bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №139023
 21.02.2017
Eugenius: I watched Misery, where a fanatic aunt, not satisfied with the death of the favorite heroine of the book, tormented the author of the work. Did you think what would happen if R.R. Martin got to any of his fans in the same situation after writing a new book of songs?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №139022
 21.02.2017
Cite a year of course, but for general education is useful.

Egerša from Baikal said: “He comes here alone!” Someone is a foreigner! On the shore of the Baikal walked, walked, came and showed gestures - drink, say, I want! He had little to drink! People who are accustomed to comfort can just fantasize.

You know, the fact that in the baikal fresh water does not mean that it can be drunk (he should know this) without any disinfection. Fresh water in any river is, and hypothetically, it is all drinking water. But do you realize that you can eat bacteria/microorganisms that can greatly undermine health? The foreigner understood.

The moss does not always show the north. So if you get lost, it’s better to stay there or look for the polar star.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №139021
 21.02.2017
Response to The Tea:
"Boiling water in 7 minutes-sicked time.It is convenient that the boiler is at hand.Yet more with heating!In general, a bunch is slow."

The time has taken revenge with the last proposal.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №139020
 21.02.2017
We choose mortal sins
Yyy: I am definitely a crapper.
The xxx! I hit him!
XXX: And the lion broke.
XXX: Find out the rest
If you scored two at once, you are greedy.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №139019
 21.02.2017
xxx: tell me how to deflore a girl
Yyy: You bring it to me and you get it back the next day.
YYY: You may not get it.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №139018
 21.02.2017
xxx: "To be dull" - to be undressed / in underwear / naked.

"To be in the darkness" is to be dressed in the darkness, it is like a night shirt.

The same with anfas.

Anfas is the perspective, the substantive.

Photo anfas - a pretext, does not require the pretext "b".



YYY: I just fell out of that outrageous ignorance.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №139017
 21.02.2017
Most people probably had times, especially in the 90s, when the family had a complete financial collapse. My family didn’t get away with it, and when I was 9 or 13, my family lived very poorly. My father, an engineer, worked as hard as he could so that we could bring ends to ends and at least get a decent education. My mother worked in culture and had no salary for the rest of her life. It was mainly eaten from the garden. Well, that is, potatoes and onions... onions and potatoes... ucroopchik! It was normal in the summer. In the winter the ass.

Sometimes we had a cabbage in the refrigerator. My father tried to buy this expensive delicacy. He could not touch her. When she appeared, only one phrase was pronounced: “This is for a holiday! “We were looking forward to this celebration. New Year, March 8th, the birthday of the family, it was the day of sausage. Taboo is not to be touched.

years have passed. I normally make money, I can afford to buy this sausage in a day. And indeed, with regular purchases at the TC, I periodically take my favorite serviette.

But...where inside me, this “It’s for a holiday” has been postponed until now... That child inside me doesn’t pay attention to the sausage in the refrigerator. And very often the sausage in the refrigerator dries out, or breaks down. It can lie for two to three months and it will remain untouched... It may even accumulate a few sticks...

Well, when friends come, and the same party begins! ;)



All are good! And friends!

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №139016
 21.02.2017
The dispute about gays and the dispute about tea are surprisingly similar. It would seem, why not just break away from each other and not allow everyone to drink the tea as they want: boil it with water from the crane or hot boiling water, buy a ten-year-old puer or granulated Krasnodar? But no, it is necessary to climb the neighbor in the cup, teach him to live, and better offend in the process. It is necessary to go into bed with the neighbor, to teach him to sleep with the right partners, and even to insult in the process, or he lives wrong and dares not suffering enough!

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №139015
 21.02.2017
How much can:

Decent people, whether they are gay or heterosexual, with their orientation and genital features do not shake publicly, just as they do not publicly inform everyone about the features of their gut, or do you do differently?

This dispute has been going on for a hundred years, and every time it develops the same way. Of course, heterosexual couples do not suck in the subway with the silent approval of the public, heterosexual actors in the movies do not shoot each other with a large frame under the crust of popcorn, young men do not shoot the entire internet with their photos, and unicorns eat the rainbow and catch butterflies. All is so.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №139014
 21.02.2017
Aaa: And then what hell do you have to pay for a colleague, for example, with the same income and every day for lunch at the cafe? Payment is only accepted when you invite. So, each for himself. And that is normal. If you are against, then try to regularly serve different cute girls in Moscow even a coffee with a cake. What will the income remain?

bbb: From the income will remain the feeling that a good cute guy is not a puddle :-) And otherwise - nothing better will be left :-))

CCC: I didn’t understand something. What does it mean to "host regularly different cute girls"? Are you calling for polygamy? and 😉

BBB: It was about coffee. Have you thought about something? and :-)

Ddd: This is where polygamy begins with coffee.

BBB: It cannot be. You shake our heads. Polygamy begins with a bottle of vodka.

ccc: Fuow...how can you say that?

Why is "fu"? A beautiful monogamy begins with coffee :-)

Ddd: You confuse coffee with vodka, or maybe even interfere ;-)

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №139013
 21.02.2017
Funny story to you for the night) from the first mouth - the current that happened to me and my mother. Calls her a guy, grit I Alexander Korablev, Sberbank, our grit conversation is recorded, and we saw today through the cameras that you grit not themselves used your card. My mom was a little confused, right? He asks. He says I ask you to block the card. Mother decides that they are fraudsters and throws them away. He immediately calls back, I take the phone. talk away)))
Why do you throw the phone?
I: Hello, repeat, please, everything you said before and take into account - the conversation is recorded by me.
He... in the sense? to repeat?
I am in direct. Repeat everything you said.
How to repeat?
I: Repeat, I want to hear it.
He (the tone instantly changed from intelligent to ballt): and you are so intelligent?? to
How cute you are!
He: You don’t even know how cute I am.
I: I don’t want to represent. Happiness to you and health. Do not call here anymore.
He: and you good luck! here I now think... maybe it was still Sberbank?))))

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №139012
 21.02.2017
Weather in Novosibirsk

I was turned by the wind yesterday morning when I left the house and imprinted to the corner of this same house. And I couldn’t get away from the wall for a few minutes and feel good until I stopped. I wanted to already write an explanatory text to work: "I am late because of the wind".

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №139011
 21.02.2017
In my aquarium, the water is at the bottom. Some algae have already risen from this pit and have crumbled in the fresh air. Now I wait for the fish’s legs to grow.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №139010
 21.02.2017
In essence, all our parties have one political program – a tough and uncompromising struggle for budget money.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №139009
 21.02.2017
“Everything around Soviet, everything around mine.”
As I said before, during many of my investigations, things happened that were much more interesting than the investigations themselves. Here is one such case. I think he is something instructive.
In 2003 I was taken to the city of Denver, but not the one in Colorado, but the one in Pennsylvania. Regular inspection of the branch.
The place where we arrived was a complex for breeding animals for medical experiments (dogs, monkeys, rabbits, rats, mice) and also a quarantine for imported animals. The complex of buildings and offices was sufficiently large (no less than 5-7 hectares in the total area of buildings), for many thousands of animals, and the total area was over 50 hectares, and most of it was occupied by forests and fields.
Now a little retreat and a story about the customs and customs in Pennsylvania. Many jokingly refer to this state as "Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and Kentucky in the middle", suggesting that there are "Kentucky customs" in the depths and many deaf corners between these cities. One of the customs of the depths of Pennsylvania is the devotion to hunting. This is not a hobby, it is a lifestyle. Children from 8-10 years old are taught to care for weapons, shooting, terrain orientation, safety rules at hunting, carcass cleaning, etc. Many boys, and girls, at the age of 12 (as permitted by the law) receive their first gun as a gift and go hunting themselves.
Of course, the rules are observed (at least they should). For example, there is a hunting season with a bow and a bow (during it with firearms to hunt most animals is not possible). There is a hunting season with bullet guns. There is a hunting season with cutting weapons (but semi-automatic is prohibited). And of course, respectively, the seasons for different types of wildlife: deer, cockroaches, salmon, bears, rabbits, phasans, ducks, ducks, etc. Of course, the laws regulate the seasonality of hunting at different times of the year, but the peak falls in October, November and early December. In these months, hunting for a lot of species is allowed.
Men (sometimes ladies) wait for this time of year and when the season approaches all the mass take a vacation and disappear for days and weeks in the woods. And at home, their families, under the guidance of wives, maids and mothers, bite, dry, roast, cook, steal the prey and prepare sausages, cocktails, steaks, etc.
The time of October – December for our client was archival. Almost all staff are on vacation. Not to let go, the most important time of the year for hunters. No one is going to miss it (from managers to garbage makers). If you prohibit the descent, people will just start to be fired (yes, everything is so serious about hunting), and in the deaf to find adequate frames is very difficult. Moreover, it is difficult even to organize as a substitute staff. All temporary workers are also hunting.
If you can somehow redistribute work in other companies, this is almost impossible. There are thousands of animals in quarantine and just in the squares and cells which need to be fed, treated, sent to clients, taken into quarantine, and just cleaned up for them, etc. They cannot wait until the hunting season ends, they require daily care.
The founder of the company in the distant 70s invented "Solomon's Solution." And what if people were allowed to hunt directly on the company’s territory. Forests and fields are private property of the company, the territory is a lot. Let people not take a vacation, but just come to work earlier for a few hours of their shift (well or stay after) and hunt for their pleasure, naturally following all the safety rules and the law.
The people made this decision on a hurricane. Everyone is very and very comfortable. I arrived early in the morning, hunted for a couple of hours and went to work. Two, strangers in this territory are not, only the employees of the company (well, and subsequently members of their families). Everybody has long since broken up, hunted together, helped with what to pull the carcass, divide, take away, etc. Yes, there are no strangers there, but laboratories with animals are nearby (and there is a risk that the angry Greenpeace will appear). Three, for hunting in the state territory or on private territory usually charge, and here such a very pleasant thread.
The people of course took such a gift of fate seriously. For their money they hanged signs of private territory, equipped towers for hunting deer, laid paths, equipped places for cutting bodies, built parking, places for picnics, etc. Forests and fields were cared for by themselves, without the request of the owner of the company, all year round. They themselves carved the grass where it was necessary, the tree fell - immediately volunteers appeared, sprayed and cleaned, were treated as their own. And how else, they themselves (well, employees and their families) hunt here. Outside the season to walk through a well-maintained forest, allow for lunch or after work, one pleasure. Scatters are placed. The soul sings.
And that happiness lasted for almost 30 years. The founder’s owner became old, sold the company to one corporation, the corporation to my client, but the tradition remained. People for the happiness to get a job in this complex considered, in the line to the vacant place became.
Every good thing ends someday. From the office of the head and chrom appeared a big boss and began to wave his head. Oh you are shit, oh you are shit, he says. Who allowed it, he said. You’re hunting here, he says. We don’t have insurance, he says. I will swallow and swallow, he says. I do not forgive. All fucking, finite la comedy.
“Where are you looking?“He is in charge of the complex. “You have the brains to be, what kind of hunting on corporate land. I will destroy this guerrilla at the root. I forbid to stop immediately.” And I went out. And after a day or two, an official letter with a ban was sent. And it says, if you will be hunted - dismissal on the spot plus criminal prosecution for violating the borders of private territory.
And this is just before the beginning of the season, nobody naturally took a vacation, all that was planned on the territory of the company is hunting (she is for them as her own, native) Managing the complex and says, "I understand all the men, the season. I am a hunter. This is an official ban. If you want to go on vacation, I will sign. But please do not go, for such a schedule we are not ready and the animals will be bad, we will not manage. So decide for yourself.”
The men are accustomed to the manager, yet they have worked together for 20 years, their boyfriend. They scratched their teeth and missed the season so they couldn’t get rid of it.
Of course, this did not save the manager. He went to the main office for Christmas holidays to look for the truth of the uterus, well, and he was not trained in the depths at his home. He did not know how to lick his ass in a large corporation, he said what he thought and was asked to collect his personal belongings (although he did not lose his earned pension, that is true).
Well, the second season in a row the men were no longer missing, they massively applied for a deserved vacation. I had to look for a replacement for a month. Where to get it from the deaf? I had to bring from other states, and transfer to pay for hotels. And the hourly tariff for temporary employees is not so hideous.
In 2005, we came back there, too, with a regular check-up. I was so surprised that the corporate spirit disappeared. We went out for a walk in the woods during lunchtime, and you can see how it started. Who will take care of him?
Then we arrived in 2007. The reason was to investigate one event, but it is horrible enough, so I will not spoil the mood and appetite of the respectable readers by describing it. In fact, there were no difficulties in the investigation, just the unfairness of the supplier multiplied by the negligence of new employees led to very sad consequences and huge losses. Most of the old skilled employees were fired, and recruited those who would not have been allowed on the threshold before. What a white rubbish.
After lunch we went to the forest for a walk. It’s all grown, a bunch of buryan, a bunch of shattered trees. Some kind of garbage, fireworks, some kind of waste. Turn and go back.
Last time I was there was in 2014. There are less than a dozen old employees. The forests and fields were finally grown, right behind the buildings began the "jungle". Surprisingly, wages have increased. And the managers divided, wherever they spit. The human spirit ceased to smell.
This is the whole story. There is morality, but what is morality? Make your own conclusions if you want.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №139008
 21.02.2017
There was one family. They had an arrangement: the days of the week are the fault of Him in all troubles, and the days of the week are the fault of Him. On Sunday, for balance, Cat.
They did not argue at all.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №139007
 21.02.2017
The controversy about homosexuals resembled an interview with a priest who whispered to women that they dress lightly, thus provoking rapists. Further, the father said that today specifically paid attention: everyone wears unfairly short shorts, shining with bare legs and not only. It was about Moscow and winter, and for a month the temperatures stood from minus ten and below. And I, unlike my daddy, have never met ladies in mini and naked legs.

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №139006
 21.02.2017
xxx: I walked through the websites of jobs and the question arose: is the green carrier a job or the size of the salary?

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №139005
 21.02.2017
In his Twitter account, Dmitry Malikov appealed to his followers with a request to protect him.
“Today Kurt Cobain is 50! How long has it been, take care of me! I am also about 50,” the artist wrote.

Users of social networks called to give Malikova a gun and offered to "brain-shake."

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №139004
 21.02.2017
The Uncertain:

The woman became on electronic weights - 66.6,
I was 77.7
Buying a lottery ticket or calling an exorcist?

Wife from the Devil
You are from Portland.
Relax and accept as truth, this is life.

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