I have four children, and like many, children sometimes come at night and say, “Dad, I have a monster under my bed.” We love animals, dogs, cats and many other cute creatures. I think cats or dogs could laugh under the bed at night and scare a child with a rich imagination. I once said to my daughter, "We have an empty cage, we would have some more life to bring home. You said, “What kind of monster you live there... Let’s catch it!” For a couple of nights in a row, she honestly tried to notice him to tell me, but in the morning she was upset that she could not find the monster.

Xxx: I'm sorry for the off-top, but are the family quarrels of the wizards happening with the involvement of truffles or magic sticks?



Yyy: Magic sticks and magic holes.

In the 90s, when my father was paid a wage at the factory with some unnecessary products, my mother began to tie shirts, hats, sweaters and wore to sell on the market. At first, just by hand, standing at the entrance, then opened IP and rented an official seat. Then, in addition to his, woven products, began to take clothes for resale from his acquaintance. Then she began to drive for this clothes to major wholesale markets. Then began to carry large wholesale batches for other Ipshniks. Thus, for 30 and a little years, on her hobby, she raised the whole family, bought an apartment for the children, and arranged a home for the soul.

I go home from Moscow by train. I sit at the window. A man and a woman aged 40 are in front of me.

A man takes a huge suitcase on the wheels and puts it right above me on the upper shelf. Half of the suitcase hangs from the shelf. The further dialogue:

I: Man, take your suitcase off the shelf, it’s dangerous.

M: We have no place in our feet to put him, people walk side by side, nothing will happen to him on top, where do I put him?

I: Well, if you are so sure, move him closer to you from me, so that he does not fall on my head.

Q: Girl you are so interesting, and he thinks that should fall on my husband's head or me?

A ten-second scene, a passing conductor begins to argue, a worcha man removes the suitcase.

Here, while a conductor stands next to it, another man with a child comes in. A couple of villages in their place. The woman suggested: since you are still late (before leaving another 10 minutes), sit down on the free seats, we have already unloaded things and top clothes.

The man who has tickets to these places says: if we were late, the train would have left, here is not a show in the theater, free the seats.

The spouses blow, deliberately pull the rubber, gather like turtles. Eventually, they leave with shaken faces. It turned out that their seats were side-by-side, which were cheaper.

A foreign horse always eats less and paws deeper.

At the enterprise, a man worked as a tractorist on the K-700 (healthy tractor with large wheels). When the men gathered in the smoker, he came and fired a cigarette with the words: "That's mine in the cabin, and go high."
One day one of the workers goes into the smoking room and begins to feed everyone with cigarettes. Accordingly, the tractorist is like this: "I will take, or I will go high." The guy replies to him, "Of course, take as much as you want, I am not lazy, I slept."

Everyone is very surprised that I do not smoke or drink, they ask why, and I answer, "So it went, brother, I contacted a good company in my youth, and then it went: high school, university, normal work."

My colleague's son was accepted in 1st class. I must say that the school was muddy, and she was very afraid that he would not be taken. When the exam was over and everyone left the classroom, the examiner approached Tane (that was the name of my colleague) and said, “Thinking boy, let’s take it.”

On the way home, she naturally began to ask her son what he was asked about.

Nothing interesting, Mom. I was shown a picture, a screw on it, and underneath it 10 legs are visible. I asked him how many cockroaches were there.

Well, and you what?

I said that it is likely to be 5, but if there are fatalities among them, then there may be different options.

In the era before the mobile phones agreed with the girl on the first date.

In the circle, it doesn’t matter.

I’m still in shock that I’ve been waiting for a girl in the street for over an hour.

But I was more shocked that she came late for more than an hour.

When I was a kid, my mother and I went to kindergarten. There was frost on the street. And suddenly she says to me, stop smiling, teeth crack.

Since then I have not smiled. never ever.

Never look after luck: a ass like a ass.

Do you want to get a lifetime right to visit the Hermitage for free?

cats
One day to Empress Elizabeth Petrovna came rumors that in Kazan moved mice and rats. Having learned that all this was due to local cats, she issued a "Decree on the expulsion to the yard of cats". In the building of the Hermitage, the cats moved together with Catherine II and became "guards of painting galleries".

Since the 18th century, all the four-legged museum workers who entered the service are entered in the special Book of the accounting of palace cats and for 200 years have kept information about the names of all the furry colleagues, their customs and histories of their arrival in the Hermitage.
Currently, more than 50 cats live in the basements of the St. Petersburg Hermitage. Each cat is named by the museum staff. They are considered full-fledged employees of the museum. Their duties include catching rats and charging two-legged colleagues with a good mood. Museum officials call the cats “ermites.” After several years of work, Ermites retires.

The State Hermitage periodically distributes kittens that were born in the walls of the museum. Important conditions for future owners are to be adult and to have their own, not rented housing. They are given a test period of one month to get used to each other. Do you know what the owner gets with a new pet? Certificate of owner of hermitage cat and the right to a lifetime free visit to the State Hermitage.

Putin spoke about a new price reduction for basic necessity products. Last year it reduced the price of vegetable oil from 70 to 110 rubles.

And one day I went to the cafe with a man, and he invited me with the words, "Let's go in." The younger was quite, 18 years probably I was... So at first he couldn’t decide on the order for a very long time, then ordered a bunch of everything, then said no, he didn’t want it and ordered another, then asked me if I would drink coffee, then started rushing on the couch and talking about how uncomfortable to sit here, then looked out the window for a long time, as if I wasn’t around. When they brought the order, my cup of coffee looked very orphaned in the background of his orders. Then, when I saw that I put my hand on my beard and looked forward to it, I asked, “Why don’t you drink your coffee?”“Then I asked him to lead him to the toilet and stand next to him until he did all his business there, and then I asked, “Do you have money for all this?” And with a wide gesture of hand surrounded our table.

It is terrible, yeah?

However, there is one nuance - the man was 4.5 years old from the family.

I have a colleague from the Caucasus and her name corresponds, but when she came to us in the city, for the convenience of her colleagues, she named herself Angela. After some time, I met the guy and thought that this one-time acquaintance was called Vika.

Dating turned out to be not one-off, but to admit that she lied with the name, she could not, because the guy had all his family bothered about a wonderful girl named "Vika".

In the end, she is now married to him and the name Victoria is officially named =)

She regrets nothing and is happy that she named herself by the name she liked when she met.

I met a girl many years ago, and one day in the correspondence she complained to me about life, choosing "deep philosophical" insightful speeches.

At one point in the conversation she wrote to me:

“I was deprived of reality.”



My brain could not read exactly what was written.

In 9th grade, I had a drawing teacher with an old Satan in a shirt. I drawn very carefully and correctly, and she did not put above 4. One day I complained to my mom and she said, “So you’re not doing the job well enough! “To which I replied in my heart, ‘Well, do it, then you are one, prove that you can be better.’

My mother, at the time a professional drawer with more than 30 years of experience, drawing a million projects, decided to educate me... and really drawn a housework for me.

The next day I brought and showed her this house decorated with a gorgeous trio! My mom had no more questions.)

Man can do everything! What scares...

He once held a management position and recruited staff. Working with money, without communicating with customers, but frequent calls between employees. A deaf girl came to the interview, reading on her lips and writing answers on the phone. I took her, told all the staff that the new lady didn’t hear and she needed to write messages. I realized that my guys were the best when they created a shared chat where they were corresponding for lunch. Just so that the deaf girl can participate in conversations at the table.

The Jewish boy is asked:
“You have six apples, if you give half to your brother, how much is left?”
Five and a half.