bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 91 - ] Comment quote №48704
 10.06.2011
I stand in the store, next to it is a woman (g) in fashionable wide pants, and behind her a guy (p) 12 years old and thoughtfully looks at her.
Q: You have great pants.
Re: thank you
Q: Or not in the pants matter.
You see more.
Q: Are you married?
Q: Does that matter?
P: You see more

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №48703
 10.06.2011
Ticks are the best of women: they will never deceive your expectations.

[ + 105 - ] Comment quote №48702
 10.06.2011
In the house No. 3 on the Goleshchikhinsky street disappeared water. The excavator came, excavated a hole of two meters in the yard, searched for pipes, but did not find it.
The workers looked into the pit, were upset, spit, and decided to get involved with archaeology until morning.

Late in the evening, Uncle Mitty went home and fell into a pit. He didn’t know she was in the yard, he just went by chance and found her. True, the workers left the fence in two places - on the front side of the pit, and on the back, no one assumed that Uncle Mitch would come from the flanks.

Being down, Uncle Mitya wanted to get out on the freedom, in the Pampas, but failed. Uncle Mitty started shouting loudly what should be shouted when falling into the pit. You know all these words, I will not list them.

From the sounds of the native speech, the neighbors woke up, went out on the balconies, everyone wanted to know the source of the broadcast. A living creature that has fallen into a pit always arouses a vivid interest in its fellow citizens. Everybody is curious how it will get out of there. If a creature can still mate, it only wins from this show.

Then Uncle Bora came out of the house, extending a helping hand to the sufferer. The Uncle
Mitty pulled him by that hand and fell down on himself. Both started shouting a duet, though a bit unhappy. Uncle Mitty blamed Uncle Boru for his instability. Uncle Bory also found some very convincing arguments, mostly related to his uncle’s genetic defects.
by Miti. Then they somehow found a common language, one planted the other, and gradually both came to the surface of the planet. The spectators on the balconies, expecting more drama, disappointed.

The next day, closer to the evening, the workers with the excavator returned. It turned out that yesterday they were digging in the wrong place, it became clear why nothing was found. The pit was buried in the yard, and a new one was excavated, this time from the side of the street. Already at a depth of one and a half meters, signs of buried civilization began to appear, in particular, a telephone cable. The cable fell victim to excavations before it was noticed.

After a brief discussion, it was decided to stop on what was achieved and leave. It was evening, and difficult decisions are better to take on a fresh head.

You already guessed, right? Late in the evening, Uncle Mitty went home.

He remembered that in the courtyard of the house in the earth's crust is a two-meter hole, and decided to bypass the house on the other side. In the morning, when he was leaving the house, there was still a pit in the yard, and there was no pit on the street. Uncle Mitya did not know that in his absence the workers came and changed the pitches.

He fell into the pit and found a broken telephone cable there. If anyone does not know, at the time of the call, the voltage in the telephone line reaches 110 volts, this lies in the solving of the mystery why communicators do not like to clean the wire with teeth. Uncle Mitty touched the cable with his hands in the fall. So it coincided that at that moment someone was trying to call home No. 3.
The Goliath Street. The cable was damaged and the phone was not called. The challenge was accepted by Uncle Mitty.

Once a very long time ago, Uncle Mitya received the education of an electrician at PTU, where he was told what to do if there was a short switching of a person with electricity. The education he received was useful. Uncle Mitty issued sounds of a man’s merger with an excited phone line. This time he did not need the help of Uncle Boris to get out of the pit.
Having received a charge of vigor, Uncle Mitty with one jump won a convincing victory over gravity. In the previous pit he was much more comfortable.

Being outside the pit, Uncle Mitty imposed on the archaeologists such a vicious curse that Tutankhamun would die of envy again. All the further way to the apartment Uncle Mitya did, holding one hand behind the wall, and the feet touching the ground in front of him. Even at the entrance, he checked every step. He was no longer sure of anything.

The next morning, immediately after lunch, the workers returned to the house No. 3 on the Goleshchikhinsky street. They wanted to sleep the hole yesterday, but there were angry communicators from the local telephone station. Very angry.
There was a conflict, the communications officers offered the workers to look for their pipes elsewhere, near the fallopian.

The workers did not go so far, they just dug another shurf, five meters to the left of the previous one. This time the tubes were found. The workers rejoiced, were very enthusiastic and broke through the tranche, long as a good oak. The tranche crossed the sidewalk and captured even a bit of the road.
For the convenience of pedestrians, a bridge of three boards was moved through it.
Below, under the boards, a white moroccanal was blown.

As usual, late in the evening, Uncle Mitty went home.

In fact, the electricist's waking ends at six-zero, after six uncle Mitch is free, like Angela Davis. But it happened that on Monday, Uncle Mite was given a salary. The electrician is also a human being, he is weak.
He cannot resist the temptation to buy half a liter and use it intrauterinally. Uncle Mitty returned home late.

There was a witch hour, a moon shone in the sky, and in the moonlight right before Uncle Mitey suddenly appeared a trance.

If it had happened the day before, he would not hesitate to fall into it. But today all the feelings of Uncle Mitty were sharpened, he was aware of the deceitfulness of the pipepatches and was morally ready for the tranches. Uncle Mitya walked through the bridges gracefully, like Miss Universe on the podium, only unshaken and with a feather. Being on the other side of the podium, Uncle Mitty cried out:

and ha! Have you eaten, landlords?

When the wise King Solomon said, "Pride precedes fall," he meant specifically Uncle Mitty. Blinded by pride, Uncle Mitty took a few steps and fell into a pit with a telephone cable.

Literally in a few seconds his adventure became known to the whole house.
Falling, Uncle Mitya broke in a fragile place, and in his scream put all the expression that a forty-year-old electrician is capable of.

Interested neighbors came out on the balconies. By individual sounds and phrases they managed to establish the essence of what was happening, someone called an ambulance. While she was driving to the Goleshchikhinsky street, Uncle Mitya had the time to enrich the Russian language with six new adjectives and slant the word "cave" in eleven different ways.

A doctor arrived, devoted the lighthouse to the pit, surprised how low a person can fall. Uncle Mitty was pulled out of the pit and beautifully arranged in a plaster.

For the next two months, Uncle Mitty resembled porcelain cider with his white rounded shapes. The first week he painfully wanted to drink, the rest of the time he spent dreaming of scratching. Under the plaster, Uncle Mitchus collapsed to fame, when he was taken out, he immediately went and bought half a liter.
There were a lot of things he was trying to do.

And a week later, in the house No. 7 on the Goleshchikhinsky street, water also disappeared.

The excavator came, looking for the pipes.

not found.

by alex-aka-jj

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №48701
 10.06.2011
You will soon be a daddy!
A. A. A. How do you know?
From the Vatican, fucking, they were calling!

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №48700
 10.06.2011
Hijack: In my textbook of Belarusian literature, I remember, next to the title of the poem “Smyk” (bel.) The child’s handwriting was “my bitch up.”

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №48699
 10.06.2011
Official website of the Women's Football Club
KC "Russian"
President of the Free Eduard Viktorovich.
No shit, man in his place!

[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №48698
 10.06.2011
I was then acquainted with her parents as a friend) and here we sit we mean, the table is covered and the aunt and says, looking into the ceiling with such a deep look
How many chickens could I buy? ... →
Z is. family with a good fortune))) then on March 8th both gave 3 chickens))))

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №48697
 10.06.2011
xxx: the day we go to the store, sleepy chips to buy - "che" are called, may have seen=) and there is no price list, goods on the window, also, I say to the seller:
I: You have "ch" for what?
She is: What?
What is "ch"?
She (seeking signs of hypnosis in me):
I: ept... chips "What" do you have?? to
The turn of crying

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №48696
 10.06.2011
One pedas going out for a walk with a dog can end 20 children's football

[ + 76 - ] Comment quote №48695
 10.06.2011
@IAR: We know: in the winter with the naked ass to walk - it is not cold, but open in the summer fortress - it is cold =)

[ + 81 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №48694
 10.06.2011
I am a featheric dude.
The girl was taking a shower. He cried, sang and joked. He went out into the kitchen with cowards undressed and hanging on a member.
The girl’s suddenly returning mother looked astonished, and the girl was brightly red from shame.
So, what to do now?? to

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №48693
 10.06.2011
I went to the store for 10 minutes in the morning. The man woke up and called:
- Zaya, did you hang your wet T-shirt next to the steam moisturizer to enhance the effect? It is so good that the air in our apartment will be humidified! So funny a couple of clouds rains out of it!
“Dear, I’m so glad that your morning was so quiet and you woke up in the clouds, right in the alpine village, but first, it’s not a humidifier, but a heater, secondly, it’s not steam, but smoke, and thirdly, cut it off from the grid and call the electricity!”! to

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №48692
 10.06.2011
They brought me a card to show me. The real. A question about the "speaking" names.
The owner’s name is Bandit.
Position: Chief of the Security Service.


[ + 76 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №48691
 10.06.2011
What do you remember from Medvedev’s presidency?
He advertised Apple and fought the rotation of the Earth

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №48690
 10.06.2011
Comments on Weather News:

We have the Kaliningrad region, the weather is volatile like, sorry, dumb - I even have a book at home "How do you like the Kaliningrad weather?" 1987 issue. Like the Soviet synoptics were cooler than our Russians, right? So they write, (I will say a metaphor) that in the morning you can sunbath without leaving the basement, and in the evening from the frost it is better to hide in the refrigerator )

[ + 84 - ] Comment quote №48689
 10.06.2011
She: Did you report to me?
He did it. I sent for soap.
She is: thank you.
Say thank you again, I will rape you.
thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №48688
 10.06.2011
Mmm: when I come home, fire me fish, don't forget to take a shredded fresh fish in front of the house! I’ll come, scratch me a puddle!
Tagged with: happiness Look out the window, I’m going there.
Have you read our marriage certificate?
The fire:?
mmm: so here it is written: "Orlov Grigory Nikolaevich, further "Customer"...

[ + 97 - ] Comment quote №48687
 10.06.2011
d0lboiob: We have an old refrigerator at work. The chicken has been in the freezer for seven months.
d0lboiob: Yesterday the boss came, said, “Food to eat, refrigerator in the cushion,” on the occasion of moving the office.
d0lboiob: Today I come, and these fools have digged a hole in the backyard, gathered around it, and the admin is reading a funeral prayer.
d0lboiob: so they then sealed there the side cover from the system with the inscription "Chicken Pest. He died of fear.”

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №48686
 10.06.2011
The men who chose cats began to chew them. Their blood test showed elevated levels of the hormone testosterone, which confirmed that they had not had sex for a long time.

Poor Admin... Now it’s clear...

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №48685
 10.06.2011
Drinking beer with someone else’s girls is like playing someone else’s disk... like it’s interesting, and the disk is good, and the surface is grabbed below.

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