bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 95 - ] Comment quote №33898
 02.08.2010
In general, I went into the elevator of the hotel to the first floor, there was a person 6. The last one is a 60-year-old man. It looks like a scientist.
When the doors are closed behind the man, he says, “And you don’t know why I gathered you all here?”

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №33897
 02.08.2010
XXX I don't know what to advise you!! to
I would recommend my grandmother.

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №33896
 02.08.2010
Zombie: Yes, nothing Who does she do not know?
As she doesn’t have to work.
jumba: she is the carrier of tits)
Zombie: The Strategic Carrier

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №33895
 02.08.2010
xxx: by the way, at the expense of the film Sukachev about hippies in the USSR
by M?
The end of the bad (
Has the USSR collapsed?

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №33894
 02.08.2010
From the router, they distribute the film.
There is no cinema in my city either. I go to the neighboring town for a loud premiere.
Pepper, you have the conditions!
Zzz: I live in Antarctica! In the morning, penguins knock on the door and demand new films! The trailer saves.

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №33893
 02.08.2010
Thessaloniki (17:36:49 1/08/2010)
Rom as a monsoon from contact?

Winil (17:37:29 1/08/2010)
Download by Internet Download Manager

Tolian (17:37:40 1/08/2010)
Where to find

Winil (17:37:49 1/08/2010)
Look in the refrigerator.

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №33892
 02.08.2010
by SPAMER:
I need a guy for sex.

xxxxxxxxxxx:
Me too. But this drop is crawling at the wall!


[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №33891
 02.08.2010
My grandmother told me it was during the war. She was in captivity, so it happened that their camp was near the JD. Well, there was a tank of alcohol and naturally our men drank it. Well, the Germans replaced the usual alcohol with wood. In the morning there was a man 10 dead and a dialogue:

XX: - Ah, that Mishka died, and a man was.
XX: Yes... Let’s go... Remember... I still have a half hole left.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №33890
 02.08.2010
Alice: Yes, but you are very angry with me. For example! You seem sociable, but like a serious conversation - you only choose from it what you need!
Alice: Here you are such an interesting shit to talk about something left-handed - you are ready to write a ton of words, and as to problems - you are generally ignoring it!
Meatl: Yes, I was told I was interesting

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №33889
 02.08.2010
Oh, these unclosed caps, the incorrectly pressed tubes with toothpaste, the abandoned cracks - how many boats of family life they broke up about a bathroom plate.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №33888
 02.08.2010
use
greet me
use
I had a celebration like a real Sisadmin.
use
She pulled the screw and fucked the one she put it on.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №33887
 02.08.2010
Wanted: I talk to my parents about the fear of flying on small maize boats of small airlines. I say to her, in a joke, that if I break up, she can pay compensation. She immediately begins to get angry that no money will replace me, and so on. After a few minutes, thinking, he clarifies: "How much will it pay?"

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №33886
 02.08.2010
Working with thoughts about the upcoming vacation is much more pleasant than resting with thoughts about the upcoming work.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №33885
 02.08.2010
The story of one of the worst moments of my life.

When I was a student in St. Petersburg, I was friends with sailors. Once a month they called me to their boat: a bath, a camouflage, and in general an exotic.
Winter, full of snow and we are on the approach to the port talking about their people:
Our dog is called Matros, a pure Caucasian. Don’t be afraid, now
He is bound.
Is he really tied...?
and precision. Recently he ate a man’s face (he wanted to tighten the engine), so hardly
The criminal case was initiated, but the Matrosus was not touched, he was
The closed territory. Only the head of the port ordered him to the chain.
It screams so terribly.
Last year, he bite his leg.
How did I bite...!? to
Like a sugar bone.
- Once there was a joke: two men climbed through the fence, one jumped and
He fell on his back and when the Matros approached him, the man with one muscle of his back.
He jumped back onto a two-meter fence.

Here we approached the secret hole in the fence, climbed through and went to our trailer along the drowned snow path. Around the snow on the belt.
The sailors came first, and I followed them. And as soon as we moved away from the fence for a hundred meters, a man-eat-Matrous ran to us with a bear's whistle.
When the seafarers saw him, they said, “Shaw, he is not bound. Don’t be afraid, pretend you’re with us.
They are good to say, they fed him sugar from birth, and what should I do...?
Here, the Matros was aligned with the head of our column, all the guys in turn dragged him by the buttocks and went on... But this scapegoat looked only at me!! to
Running back to the fence is unrealistic, blushing: the men save - not an option, this bear is scourging me, they will not have time to turn around. When the last seafarer passed by the Matros, the crocodile decided to "look what I'm looking for."
"Dry," he blocked my road like a slug: the front legs on the left side of the trail, the rear - on the right. His back was above my head. The step I decided not to slow down, in these three seconds I remembered my childhood, youth and had time to think how little I lived.
And I, without slowing down the speed, put his head in the "side". On the face
The sailors thought, “Well, fuck you, I don’t know you, but we’ll think you’re with them.” And he rushed away in his humble affairs.
That night I was not to the bath, nor to the camouflage, but how well to live in the world.

[ + 14 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №33884
 02.08.2010
The cow calls to the teacher:
“Marie Ivanna, I’m too smart to sit in the first class. I have
My sister is already in high school, but I’m smarter than her. I also want the third.
The class!
- Well, go to the director, if he agrees, he will transfer you to
The third class.
The teacher leaves Vochka next to the director's office, she goes there and explains the situation to the director. He answered:
Come in, I’ll ask him a few questions.
He probably won’t answer, so he’ll have to stay in first class.
The teacher calls Vochka, they and the director offer him an "exam", and he agrees. The Director begins:
How much is 3x3?
and 9.
How much is 6x6?
and 36.
The director asks him questions for an hour, which only a third-class student would be able to handle, and Vovochka answers every time without a question.
Seeing that the student is not really developed by the years, the director gives up and agrees to transfer him to the third class. The teacher interferes:
Can I ask a few questions too?
The director and the wolf agree.
The teacher begins:
Why do I have two cows?
and feet.
What do you have in your pants but I don’t?
The director nervously repairs the glasses and is going to intervene, but Volvochka immediately answers:
and pockets.
What is the woman in the middle and behind, and the man only behind?
(The director is breathing)
The letter N.
Where do women have the hottest hair?
(The director in the face of Grimm's horror)
In Africa by Mar Ivanna.
What is it: soft, but female hands make it hard?
(The director turns his eyes crazy)
Lakes for nails.
What’s in the middle of women’s legs?
(The director doesn’t believe his ears)
and knees.
What makes a married woman wider than an unmarried woman?
The bed.
What starts with “for” and is behind us all?
(The director begins to cover a cold afternoon)
The back of the neck, Mary Ivanna.
What begins with P, ends with A, and this is given to other people.
Did they enjoy?
(The director covers his face with his hands)
When there were no CDs, it was a record.
The director, unable to withstand it anymore, interrupts the teacher:
All, enough is enough! I transferred him to 6th grade. I am only myself
You answered all these questions wrong!!! to

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №33883
 02.08.2010
A programming office in Israel. The working office. On the wall, next to the workplace of one of the programmers, hangs a photo. A tired and stunned programmer takes his eyes off the monitor and looks at the photo. Half a minute later, he breathes and returns to work. On the photo - he is the same, but in military uniform, with a machine gun on a armored carrier.
On the photo the inscription by the flommaster: "Alternative".

[ + 72 - ] Comment quote №33882
 02.08.2010
Kkk: I was driving home in the car, the gasoline was running out - the light bulb was flashing. As a student, there is little money. I put a little in my pocket. I thought it was enough home. I went to the gas station, proudly extending the box office 80 rubles. The following dialogue:
I: 95th, second column
In all eighty?

[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №33881
 02.08.2010
XXX: What is different from Homosexuals?
zzz: Homosexuals are such men who love other men, and pidoas are those who should be given to the homosexuals.

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №33880
 02.08.2010
The Feetman:
My very naive! Believe me, over the expression of "breaking on the ass of hair" will not laugh any woman who has ever used a mechanical depilator.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №33879
 02.08.2010
There was everything in the house.
It was all in the Simpsons.

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