and lifhack.
If you have a child for a year later, friends or relatives will get a docher of children's clothes and other useful items on the hole.

I work as a security guard in the club. I come home late and very tired. I sleep until lunch. When someone calls me on my cell phone before lunch, my four-year-old daughter always answers the call with the phrase: “Who are you, monster?” Daddy is sleeping!"
I have taught :)

My husband and I decided to have an animal, he wanted a cat and I wanted a dog. We got a cat when there was a cat and a cat, and when it grew up it was really a dog! He is not scratching, but only biting, cuddling under the door, pulling balls in the teeth and dog habits in general. But the biggest shock was when I couldn’t find the boots and shouted in a joke – “Son bring the boots” and he brought them, he actually pulled them one by one! I love my cat very much)))

Born and raised until the age of 21, there were no schools, no kindergartens, no roads, no pensions. of Nothing. The population is only 40 people, more than half of them old people. One store, one car, for importing products once a month. To the nearest village 7 hours by road.
But history is not about that. At the age of 7, when I had to start studying, my education was entrusted to my grandmother, who lived there for 92 years. In general, I wrote with the letters "ya" and "i" until I was transferred to a younger grandmother at the age of 11.

XXX: I recently injured my finger. Let’s look at what they advise on the internet. In the section of folk remedies. Throw off, they offer to squeeze half a lemon and squeeze the injured finger in it for 20 minutes! Yes, from this pain I will forget how my mother’s name is, not what about pus...
WOW: And that’s not to say after that that folk remedies don’t work. It’s not easy, so say XD

My girlfriend and I have been friends for 7 years, we both work as translators, both 24 years old, beautiful, sporty, but lonely. We are educated, decent girls, but as soon as the weekend begins, we get caught up. Recently, they drank together, when drunk, sometimes crazy ideas come to mind. I ordered a prostitute. We are not perverse, we are just sad to drink. She was scared at first, but then we talked, she drank. I ran until the morning, but I still had to pay, though at a minimum. She turned out to be a simple girl, she has two younger brothers on her neck, credit and pay for her studies. A week later she came to me with a bottle of wine (I remember the address), said she missed it. I was very surprised, but she admitted that she had no friends at all, and we seemed to her very simple and good people. The friends. This business she abandoned, arranged her for normal work, we help as much as we can. Amazing thing life!

Hello, I ordered you on this site.
Yes, thank you, the order has been confirmed and sent to process!
Client: Where are you?
Director: In St. Petersburg
Customer: I need you to deliver my order to Ufa, before the end of the working day!
Manager: Sorry, the rocket fuel we have finished, in Vasya on a bicycle probably won't have time!

Do you have so many bugs in your code?
I am not afraid.

Reactions in the training room:

Tracks in the dressing room!
Oh yeah yes! Finally the food!

Men of the 21st century.

I was walking around the city, in front of two teenage boys.
The trousers in the narrow pants are as narrow as my fingers. The body is also numerous, no hint of muscularity.
I hear conversation.
- And I'm like an alphach, so I'll be so boldly going to her on the page and immediately kissing her avu!

So here’s what you are, flower... alpha!

xxx: Interestingly, and if you put two cartridges in a washing machine, which one will wrap the rest of the clothes?
YYY: You are not joking. You can't plug two washing machines into a washing machine, otherwise they will try to climb into each other, it will create a singularity that will break the whole universe to the hell!

A nephew, a young child from an artistic family, is asked by adults, obviously for rhetorical and educational purposes, how many times of the year do you, a six-year-old child, know? The child thinks. for a long time. Then he answers, in a strange tone, as if questionable, five, say. The questioners are short-lived and look at him with round eyes, and the child continues: "Well, Tchaikovsky, of course, Vivaldi, Piazzolla. Heaven is still there. and Gavrilina. And more I do not know. A"

No scene following this was clearly worthy of a classic pen. The neo-classic But this conversation, unfortunately, did not happen.

and wine:
For the Philharmonic Youth, Citizens.

A good salary this month.
Do you need electric tools and trailers?

I’m not paying for the internet to be offended here.

Do you know how big you are? :)
Xy: I can’t even imagine.
XX: for 120 liters
xy: eeee
You picked up 120 liters of garbage bags!
The bodies can be hidden there.
XY: A little...

Have you ever wondered what "pure Jesuitism" is? Please please!
This is when the Adblocker asks you: "Show sites notifications that you are using the Adblocker? (Yes and No)"

Q: What is antagonism?
This is the antonym of the word "friend"

The cat considers itself the chief in the house unfoundedly, because going exclusively for a bowl of bread you can return with two packs of Visca (but without bread) and do not see anything strange in this.

Q: Does anyone know why Trump has not yet given Assad a bill for 59 missiles?
Because when delivered, part was broken, part was lost.

The American of Indian origin, Harsh Chigurupati, who grew up in a family of pharmacologists, made, according to him, a fundamental discovery. Chigurupati created absolutely harmless vodka for the liver.

The researcher found a way to combine the latest drug to protect the liver with alcohol. Drinking has not lost its ability to humiliate a person. According to preliminary data, harmless vodka is already sold in 11 U.S. states.

It would be better to invent vodka that does not harm the brain. The liver may grow.
Here is the dead brain.