My brother and I have a 2 year difference. As a child, they were constantly fighting and sharing everything.

My parents left, I am 8 years old, he is 10. We made a caramel from sugar. They poured a kilo of sugar into the pot, melted it to a liquid state, and then the brother drops his finger into it in order to try. He begins to cry wildly because of the burn. But I’m not a bad guy, I push him up with words—why are you the first? I put my finger there...

Xxx: It was over ten years ago when microwaves just appeared and gained popularity. My parents for the new year, Santa Claus, pulled a microwave... New, white, beautiful and not just what, but the hollow LG) used it with great pleasure, as the grandfather said "THING".



Years went by, we children have grown up, began to leave the parent's house and when it was my turn (I was the last one) to leave the nest, my mother gave me this microwave, saying, "take a son, you need it, but a hot drink, and my dad and I will live without her, and there repair and buy a new one." And I am, of course, happy, single man, young man, in a separate apartment - the microwave is straight, the devil's machine, which replaces the cook)



Years went by, I grew up having a girl, a cat, moved to her in an apartment (of course, I took the microwave with me). Then I opened my office and thought what office would be without a microwave? I need people to somehow warm up food and pulled my old man into the office, and we and the girl bought a new one.



Years went by, my girl and I broke up. My office has already moved 3 times... and as if the moment of my move from the house of the girl back to myself had come) And it was decided to buy a new office - the customers are still going, and there is such a troubled old man standing heating food.



And since I moved to myself, so as not to buy 2 microwaves, I took the old woman home, let me live)



Years went by - I had a new passion, I did a major repair in the apartment, my favorite old cat has died.



And here at some point, when the girl washed the microwave washing - it's time to buy a new one, how much you can? She accidentally hit the screen with a nail and something started to go away.

It became interesting, we turned it and looked at it, we began to try to remove the pimples, and they became more and more, and at some point it succeeded and it turned out that we began to shoot the protective film of his mother.

The microwave at the time was more than 20 years old and we only noticed this film and then accidentally))

After the removal - she was as younger, became as new, fresh, white as if just bought) The desire to buy a new fell instantly and we continued to use it.



Years went by... Girls are changing, cats are dying, my brothers’ children are already in 6-7 classes, apartments are changing, the trees that we planted as boys are already giving full fruit – and my old man is still cheering and blinking every evening with his already a little dull lamp, heating up dinner for me.



Yyy: I’ve read the comment so far, your microwave has become like my native.

There is such a profession - it is good to get married from time to time.

There was once such a famous violinist Busha Goldstein. Selection of Odessa School. So this boy in 1934 was 12 years old, and in the Column Hall of the House of Unions in Moscow, the All-Union Senior Kalinin himself awarded him the order for victory in some international music competition.
The column hall, a 12-year-old boy, his mother before the very beginning of the ceremony recalls and says: "When grandfather Kalinin sends you the order, you say loudly: "Dad Kalinin, come to visit us." He said, “Mommy, it’s uncomfortable.” She says, “Bush, you will say!”
The ceremony begins, Kalinin sends him an order, the boy obediently says: "Daddy Kalinin, come to visit us!"And immediately from the hall a well-established voice, the wild cry of Busin's mother: "Bush, what do you say? We live in a communal apartment!"You think they got an apartment in a week? The next day!

by Igor Guberman

Unvaccinated people are removed from work, they are not allowed to go to restaurants and courts... But we argue that they will be able to come to the elections in autumn!

xxx: I have a neighbor a little: I taught her to do so very easily. I tell you: she spoke to me on some fictional occasion, the police came, we talked - they left. Then I approached her and told her that she was fined for a false call but they agreed to drop everything on the brakes if I just gave them a little bit for concern, took 500 rubles, took myself. Now the desire to use the police as a weapon no longer arises, the pension is so small.

Xxx: The case was in the late 90s.

I left the house at the age of 15, arranged as a carrier to the vegetable market, well, I arranged, attached to the herd, otherwise you won't call it, well, very "interesting" personalities lived there, someone was in search, someone was already sitting down, and there was nowhere to go, someone was just an alcoholic, and no one needed it, and someone left the house :)

We were 30-40 people.

I earned by overloading fruits and vegetables, and I ate the same.

In the summer, beauty, - watermelons, cherries, melons, peaches, generally a complete set for the growing body.

I lived right on the market, spent the night in abandoned villas nearby, went swimming on the river, in general, the young life boiled :)

And here, the careless, hot southern summer, with watermelons and swimming in the river, came autumn, and followed by winter.

Winter... who has not been a homeless man, you will not explain what it is for a wanderer.

It is cold, there is almost no work, and therefore hunger, you break from bread to water.

At the administration of the market we asked for a wagon, put a bourgeois in it, a good, there were no problems with fuel, melted it with broken paddles, spent the night in the same wagon, on the same paddles.

And here, on one such winter, gray, damp evening, we sit in a wagon, a man 12-15, (in the winter two-thirds of the poor disappeared somewhere, as if they were dissolving in the wet snow...), we warm up with the bourgeois.

There were two acrobat brothers in our intelligent company, deceased drug addicts, who did all kinds of shit. Mutted these traits in a spoonful of some infection, injected in turn, in the syringe still remains, and let me shake:

– Well you, Pioneer (my nickname), let’s go, it’s a shit!! to

And here I write this post, a 40-year-old Latinian uncle, I have a daughter, I have two higher education, with experience working abroad (Iran), with a favorite business, in my home, and I remember, as now:

Winter night, wind and wet snow.

I sit with the bourgeoisie, with the sleeves of the jacket a warm steam, on the wagon and the people lying on the wooden pads dance the orange rabbits from the flames, reflected in their thirsty eyes, the right cheek is heated by a warm light, rubbed in a bowl of wood, the spurs fly through the splinter of the drive to the floor, and I am persuaded to crash...



I sit down and think: what would it be like if I agreed...?



Yyy: What if you agreed and still lie there and let go of saliva, and we are the hallucinations of a dying brain?

I am afraid that future generations will no longer appreciate the tragedy of the aria "all my life to be in a mask is my fate!"

I got to call from different numbers a robot with speeches like "We offer you to buy an apartment in the city of Krasnogorsk".
I listened to the speech until the end, trying to hear the item "reject calls", and called the developer's office, and wrote to the mail - everything is useless. They promised to find out, but the cock was swimming there.
Then I started booking apartments. I book, arrange for a tour and don’t come, of course. The foolish managers are attacking me. But it passed only twice. Then George called me.
Hi to you. My name is George. Why didn’t you go on a tour again?
I did not want.
We are a serious company and we cannot waste our time. What time will you be able to arrive tomorrow? At 11 or 16:30?
George, you have struck me! I told you not to call me, but you go on! Get away from me!
If you continue to use non-normative vocabulary, I will block you on our portal and on the portals of all developers. You can never buy an apartment.
Never or never?
Never ever!
to shrink! Who said it?
I am telling you, George.
You are Gandalf, George!! to
George put the phone. No calls for the second month. A man’s word, fuck him in the mouth.

No matter what you say, television has lost its power. Some 30 years ago, Chumak and Kashpirovsky would have vaccinated 100% of the population of Russia in a couple of sessions.

Last weekend I took a taxi from South Moscow to Moscow.

The driver went to the highway and began to drive 140-150 km / h, periodically not observing the distance and not including turns.

After a while, I ask him to drive slower, because at the time I turned over with a friend in his car at a speed of 120km/h and I have a phobia.

Answer of the Leader:

“No problem, I’ve turned twenty times!”

True uterus grows poorly in our climate because it is constantly rubbed.

One left-wing charity decided to redeem all the evil caused by a white man to a not entirely white man. They gathered money and created a clean water project. This is when engineers come to African villages, drilling a well, putting a pump, taking water tests, if necessary - putting filters up to osmosis, shorter, as they do for themselves. The aim is to provide drinking water to poor villages in Africa. The main benefactor is a large American company together with a charitable foundation: one is the order and reputation plush, the other is the opportunity to get rid of the sense of white-liberal guilt. All equipment had to be imported from the United States, including workers, because the local population has not yet fully mastered the technology of the keyboard. They put in one village a pilot, it even earned. After a day, it really stopped. The reason: the locals broke the entire system into metal. It was sold in cities and partly used in farms. The guilty Americans did not give up. They brought another pilot again, explaining at the same time that it was good for everyone. The dialogue was constructed approximately as follows:
Clean water for years to come. Do not go to the river, do not suffer from intestinal pain. Do not dig wells! The white people put pressure on the most painful thing, the feeling of laziness.
- We are not rowing wells, the elders answered. Why do you dig when the river flows? You white people are stupid. The water flows by itself. Sometimes on earth, sometimes in the sky.
But she is dirty! You are sick of her!
We get sick because the perfume wants it. Shaman of the neighboring tribe.

