bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143204
 20.07.2017
If you stop buying toilet paper in the office, then you can find out which documents employees do not take very seriously.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №143203
 20.07.2017
The girlfriend married a military and went to live in the tundra. I found a job in part, got permission to secrecy. Following her words.

I sit, I say, I don’t touch anyone. The chief applies and warns that it is necessary to surrender the border to the regime officers, because the admission obliges. Nook, I think I should – give up, I didn’t have a rebirth. A week passes, the boss catches me in the hallway and terribly asks:

Why has the passport not been handed over yet?

So I do not have him. at all. never did.

The chief scratches the tail and gives:

Do it and give up. There is an order – it must be executed!

My girlfriend is still laughing. I’t be surprised if they really do.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №143202
 20.07.2017
Restriction of alcohol and planned drinks. Sometimes the unexpected happens, and most often the negative. A relative recently died. It was early in the morning, and by evening it was taken away. And after a few hours of pursuit (with her was another person, I did not come from the other end of the city), communication with doctors, police, sanitarians of the body car - I was very eager to drink. Directly unbearable.

She had a quarrel with a young man and lived apart. I thought - let's argue, let's reconcile, no, a little time has passed - he is already living with another, and I will recognize it as a thunderstorm in the clear sky.

And I, of course, understand, now the experts and gurus will rush, claiming that everything can be survived without alcohol, you need to have strength and be able to fight, but I was weak in spirit, and both times on the swirling legs I went for cognac...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143201
 20.07.2017
M: I am going to a boy. When I told my wife that some people don’t want to order a stripper, I was very surprised and quarreled – oh, oh, what!? to
by Agah. More of offices. The boys wanted to sit quietly.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №143200
 20.07.2017
The hostess on note.
Here you stand at the stop, there are 2-3 buses, you can get to anywhere. Which to choose? In winter - it is better to choose one whose glass is cleaner - it means there is a good heating and you will not freeze. As in the summer? And in the summer, you should choose one in which the conductor is more knowledgeable. First, they are always hot, so they will open the windows / doors and it will be cool. Secondly, for the same reason, they will chase everyone to whom they go. These are strange personalities who sit by the window and don’t let it open because it’s cold, instead of sitting away from the window.
Take good health :)

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №143199
 20.07.2017
I think those who write about hot asphalt and houses in Moscow at +25 and refreshing breeze from the sea at +39 in the Krasnodar region were neither there nor there.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №143198
 20.07.2017
I walked with my brother’s dog. Walking, I take a pack of garbage and slugs with me and all dog things immediately clean and throw out into the garbage. A dog approaches me and asks: why, because this is a natural material and it will disintegrate itself. What I answered: but before that, your child will get into this natural material 10 times. In response, I heard: Yes, my child is studying in another city at the institute.



Okay, then it is okay.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №143197
 20.07.2017
1907: “A woman cannot be a doctor!”
2017: “A Woman Can’t Be a Doctor!”

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143196
 20.07.2017
Well yes yes yes. When the victim of a girlfriended boy, who had never been in a relationship with him and was not going to be, meets a normal guy and meets him, and the girlfriends hit it (or even better, she was initially with the guy, but the girlfriend was waiting for sexual gratitude for the fact that her boyfriend or husband helped to pull the couch, and was upset by the inconsistency of fantasies with reality) - this is a girlfriend. But when the guy, who was not just rotating the romance, but already lived with a girl, but after a quarrel instantly got along with another (maybe, even before the quarrel prepared a "reserve"), and the girl is upset by this - it's what she generally hoped, she's no one for him!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №143195
 20.07.2017
Situation: My girlfriend and I are Russian citizens, but we are both currently in Germany and we want to shape our relationship. It would seem, you collect documents, go to the nearest consulate - profit. But it’s not all that easy when a Russian official enters the game.

In fact, below is a reference to the telephone conversation with the "servant of the people" from the consulate in Leipzig.

Hello, we would like to sign up with you. What is needed for this?

Q: I don’t think you will succeed.

We are: Why? O_O

We don’t have Las Vegas!

We: Em...But it’s a normal service for the consulate. You even have a section of ZAGS on the site.

You don’t hold me here! Government officials don’t talk like that.

He dropped the phone.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №143194
 20.07.2017
A country that designates losers, fools, fools and prostitutes as its national heroes guarantees itself the same future.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №143193
 20.07.2017
One day a funny incident happened. Before the earthwork, the workers expelled all who stood in the courtyard (for the Aborigines, the announcement was suspended in advance). One stood on the strain, not allowing anyone new. And here comes such a dumb chicken on a rough car. He sends a worker’s nail, like where I want, there and I put it. It’s not your business, you’re off the road. After a while, with full bags of all the shit comes back from shopping. And he sees a huge tranche for repairing either the water pipeline or the sewerage across the arc. There is only one way out of the yard. I asked, shit, it was a pleasant spectacle.
c) Radio engineer

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №143192
 20.07.2017
What do you need to sing Baskov and Kobzon at your wedding?
You need 2 million dollars!
It is secondary. First of all, you have to have a bad taste.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №143191
 20.07.2017
>Astrid - cartoon heroine "How to Train a Dragon"... in love with a local boy

As for the shit, I disagree. Icking is not sitting on his ass, he is not complaining that I have such a broken inner world, why does Astrid not give me, does not build air castles on this occasion. He sets goals and achieves them. First to shut down the night furia, then to train. He shows initiative, he is not afraid to defend his point of view, even when against him absolutely everything, he is not afraid to take risks (Behinders could easily kill him at any stage of training). And as for Astrid, he first broke the pattern, showing her the skilled Dentless (it was a dragon, whom no one could catch or kill; Icking could not see him). Then he arranged her with a dragon, giving her unprecedented feelings and thus provoking sympathy. And then he saved his life in the battle, after which this battle won. Her choice is understandable. So Iqing, of course, can’t be called an alpha – not that physical force, but he’s not a shit.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №143190
 20.07.2017
From a talk about a famous gay:

I don’t care who he sleeps with, who he lives with.
I am just upset by his stupid manners.
Gay is the body of a man in which a woman is locked.
Is this a woman’s breakthrough, or are you and women annoyed?
There is no woman there at all, look, zzz - a woman
He also talks like a glamorous cock, disgusting to watch.
XHH: She, by the way, is also unconventional, they have this common apparently.
It turns out that she has a woman’s body.
There is a male body in which a woman is locked.
Let’s go on, the matriarchs!! to


[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №143189
 20.07.2017
The Courtyard Collection

From Moscow to the outskirts.
From the mountains to the northern seas
Man walks like a master.
Pay 50 rubles per day.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №143188
 20.07.2017
XXX: This girl sent me...
XXX: "I have a tooth-shaped fist what, already 2 jeans rotting ahead"
XXX: I would rise to the voice
XXX: Of course she writes about her cat, but fucking I read about another cat.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №143187
 20.07.2017
I, with 18 modest centimeters, when I sit on the fancy throne, think about the eternal, terribly irritating when the member touches the cold toilet, and how do you and the members sit like that?

Toilets for children and infantiles. Real adults with long members are empty in the field, rubbed with a scarf, and yes - no cartoons!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №143186
 20.07.2017
The problem is not in the person of the pharmacist, but in the stupidity of the aunt, who allegedly feeds the cat with human contraceptives.
And nobody came to mind that animals have a slightly different physiology, and the human dose of hormones for a cat is slightly great.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №143185
 20.07.2017
Mom had to hang the TV on the wall, and then she enters the entrance and sees that someone has a repair on the first floor. Well, she pulled out some Chebureque there, asked to hang him and promised to pay.

A young, non-Russian, but very stylish dressed guy arrives. It does not smell and socks without holes. “It’s his weekend,” I guessed.

Well, Mom chases him around the rooms, asking for help in deciding where to hang. have determined.

Mom shoes to go to work, says loudly to me - you give him a thousand, and enough of him. And from the threshold asks to maintain the conversation - "Are you from Tajikistan or Uzbekistan?"

He raises his eyes on her and, emphasizing his purest Russian, replies, "I'm your new neighbor, I'm doing repairs."

Mom immediately knocked on the door, and I stayed down to thank the neighbor.

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