a job he has devoted his whole life to. His lessons saved hundreds, if not thousands of lives. The old man looked at me and named me by name. 20 years have passed! To my joyful surprise, he smiled, “I remember you all, boys. I am glad you have not forgotten the old man. Living means studying well.”

We sat down, drank a little, and talked. A young police officer broke into the observation post without knocking and fired out "bump, give the grandmother." “Bery,” he swung into the corner on a massive metal cylinder with a pen. Taking the iron, the soldier fled.
Do you remember?! to
"Yes, how not to remember: an assault girl with a gas pyrotechnic piston to wrap the locks in the doors, I started.
The old man stopped me. "Imagine these take and knock her on the door in the field building to do the assault. The normative has come up: 15 seconds for the door. They never even read her instructions, but I tried to explain to them. They don’t need anything, it’s easier for them. Well sappers sometimes train, I give them piropatroons from “baby” – they destroy them.”