bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №38801
 13.11.2010
The sister writes:
I was at the work of the PDC. One labyrinth pulled a "musical disc that didn't start". From her working laptop it became clear that there was just some kind of vivery, insectarium and what else could be there. We call the intercom to her office to bring a disc. The neighbor answered (another loudra):
I just put it...
One of the Aitishnikovs, having not listened to the end (he had enough), crashes from his place, sits in that office shouting on the move:
by Ejecting!
Further, like in the movies, he flees into the open door, falls on the pulse and slips like a baseball player, managing to press the button for forced removal of the disc, crashing into the chair on which the second labyrinth was sitting. To fight, to fight, to do everything.
In short, the second computer, fame I do not know who, have not had time to infect. The laptop was cleaned, and the disk turned out to be a virologist's nightmare. Aitishnik-athlete is now sitting, cleaning the stove and whispering that it is not necessary to give the cleaner a stove, but to force people to wipe out the stove.

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №38800
 13.11.2010
(Redirected from Digidrofosfat blog)
He told a story about a distant relative. The essence of what. He lived a boy, he did not long, but the time came and he was called into the ranks of our brave army. And he decided to cut off, quite original - to indicate as his orientation "gay". And here, therefore, he comes to the military, and declares - I am, say, a homosexual, I love when I am roasted between pancakes, and forgive me, to serve in the army is unworthy. The commission answers reasonably - we will send you to the survey, if this is confirmed, then, of course, you will not have to serve.
And they direct. A distant relative, I don't know why, decides that there will be to explore the integrity of it, sorry, the anus, and because of this makes a paradoxical decision... he buys a healthier dildo in the sex shop and every evening without lubrication smells himself in the ass. To, so to speak, expand the anal hole and surely convince the commission of its orientation.
After a week of exercises of this kind, he comes to the examination and is surprised to find that his anal hole is not interested in anyone, and you just need to complete some vague test. All his efforts were in vain.
According to the results of the test, he turned out to be quite ordinary heterosexual. But he was not taken into the army. by Plateau.

[ + 74 - ] Comment quote №38799
 13.11.2010
Probably from half an hour walked dumb around the store remembering a very necessary thing to buy and remembered at home about 23 when he was sitting in the toilet.

[ + 85 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №38798
 13.11.2010
Do you feel tired and tired at work? Overcome the boredom? Has the work lost all meaning?
The main thing is to take the puzzles in time! by Pizzueli. You are active again!

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №38797
 13.11.2010
XXX is
Tinnitus and 3

YYYY
=) is

XXX is
Meaning of size :)

[ + 47 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №38796
 13.11.2010
Anatoly Chubais lobbies for the law, so that for every sold key size less than 24 is transferred 1% on nanotechnology :)

[ + 87 - ] Comment quote №38795
 13.11.2010
A colleague from past work said:

He worked as a geologist in the fields. Their expedition was sent to a guard somewhere near the polar circle. Their workplace looked like this: the tundra, in all directions the same and flat. At the center of the tundra is their watchhouse, in which they live and work. Around the guard are installed instruments that take testimonies. The expedition is a couple of weeks.

One morning, my acquainted geologist runs out of the guard, suffering from a terrible multi-day bump and, as usual, does not even focus his eyes, because there is nothing in the tundra. But the brain, tired of alcohol, still captures new information - it sees how a lonely strauss runs far away, across the tundra. He ran and fled. My acquaintance geologist in shock, promises himself never to drink again, because white tea is scary and ruthless. Then he again notices the wrong thing - he sees a man riding a motorcycle behind the straws on the tundra, a motorcycle. The geologist in horror hides in the guard.

Without telling anyone a word about what he saw, he completed the watch, and they removed the base and left the tundra. Later he found out that, first, a few kilometers from their base, it turns out, there was a strawberry farm, in fact, the strawberries are very unpretentious and perfectly tolerate the frost. Sometimes, the straws broke the fence and tried to escape, and the owner of the farm was chasing them on the tundra on a motorbike. And, secondly, that straws and his owner, it turns out, not he alone saw that morning at their base, but nobody said anything to anyone.

[ + 78 - ] Comment quote №38794
 13.11.2010
According to Sergey Lukyanenko:
I have long understood that cats are people a little more crazy than even dogs. Probably somewhere at the aquarium level.

I eat breakfast and watch TV. There shows some institution of "cat therapy", where people with a shady glow in their eyes claim that cats relieve from all illnesses and diseases. And I hear something from which I drink hot tea.

One old woman had high blood pressure, and she was almost dying from a hypertensive crisis! She was lying on a layer, like dead... But fortunately, her cat came to the rescue – procured the old woman’s vein and thus lowered the pressure!

As for me - so simply the cat was impatient, decided that the old lady has already given an oak and you can start...

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №38793
 13.11.2010
Anatoly Wasserman appeared naked on the turn of the magazine "Popular Mechanics".

[ + 60 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №38792
 13.11.2010
Two years ago, condoms of one famous firm (in the amount of 3 pieces) cost 36 rubles, last year 54, and in this 80 I seem to guess how the government wants to solve the problem of demography...

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №38791
 13.11.2010
Mateo
The idea! We need to advance in the talismans of Sochi 2014!
Mateo
Throw a grocery doll to meet the Olympians
Mateo
The question is "what is this?and "
Mateo
Answer "Talisman...- Chuchelenko!"
Mateo
We will not win anyway.
Mateo
Let them take that cockroach.

[ + 96 - ] Comment quote №38790
 13.11.2010
Yes the target.
No one calls me like that (only you!) and :)
I love you!
I am Nicholas.

[ + 67 - ] Comment quote №38789
 13.11.2010
XXX: work in my closet causes strange associations with flashgrams about zombies: they climb without end and edge, only here they need not be shot, but take their jackets and hang them (

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №38788
 13.11.2010
Everyone knows that “Gazprom is a national heritage!” and not a people’s.
But which nation is unknown, because there is no nationality in passports!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №38787
 13.11.2010
A friend told me about his acquaintance.
I bought this familiar country, but not like everyone else – in the country community, but an old, nestled house on the edge of the village. He looked very carefully at him. Such a dark, lumpy bumper in all its appearance creates a feeling of some sort of hopelessness.
This fellow was got. But he adhered to this current only externally, in his soul he did not share their philosophy. He professionally engaged in special effects to various horrors, hence his love for their attributes.
The purchased property, in which a sort of outsider image was already seen, he, of course, supplemented according to his own taste: all kinds of bones, gips turtles, etc. shit. for
“The beauty.”
He hardly did the gardenery, so, somebody sat down. But it was even worse for those who wanted it. Someone unconsciously tore the harvest until it was in the country.
A friend even filled several tombs, from the hills of which, as if unknowingly, scratched where the fingers, and where the feet. But for the brave thieves, this did not work.
Then, together with his colleagues, he decided to organize a whole show, such as the "resurrected from hell", to teach the Parshivs. Find the most
Amazing sound effects from the best horror films. They were supplemented with light effects and, as a culmination, the uprising from the graves of the dead.
It must be noted that the impression of this show caused indelible. Under the inhumane roar, the soul-breaking cries and stones, under the flashes of lightning and something else there, half-deathed dead people were kicked out of the graves... And all this unexpectedly, breaking the silence of the night and the trail of the scourge. As a result, the blood stinged in the veins, the mind crumbled, only the rectum relaxed.
During the weekend, by joint efforts, all the necessary farms (mostly from disbursed equipment) were installed in the country (all on the car) and left.
They waited a day and on Tuesday rushed to see the effect.
It is unclear what they wanted to see there, but everyone for some reason was sure that after such a spectacle the thieves must leave traces, and a lot.
As they walked in, they noticed something was wrong. When I came closer, I saw that there was nothing. Instead, a curved field, not just curved, but also carefully curved. And by this field goes the local father, reading a prayer, and water the earth with holy water. Behind him, the local villagers who were silenced and stumbled into a bunch, being baptized and looking with fear under their feet...
What will you say here. Professionals have done their job professionally. But it didn’t just reach its target audience.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №38786
 13.11.2010
A new Moscow mayor came out onto the square - he did not like various kiosks... No more kiosks.
The mayor of Tverskaya - he did not like the cars parked...
Parking is prohibited.
The mayor travelled on the MKAD - he did not like the shopping centers... The entrances and exits are now reduced.

Please don’t tell him there is a metro in Moscow!

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №38785
 13.11.2010
1: how is it right, "hydrogen perish"?
2: The Hydrogen Census
All-Russian hydrogen peroxide

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №38784
 13.11.2010
The car has 3 doors:
Open, closed and unclosed.

[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №38783
 13.11.2010
Sergey: the specialists say that the earth in Moscow is already dead :(
Leo: aaah means worms that crawl on the sidewalks in the rain are zombie.

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №38782
 13.11.2010
[21:28:05] Alena is a fool!
[21:28:53] Alona: Yifik yežik ježik!!!! to
[21:29:28] JPG: that
“Why did you come here at such a late hour?! to
[21:29:59] JPG: a date
[21:30:26] Allena: Does a date mean? The computer is cheating.? to
[21:30:33] Alena: With whom is he?
[21:31:32] JPG: with payment terminal

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