Incident at work.
The worker of the workshop - Shamil (whether Uzbek or Tajik I don't know) does not go to work, the reason is understandable, the evening before the change drank, and the next day turned off the phone and just didn't go to work without any explanation.
The next day after the walk appears, and nose to nose meets with the boss, and what to lie to see did not come up with such a dialogue.
The Chief: Shamil! My mother on her feet!! Have you lost the fear?!! I didn’t go to work, I didn’t call, I turned off the phone, let’s explain!! to
Shamil: The chief... my wife had a month.
What are you there, the bastard?! to

Who gets up early...
the one from the region, to Moscow, by Ryazanka, through the bridge to be repaired, at 07:00 to work

-- Vladimir Vladimirovich, your rating has risen to 130%, I congratulate you
How can it be?
Vladimir Vladimirovich is trusted by 100% of the population, with 30% of them trusting twice.

Program of the Dolls, 2000, last edition (c)

XX: So here... We come home somehow, and the cat doesn’t eat... and swollen some, the cheek is red. What is it, we think... Then, when he broke out of his hands while he was being brought to a bowl of food, they realized that the food was bad. He is sick, he sleeps all day, and so on. They took him to the veterinarian, the doctor said that the speck was rotting with food. In the evening it turns out that my mother opened a new bowl of food and it smelled unpleasantly, the cat did not eat, but she fed him with her hand (with his hand he eats preferably for some reason), forced him to eat everything. This is the food in the conserve bank, what will happen to it? ;) Yesterday again pulled to the doctor, again drugs and droplets... Here comes the thought to feed the cat with another food. We bought Viscas, so the cat didn't eat it just together with the bench))))) He stumbled, shorter. But the thing is, I don’t trust my children to this grandmother now, and we still have 6 bottles of the same food.

The horrifying words of a woman after a two-hour telephone conversation:
What is new?

XXX: they say that in the year of the dragon you have to wear jewelry in the form of goats, snakes and dragons :)
XXX: I am ready :) And you?
YYY: I haven’t thought yet :)
XXX: I suggest you buy a real snake! and :)
XXX: you will feed her with mice :)
YYY: I just divorced her))

Andrei, you don’t notice me at all!and :(
Maybe because I’m not Andrew.! to

XXX is
A nightmare, I am such a loser =(
XXX is
I dreamed that I was watching porn, in which the murmuring men were watching porn =((

They borrowed their “feed the cat”, immediately recalled the joke:
On a Foreign Beach
Husband - Masha you left Barcy's food?
I thought you left!
This is not a vacation, the cat is buried.

Question in the Hentai group vKontakte.

The xxx:
Learn how to shave yourself without injury.

Company Drinking

Man, whose hat is rolled?
222: So I hanged it.

discuss the Canon lens on the website of the online store:

Can you use the Canon Power Shot S5?
YYY: Of course, what is the question! You just drank the native lens carefully, and then this is carefully wrapped with a scotch, and everything will be okay!
Reply to
Zzzz: Why do you mislead people? You laugh, and a man will really do it. Not a scotch, but liquid nails will need to attach this lens to your remaining half of the camera.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I bought myself a costume for the New Year’s Eve party, but I didn’t.
Yyy: Sorry, but there was no man-dude costume)))

I have a friend in Zurich named Carlo.
I say to a friend today: “Pope Carlos has a hotel in Davos.”
Girlfriend: "Eye... Behind a piece of old canvas what?and "

Dad, would you let me walk?
and no.
Python is answering! Oh Dad, I forgive you.

Are you playing online games?
If so, then the Su-25 is a tank. Little damages, but in close combat is irreplaceable - small mobs presses, large holds. The Su-34 is a magician - he is completely damaged because of the spin of tanks. The Tu-22M is already the head of the clan with mega bombs, he just doesn’t get out of the field, but only when the risk of losing it is justified by a worthy purpose. The Su-27 is a ranger, he runs around and cuts out anyone who can hinder the quest. F-35 - a Nub-donor that has collected incompatible items for real. The T-50 and F-22 are the horns that fuck off the invisal and collect the collection of screens “SUCK RICE PIDRBLE GO 1 ON 1 PIDRIL YOBANY”. Tu-160 is a friend of the moderator.

It is very bad to give an adult a huge New Year’s gift with a bunch of chocolate candy. As a child, although my mother limited the process of absorption... I was fed :( but happy! and :)

News on the Rambler: "National Emergency Service was disappointed in extrasensors".
Commentary: It remains only to the Minister of Defense to report that sending corruption to enemies does not help the country’s defense capabilities.

Sometimes, you know, I am surprised by my expertise.
After all, only by immersing yourself in physics, you realize that the world is not what we are used to seeing it... It is different... And the most wonderful thing is that we know nothing about it...
We can only rely on our guesses about its device. How many mysteries he carries in himself.
The more we know about our world, the more we begin to understand – we know nothing.

XXX: I have an exam soon.
YYY: The afternoon...

The concert of Alice Cooper in Moscow. One of the first comments.

KHH: Not Kipelov, of course, but he contributed to the music.