bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №142864
 09.07.2017
In one unbuilt house, they showed me a huge cross-hole in the wall and explained that it was the owners of the house who decided to check if the foam block would withstand the bullet from Makarov. They shot half a block. I then tell everyone that during the war, you should not hide in private houses, which can be overthrown by two rows of machine guns.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №142863
 09.07.2017
X: The grandmother...
A: What is it?
X: My in the BDSM hit. I am a bad girl, punish me " and all that. The entire costume show arranges and the roles teaches me. Well, what I do, I’m playing... I’ve bought clothes and clothes, all okay. And yesterday, I dropped a thousand from the map. I started to find out, my favorite cupcake bought. Well, I say, go here bad girl. I broke the belt.
Q: Was you offended?
X is offended.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №142862
 09.07.2017
>>>In the university dormitories (USA, Russia and others. Four students live in a room together.

I feel like you didn’t serve in the army.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142861
 09.07.2017
If you’re a grandmother, you’ll be ticked in your mouth. In my opinion, this blocks all possible pluses.

Well, if you think that if you are a man, then the craving fox will automatically fly past your mouth... Not a fact, poor man, oh not a fact.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №142860
 09.07.2017
The reaction of the grandfather to the advertisement "In toothpaste...blabla" (and the words "paste" and "paste" to the ear are practically indistinguishable).
Dedula switches the program with the words "our toothless paste is not interesting". It repairs the chest.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №142859
 09.07.2017
If lizard is a frog, then Blizzard in Russian is a frog :)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142858
 09.07.2017
xxx: This node changes according to the instructions in B3.
Which B3? In the Old Testament? O_O

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №142857
 09.07.2017
In the new house from the developer "Grani" tried to fix the shelf on the wall, as a result, the nests under the dumbel were rolled out 5 times, all the dumbels were tested up to the chemical and the shelf still collapsed. Diagnosis: Wall material, silicate poor brick, consists of ordinary silicate dust without the addition of a binding substance. Conclusion: the technician of the manufacturer's enterprise took care of his safety in advance, when he comes to beaten on the roof with his same brick - it will be very soft and not painful. And another conclusion: I will call the developer a day ago, ask them to shoot the head of the supply department, because he clearly works for foreign intelligence and successfully conducts subversive activities.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №142856
 09.07.2017
And in general, it’s not a night dojoor, it’s a graceful panther going out for night hunting!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №142855
 09.07.2017
In 1654, the place where now New York is located was called New Amsterdam.
Not a place, but the city itself was called New Amsterdam, since it was founded in 1613 by the Dutch, and in 1664 it handed over the colony to the English during the war. The city was named New York City in honor of the Duke of York. The Dutch in 1673 took the city back and named New Orange, a year later exchanged under the treaty for Suriname. The city occupied a piece of Manhattan adjacent to the sea. The island was passed by a road that later turned into the only curved street - Broadway.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №142854
 09.07.2017
All women are the same except one. This is the one we are looking for.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №142853
 09.07.2017
33 years before our era. Huanyeh, the king of the Hun, decides, for political reasons, to become similar to the emperor of China Yuan-di. He comes to the capital, and asks for a wife of a girl from the royal house.

The Emperor thinks. To give his own daughters to the nomad reluctance, he decides to give some hostage. Interrogated in the harem on the subject of volunteers, only one mymara named Wang Zhaozhyun is called, to which the emperor has not even entered once. It is not a pity, the Emperor is good.

They brought her, the girl goes to the emperor... and Yuan-di begins to tear her hair on her head. It turns out, the beauty he judged only by the portrait of the work of the court artist, and Wang Zhaozhyun refused to give him a bribe at the time.

The artist, of course, was shortened to the head, but Wang Zhaozhyun, from whose beauty, they say, the birds fell to the ground, left with the nomad.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142852
 09.07.2017
The media about a riot in the Russian football team.
According to the players, the coach makes them play football.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142851
 09.07.2017
Why Moll-Bert and not Isabelle?
There is less PR. Mole, even when she flies around the apartment - she's all knocking
xxx: and the unit of measurement of a substance named after it
YYY: That’s because it’s that substance to eat!
XXX is AHA. It transforms it into energy.
YYY: its energy - for peaceful purposes
XXX: Is it for military purposes? O_O
YYY: Well how about? Causes damage

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №142850
 09.07.2017
Obtaining Swiss Citizenship:

XHH: In serotonin with citizenship is generally tough. When you apply for citizenship, they actually go to the neighbors and ask how you integrated there, if you create problems. Any small piece and everything, this application.
WOW: "Mr Al-Habmarabi, how well is your neighbor Heinz Müller integrated?"

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №142849
 09.07.2017
Go to the sea and move forward! Here is Neptune. By the way, it came to me – God made us a rainy summer, protecting from these here, in shorts and shorts in the city. And well!

Go to the nearest monastery and go somewhere else. Where are you all coming from?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №142848
 09.07.2017
Sobyanin has launched a program of reincarnation, within which thousands of Moscovites will be relocated from their old and emergency bodies

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №142847
 09.07.2017
From a letter to an angry employer:



Natalia good day! I do not like business cards. Poor background, fonts and general location. Do you have any taste? We pay no small money for the design and get such a "g" in the form of your layout. Keep in mind - I sent a copy of this letter to the email of our CEO.



Good morning Anton. This is not my layout and your company did not pay for its development. Your CEO kindly asked you to fit the layout of the visit card for printing (without changing the general content - to make assumptions under the circumcision and prepare for offset printing). And, of course, a copy of the letter to the e-mail box will be very pleased with him. Because this layout was made by him – your general manager.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142846
 09.07.2017
History of my childhood:

Bata bought himself a new anchor in a plateau, a brilliant, beautiful, very clever design - the fisherman's dream. On the anchor of the rope, someone forced a couple of meters, a loop to be tied for a fixture or a type of...

In fact, fishing

- Siroga, throw the anchor. *BULK*.. only the rope is not B#&@%...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142845
 09.07.2017
XXX is young man. Are you drunk?! to
YYY: And you work at the Russian Post. Everyone has their shortcomings.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna