Whoever has a cat at home NEVER, NEVER go with a naked cock ahead!!! It hurts ><

A conversation with a friend who accidentally knocked his fingers at the door:

X: Tell me what happened to you?

yyy: Well, there was a doorstep in the store, and I didn’t want to knock on the cultural door)

xxx: Did you hold the door with a spark or put a spell on it?

yyy: I don't know how before, but after that I put all the spells of the world on this door!))

xxx: I love this Spanish textbook for its examples.
Exercise: Translate to Spanish
XXX is 3. Why are you so sad? I have no place to live.
XXX is 19. I prefer rooms with low ceilings, where I look high.
XXX is 25. Why is my pillow in the refrigerator? Oh my God! What is under the blanket?

No matter how much you take, something else will be from above.

“Millions” for Millionaires
We sit at a lengthy general meeting with our boss and “dismantle” a new big project.
The boss ringed the phone, he apologized, saying that it was a business partner, probably something urgent.
(Followed by the Head of Telephone)

What did not come?
...
I didn’t even get it right away, but last week.
half of turn. You have to go with the pedal, you have to go.
...
- No, gasoline must be, I poured 20 liters into it myself, three months
Back and no more.
...
- Well, changing the brake pads is a barst, maybe give it more.
Should I change her summer tyres? Without the gardens we will survive, we will ride.
Yes, but it would be worth washing it... Okay, as you call the phone. All of them,
I embrace.

The boss put off the phone and saw that the faces of all of us were stretched and strained.
He understood that in two words he had to explain such a strange telephone conversation and smiled and said:

- It was called by my neighbor Slavik, we bought an old package with him
“Gigg” and he could not get something today. Every day I opened,
And today we couldn’t... So what did we stop at...?

He’d better not explain anything at all. What old jigsaw? What a fold? Our boss has three cars and none of them is cheaper.
$100,000 and older than two years. We have also heard about Slavik, he eats a new "Jigul" at lunch in the restaurant, why do they have the old one, and even in the fold...? And most importantly - why brake pads are a barrel!!? to
We bowed our eyes side by side, waiting for a person to jump out and say, “Smile, you are being filmed by a hidden camera!!! »
The boss noticed the general confusion, climbed and suddenly cheered amusedly, like a child. He laughed and said:
- Something really with this "Gigul" I look like a crazy survivor.
Plushed...
Don’t worry, I’m still very conscious. This is not a car, it is a garage.
I usually live in a suburb, but sometimes I spend the night in a city apartment and there we have in the courtyard such a pillar of cars that it is unrealistic to park at all, but in the corner of the house between the benches there is a small pocket for two cars on the side, only everyone was afraid to turn there, or somebody will be closed, and I offered Slavik to buy "Jigul", not to ride, but to stand. In short, the gate with the motor. He always has a place in his pocket. When one of us comes home, he drives our old lady away, puts his car in his pocket and closes it back with a jiggle. So we and Slavik are fierce patriots of our automotive products, during the day he will guard the place, and at night he will protect from hijackers.

I have once again been convinced: what for the ordinary man is an insoluble problem, then for the wise man is only a charge for the mind.

by Pskov. by Putin:
“The People’s Front is like a vacuum cleaner – it accumulates the best.”
- the premiere, of course, more visible, but as a housewife I will notice that the vacuum cleaner is not
It accumulates the best, but only pulls up rubbish.

Oh okay you, such a cute girl - bands, rushes, two hair, a smile, like a snow white :)
WOW: Oh, it's just impossible to argue with her - for any fact contrary to her worldview, she has a 800-page guide to the engineer in her pocket and an undeniable argument: "What about the mouth?"and "

rsdriver: After work I eat (I’m a bus driver) on a passenger car, thought, I see people at the stop, automatically turn and stop. Fuck it, I went away. In the evening, under a bottle of beer, I talk about this familiar trolleybus. He said to me: "Eye, that’s what... Yesterday I decided to go to the house. I did not sit for two months. So you can’t imagine what a panic I started when the trolleybus wires ended"

Young man, you took the place of conductor!
Do not give God!! to

Perch: I met with an Indian in Pennsylvania, his father was a Russian Cossacks — they also took out wire books during the Revolution — poured wax and hid them in icons. Nor did Figo shake his heart.

dmd25: I met with an Indian in Pennsylvania, his father is a Russian Cossacks. Figo did not shake his brain.

At a scientific conference, the predecessor to the ambiguity of systems brings an example that the telecast is constantly transmitted that planes fall, hundreds of people die, and asks the question - why is the plane then considered the safest transportation?
There is so much silence in the acting room, and the girl is alone with such a naive voice – because they don’t beat people down?
5 minutes could not calm up)))

The tape:
In the Voronezh drug outlet from overdose died a police officer

Today I was digging in a compass at work, he’s a dinosaur. I connected a new mouse to him, and he writes to me that he does not see it. I drove into all the slots that I found, well suddenly, he is not stupid, but I. But no - he does not see.I already catch a mouse in the hand in anger, I knock her in the monitor with a scream "Here she is, th... see", what the computer gives me that a new device has been found!!!! The mouse!!Our Sisadmin stood under the table of laughter and promised me to test his drum.

Bash.org.ru is the world’s largest community of people who lose their socks.

What is 3000 rubles?Go to the store once!

On the clothes of the maid found traces of DNA of Strauss-Kahn and 18 other senior members of the IMF

I was recently in one Ukrainian city, ordinary people like people - ride a 15-year-old Volkswagen and the like, all the money and so clear where. But there is a wonderful street in this city not far from the center and there are 2 huge mansions nearby - one smaller. On the same street there is a church next door. Passing by, the BMW X6 passes and enters a smaller mansion, it turns out to be the son of the mayor of the city, and the mayor himself lives with a larger mansion. It becomes clear where all the money, but the whole essence is in the historical name of the street, which was long before the current mayor - "father, son and holy spirit".

We sit in the department.
The local ITshnik resuscitates the computer of the head of the department. Then he said, “Can they cut a little, and I speed up?”
A little pause... and the outrageous voice of one of the employees: "Yes, it's like everyone's piece of a cock can be cut off and I can shave!!"and "
They were not able to continue working soon.

I have to go....................................................
According to the same "prophet" from Auckland, Harold Camping, the apocalypse has already begun, it just went unnoticed.

I: Fuck, and what am I going to tell our kids when they ask "and how did you get to know daddy?"
Tell me how it was.
and AHA. I will say "Yes, kids! I met him for the first time on the birthday of a common acquaintance. Your dad didn’t drink at all at the time, and I specifically poured his whiskey into the tea. And when he spanked, I took him into an empty room... And we met!