bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №143664
 06.08.2017
At 8:00 I bought in the store "builders" disks for a large fortune of 230 diameters. Construction 100 meters from the store... After 20 minutes of screaming, an ambulance. They decided to scrub the tree with a disk on the metal, the protection was removed, interfered. Naturally, the disk pressed and broke into pieces, the fragments flew into the face of the "wood cutter". 30 minutes later, the ambulance cries and cries again. A colleague of the victim decided to cut the unfortunate tree. I briefly went to them and warned the brigadier that they had bought five discs, and threatened three more people. Idiots, there are no other words.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №143663
 06.08.2017
Thread about the monsoon of the 90s, discuss the Na-Na group:
There is nothing on the right side of the nanny! Not everyone can raise their feet.
This is the Wolf of Politics. He has recently been replaced by a headscarf.

[ + 39 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143662
 06.08.2017
I live in Peter. Summer is a clear thing which year is not. And here I look out to look at the weather and see a pigeon in the corner of the balcony, hiding from a terrible hurricane. He wanted to expel, but it was unfortunate, and his wife said, "Don't touch the poor girl, let her warm up." I pulled the curtain and forgot about the bird. And a few days later, deciding to go out to the balcony, I found that the whole floor of the balcony was terribly swept in three layers of dried pigeon shit, not even a foot where to put. For more than an hour, I stacked and pulled out the pigeon’s excrete. And here’s why I’m telling it all: all the time, while I was destroying the traces of the “poor pigeons,” I thought about the fact that each of us in our lives had situations with relatives or friends, when you likewise regret someone, shelter or help, and then for a long time wipe away behind them shit, both in the direct and in the translated sense. Such a sad morality.

[ + 22 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143661
 06.08.2017
Why are there sodomites but no homoriths?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143660
 06.08.2017
xxx: In fact, I am just an employee of a super-secret organization that has been fighting reptiles for centuries.
Maybe with the healthcare providers?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №143659
 06.08.2017
XXX: I am enrolled in the first course and one question arises to those who are not in the first year: what clothes can I wear for school? Is there any rules?
yyy: Well, in general, can make a comment of the type: "You are too brightly painted, Pasha!"

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143658
 06.08.2017
I got married to one of our employees already under a half-hour, a wife took a little over 20.
Birth of a Child, Wife in Decree
Starting with a new employee.
She says, “I have a wife younger than you.
She says, “I have a father younger than you.
It is O_O

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №143657
 06.08.2017
xxx: Why do grandmothers, who were so disappointed in their youth, strike the Bible to old age?
YYY: Well, you have to learn, they’re going to have a graduation exam soon...


[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №143656
 06.08.2017
If everything goes like oil, wait, it will soon smell fried.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №143655
 06.08.2017
I drank somewhere in the early 00s with the operas. Good guys and girls, at all. Absolutely without Paphos. One of them told such a story. If it was before, I will not be surprised. The man could tell a lot.

The case was in the 90s. They came back from a foreign tour. Somehow it happened that the payment of the fee was delayed for some, as they said, technical reason. In the 90s, it was all around. And he, as it was, lived well abroad - drinks, souvenirs, all that. And here they, as they said in Soviet times, "started a disorder." It was a charitable concert for veterans and retirees. Whether it is a pension or an old-age home. They whispered it was that it was no longer the Soviet times and to perform for free is not a comilfo. But they were quickly embarrassed and told that some very important person had asked for it. And they went to act practically as an explorer. Good luck professionals. And the supposed repertoire - songs of the Great Patriotic and Civil Wars - all have them from childhood on hearing. This man got a song about "a hundred young fighters from the Budionov mouths", which jumped into the fields for reconnaissance. He thought he knew the text. But whether the self-confidence deceived him, whether the thoughts about where to intercept the money, but he made a mistake. I did not look once again at the kindly laid-up paper with the text and his beautiful baryton (or tenor, damn I take them, the opera, when they are subjected) instead of "and fearlessly the squad jumped" confidently brought - "and the squad jumped on the enemy for FREE!!" In general, a typical Freud reservation worked out. He froze it, and when it touched it, it cooled inside - it became uncomfortable to the veterans. But as a true professional, he did not show sight and carefully sang the song to the end. No one seemed to even pay attention. Everybody bothered. Well, it went well, he thought with relief.

After the concert, according to the plan, there was a small informal communication of singers with veterans, congratulations... And then one very old grandfather with a clever, insightful and astonishing look approached him and flashed quietly and said: "What, son, were you also pulled here?"

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №143654
 06.08.2017
Historians have uncovered the secret of the incredible strength of the solution used in the construction of the Roman aqueduct. According to recent studies of preserved documents, at the beginning of construction more than a hundred builders were executed for stealing cement from the construction site.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №143653
 06.08.2017
aaa: Business advice to airlines: following the cancellation of free baggage to make paid toilets on planes.

BBB: No need to write such things! They can steal your idea. Moreover, on long-haul flights, the first hour is free, in order to attract passengers and also free beer.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №143652
 06.08.2017
Necessary and good:
Let us throw the burning torch of knowledge into the unwashed ass of ignorance!

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143651
 05.08.2017
Dear friends
Before you write angry opus about the situation in the country on various occasions (health, medicine, welfare, living standards in general), remember that our country is big. And situations in each sphere vary greatly depending on where you are. The bread is different, and you are about doctors. I recently moved from one end of the country to another, people are completely different than in another country. You and your opponent are just in different places. Imagine there may be such a situation that there are no apartments, no cars, no villas, but only a house and life at the expense of the garden. Somewhere on 30 thousand a month you will not live, and somewhere it is decent money that you can safely live together.
Z is. In some places, even the Russian post works well.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №143650
 05.08.2017
The modern RPC offends my feeling of beauty. In all churches without exception, I see stores selling magical goods and services.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143649
 05.08.2017
I sit and watch the movie "Something" of 1982.
Periodically, they smoke something that takes different forms.

There was a sense of synesthesia. I feel the smell of smoke and burning meat from these images. What is the imagination capable of...

The smell increased. Going out to the balcony - it turns out that in the nearest cafe, the strawberries are roasted.

I sit down and look forward to what is "something". I want a shuffle.

Now "something", the hottest horror film of my childhood is associated with shalkies. They arrived. My world will never be the same.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143648
 05.08.2017
Today just killed a hard-hearted vaccine hater. And today I called everyone and asked where to urgently put the vaccine, her baby communicated with the sick child with the same vaccination hater. P.s.vaccinations cannot be done to already sick or suspected.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143647
 05.08.2017
He had a brain dead. I thought there was something. Just a fucking character.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №143646
 05.08.2017
zzz: We have a title "A woman beat two policemen?
XXX is yes.
Zzzz: I got a call from the IMD. They ask to replace, they say, the image of the policeman is wrong.
XXX: I do not know. Let’s write this way: "Superwoman beat two policemen". And we keep the common canyon, and the police are not ashamed.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143645
 05.08.2017
I can't open the file again!!! to
YYY: Did you read the instructions I sent out a week ago?
XXX: I don’t understand anything!! to
Yyy: Probably it would have become much more understandable if you had at least opened the letter. I don’t even dream of reading.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna