From the Peter’s Entrepreneurs Chat:

A: Hello to you! Who can help with the opening of the cafe?

B: Try the door on yourself.

A client comes to us in a tour firm and asks for a cheap bus tour of 10 days in the Nizhny Novgorod region.

The manager falls into a light stupor and reports that in the area we can only offer one-day tours.

Client: What kind of specialist are you? ! to Here I was in an office in another part of the city, so there the girl is a real professional! She immediately offered a tour to Gelendzhik!

I’m ready to wait for Putin’s promises to be fulfilled. Are my children and grandchildren ready?

In one of the hypermarkets with their own bakery, located far from my home, but not really, they started baking very delicious bagets with filling. Cheap and very delicious. At first, I constantly bought them, but soon began to notice that they are often not sold. The questions were answered very quickly, almost immediately.

Increase production if there is demand. But the store decided to go a different way: high demand - increase the price. In three weeks, the price of baget rose more than twice: from about 35 rubles to 80. And here I, sad, take not three bagets, but one, and not every day, but a couple of times a week. But they were constantly on the counter. The truth is, it is not always as fresh, sometimes yesterday.

And then the bagets completely disappeared from the shelves. To my question about what about the bagets, I was answered, say, they do not buy them, decided to remove them from production.

This is business in Russian. It is shameful, fucking. The bagets were delicious. with a cane =(

If the Nazis conquer Russia, they will seize the people of oil and gas, buy yachts, mansions, watches, bands and expensive prostitutes. And the people will make them slaves and laugh at them. Mr. Russofob, you want that, right?

I am a lecturer in mathematics and I prepare a student for EGE.

Chocolate is 35 rubles. In the store, when buying 2 chocolates, the third one as a gift. How much chocolate can you get for 250 rubles?

Answer: 9 ( the correct 10)

On my question why 9, I got the answer that taking the tenth is not profitable and she would not buy it. How economical a child will be in the future :)

My grandmother and granddaughter on the bus:

Q: Can I buy a bus?

Why do you need this bus? You have a sea car.

No one is on the bus :(

When your big car breaks down, you will have a new bus.

A: So the machine may break today!

We dreamed of conquering space; now, our children are dreaming of retirement.

"Russia's foreign exchange accounts in banks should react calmly to the proposals of the authorities on foreign trade deals - the so-called de-dollarization will not affect them and will not prohibit the movement of the dollar in the Russian Federation," Finance Minister Anton Siluanov said. “No one is going to forcibly exchange dollar savings for rubles or something else,” he said in an interview with Russia 24.

Absolutely by chance, someone remembered Pavlov, who promised that there would be no monetary reform in the 1990s, who gave a hand to cut off, and also someone Yeltsin, who promised to lie on the rails if prices rise, and later promises, you know who: "As long as I am the President, there will be no changes to the retirement age."

We think we analyze...

She understood that he was lying, justifying that he had been drinking with a friend Vasei all night, but didn’t say anything because Vasei was sitting in the closet.

I went to the refuelling.

The treasurer, with a learned voice, began to roar the duty phrases:

Do you want tea or coffee?

I have a standard joke about this, after which the sellers immediately lag behind:

I agree with Cognac. At least seven years.

But here the cashier immediately focused:

Unfortunately, we only have liquid for the glass washer from alcoholic beverages.

I continued to joke:

I usually eat cognac with lemon. What do you have under this drink?

I can offer an air refresher with the smell of lemon.

The gasoline payment ended and I had to leave. But the mood for the whole day rose from such jokes.

If schools, instead of teaching and consolidating knowledge, only conduct testing and control work, then the next generation of doctors will constantly send patients to take tests instead of treatment.

This story I heard while on a business trip, it happened in the late 1980s.

At one of the nuclear power plants, a minor accident occurred, it was urgently necessary to eliminate it and it was decided to call a slugsman, who knew the features of the work of the failed equipment best in the shop. Since the case occurred in the evening and the hero of this story was at home (there was no home phone in the apartment), a car was urgently sent to the city, the task of which was to find and bring this employee immediately.

At the time when UAZIK was entering the courtyard, the slug was found going to the bakery store with an avocado in his hands. After a short conversation, the slug got out, jumped into the car and walked to meet the adventure. There were about 18 at that time. Then began the titanic work to save mankind and it continued almost until 3 o’clock at night. At the end of the work, leaving the zone of controlled access when passing the dosimetric control, it turned out that the special clothing of our hero is a bit phonized. After he removed his special clothes, it turned out that his cowards also emitted ionizing radiation, after which all the clothes of the slickers were taken away, and he himself was disabled and sent naked to the dressing room.

It was almost five o’clock and our hero returned home. The wife, of course, was not pleased that he came without bread, but even more annoyed she was the absence of cowards on her husband. After a short verbal interruption, the husband was expelled from the house where he left them.

Sitting on the first morning bus, he went to work, and there asked the head of the shift for written proof of the reasons for the disappearance of the cowards and "not buying" bread. The paper was handed over and the companion went with her to the side of the house. But the wife again did not believe any papers and drove her husband out of the house for the second time. After this, the hero of this story came to cry to the chief of the shop, and the boss, entering the situation, said that he would save the family happiness of the hero of the atomizer and along with him went to him home. After two hours of negotiations, the wife agreed to let her husband go into the house, who loses his cowards unclear where, but at the same time said to the boss:

I know you guys, what you will not do to blame each other!

Elections in the United States. Who will win: Russian or Chinese hackers?

The laws are adopted by those who constantly violate them.

A child in a movie theater. Before the start of the session there is a advertisement - trailers. The entry is age limit 0.
Here begins the cartoon itself, the inscription - age limit 6. Next to him, the boy squeezes his hands:
– Oh! 6, now the trail begins!

Children were playing in the yard. Everyone in their smartphone.

I come back from work tonight. Stopped the hiccups. He checks the documents, at the end asks, “Will you blow?” I say “I can blow.” He looked at me carefully and said, “I see, you don’t need,” he let go. On the way, what did they offer?

I meet a fellow, I look, he crumbles.

I ask what the problem is.

He tells.

He is engaged in parachutism. In the summer, we were flying on a square near the city. In short, he had a parachute and it fell from a small height. But it fell quite successfully, not in a circle, but relatively softly. There are no fractures, but it is badly broken. They called an ambulance, and while she was driving - comrades carefully removed all the projectile from him, pulled into the car, and he himself was left under surveillance lying in the middle of the field. An ambulance arrives, the rest of the parachutists lead the brigade to the crash site. They approach and see a man lying in the middle of the field.

Dialogue with the doctor.

Man, what has happened?

and fell.

How did he fall? have stumbled?

No from above.

There are no trees, no rocks, no pillars nearby.

The doctor swallowed.

Where from above?? to

The Comrade says:

From there...

And as it hurts to move your hands, it points up with your eyes.

It was necessary to see the reaction of the staff of the ambulance brigade, who tracked the direction of his gaze and unexpectedly leaned their eyes into the clouds.

The comrade said it was very painful, but he was roaring.

The morning. 8 to 15.

My wife went to work and took her son to the kindergarten. I sat in front of the notebook with a plate of cabbage, a cup of tea and a few baked beets. On the screen loads Shogun-2 Total War, I sit in anticipation of a pleasant breakfast.

The sudden phone call in the neighboring room does not allow me to communicate even the first tablespoon. One word of matta still broke out, but I go after the telephone and accept a call from an unknown number.

A stubborn, once familiar voice quickly replies: Muromskiy (Family), you?! Did I find the right phone?! to

I was a little confused: I, yes, right.

Where are you now? Are you already on the field?! to

Oh no, did I go to the field?

Here hangs a pause for a few seconds - apparently the defendant was getting more air.

What do you mean? ? Where are you, Naomi?

At home, I have not served for a year. (I actually ended my contract in January)

The second pause.

– One mouth, one mouth, one mouth, one mouth, one mouth, one mouth, one mouth, one mouth, one mouth, one mouth, one mouth, one mouth.





Here, I think now, call him back or well, you’ll go on duty in the weekend.( by

But it seems that somebody I have deceived by my absence.