bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 55 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52724
 02.09.2011
The fourth comment to the news about the new OS, created by the 11th classroom and a group of enthusiasts -

The little boy wrote the program.
Give a million he said to the bear
Remember, we need a retreat!
For the rest, buy a car.

:D

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №52723
 02.09.2011
Klubnik: Here my precious stalkerosadrot in a sleeping state decided to do me a massage
Клубнико: First the standard: “The chickens came out – they flogged, the goats came out – they flogged”
Cumming: Stops (forgot the verse, apparently) and, not thinking for a long time, connects the fantasy
Klubnik: “I came out, grit, HIMERA – poyeyeela!” And catch me for the shoulder with all the doors!
The dog does not remember anything in the morning

[ + 51 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52722
 02.09.2011
XXXX: Contextual advertising is what. Here we have context graphics. Some guys wrote on a lark that accepts a glasscarrier "die for the homeland and not from drunkenness".

[ + 73 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52721
 02.09.2011
I look at the news and look at it, 35 years ago there were tutors for training at the university, 20 years ago there were tutors for preparing for school exams (now EGE), now there are tutors for preparing for the first class, what next.... a tutor before the basements, a personal prenatal trainer, a candlestick holder-advisor during conception?

[ + 56 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52720
 02.09.2011
TPAKTOP: Oh what a wonderful verb you found. During the talks, Khmelnitsky "printed the state literature and read it himself standing"
TPAKTOP: Reading Old Style
snezok: lord
Snezok: Googled very hard
TPAKTOP: Vichotamše under the shop

[ + 78 - ] Comment quote №52719
 02.09.2011
Good to the wife of admin: where her husband with a note left from there and took it.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №52718
 02.09.2011
Belief in the best ends with a vacation.

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №52717
 02.09.2011
The Pandora's Box
Rasul, a healthy, morbid Dagestan, although he was six months younger than us, but his authority in the barracks was undeniable, and he was years older than many leythe. Twenty-six years is a solid age for a soldier.
To the joy of the grandparents and the salabons on the mountain, Rasul was the chief of our company.
For a month, the senior went after me reminding me not to forget to take a fresh password from my friend, the secretary. Three words, but what are these important words?
In the barracks at the entrance there was a box with Pandora's box - an old black phone without a disk. In ordinary life, he did not have to expect anything good, except training alarms, extraordinary controls and other similar anti-gas entertainment, but if you know three magic words...
You pick up the phone, there is an unknown soldier sitting in it, you tell him the first word: “guitar”, in a couple of seconds you hear the voice: “guitar is listening.”
Guitar, give me a torch.
The torch is listening.
Torch, give me a rock.
The rock is listening.
- Rock, give me a way out of the city on the number 4-6-7-4-9-5
And further from the terrible, black phone, promising nothing good, you hear the voice of a native man thousands of kilometers away.
One bad thing is that the passwords of the districts of regions and cities changed every month, well, and of course if you are caught on the phone on the hot - immediately "black".
Russell was a very married man (“very” – because he loved his wife wildly) When he showed her photo, everyone’s first reaction was, “Not a hero to himself! Is that your wife? Something she is too beautiful...
Rasul smiled and hid his wife Lena back in the military ticket.
So the senior began to remind me of three magical words a month before her birth.
Finally that day came. I came back from the secretary with the freshest.
With the "rocks and torches" that masked the city of Pyatigorsk from spies, he received a leather belt as a gift and went to watch a telephone attraction.
Russell’s hands were trembling from excitement, he couldn’t disassemble my bracelets. It was fun for us all. Finally, three magical words brought him to Petygorsk and...
The trouble is that military communication is military communication and there is no notion of “employed” for it, you just cling to another person’s civil conversation and say “loudly clearly and without distortions...” – what you need.
Here is Russell and he climbed.
Without saying a word, he pointed to us with his index finger T-C-C-C and hanged for a long time.
We were silent, with horror watching the face of our senior change. It reflected such a pantomime that without words everything became clear - his wife had a long and painfully pleasant conversation with someone.
The poor husband then opened his mouth, then bite his hand, then grabbed his throat, and large transparent tears ran on his shaved cheeks with joyful streaks. Rasul did not want to interrupt their conversation to find out more accurately in what depth of hell he himself is.
As the commander of the brigade walked past the barracks, he saw from a distance the daytime standing on the doorstep to raise the shuher, and since the colonel was fourteen degrees smarter than the daytime, he easily picked up from behind through the bushes, not allowing the soldier to sneeze.
The appearance of the combridge in the barracks was a complete surprise, but the senior, surprisingly, did not even rush, but continued to stand silently with the tube, breathing hard and crying.
The Colonel turned out to be a very noble man, he did not say a word, approached the cellar and with a pencil on the scratch of the paper wrote "Three days of arrest!"
Rasul took the pencil with his free hand and wrote: “There is. thank you.”
Combridge quietly kicked the senior on his shoulder, shrugged his hand and tried not to melt out of the barracks.
I felt terribly ugly. I was damned with this password.
But suddenly, the headmaster’s face flooded in a smile and he, smashing tears, stumbled into the tube with a crumbling voice: “Hello Angela Sergeevna! How similar are your voices with Lenka! Don’t be afraid, it’s me. Sorry, no, congratulate her from me when she comes back and say I love her so much. I’m fine, I’m sitting on my lips.”

