Talking to a girlfriend... Her boyfriend is named Artem
Sasha: I have a problem. I want a boy and that’s not Arthem.
I: So what is the problem?
That boy is you.
I: So what is the problem!? to

The xxx:
If you suddenly embrace the mosquitoes – no problem.
Eat a leaf of belladonna. Anthropin in it is an effective antidote to muscarin - the alkaloid of muchomor. Atropine blocks those receptors in the body, the excitation of which determines the action of muscarine.
And the proportions? How many leaves of belladonna are needed per kilogram of mushrooms?
Damn, I don’t know, you eat slowly until it gets easier.

This happened recently to my friend.
We work as installers in a well-known Internet company.
Well, as it happens, my friend tightly tried to go to the application.
A beautiful woman opened the door to him. In a few words he explained the plan of action and
began to work. After completion, I began to adjust the computer.
And then the worst thing happened: the lunch gave itself to know and approached tightly.
to the "day" Through force, pouring seven sweats, he introduced all adjustments and,
Unable to withstand, she asked to go to the bathroom with shame.
Sitting in the room for a while, I felt relieved.
(From his words: I barely managed to run out of myself almost a strike, wiping out everything)
He returned to the computer, where the hostess was waiting for him with a smile and an offer to drink a beer.
Without long thinking, he agreed. Five minutes after he finished.
He was waiting for a cold bottle of beer and a pleasant evening of communication.
After sitting for a while, he gathered to the house, said goodbye and left.
Only he managed to move away from her house for 20 meters, he caught a phone call:
and alley!
Young man, you have forgotten.
(Looking at the baggage, trying to understand what) and what exactly?? to
The rubbish...

Ol, are you free on Thursday night?
WOW: What, do you have any suggestions?
Oh yeah yeah! and an anal billiard)
Thank you, I’ll be busy on Thursday.
Tag: banal
This is what I said...HD

XXX: I’m going to go to Belarus. Can you tell me, are there any underwater stones?
yyy: Dick ride on the road

This is how we live, I, the cat and the cactus.

I called her Kimmy, and the cactus Hitler.

The poor cactus. Why is it so?

XXX: He is a great commander

xxx: tries to conquer the whole world, but as a cactus it is very difficult for him

Lectures on DM (Details of Machines)
Prepod walked around telling how the reducer of the main engine on the ship died, and, in a rush of ecstasy, his gaze stopped at one of our students sitting at the first batch, it was difficult to look past: the child was 190 cm tall, and weighed from 120 kg...
In general, he approaches him and not from this, saves: @What do you look at me like this?, the student did not understand and asked: "How is it?".
"Like the grandmother who thinks of the h*s and spices"...

PS: I was under the age of 80.)

The boss drank a glass of vodka because he was driving and refused to take everyone because he was drunk.

Terminator: The Diplomatic Guy

If you are not lucky with your wife, remember that there are other women.
If you are lucky with your wife, remember that there are other men.

Excerpt from the student’s composition:

Blabla... in the summer I crafted a shredder, which consisted of walls, a roof and a hole for flying....

Chesanita: We are told some shit in the law. The last lesson was about piddars, abortions and dragons.
Chesanita:Pidarsy is bad
Chesanita: Abortion is bad
Chesanita: Dragons are good, but they are extinct
Chesanita: O_o

Discussion on the choice of car:
Kalina is smaller in size, which means that there is less chance that a meteorite will hit it. have to take!

Finding a black cat in a dark room will be much easier if you have a sausage in your hands.

History of one photo
There is always a place in life for a feat, especially when it is not at all before a feat.
A boy and a girl went to the mountains of the Caucasus.
They were not mountaineers, they were major from MGIMO, and mountaineering, so they had a "toys" so for the point. We have been, we have conquered, we know. Again the romance: Boy, girl, guitar, tent. The ammunition was of course primary. The most expensive. Even the icebreakers were there, although they weren’t going to go to ice and snow, but the pictures with the icebreaker and the rope bay, it’s cooler than the cowboy Malborough. They climbed to a mile high, no more. They overnight. Time to go home to Moscow. but
The Caucasus has made its adjustments, they have gone astray. Three days and three cold nights. They burned gasoline from a Zippo lighter, a guitar, a sleeping bag, and wet grass is not burning. The day is like a day, and nothing new: from morning to evening a crumbling wandering from abyss to abyss, and how they got there, and how to descend down to the people - unclear.
Between them, the lovers only communicated matto. On the fourth morning, they woke up from sound hallucinations. They were heard: German speech, laughter and lip harmonic flows. Like in movies about war. The sound did not end, the man looked into the tent and said:
Guten Morgan is.
Our heroes jumped out of the tent and saw twenty people from the group.
“Edelweiss,” taunted to the teeth, only without weapons.
These were the matters of the German mountaineers and as a result of the "e-Kalsk" and
After the be-kal talks, it turned out that they had been preparing for their ascent for two years and did not intend to be distracted from the route for a second, so there can be no talk about bringing our suffering down to the people. They only uncertainly indicated the direction of the ice-breaker and ticked the stitch into the compass. The miserables did not want to let live people, especially, they already wandered there yesterday, where the icebreaker looked.
Our firmly decided that the Germans would not pass and lay in front of them "leaves". And the Germans put an ultimatum (the Germans generally like ultimatums):
- You go with us "Schneller", to conquer the "Ales" top, then we
We come down from that side of the mountain range and take you into civilization. but
If you hold us back, we’ll call you “officerzein.”
The Russians looked up and down at the glowing snow peak and sadly said:
“The Devil”
The Germans roughly dumped all the student things on the ground (well, the Germans, what will you take) and took the little thing that would be useful in the campaign, the rest was ordered to throw away, gathered them from the world by the carabine and went.
Our 100,000 times regretted having fought with the Germans. It is the same as a man who broke a finger, breaks both legs, so that with a broken finger without a row to get into the cliff. But it was too late to retreat.
Imagine how hard it is to climb a mountain for a man who has gone to the top only to get down. What only is the dream over the abyss, in a hamak knitted with a nail to the mountain. A normal person dreams like this and he, shaking up, wakes up.
They returned home barely alive, weakened, with faces burned in the sun and tearful eyes. But they returned.

A month later, the Germans sent them a photo. I saw her: Happy Hanseas and
The Frics laughed and laughed, as if they had seen Moscow in the binoculars. In the hands of the conquerors of the summit, and in the background on the snow sit two sad figures with fallen eyes.

“For many, skating on skates produces rest and shake.”
Coat of Prutkov.

There are two hookers talking.
Have you heard the news? President Luzhkov resigned due to some
It is nonsense!
What was he guilty of?
Someone has lost authority.

News about the new WV: Another interesting feature - contactless opening of the luggage compartment - to open it, the driver or passenger only needs to put a foot under the rear buffer.
The comment killed:
And Russian cars could always be opened with their feet.
They are gathered with my feet.

Sometimes I thought I was paranoid, but it’s in the past, now I know exactly what they’re watching me!!! to

Yes, only the names you don’t all remember whom you fuck with.
YYY: And some not to forget to record, ah. in the passport.

Shop of household appliances. Husband (M) and wife (G) buy a vacuum cleaner. During the test, there is a dialogue:
Wow, how it is soaked!
M: Learn to learn!! to

Often the female trick reminds me of the trick of my four-year-old nephew) He sincerely believes he has wrapped adults around his finger, saying that the toys were not scattered by him, but by Barmalay)