The white did not give up. They put the system twice again, it worked great, and then it was decomposed into metal anyway. The chateau of the leader was covered with strands, his ears were decorated with shiny hooks, and a manometer was chanting in his nose. The white thought. The leader is just like that. Try it in another village. But what is good about Africa is the continuity of a negative outcome... In all the villages, the stations were disrupted. Sometimes even the clock. Moreover, sometimes the equipment was scattered at night from the boxes before installation.

“You’re doing everything wrong,” people who have lived in Africa for a couple or three years said. The system should be fitted with a good fence with a clutch wire, put a guard, if there are dogs - even better. Let people go in one by one and watch them all the time. The leader must bring a big gift, otherwise he will sell this water to his own people. And it’s even better to just bring them bottled water straight to their homes every day. It is preferable in large containers of 25-30 liters, so that they are difficult to drag into the city for sale.
Will they be fat? - said a charity and overturned the project.

In Africa there is no need to raise production artificially. Especially food production.
Until a certain level of cultural development, when the excess food appears, people begin to multiply more, until the food again becomes circumcised.
This level of cultural development is not directly related to material wealth.
Therefore, if we give the Africans food and advanced tools for its production, in 30 years we will get 4 billion. Little black people who have nothing to eat. The numbers are taken from the ceiling for visibility.

We need to build schools and change culture. And material goods should be distributed gradually, very carefully and only to those who no longer believe in Allah, local gods, know how to use condoms and understand that a child is not a free workforce, but a responsibility and a gemorah.

He is the fifth president of the United States to meet Vladimir Vladimirovich.
With this flow of personnel, we will not establish a dialogue.

Askold Zapachnyy will go to the State Duma elections and will be the only specialist in this circus.

An old prostitute.

Alesia Kazantseva writes:

I once worked on a project with a young group. Everyone was very young, 20-25 years old. I am 41 years old.

I usually bypass such companies, frankly afraid of them. And in general, if I walk through a dark street and see a crowd of adult men, I am not as afraid as if a group of young people were going in front of me. Young people are always more cruel, at least because they don’t know what pain is.

But the producer very much asked me to work on that project because he was 47 years old. Being scared together is not so scary.

The whole project did not leave me the feeling that the guys broke the pile. And they fell to a very expensive but old and experienced prostitute. I work as an assistant director. The director and the operator looked at me from a distance and whispered, “You go and ask her!” – “No, go and ask yourself!”

They both approached and said, “Can you do us this?”
I said, “Well I can.”
They said, “Is that so?”
I said, “Well I can.”
And they say, “Wii!”

We came to choose an object to film an advertisement. The director and the operator came in, rubbed their beards with their fingers and said, “Well, this is a late Renaissance, we need an early one.” I thought, “Don’t fuck it, it’s just coffee.” They said, “We need to look for more.” The producer and I replied, “You understand, the customer really likes this object.” They said, “No, we have to look further.”

I made a hundred efforts a day not to shake my eyes, otherwise they would have broken, like a Soviet doll, and fell into my skull. The producer sometimes wrote messages to me, “Change your face expression, it’s very noticeable now.”
I imagined that any experienced 50-year-old director I knew would go into this same cafe and say, “Fuck, what a shit, why did you bring me here, who is the lock-in manager, who is this sink?” The director would answer, “Well, I’m saying the object is great, you don’t have to go anywhere and look.” And the operator would not answer anything at all, because he would not have been at that meeting. Adults are hardly driving anymore. They are sending their brigadier in the light. They stand with such red-drunk faces and say, “Everything is clear, we will do it.”

Recently, producer Dima, who has been working for many years, began to call out the list of the band, which gave him a young director. None of the producer's names were known from this list. He picked up the number of one girl (a costume artist) and offered her a project. The girl replied that she had long since left the profession. Producer Dima, who has been working for many years, grabbed his head. When did you get in to get out?

I once worked with a makeup artist named Leslie. In fact, she was Lisa, but asked to call her Leslie. I felt like I was calling the shepherd all the time. “Leslie, Leslie, we need to fix the makeup.” We also had many such names in the group, now fashionable among young people. I felt like a peasant among them. They said to one another, “Iran! by Gala! “Mika!” And here I, some old-fashioned Alessia, stand in a simple dress in the middle of the field, eating raw potatoes.

In short, we went to a hundred different cafes and looked for an early Renaissance.

I tolerated every step, it was physically difficult to change my legs. I didn’t just want to go. She couldn’t speak, pressing out words like an empty tube of toothpaste. I was more polite than ever! She was constantly receiving messages from the producer about her face. It was like a sick cow. Then the director and the operator wanted a coffee. They didn’t say that, they said, “We need a coffee point.” The producer's eyes with the bell fell into the skull, like bicycle calls from the children's "Levushka". Because any experienced adult director would say, “Fuck a cup of coffee!” or, “Where is my coffee? Directors can find words that paralys you, but also make you run away.

We parked near the cafe. The director and operator said: “We have a bio-decomposable non-lactose eco-coffee on chamomile protein with lavender foam and non-lactose caramel.”

I looked at it all, I looked at it, I said to them, “A second!”

I went over the corner and there was a supermarket. I almost shouted to them in the face: “Do you have large glasses of paper? Urgently!! I can’t do it anymore!!“They say, ‘Yes!’ I just pulled out a block from the prosecco at the box and poured a quarter of the portion into a huge cup of coffee. With giant lactose and gluten. The whole shop was so penetrated that they even poured ice on me. Then I went out, but immediately returned and bought another coffee from the producer.

The operator and the director immediately turned into very interesting and funny people, we and the producer engaged in the search for the Renaissance, the rain went with the gray, the winds started - that is, even the weather improved.
And these huge glasses all day long reconciled us with the fact that we were no longer young. “We will never be young again.”

*** by

It is an experienced old prostitute that I feel most of the time.

The customer only says that he wants to open a café, and you already know not only where, how much it will need to be spent and what profit it can bring (ideally), but also that he will insist on the most optimistic landing and the maximum average check that will eliminate all risks and pay for repairs one and a half times more, because you need to "look".

And that all of his money is not, but half gives a partner who trusts him completely and will not interfere in anything - and that of course he will.

And that the first administrator will be a niece, and how it all ends.

By the end of the first phrase, you can already predict the date of the first bankruptcy with an accuracy of up to three months - and not a minute has passed since the moment of your meeting.

And nothing, nothing can be done about this, this knowledge cannot be passed on, even if you turn out in a way. By the age of 18, a person is already confident that he knows everything in the world, and he only needs technical executives.

We have a unique project, you’ve never seen it before!

- 50% advance payment will be ready in a week.

To watch matches with the participation of the Russian national football team is the same as watching the film "Chapaev" over and over again, in the hope that Vasily Ivanovich will still sail out.

xxx: In my school, in 2002-2004, the teacher of history was an open atheist, while in the course of history lessons he led the history of religions and openly put Christianity in line with the myths of ancient Greece))))

And I still believe that the best potential teacher in religious studies is an atheist, since all religions are for him exclusively of research interest. Causes of appearance, influence on society, concepts, etc.

Xxx: One day a friend came to me and we sat down to play in the blower

This is not what you could think, but a tetris for two glasses.

The point is that if one clears two lines, then the other wall rises on one line with chaotically placed squares in it.

Three or two and four or three and so until each other falls.

We went for an hour or two and I won with a 32-30 type count.

As she cried, it turns out nobody before could win her in tetris, and I did not have enough life wisdom to properly comfort her.



Yyy: Dough but not Dough

The son (16 years old) has a girlfriend Julia (first!) meet for half a year.

Almost every day they see each other, or walk or visit each other.

And today she went to the competition for 10 days, he went to accompany her.

He returns and says:

Fuck, that is all. 10 days of freedom. The eyes are so happy!

I am in shock: how? Are you happy? I thought you would be sad...

He immediately turned:

No, well, of course I’m sad... But you know, now I’ll be able to see boys more often and play more on the computer!



I thought: Well, it should be as if my wife and children went on holiday after 10 years of marriage)))