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №52716
 02.09.2011
Husband and wife, spouses with a long experience, flegmatically watch porn. On the screen, the grandmother pulls a coward from the man. The Wife:
Did you throw your cowards in the laundry?

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №52715
 02.09.2011
You won’t believe yesterday I ate 5kg of peanut.
WOW: Well and how?
How, how... the night passed standing... :(

[ + 57 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52714
 02.09.2011
My friends, my sweet ones! Maybe it's all, but I decided to try it, because I don't know what else to do.

I like my new colleague. Pull it up, so that we can do it with him...
I am really a good and smart girl, and one very, very bad.
Sorry, but many will understand me. May you be well too! Love and smile!

thank you =)

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №52713
 02.09.2011
Discussion of the future wedding:
The room will be red and white, but I want the blue shoes!! I do not get red.
Polynka: red is for adult aunt... interesting, and white-red-blue is beautiful? If there is something blue in the room...
It is patriotic. And in general. The blue guests.


[ + 72 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52712
 02.09.2011
I don’t know why we need psychologists. I can solve all my problems by talking to myself.

[ + 86 - ] Comment quote №52711
 02.09.2011
From the culinary forum: "Tell me, should I add oil to the tartas with black caviar?". First comment: "Be damned"

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №52710
 02.09.2011
You are a beautiful girl, you are a miracle of miracles.
†Tail†: Would you go, beautiful, the straight road into the forest :-D

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №52709
 02.09.2011
STONE (11:20:46 1/09/2011)
Ask him if he doesn’t answer us before noon.
Breaks of the Brain (11:21:14 1/09/2011)
Drying of tuna?
STONE (11:21:46 1/09/2011)
Cut the gait.
Breaks of the Brain (11:21:59 1/09/2011)
Drawing Vince
STONE (11:22:21 1/09/2011)
Voicing a Bear
Breasts of the Brain (11:22:30 1/09/2011)
Saducey

[ + 72 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №52708
 02.09.2011
Tag: come to a new job
The boss sits in the office - the hair under the lacquer, the nail sink cleans
XHH: Near each compass a vase with flowers
XHH: on the fire shield pink helmet blade
HH: I am scared

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №52707
 02.09.2011
She: I promise you will have breakfast, lunch and dinner with me every day!
He: No, Nafiq... go out for me!
She: and how are there all sorts of dates, flowers, a ring with a brilliant, standing on one knee? and :)
He: Yes, for the sake of food, I am ready to kill it all!! to

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №52706
 02.09.2011
d0lboiob: I played a huge meat-smashing game today
China is? O_O
d0lboiob: In short, he was chasing an ass through the cabinet with a fan...
China is g. And then what?
d0lboiob: Then the donkey flew after his friends, they returned and drove me away.

[ + 72 - ] Comment quote №52705
 02.09.2011
And you are not stressed when the player begins to play a song that has long been on the phone call?and :)
c) human

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna