No book can replace a fat cat on a pillow.

If he also begins a song to the right and speaks a fairy tale to the left... And the golden chain generally greatly improves life!

Former Top Gear host sentenced for equating ice cream lovers to gays

It is strange that not ice cream lovers are outraged, but pederists.

I traveled to the United States 5 years ago. After a three-month stay in Alaska, there are a lot of warm things left to carry with you no smile at all. The next stop for a couple of weeks was Miami. From there, we decided to send our things to Russia, home. They came to the mail, bought a box, packed it properly and went to order the package. The operator was a classic big-mama - a good-hearted black-eyed African-American with a thousand stitches on her head and a weight of one and a half cent. During the process there was a dialogue:

- Sir, in the column "recipient" you must indicate the name of the person who will receive this package.

Everything is right. I will take this package myself.

He smiles and mistakenly turns his gaze from the paper to me and back.

Are you leaving Miami so quickly? and disappointed

“No, we just arrived and plan to stay here for a couple of weeks, then New York awaits us. and :)

How do you get your package?? to

I promise you I will get it personally without any problems. I was amused by her too good opinion about our mail system.

OOO OOO! You are playing me! You laugh and kill!



The package was delivered quickly and paid cheaply. Five weeks later, I received it at the central post office of my city. I remember shaking, but kissing. The aunt who gave me the package was first long read in the "pump" on the box, and then strangely cracked on me) This is the opinion of our Post from American colleagues :)

When I was a student, I had a car, but there was always not enough money. I decided to find work for the evening/weekend. I posted my full resume on several popular resources and a call was given where I was invited to an interview. I arrived at the appointed time in a very modest office. There were no signs at the entrance, and nothing else with the name of the company. In the corridor I saw a person 5-7 of the same applicants as me. The girl - the secretary headed the line, printed our resumes and referred them to the office returned and called by name to the director for an interview. It is my turn. I enter the office, the director stands up, draws his hand and says:

-Good morning, Name_Fatherhood, you know I am very impressed by your resume. What about being not a courier, but a “courier-seller”? Money is much more serious. Can you sell?

- Well, help with the choice I can, and so what to "touch" what the buyer does not need I will not.

What do you mean?

- Well you know they go through apartments, all kinds of vacuum cleaners offer for the angry money?

You have heard about us...

A few seconds of discomfort.

I stand up silently and leave.

The preface. I live in a regional city. A local carrier purchased once in Germany ecologically discharged German buses "Mercedes" (it must be said, quite suitable cars) and let them on the routes around the city. In the salons of these buses the first time everything was in German: the traffic scheme (naturally old, German city), the inscriptions on the doors of the type "attention, do not hide!Even the advertisement of their local zoo.



Now the story from the words of the teacher of German (!) In the language of our university: "I am going on the bus this morning. Suddenly, there is a group of German comrades. And so lively they discuss among themselves how to drive to the central square and where they are better to get out, and try to navigate the old German scheme in the bus cabin. I decided to help, explained not to look at the scheme, and to what stop they need to pass. The Germans thank for the explanation in German, and already about to go out they ask, "Do you all understand German like that?" And I decided to joke, “Not for what, I say. In our city, it is common in German buses to speak only German. They laughed and realized I was joking. Laughing, they head out. And then on the next seat suddenly a sleeping man of the most astonishing appearance: “Auf Wiedersehen!” He cried loudly. The faces of these insiders I remember for a lifetime.”

In the break between the lectures, a friend approaches me with a request to stand up for him during the call, I refuse, saying, "You will sleep in the dormitory, and I sit here, and still risk? With a similar request, he addresses our common friend, sitting next to me, receiving a rejection. Taking his hand off, he leaves the lecture. The professor comes in, starts the call, and I sit down and think, “Yes, okay, I’ll get up for him, I won’t miss him, a friend still,” and as soon as I hear the name:

The Ruslan!

I jump up, and I see the one jumping up with me, the one who sat next to me, and we both cried out loudly:

and I! ! to ! to

Discuss the issue of sending Chechen special forces to Syria:

XXX: Will some grandmothers fight against others? It is perfect!
Yyy: But some of them will be fully funded by frozen pensions
zzz: Yes, with ISIL is clear, and then how is the special forces from Chechnya funded?
yyy: And these are already due to the sale of assets of state companies

I worked in the Eurosystem.
There is a man who claims that his phone has exploded. (At the time, the media that a batch of failed mobile phones had arrived in Russia.) I, feeling guilty for the not-quality goods sold, say: "Terrible what! Okay, let’s get your phone, I’ll try to replace it for you, or we’ll send it to a quality check to the service center to identify the cause of the breakdown.
The man, he looks at me like a fool, and nervously says, “Young man!” I am speaking!! It has exploded!and "
I, a little lost: "I understood it. Where is the phone?"
Man, boil: "You are a normal person at all??? I explain it to you in Russian!! The phone exploded!There is no more!!and "
By joint efforts of the sellers, it was possible to explain to the uncle that there was something left of the phone. With the screams "I will complain to the consumer supervision!!My uncle left the salon. We did not see him anymore.

I thought... May I go to the Auto Show and say, ‘I have this here, something that the car exploded completely. Can I exchange?" Can I exchange?

You, by the way, forget about another type of girls: beautiful, thinking of themselves as normal or even like themselves. Here they behave like people, not only care about themselves and their sex is not a reward for a guy, but a mutual pleasure. They think they are normal, and there are fewer requests. Only people on the outside can see how beautiful they really are. I found myself, 10 years already happy.

I call my boyfriend a cat, and when he’s angry, a cat.

Who has tried to keep chinches and cats together? Is it true that chinchilla should be released from the cage every day? Did she know where she was when she walked? Will the cat hunt her?
Like, cats don’t hunt shinshills. Because they do not smell mouse.
My legs don’t smell mouse, but the cat still hunts them.

Crossing the border threshold, you pass through the point of non-disruption.

When someone tells me that it was difficult to assemble furniture, I always remember how Chunga Chang was assembling a transforming bed.
The bed consisted of 86 parts, and the instructions included two images: a picture of the separately laying parts and a picture of the finished bed.
On the second day of the assembly, desperate, I went to the internet and found a review on YouTube, which began with the words:
“If you’re watching this video, you’ve probably tried to assemble this bed yourself first.”

The accused! You have lived with your wife for over 60 years. And then she was killed. How is it?! to
Yes, you have postponed, postponed...

At work today:
- You will need to go to the "room of meetings", or eat something wrong and the bill seems to be scheduled.
Laughter is laughing, and in the Duma, the laws are accepted.

I was sitting on a CTG (foetal heartbeat record). A girl is recorded on the next door. I am a D-girl
D: Who are you?
I: the boy
D: mm to mm
I: What is it?
D: My husband and I wanted a girl, a boy was born, decided that for the second time there would be a girl. The boy! For the third time a girl. The boy! Let’s, says the husband, the fourth time, it will definitely be a girl!
Still stillness...
I : and?? to
A: Two kids! S... A! two!! to
Glad for her)

The management of one of the Chinese firms orders for its employees bottled water, picked directly from the well. And it’s not an empty shake – it’s really natural. There is no doubt about this when you see a floating frog inside a bottle.

Discover the secret he actually sings: purqua pa? Purdue is?
— — —
It is still fake. I watched this film with a poppy.
Since then, he has sometimes clinked. Flying and flying – Purgatory? Purple to?

I got drunk and started singing:
And life is good, good, if you can risk it!

The woman looks into the room:
Why did you, fool, drink the poppy?

Anyone else who drank, I think.

Sitting in electricity.

I go

The passengers found a package.

and panic. and vanity. Call the engineer :)

Ask to throw it out the window.

The machinery arrived. I picked a package. I looked inside. I think there was something interesting, I took it with me.

Let us go further.

I remembered one story.
When I was in high school, my best friend came home to me. He noticed a C++ book on the table. There was a rather funny dialogue. He asked:
Plus a plus...what is it?
It is a programming language. I am studying him now.
and yes? Then tell him something!
–...