Buying jeans for a child. The seller advised to take the minimum sliding size so that the pants do not fall off afterwards. I strenuously pull the slats up in the week, that the pop will finally fail inside.The child snoops darkly, then advises:"Shadow up to the neck, there will definitely be stuck";

Katyuki
From this morning, the cat enjoys the combination with your pants as if left on the floor by the bed. And he cried, and cried, and cried, and praised them on the floor, until the pencil separated them.

DimiDrol
:D

Katyuki
The pants offended me.

The preamble.

and injection. The Monday. 8:15 am in the morning. A couple of translations. A group of 13 people sit in a dark wait for 15 minutes, after which it will be possible to take off the pair and at least add to the coffee machine. At the minute, the 14th falls into a certain kind of uncondition (and simply some kind of subordinate), splashes on the chair and blissfully dies. The group begins to whisper and whisper. Prepodsha surrounds everyone with a dim sight and says:

Why are you laughing, right? Do you know how I spent my weekend? Through me 30 foreigners passed through the weekend!!! Can you imagine how my mouth hurts now?! to

The hard translators. =) is

I cannot be silent: mathematics textbook 5th grade, I.I.Zubareva, A.G.Mordkovich, page 158 task 576 b):
Crossing by the DPS GIBDD post at a speed of 105 (!) km/h, the owner of the car "OK" (!) He did not stop at the inspector's signal. It is about 2 (!) The inspector followed him on a BMW motorcycle, but, developing a speed of 210 km/h, did not notice how he overcame the intruder. Ten minutes later, he realized his mistake.
I have a question: What did the authors smoke?? to

An honest person, unlike a fool, will never tell the whole truth.

The reverse battle
An old story that a known lawyer told me (the term of old age on it has already been released...)

I like to defend people who are behind the truth, even if the law is not on their side. It happens. It is a pleasure to work with people who have done all the work for me.
In this story, two in one...
Young man D. from the Kirov region, served in the army, returned, married. His parents died, there was nothing to do at home. He gathered and with his wife and a little brother-fifth-grade went to conquer the capital.
In Moscow, they hired an apartment, rented on the market and began to trade fish. The boy went to school. They live.
A lieutenant came to them in the market.
In the beginning, the usual claims: registration, medical books, stamps on the goods and even unpleasant facial expressions.
They had to buy money and fish. The further, the more.
The next blow: the tenants increased the rent, but for some reason only them.
The husband and wife were twisted: and so hardly enough for a quarter pay, they worked in turn for days, and also their schoolchild need to feed, dress and buy color paper to him.
Everything finally got to its place.
Mente clearly hinted that if the man's wife is pleasant, then everything will incredibly change for the better.
Well, I fell in love with our reverse, so what to do here? What a man, such his methods.
One day later, the woman complained to her husband that the mint splashed her all over the place and it was getting more painful every day.
At the family council decided to change the apartment and the place of work. What other options?
And then came the turning point: Drunk Mint, broke into a woman in the barracks and... “stayed” there for twenty minutes... Neighbors in the trade, of course.
I didn’t hear any wild women’s screams.
She went to the hospital, took the beatings, but when it turned out that a police officer was involved, the papers were immediately lost and changed.
The statement about the rape in the ROVD was accepted, but warned that the prospect is only one: to sit in jail for defamation of an employee.
The case ordinary.
How could a husband comfort his wife, but how can you comfort her? Wouldn’t I beat the mint?
But life is good, because there is nothing impossible in it.
A woman and her husband's brother returned to their home in the Kirov region.
One day she went to the district police department and talked face to face with the chief:

- Comrade Major, I have a big request to you: soon my husband's day
I’m 23 years old and I’m buying a car. He has motorcycles.
Right, and I want to give him a car. Well you understand. Surprised
So to say. He has been driving a great car since childhood.
The Major:
What are we doing today, Thursday? There will be an exam day on Saturday.
Come early, we will do it. It will cost 7,000 rubles.
The Woman:
-Comrade Major, but I wanted a surprise, so to say, for the holiday.
The table, you know?
The Major:
Well, you are completely overwhelmed. If without it, then 10,000 rubles, not less.
Come to me on Saturday with his passport and photos in red.
The background.

A couple of days later the hero of this story returned from Moscow, and the next morning "they came for him." He was charged under Article 318 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation - up to ten years. It was at that moment that I entered into the matter.

The facts were such:
Lieutenant of the police B. during the performance of his duties, was insidiously deceived, and dragged into a fish barracks, where he received multiple bodily injuries of severe and moderate degree: teeth broken, broken ribs, jaw, and so on (bite of the officer occurred with the help of ice cream fish). The victim identified in the attacking citizen D.- the merchant of the larka, in which the crime was committed. Citizen D. was declared in search and arrested in the Kirov region at the place of residence.
I pulled a guy out of SIZO in just three days because he had a titanium alibi.
Citizen D. on that day, was a thousand kilometers from the place of the crime, he passed the theoretical and practical examinations for obtaining a driving license category "B". Witnesses of this appeared all seven officers of the militia of this ROVD. (Well, ROVD did not want to sit in full in prison... and they can be understood.) The case was closed.

How much, it turns out, useful can be bought for 10 000 rubles, and for delivery also the rights of category "B".

A bull-like child enters the office with a powerful chain on his neck. He approaches the guard and asks:
Where is the owner?
The guardian without emotions says:
Lost the owner? and polish.

How many times have I said to myself, “Don’t do it!” He opened his eyes, got up and went to work.

From one of the websites:

Even my admission to the medical budget was unable to convince my parents of my mental fullness.

Life Researcher: Now I’m passing by the mirror, noticing something strange on the back of the belt. I slowly climb to the floor.

When a toilet cleaner got up from the toilet, it was ideal as a strain on the belt. No one has seen this picture.)

[16:01:54] <Mary> Good day, Constantine! I can't log in if my password or login is incorrect. What could be the case?
[16:03:43] <Constantin> Your letters suffer from giantism
[16:04:44] < Mary> SP
[16:05:22] <Mary> thank you

Well I say to him—Pasha, dear, you have been offended.
And he?
He is Misha...

Conversation at the Lectures:

What will happen when the time machine is invented?
Pi will be...
No, it will not be.
“Eyler, Lagrange, Koshi and Kirchhoff will be exactly the one. I promise.

I could make mistakes, in C++ I could inherit them.

They call the homephone, they say "Call back" and they drop.

What, is it near the day when the speed of transmission of information by wire will be able to overtake a truck with DVDs?
But we have a sapphire with blues.

Can't Choose Between Three Movies (After Tomorrow, Hancock, War of Tanuki)
Imagine three punches: the first is destroying the world.
I have chosen.

A friend is sent to the office of Melcosoft for training:

I had to buy a T-shirt with the inscription Bill Gay Tss today.

The sisters talk:
Why do you cheat on your husband? He is such a businessman, not a walker and polite.
That’s why Hamlet. That is how he is polite and gentle in bed, but it's cool, he fucking hard, straight "ah!" If he's lucky, then straight before work in the morning in the hallway will fuck out.

How to get acquainted in the metro:

Nan^^: I will smile
Fen: if they smile in response - approach and meet
Nan^^: Hi, I'm Nastia, I'm 18 years old and I don't have anyone to fuck with, let's get acquainted?)