bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 54 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141063
 06.05.2017
Scenario "We are from the future-3".
A guy with the flag of the Russian Federation and a Georgian tape on his chest falls in 1943, where he is shot on the spot for symbolism.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141062
 06.05.2017
His among the strangers is a brave spy, and the stranger among his own is a vicious spy!

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №141061
 06.05.2017
Here on the website they say, what is not funny - on other sites!!! to
Guys, watch from dawn to dawn the Camedi Club! It’s always there... Well, right about... you’re riding!
And on this site sometimes it is ridiculous to write, and read, compare, what makes you think or make conclusions.
Okay well.
of patriotism.
In 1995, I, with the spiritual and financial assistance of relatives, bought my first two-bedroom apartment in Khrushchev, on the 5th floor. Heaven is just paradise! Even now the stomach hurts from that joy and feeling of prospects. Holosty!, with a car (six), a young captain of the militia... Oh you! To the apartment in the form of a bonus attached iron garage in a row with the same 20, straight 50 meters from my entrance.
Here you went out on the balcony, out your car in the yard, out your garage, lafa!
Next to my garage was the same, and they owned a man, 70s look. Not a grandfather, but an optimistic man. The height is slightly lower than me (175), always in a gray suit, shaved, the hand is strongly dry, sometimes talking about this.
So he had a garage of the type of an apartment, he spent the light there, the refrigerator, the telephone is simple, the couch, the chairs and everything clean, clean... He will drive out his six, wash for order and sit on the couch, with the neighbors in the garage or on the entrance talks, always a drink with him ready for guests, a vodka I sometimes wheeled him from the generosity of ments, so, from the heart to the heart.
Besides that he — Uncle Cole knew nothing about him, a neighbor and a neighbor. A normal active man, helps if anything, always advises on the subject, always expects from me stories about events in the city.
One day, I had a holiday. Summer, birds in the garden. I go out to the balcony to look at the surroundings and see: a few ropes of 15 years to my neighbor to the garage approach and what he is stuck. Well, different things happen, the type can ask the way, and Uncle Cole suddenly stands up from the couch so vigorously and very slightly to one man on his mouth. He fell down, and this speck fell down. And these demons drag him for the jacket and into the garage.
I drink beer, I remember. I collapse and climb the stairs in my pantyhose, with a remote tube in my hands (I didn’t have hundreds at the time), go to my yard!! to
I flew, in the garage messy, Uncle Kolya Nihera did not give up, already without a jacket, in a broken light shirt, which is all in blood, in dirt, sluggish, but squeezes with his hands, and these pudors crack him, and from the soul with his legs!! to
I do not hide, from courage, resentment, youth and skillfulness (served in the VDV) heracled and ripped these undergrown from the soul. Harry Lee is a puppy! Even when he hit these fools in the corners, oral and muttered with what would be turned under his hand...blowing, crying,...blood, shit and sludge... handcuffs closed “do not need!! Do not need!“!”
“Don’t have to? The fucking!”
And then the Chapaevs (along with the OVD) flew, because it was boring, their captain "died", they drove for a long time and set up accordingly... They flew, looked. And let's fuck the bushes of webcams, well, even under the noise of Uncle Cole didn't get involved...I've already told them that it's all! All of it!! All of it!! Here other patrols flew, but there it was easier, all the necessary lie in the urine, unnecessary uncle Cole washed off, touched... The ambulance was called, he was severely cut off at old age...
Well, there the nausea began, they were 13-14 years old, the parents of the same webki alkashi fought, the children said they dismissed the shameful mints, I then with Uncle Cole and the prosecutor's offices and hospitals patroled, but it turns out that Uncle Cole repelled me and others from the dress. I am Captain! Menta is shameful!
And all that wanted these little pigeons to push the grandfather’s car off. Why? → They lived in the same area.
Oh well okay.
Once again, I will put my car in the garage and go to Uncle Cole, so what are you there? The neighbor...
And he sits on the couch sad, sinking and disassembling some files with newspaper cuts. On the table there is a bottle of drinks, our astrakhan bowl, black bread. “Sit down,” he said. Look, see how I was. I took the yellowest note in the newspaper, and there were two guys in the photo. They hugged me, sergeants. And I read, a group of 26 desant spy detectives was supposed to occupy and hold the bridge until...
During the seizure of the bridge, three scouts were killed, while the bridge was retained, all the others - only two sergeants survived and... among them Uncle Kolya!!! The same thin, hairy, without medals, embraces another sergeant on the photo. In this intelligence group Hero of the Soviet Union received then 4 people! Heavily interfered men.
It is someone else’s!
I read other excerpts, and he turns out to be not Uncle Kol, but Nikolai Vasilyevich, the Order of the Red Banner, 2 orders of Glory, 2 Red Star, for Courage, for the liberation of almost all Europe!!! to
As a soldier, I sat there. They went through prosecutors, investigators, and he never said that a man deserved, believed probably in the force of the law and decency of all for whom he fought.
And this time they sat down and drank 50 drinks, and he did not talk about the war, but about what his fellow servants dreamed of at the war. It is sad, with pauses. Of course it looked naïve, but I didn’t interrupt, I saw that he was there, there, remembering himself. Strong, young, confident, ready to seize the bridge, and not a grey tired old man, who can just so be cut off by Russian boys, for just so.
He took home, handed over to his grandmother, left in tears.
Webkows were punished by themselves, with the help of the district and the drug control department. All of them several times, under the noise and their parents bowed them.
The point is not that these children were muddled on our instructions many times and for today almost all of them in the graves under various circumstances, but that Uncle Cole died six months later, in the winter, people were just up to heaven, the governor, his sword, the orchestra, the laffeet, the accompaniment, speech, salp, and I dreamed of looking at him in the grave, gray and hairy, so that these young guys who beat him, our Russian guys, died a terrible death.
Yes, I read about patriotism.
And yesterday my son, 16 years old, brought 2 transparents for the “Immortal Regiment” with my grandparents, and his grandparents. I did not know where he found photos of grandparents, like asking once, wondered earlier when he with a serious look learned what medals they had on the photo, asked about what I remember about them. I, the fool, remembered myself when I told my son about grandparents, I regretted that I did not listen to everything, I do not remember everything, and yesterday the bull exploded - and who will tell my son about the heroes besides me? As Yuri Nikulin said, "They remember the hands!"So I suddenly remembered my grandparents' stories about Finnish, about fear, about pain, and about the ass after the war...
Happy Victory Day!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141060
 06.05.2017
In the debate, Marine Le Pen nodded Macron with a magnificent phrase reflecting the reality of modern Europe: "In any case, France will be ruled by a woman - either I or Madame Merkel."

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141059
 06.05.2017
A topic on the forum dedicated to nostalgia for the USSR. They discuss cinema.

XXX: That is all. Here are the "New Amazons", it was yes! "Sex mission" has not made that impression.
Are these different films? and ;)
xxx: "Sex mission" I watched much later, the women there for some reason were no longer so astonishing, and not even so young, and the breasts no longer caused that enthusiasm.
So yes, it seemed to be different movies :(

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №141058
 06.05.2017
The pre-schooler is not a passenger in the transport, but a luggage. So no one is inferior to the children, they are inferior to the passenger with children. Accordingly, it is necessary to give in to the passenger with the child, who has a very small and non-going child, binding his hands - banally because this parent can neither hold nor place the cargo. And yes, to sit on the free place must the parent himself, and keep the small child in his arms. Accordingly, rejuvenated salmon children are no longer considered in this regard and it would be time to teach them to give way to the elderly.

[ + 28 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141057
 06.05.2017
The gray-haired professor with a clever smile asks the audience: Who will you give up your seat in the tram first? We have agreed that priority will be given to people with limited physical capabilities. No, said the professor. The child. We were surprised then too. Naturally, he expected this and of course brought arguments in favor of this priority. To be honest, I was ashamed.

Are the arguments, I suppose, forgotten?
I, in fact, believe that since my ass is one - when someone appears near me, who is difficult to stand, I should give him a place and not think - to the grandmother or the child I give him.
To give up a seat in a sufficiently crowded transport to children should not even because they are difficult to stand, but because standing they are forced to be in an unpleasant situation, described by one little girl in the bus as "Jops, around one ass!!and "

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №141056
 06.05.2017
from dao-cacao

In his youth, Sri Yaputra was a famous thief. He was so trapped that no one could catch him. At each intersection he was stopped by guards and searched for hours - but found nothing.

Many years later, when Sri Yaputra had already become the Master of Tao-Cacao, a former guard came to him and asked what Sri Yaputra was stealing.

“Your time,” the Great Teacher replied.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №141055
 06.05.2017
xxx: is monowar something from the family of one-comfort plates? )))
YYY: No, it's like a guitar drum and darkness darkness death mythOOOOL black crab swallows your bones on the way to hell!
ZZZ: I have to do it!!!!!!!! to
YYY: I guessed the text?
Zzz: All songs at the same time

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141054
 06.05.2017
When I was a preschool student, the educators in the kindergarten taught us that we should give up the place to the elderly. Probably the kids think the same now. Children do not claim anything. They claim mommies, for whom the child is such a document of her Mamulkin majesty, such as medals from a veteran.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141053
 05.05.2017
I watch only one series and sit down to work. Did I joke funny? 😉
2nd is
Do you know what a great joke is? I didn’t look at them, but I went to work.)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №141052
 05.05.2017
LOL: The roof of our office has flooded.
Tagged: ahah
yyy: real gallery
xxx : ahah
XXX: Going to the bottom

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141051
 05.05.2017
The delivery department is planning the delivery of goods to Vladikavkaz, here runs the sales department manager:
MANAGER OP: When is the car on the Lord?
Delivery on Friday.
MOP: And will there be a Nalchik? I promised the client.
An analogy to the client? Probably it was very difficult to sell.)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141050
 05.05.2017
I accidentally stumbled on the video of the most shocking injuries in hockey. In a couple of cases, the players were cut through the throat with a bowling blade. They are alive, but not the point.

If there is a possibility of such injury, why did nobody come up with any layer on the throat?

There is a throat protection, mandatory for players up to 18. The first thing a player at 18 does is throw away this saliva, the second thing is to change the grid that protects the face to a plastic visor that protects only the eyes at best.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141049
 05.05.2017
>>> you want to make money on forex - read courses about forex.

Forex is a casino for the "enlightened". And there’s only one way to really make money on forex is to provide a trading platform to others and charge a penny for every deal (no one wins more in a casino than casino owners).

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №141048
 05.05.2017
The cry of the soul of the artist: "Friends! If you see in any of my photographs in the hands of the model a tail, that doesn’t mean I’m a woodcut. The model is also not a woodcut. I never wanted to be them. And I did not want. No is. Absolutely not.
No, we don’t cut down trees after photographing. Not before the photo session.
And the tail in this case is just a resource. Not a working tool. and the rekvisit. Just just.
Therefore, a huge request to the woodcutters of all kinds: I respect you, but you do not need to take me for yours, and write me reports about the subtleties of cutting trees. Please please. Thank you in advance"

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141047
 05.05.2017
With Hicks, discussing the term of a 56-year-old woman for buying a flash drive:

I’t risk calling a woman at 56 a grandmother if she wasn’t my grandmother – I want to live.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №141046
 05.05.2017
My approach is simple, if a banner pops up on the site, closing the information I need and asking or asking to disable the adblock, I turn off. No, not an adblock of course, but this banner. Adblock or through the developer panel.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141045
 05.05.2017
You won’t believe, I’ve been struck by the hats today.
XXX on a bicycle
XXX is 😉
xxx: checked the documents, checked the vehicle ))))
Driving drugs with excess speed?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №141044
 05.05.2017
And when will the navigator lead not on the shortest road, but on the flatest? and ;-)

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna