bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №142824
 08.07.2017
The best sex in my life was with a woman, 6 years older than me, the magical was time.

The first fifth gives the suggestion meaning that you had sex not only with women.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №142823
 08.07.2017
Z is. Hosts to note. Soda has no less useful and beautiful properties. For example, if you need to boil the skull of the enemy so that all the meat gently dropped, then you can add a few tablespoons of soda to the boiling dish (very carefully, or unintentionally arrange a foam party). After cooking in a soda solution, the flesh from the bones will decay almost independently.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142822
 08.07.2017
To the news of a new combat suit with exoskeleton of Russian production.
The comments:
And now those who served imagine their flag in such a costume.
Exoskeleton will allow flags to drag through a hole in the fence three times their weight

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142821
 08.07.2017
The employer asked me how much money I wanted for the project. I sent you a picture of Minotaur. He understood it ?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №142820
 08.07.2017
Here they declare

11 hours - work + lunch + road, 8 hours - sleep (minimum), remains 5. Of these 5 more about an hour and a half for breakfast, dinner and personal hygiene. There are three and a half. Let’s say, 2 hours for a family and one and a half for a hobby (well, if you’re lazy and you don’t have a job). And you know, the most precious hour and a half is better spent on sex than watching stupid cartoons for 5-year-olds.

That is, you’re going to spend two hours on a family without watching children’s cartoons, and then a Hour and a Half fuck? I see a man who has no family.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142819
 07.07.2017
With one friend in nature, I remember, I loved to drink. In autumn, when the cold nights came, it happened that the fire was warm. Wood, of course, was gathered everywhere around, from them a fireplace was grown, but this is the question of the further supply of wood... I understand, it was lazy to walk behind them, and whoever should watch the fireplace, yes. The issue was resolved in an extremely simple way. The other man was told, said, Tolyan, are you admin? by admin! Go into the forest, jump wood. And voila, no more questions about the distribution of responsibilities.)

[ + 36 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №142818
 07.07.2017
from ZH:
We were overwhelmed with all the shit.
It’s not that easy, you know.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142817
 07.07.2017
From the correspondence: Yesterday I feel - direct discharge is needed. Well, the shower before going to bed saves) I lie down and feel - I want to, but I can't, because the head hurts. I’m a superwoman)) refused to have sex because my head hurts))

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №142816
 07.07.2017
The wires, which do not hide the fact of viewing cartoons, act against adults, looking at them with confusion. Adult people stop looking and return to the interrupted hot discussion, which of the groups of obaldouis is the best in the world to pin on the grass inflated bubble, and how many more billions of rubles need to go into this matter, so that our obaldouis are the best to pin.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №142815
 07.07.2017
Listened at work:
A friend from Germany called me. When children go to the Netherlands.


[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142814
 07.07.2017
And by the way, it’s curious: since dragons eat raw fish, what has it eaten all those 20 years?

Being in the company of fire-breathing creatures, fish is not difficult to burn.)))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №142813
 07.07.2017
"The Economist"

There is no summer, there is no summer... Yes, I only saved 2 thousand on the fumigator plates! And if you consider that the shower can not be taken every night, but after a day, and the water on the counter?

You are not especially happy there, the summer has not yet ended, you can still have time to raise your 2 thousand in August on the electric heating of the home ;-)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142812
 07.07.2017
Russia has created a supercomputer with a performance of 55 trillion operations per second. The system is focused on solving challenges in the field of artificial intelligence and machine learning"
The first comment: "Let them mine!"

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №142811
 07.07.2017
to this:
The hipster came out of the fog, pulled the spinner out of his pocket...

Added to:
I will drink, I will drink, I will drive you anyway!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142810
 07.07.2017
Infantile and not infantile.
To be a child, we only have to dream.
We are not royal blood, oh, we are not royal.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №142809
 07.07.2017
Yes, okay for you, let better clay dragons discuss than calculations, whether adult independent children are entitled to bats, and their harsh parents to bats.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142808
 07.07.2017
- You will drink this way, we will only drink at night and we will not sleep again!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №142807
 07.07.2017
It was told by an elderly woman. She worked in Soviet times as an accountant in the same office. Then one inspector came to them. While he was talking to the chief, Larisa Mikhailovna was engaged in her affairs and was immersed in work. Suddenly the phone ringed. She took off the phone and heard, “Call Perdun’s phone!” Mikhailovna looked around and understood that among her colleagues there was definitely no person with such a name, hence Perdun was the most terrible verifier.She said with a trembling voice: "Sorry, there Perduna is asked to the phone" In the office there was silence, and the terrible verifier came without the slightest embarrassment, took the telephone and began to talk to someone. Then he hanged his phone and said, "My name is actually Kerdun, but everyone can hear Perdun.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №142806
 07.07.2017
Yesterday my colleague ordered sushi for lunch. Our organization is located on a protected, enclosed territory, so we go to the passageway to meet couriers, we usually pay and take the goods.

After some time after the order, a courier (a citizen of one of the southern republics) calls, trying to explain in broken Russian that he came, but he is not allowed to the building, the address of which was indicated in the order. The colleague said, "Zhi, I will come now," the courier did not understand, did not hear that he was knocking in the tube, which he heard the previous phrase again. When a colleague came down from the workplace to the street, he saw a guard turning a man and leading him to the guard post. In the hands of the detainee was a package with the logo of the office in which the order was made.

During the break-up it turned out that the courier, not passing through the passageway, departed from it, walked through the fence and ran to the building, but was caught by the guard. The lunch was delivered, the courier released.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142805
 07.07.2017
xxx: Here are the movies... Dialogues are almost none, those that are dim and Paphos. A story of some sort. Opening the peripherals? Pfff... The special effects on the knee are spotted... and the story is shrouded to greenery. But the fucking shit knows what. I want to review!
Are you talking about porn?

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna