In our group of part-time students there was one creative jobless (we sometimes wondered how he entered the university at all), who often came to the exam with an entirely empty head, but for the teacher he wrote some incredible tragic story, usually little plausible and stupid. Then he was shot by a car before the entrance to the university, then he protected the girl from hooliganism, and he was marked for this, I don't remember. And most teachers, strangely enough, believed him. He told these stories very complainingly, Stanislavsky himself would applaud him. Unfortunately, not all of them were so confident.
Once on an exam in political economy, the professor after several attempts to extract from him at least something distantly related to his subject, asks him what hindered him from learning if not a textbook, so at least the material he gave in his lectures. And it would be good if he had explained why he did not regret any of his lectures with his presence. Well, he pulled about the following labu:
“You know, I just arrived at the session, settled in a hotel, started studying, and suddenly my wife comes from home with our breastfed child. The child throws on me, and she goes to Gagra with her lover. And the baby needs to be fed, diapers washed (at the time there were no diapers), and he is crying in the room day and night, interfering with all the neighbors around the hotel. Eventually, they wrote a complaint to the director about me, but he did not understand and expelled us out of the street. The boy was booming with the baby for a few days, until they somehow settled on the station in the room of the mother and the child. And this is the train station, there some go, others come, a bunch of children, everyone is crying over. Can we learn anything in such circumstances?
What you now read is only a pale shadow of his true story, he himself then painted much more picturesque, just years have passed a lot, many details have been erased in the memory. If you read and think, "What a fool this author, how could you invent such nonsense at all," it will be easy for you to understand what was going on in the heads of all of us who had to hear this nonsense in the original.
In short, he tells all this, and the people in the audience are pressured by laughter, but tolerate, so as not to take care of him and not give him up with a little bit, comrade still.
The professor listened (he seemed to be filled with sympathy on his face) and said:
Well, my son, I understand, family problems are serious. But we still have an exam, at least something I have to ask you. If you answer the simplest question, give me a definition of what is the science of political economy in general. It is written on the first page of the textbook. Opened a textbook?
- Of course I opened up, now... Politeconomy is... it is... science, economics, only political, well, like looking at economics from a political point of view (not literally, of course, but he missed something of this kind).
Some of us are running like horses, but we hold on.
The young man! I see, I have tried, I have taught, comrades, take an example. My son, do you have a father?
There is, and what?
How do you wear your pants, on the straps or on the belt?
Without understanding, he answered stupidly:
On the belt, why not?
And then, when you come home, you pass on my request to your father, remember: "Daddy, our teacher of political economy Ivan Sergeevich asks you to take off the belt and pour it on me, the unemployed man, as it should be on his naked ass, so that the next time I do not hang the scarf on the ears of the old professor." Remembered it? And that, son, you’re still lucky that he’s wearing the belt.
The whole group is already in the open, and yet this monster has found nothing better than to ask:
Why was lucky?
"Because if he had been wearing heights, I would have asked him to just drown you, an attacker, on them.

When I see a priest in a armored car, I realize that he is not a believer!
Because he believes more in the bullet.

Weather in the middle:
This year, the graduates clearly did not wonder, at night 6 degrees was...
It is nothing. It is important that the fountains do not freeze during the day.

The cell phone was dried up and he resurrected, so now he is not a drowning but a diver!

God, take away this misery! What is it?
vvv: Our modelers believe it is Pomeranian Spitz
Kkk: And what to do now?
vvv: Well, I can still quickly add to the description text the phrase "The evil witch tried to turn the spit, but something went wrong".

I am a student working as a night guard at a building.
Then the stomach got sick. Guarded, in short, I ended up a small wooden house meter per meter with a hole in the middle. From the morning it was even ashamed in the report to write: on the certain object of incidents did not occur.

He won a grant. I tell the girl, she says, “Oh cool, let’s go for that money to travel. I tell the boss, she says, “Oh cool, you’ll go to the conference for that money. Should I tell my mom?

They are asked to print a table in 6 columns with a width and height of about 560, when printing comes out 0.8 m.• 6 m.
U: And you can do it in a shorter way, or we will not hang on the wall at 6 meters in height.
A: Change the file, you have a ratio of 1 to 7, do not compress
U: Well, we really need to see everything and not high! You are an expert, you must be able.
A: I can’t, it is forbidden to do that.
U : Who?
A: Demiurg and the spatial-time continuum.

Are you sitting with the calculator?
YYY: Yes
XX: How is there in the parallel universe? YYY: there is everything in parallel

Today around 1 p.m. some high school students decided to put up with the girls in the yard. Beer was taken.
They whisper in front of the girls, worship the whole courtyard, like, they are steep and fear nothing.
A car stops nearby. Two men come out of the car and go to the gunmen:
You guys can’t smoke?
We don’t smoke, honestly.

He is
I’d like to beat you right now, mmm.
She
Don’t lick me, I don’t like it.
He is
What do you love?
She
Pastries with cheese, fuck, I love it.

The boss told a browned joke:
“You are my punch!
Am I so fat?! to
“No, sweet and with a hole!”
Everybody pretended to be stuck and deepened into work. After 5 minutes, the head of the laboratory comes from production, greeting everyone loudly and addressing Lone, my colleague: "What is there with my application, Lonchik-Ponchik?".
There will be no more work today, I feel...

“Hello everyone, I’ll have sex with anyone who has sexual flare-ups (I’m collecting records for the Guinness Book of Records).
Are you dead yet: Lust, that is, let everyone gather now? For the company?

A: If I eat a lot of cabbage, like rabbits do, I’ll grow big breasts.
Yyy: Strangely, I thought for some reason all my life that rabbits are not famous for breasts.

ddd: just game designer asked me how to translate "respawn for reward" in English... I think if someone has earned, or just in the pretext doesn’t ball :D

Comments to the news about another American school teacher who slept with a student and made him expensive gifts.

Ggg: I don’t understand why the guy posted this at all?)
PVV: here
VVV: I also don’t understand what he liked.
TTT: You may have been like this: "Son, where do you get such expensive watches? Will the teacher rape you?
“Our son, where did you get these clocks? 7 You are throwing grass? “No, Mom, the teacher is raping me"

It happens that you leave somewhere your phone number and it will be "miraculously" known to everyone who is not lazy. Banks, all kinds of shops, etc. Today I called a local pizzeria, tell me about all the memorable actions and congratulate me on my birthday. I told them they were wrong and I had my birthday a year ago. They apologized and said they would be more careful...I don’t really like the shares.

It is "Two Thirds Cheaper"

Do you not see the bark in your eye? In your debt box and the solution is contained: don't like - go directly to the manufacturer and buy the product there at the cost, and then bring it home to yourself.

In the interview.
Employer: What can motivate you to resign in the first month of work?
A gross violation by the employer of the labor law.
How rough is it?

Asutr: at the work of the warrant - Moscow urgently needed a report, which no one ever needed. A programmer is out of vacation. He comes, the face swollen, all out of the body... It seemed. I looked at the numbers, the numbers are true. He went and left. In Cyprus, the I print today, and there at the beginning of each paragraph "How did you bite me, puzzles!!!". Reporting tomorrow, what to do?! to