bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №58726
 16.01.2012
Axsxadsc Eedgvredsw
Do you have any sandals?

Denis Alexandrovich
No, they went home.
Olga will be coming soon too.

[ + 6 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58725
 16.01.2012
If we live in the Light only once, is it worth spending our Life on anything other than Love?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №58724
 16.01.2012
Seeds

I recently returned from Israel. Now this is quite an ordinary trip, especially since the visas were cancelled a couple of years ago. But the airport security service is angry now.
I still have fresh memories of one of my first visits.
Israel in 2003.
So then 2003. I just joined an Israeli company, got a visa and was sent on a business trip to the headquarters.
I was young, inexperienced and naive and, therefore, gladly agreed to the request of Israeli colleagues in Moscow to bring two simple things: cosher sausages and seeds.
The request surprised me a little (how I felt), but I decided that everyone had their cockroaches in their heads.
In Israel, I bought sausages in a store, and my colleague went to the market for seeds, where half a kilo of seeds was poured into a regular paper bag.
Here I am arriving at the airport. My luggage consisted of a bag of things and a backpack with a laptop, where I threw a bag of seeds.
As it turned out later, I did not, by ignorance, send a letter to the airport security service from our company, which was the usual rule for business trips. So I automatically became a suspicious person in their eyes and was immediately directed to check my luggage.
I was taken to a separate stand, and the young man (MH) began to crush my backpack. Finally, he reaches the seed package and the next dialogue follows.
MCH: This is what?
I am: the seeds.
MCH – Why?
I asked to bring.
What can not be bought in Russia?
I am: I can.
Q: So why are you lucky?
I: I asked for it.
I feel that our communication is beginning to get stuck.
And then he asks: Did you buy it yourself?
I am : No.
It was my global mistake. After that, I almost became a criminal.
A package of seeds was taken for 20 minutes for some examination.
After 20 minutes, the young man came back and said the seeds were fine, but they couldn’t be carried in hand luggage, and he asked me to put them in a bag of things.
I am cleaning. He is leaving. I wait to check my bag.
After 10 minutes, the young man returns and reports that his shift is over and the examination will continue by another specialist.
It is 10 minutes (there are 15 minutes until the end of registration).
A girl arrives and starts looking at my bag. A package of seeds.
I am already beginning to realize that I am getting a trance. Then there is the dialogue described above, with precision to fifth. Seeds are taken for examination. Registration is coming to an end.
I realize that today I can no longer fly, I begin to relax.
The girl returns and reports that everything is okay with the seeds, but they cannot be carried in the luggage and I better put them in the backpack. I reasonably noticed that I didn’t care, but her previous colleague had already asked me to remove them from there.
The girl thought. I asked her to throw them into the trash and let me go somewhere. She refused and went out to meet her colleagues.
Registration is over. I, cursing my colleagues, thought where to find a place to sleep so that I could leave tomorrow.
But then my girlfriend returns without the seeds and reports that the seeds are packed in a special safe box that I will receive upon arrival.
To my comment that the registration has ended, and I don't seem to fly today, she replied: - no problems.
Then she took my hand and led me to a special stand where I was registered. She then led me through all the checks and passport checks and brought me straight into the plane.
In Domodedovo, in addition to the bag, I was given a 30x30x30 cardboard box with red inscriptions in Hebrew.
The driver, who met me at the airport, immediately asked what was in the box, for which I was immediately sent three letters.
I never brought anything from Israel to my colleagues.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №58723
 16.01.2012
If you do not want to wait 30 seconds before the free download of the file, click on the link to confirm registration, register by filling in all the fields, enter the characters specified on the screen, log in to your email, wait for the email from our site, in the letter go to the link to confirm registration, log in again with your data to our site, transfer to our account - and thus, in half an hour, for money, download the file instantly!

[ + 36 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58722
 16.01.2012
Test for your girlfriend: Spend the whole day with her at home, without sex, compass and calf, butter and snacks. If she can entertain you, get married.

Good girls, guys, hang on your mouth - in addition to the functions of reproductive and educational cleaning and kitchen, and preferably a money-earning combination with a mine function, check the potential wife's clown mode. Dew

[ + 54 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58721
 16.01.2012
Katya: I’m sitting down and listening to the old man and masturbating... We and their lover kissed for the first time at their concert!! Mmm... And mom goes by – "off, off"... I don’t understand anything...
O O O O O O
Lana: I nostalgize, Kat...

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №58720
 16.01.2012
The C tape:
13.01 10:32 Matvijenko took the chief over the mayor of Vladivostok

15.01 08:58 Tens of thousands of inhabitants of Vladivostok remain without water

Funny coincidence ?

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №58719
 16.01.2012
XXX is:
Today, they say, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up, and when asked why I jumped up, I replied, "I want dll'ku with mayonnaise." Then I went to sleep further.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58718
 16.01.2012
For young guys to note: pushing a girl into intimacy the most ineffective argument of all time is: "Yes, don’t be afraid! I have a little!"

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №58717
 16.01.2012
Mathematics is the most erotic science in the world. You come home, for example, and you are on the floor, on a millimetre sheet there is a puddle, sexually bending, and with a dumb voice says, "I am a bad function, find on me a point of removable gap."
Bggg
- Integrate my plane into the smooth plane of the floor by module five! Divide me into equal sections in the interval from A to B!
“Ugh, disperse me in the row of Taylor, O my knight of the logarithmic line and of the resfeder!
You are a villain! Immediately restore the perpendicular.
- Yes, come to me, let's do the extraction of tannins from plant raw materials.
– What what?
“Coffee, come and drink.
We are always, we are happy.
- Only you bring organic polymers with a high elasticity index, otherwise I will curl your polynomial on the Pascal triangle.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №58716
 16.01.2012
xxx: Translation: Studio (Double voice) (Sergey Didok and Galina Chirkova)
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Amateurly
zzz: It’s all right, it’s more like two lovers. However, my voice is more pleasant during the stones.
WWW: I agree, you really have a more pleasant stone.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №58715
 16.01.2012
He: What are you doing?

I sit with my girlfriend.

He is sympathetic.)

She says she’s terrible.

He: How are you?

She is: well. How is your business?

[ + 41 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58714
 16.01.2012
Here, single boys were given a test on the suitability of the girl for family life. I remind you:

Spend the whole day with her at home, without sex, compass and calf, butter and snacks. If she can entertain you, get married".

Here is the correction! What is described above is not a wife, but a professional animator. If you happen to be the director of a company that organizes holidays and corporations - after such a check you can safely take it to the staff. But if you are still trying to arrange your personal life, then the algorithm should be slightly different. and specifically:

Spend the whole day with her at home, without a compass, a calf and a buckle. If she is able to entertain you, as well as provide sex and snacks - then MARRIED!!!! to

A normal woman.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №58713
 16.01.2012
My father burned:
The separation of Scotland from Britain is seriously considered.
I – Why?
Have you looked at the heart?
Yes yes yes...
The Scots probably saw it.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №58712
 16.01.2012
I go into the university dining room.I took something to bury and went to the table, I go and see that I did not take bread. I come back and say:
40 pieces of bread.
and??? to
I have 10 hamsters in my backpack.
A-A (as if it should be the same)
Everyone loves to watch me eat bread. I woke up laughing.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №58711
 16.01.2012
Guess who I saw. I say right away, you don’t know him.

O_O

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №58710
 16.01.2012
Ansey: My mom walked in the morning for the dishes in the kitchen closet, and from there, the cockroaches are licking! Then, when they started to water all the poison there, they found money (likely someone’s ass).
And I so deliberately give: - Quartpay left

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №58709
 16.01.2012
Will you be a pasta or a spaghetti?
Tagged: spaghetti
Better to make pasta.
Yes, the choice has already been made, I only have to realize it.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №58708
 16.01.2012
I dreamed that I was watching porn, in which trembling men were watching porn, I was looking into their screen, and there I was watching porn! I’m even afraid to get up in the dream.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №58707
 16.01.2012
Patrick Star
What are you most afraid of?

Redstar
The strange noise that sometimes comes from the kitchen at night

Patrick Star
You are what! Very interesting, so how can it be? We need to clean up the kitchen, comrade.

Redstar
The whole apartment was illuminated (there was a case when we had a rose on each staircase in the entrance in the morning. It does not seem to coincidence. Someone probably performed a ritual. Then it was illuminated.

DejaVu
The ceremony is called "Wedding".

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna