bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 99 - ] Comment quote №26548
 26.02.2010
Nixon: Do we sleep?
The Funny Moon: Yes!
Funny Moon: And then will you leave me?
Nixon: No
Funny Moon: Why is it not?

[ + 80 - ] Comment quote №26547
 26.02.2010
I need to apologize to one of the priests and he is a Gondon and I can’t apologize to him, now I’m sitting and trying to force myself...
Imagine he’s Johnny Depp.
I need to apologize and not give up. ?

[ + 92 - ] Comment quote №26546
 26.02.2010
Windows has issued a message "Your copy of Windows has not been authenticated, you may have become a victim of fake software"
Oh yes, I’m a victim, a pirated copy of windows just used me

[ + 94 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №26545
 26.02.2010
Flaumig (15:38:07 25/02/2010)
My mind hurts the throat.

Orange Bee (15:38:59 25/02/2010)
Sea salt usually helps me in such cases.

Flaumig (15:39:06 25/02/2010)
is there?

Orange Bee (15:40:02 25/02/2010)
Yes Yes

Orange Bee (15:40:07 25/02/2010)
A little but still home.

Flaumig (15:41:33 25/02/2010)
Drawing the hope?

The Orange Bee (15:42:44 25/02/2010)
Yes, I can still share it.

[ + -14 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №26544
 26.02.2010
Let’s stop posting here.
Do we just take it and stop?

Push out to read everyone.
After all, you agree, you come here to raise the mood when there is nothing to do, and not to listen to the requests of other people.
Thanks for the time spent on me.

[ + 108 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №26543
 26.02.2010
Today on a couple when discussing depression:
Is that what he lacked? He fell from the 9th floor.
Voice from the audience: parachute

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №26542
 26.02.2010
Only the Russians can change clothes while the light bulb is burning and eat while the traffic jams are jumping.

[ + 125 - ] Comment quote №26541
 26.02.2010
XXX: Listen, I have a question to you as a student who has been living in the community for 4 years.
YYY: Boil-throw, float up and take out.
xxx thank you))

[ + 86 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №26540
 26.02.2010
Foam for shaving, stalls, decolors for non-alone deals.
I gave my beloved on the 23rd model of a Ferrari car (Lego developer)..on the evening of the 24th was filled: burn, burn, burn, real glass on the helmet of the driver!!,burning, tires - they are not plastic, but rubber, and now the engine will be installed, but yes, we are taking part in races,burning, anti-wings, sticker... and a solemn launch!! to
How wonderful to watch a large child fall for a few hours into childhood.
Love your men, enable your imagination!! to

[ + 77 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №26539
 26.02.2010
This is what means elite housing - the third day in the elevator lies a ruble coin and nobody picked it up.

[ + 93 - ] Comment quote №26538
 26.02.2010
A friend writes, after visiting with his wife Ulzi:
"Yesterday from unknown friends corporate phone gladly sent messages "I will have a boy". How everyone was upset :)))) it was necessary to increase the effect of writing "we will have a boy" :))"

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №26537
 26.02.2010
There are many pluses in family life, you just have to get used to them.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №26536
 26.02.2010
“Lord, I ruined that night for you.”

Any bearded joke happens sooner or later in life. My brother’s wife recently split up.

When she came to America with her mother and grandmother n years ago, they, like all refugees, were given Medicaid – a free medical insurance. Grandma forever, and young people - for six months, until they get to work. Mom and grandmother rushed to treat the old wounds, and Lina herself with the wounds somehow failed. A healthy 23-year-old girl. And such articles a girl who just wants to roll in a stone. With a hammer on his shoulder. Or with a happy ending. In general, there is no interest in medicine. Except as a model for what to seek.

But my mom and especially my grandmother said strictly, “There’s nothing here!” Take care while the insurance is free. Then you get enough – and it won’t be.
You will cry with bitter tears. And Lina, as a obedient girl, went.

I went to the therapist and found nothing. The surgeon has the same picture. I finally went to the gynecologist. He looked at her purely out of sporting interest.
Then I looked at the medical card. He sees that the insurance is coming to an end, and the American state is still virtually not robbed. The doctor was from the Russians, his unrestrained state was a blow to his reputation. He asks :
Maybe you need contraceptives?
Lina shakes her shoulders: no one yet. My brother has not yet painted on the horizon. Then the doctor says:
Let’s write out condoms.
and wrote out. From the heart, for all the unsuccessful amount. Package one hundred or two hundred. With refill for six months, that is, every month for the same amount according to the same recipe. By the way, a unique case. I never heard of Medicaid giving free condoms again, one Line was so lucky.

Lina, like a obedient girl, took the recipe and went to the pharmacy around the corner. In a small private pharmacy in the ultra-religious area. Many new immigrants initially settle in such areas, there cheaply and safely.

Why they are in the range of condoms is a separate question that I have no answer to. However they appeared.
The woman at the box read the recipe. I put on my glasses and read again.
She got a few packs from a distant box, threw them on the shelf, used them into an even more distant box. Lena is standing and waiting. Cut with Cut
(Summer, heat), cosmetics, bright packaging on the shelf. Other visitors look at her contemptuously, whisper something about themselves, almost spit. The children are taken behind the shelves so that they do not see. Wherever you go, the pharmacy is small.

The cashier grabbed everything out of the furthest box, the bunch is already very impressive, visible from a distance. But not even a quarter of what is in the recipe. He says:
Stay still, I’ll bring the provider.
Lina is standing. It’s all red, but it’s not gone. A provider appears. The glasses on the tip of the nose, the cap, the beard all gray. I have seen a lot in my life.
Smiled Lina with a glance from head to foot, at the cut stopped especially.
I counted something in my mind. He says:
- Girl, we no longer have this product in stock, but you do not worry.
We will order it now and it will be sent in three days. Three days is enough, right?

Lina drinks, catches, scratches the goods and goes away. Under the gaze that the holes just don’t pierce. I did not go to the pharmacy for a long time.

Three days later, the rest was sent straight home. A month later, and so on. In the sum of these condoms turned out to be so much that they used their best, and all the friends were distributed, and yet they climbed out of all the gaps in all the warehouses, and in the end 3/4 had to be thrown away - the storage period ended.

The condoms are over, but the story is not over. A few years later, Lina was in guests, and the daughter of the hosts, a student, began to tell about her course in sociology. She, it turns out, studied the statistics of the consumption of condoms in different areas of the city, and some facts did not fall into theory. For example, in one orthodox area, sales have grown four or five times, and six months later have dropped back without reason.

The visitors disputed the nature of this phenomenon. There are many interesting versions. Lena was prudently silent.

[ + 91 - ] Comment quote №26535
 26.02.2010
The French ambassador at one of the drinks at Alexander III asks:
- Your Majesty, is it true that you eat strawberries in Russia?
Yes, and what then?
In France, it is only for cattle.
Alexander III, scratching his neck, asks the ambassador:
Is it true that you eat frogs in France?
Yes, and what then?
In Russia, even cattle are not eaten.

[ + 89 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №26534
 26.02.2010
People, you want to believe, you want to not.

A few days ago, during a family drinking, a distant relative (who hadn’t seen him for 10 years) told me an interesting story (he was naturally drunk, and I don’t drink):

He worked at the end of the 1980s in our brave militia, and he actually got an interesting case. A man was arrested for trying to pay for the goods.
The untrue rubles. and 21st century. Well, of course, he was detained, the papers were seized, and since in principle it was not a counterfeit (it is like 10 rubles on paper with a pen to draw) and a man led.
They laughed and let go with God.

But in the year 97 when the modern banknotes came out, the uncle was barely sufficing. The fact is that... the guy was going to pay with modern (which we now have) money.
To my answer: Dick probably made a mistake and confused the sky.
He replied, “What are you! My memory is great, you won’t forget that. And those copies were thrown out, most likely, the case did not even start.

I was confused and a little shocked.

[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №26533
 26.02.2010
Mamut: with the appearance of tachaphones more and more often when calling a friend instead of the usual "Allo!" Hear: it..dayout!

[ + 90 - ] Comment quote №26532
 26.02.2010
From the tape
A stunned passenger helped a drunk driver beat a hoist.

Nirvana is allowed ?

[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №26531
 26.02.2010
By the way, in vain you rush over the point of "virtuous possession of dirocol" in the resume. Very necessary, it turns out! I would even organize special courses and send my boss there first! The Fuck! Now I am dealing with his sewing of documents to send some to the administration, so he did not accumulate these holes from any side, almost diagonally! And then apparently the usual hole broke or fucked and began to "bite" with a decorative hole. You know those in the form of hearts and multiples! And it would be nothing, but we work in the police and he has been 50 years! The Fuck!
P.S.: And his mom has been parked under the chair a toy tank for the third week. Well, you have to study, because soon the chair of the boss will take!

[ + 94 - ] Comment quote №26530
 26.02.2010
GenDOS2
The mentions were wiped out, in general, the good guys.

A_AnisimOFF
What is?

GenDOS2
In space, one man dropped VW so that nobody, especially public transportation, can pass. They called the men, they called the evacuator.
Do you think they stopped the car at the parking lot? No is. They put her with the evacuator crane on a huge snowfall and left. Now it is standing on the ground, the people rush.

[ + 83 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №26529
 26.02.2010
When I was a child, I was fascinated by photography, but then my mother hid it.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna