Xxx: Murch, crash, smashed with their words as parasites, the English are crazy)



You are a very cyberbully. Are you an abuser?



Zzz: Yes, this toxic is clearly hatching. Flexit said he is not fashionable, he tries to shake us, and in fact - a full curl from his side.

There are probably two Armenians at the stop.

A1: (very uncertain) - Hi, to the subway goët?

Driver: Come on, get off quickly.

A2: (sëthen) Right now all the routes to the subway, what do you brake?

A1: (also shëthen) Yes, I just never saw the Russian driver on the route, I was afraid that I didn't sit there.

Xxx: I lived with a girl once, but not for a long time (thanks to her mother saved me from a fateful mistake). And after we split up, I meet a common acquaintance and during the conversation she tells me that she did not expect this from me. I asked what exactly? And then it turns out that after we broke up, her mother told everyone that she fired me out after I slept with her employee for five thousand. I naturally immediately called her and asked where my money was, which I heard only rhythmic whispers.

Xxx: A night supermarket was robbed near us. The sellers managed to press the right button, the mint was touched almost immediately, the bandits sat inside, a shooting took place, but some sluggish - first the mint will be shot once and then something like "give up, bl*di! Go out with your arms raised!" and then three or four minutes later a response shot and a message like "go to the h*y, fucking! All of you will be shot to one of your mothers!”In general, all the ammunition saves.

We and our neighbors, of course, go to the balconies - even if, such a fun! So it lasted for thirty minutes, and there is an unhappy female scream from above:

How much can I endure! Kill them and let people sleep!!! to

A minute of silence, then one of the ments asks the matyugalnik:

Did you say it to them or to us?

Xxx: I remembered a story told us by one of the teachers at the institute. There was such an outstanding mathematician Georg Kantor, the creator of the theory of sets. His work simply turned mathematics. But, unfortunately, Kantor suffered from a mental disorder, which by the end of his life worsened so much that he eventually died in a psychiatric hospital. But even while there, Kantor continued to give lectures on his ideas to other mathematicians. This was possible because in the morning his condition was much better than near the evening. Accordingly, in the morning he was brought to the university to read a lecture, which was watched by a couple of experienced sanitary practitioners. The task of the sanitarians was to determine when Kantor would start to get a dim mind, to interrupt the lecture and bring the mathematician back to the clinic. And often these lectures ended in a conflict between the medical practitioners and the mathematicians who listened to her on such a scheme.

The sanitary:

Okay, enough for today!

The Mathematics:

Wait and wait! The most interesting has just begun!

I had a girl who was silent all the time.

I offer to meet (or she offers), we meet, we go / sit / edem, she is silent, well, I wait for a while, then I begin to talk about something, does not catch up the conversation, okay, I change the subject, again silent, at most some "aga", I begin to ask questions, to any question the answer of two or three words and keep silent after that.

In a few days it all repeats.

Somewhere in a month she gives me, "I think I need you just to speak..."

xxx: Ah, I would rather have connected the "18+" module Alice ) Let some check or passport there - go! I want to listen to a full, unlimited AI neural network.



Yyy: Generally speaking, do you want free sex on the phone?



XXX: Tss

I had a girlfriend in my childhood. At the age of 13, she playing dolls, climbing trees and walking on the river. But it became interesting to drink beer and date older guys, sometimes with three at the same time.

One morning I go for a friend and her grandmother opens the door.

So is it so, and will Tania come out?

And she has not yet returned. But in general, I forbid you to communicate. When I look at you, I see that you are “God.” You will ruin my daughter.

Even as a thief, every governor is obliged to fit into the budget of his region.

On the grounds of the Chinese cafe from 18.07... https://www.anekdot.ru/id/1230411/

A long time ago, I married a Japanese woman. She even worked at the Japanese embassy in the reception room. You call there, and the voice of your wife says to you, and all that...

Well, and then we went to America and started there, among other things, to go to a Japanese restaurant more or less regularly. It was very delicious and the paper cakes. And our Japanese began to write them there on the baskets of messages with various coloured wax pieces, thank you and goodbye, likes to put then was not in fashion...

Once I wrote, the second, the third, we blinked, and as we go again - the waitress does not immediately come to us, but the manager immediately comes, we have already recognized her, she was always sitting on the bar, calculating something in the notebook and ordering in half a voice. Well, the Japanese was tense, gathered the Japanese words of doccia, so that the answer to give and not hit the dirt...

...and the chef is like this, in English, say, thank you for writing to us, we appreciated the scope and selfishness of your messages, only to translate to us is more expensive than the teasers, we are Koreans...

In the 1990s, if you had taken a picture of your breakfast, shown a film, printed a photo and shown it to friends, you would have been looked at like a fool.

I remember, in school when I was studying, with a girl alone under the bars joke their legs, and then frozen and just sat with their feet to each other for the whole lesson, not even looking at each other. I thought she liked me, too. He then called me to the movie, but she refused – there was a boyfriend. It’s unpleasant, but no matter how well, it doesn’t happen. A few years later, we were in the same company, began to communicate slowly, as if the company was going to go to the cinema, but the majority merged, each case found something. We stayed together (she, by the way, as far as I knew, had no boyfriend at the time), and I said, “Well, what do we do?” What did she say, “With you two?” “Fu no!” I have never experienced such a disappointment before. Not in myself and not so much in her, but in her image, which was formed in my head, as I imagined her. In a moment it was destroyed.

I talked to a cousin yesterday. He divorced his wife a few months ago because while he was on the guard, she was stunned. So, he burned his head and found a new passion for himself. Now the former aunt walks through the village and matters:

Something did not burn for so long. I found a new grandmother! I can’t wait for Lenka to go! Scotch is like that!

Xxx: A friend told me. He bought a new sanitary.  The toilet was put in half an hour, the matter is nonsense.  I set up a barrel. And there the space system for washing -23 details, unclear no shit, instructions on Swahili, in short, began to google. I found a video with a promising title "Installation of the ЪУЪ Suuka 12345-05 tank". well well well. Included the video, there the guy installs this same tank and yes, constantly interrupts on cases from life and releases of the following videos.. In rare breaks he still reports that this hernia must be attached to this hernia, here to stretch, and here to insert.. The acquaintance repeats everything behind him, the thing is slow, but goes. He gathered it means everything according to the instructions, turned on the water, and it syphonites from under the cover of the tank.. turned off the water, wrapped the video to the end, and there this blogger unworked wipes the water from the floor and with a sad look notes the fact that he has his hands out of his ass...

How many officials do not sit, and they still do not sit.

The case takes place in the United States. I go home, adjusting for the working pickup of some water piper. In horror I see that on the steel rear bumper of the pickup lies a small size gas key, somewhere in the size of my hand. He will soon fall off on the road. If such a bandour arrives in the forehead, then it will definitely beat everything to the appropriate mother, at least.

He decided carefully, observing the distance, to drive for the pipeline to his destination to tell him about the danger. It didn’t take long until the nearest gas station.

From the pickup comes out a large good-hearted bearded child and begins to fill fuel.

Oh my friend! - I start with you here from the bumper almost the gas key has not fallen!
What a key? A! This is this?

Here the child approaches the rear bumper and pins the gas key of an impressive size with a boot. The pickup shakes, but the key remains in place.

I brought him to the bumper.
Why Why?? I am asking in the hustle.
So why why? Keep the distance! Here I looked at you in the mirror, you first did not see him, and then as you noticed, so immediately slowed down and carefully drove noticeably away from me. Everyone is doing so now!

The government will pay compensation to officials whose property was damaged by the flooding in Germany.

Xxx: It happened that I had to bury a completely alien man to me. The story is long, not the point. I ordered a tomb, a tomb, wreaths and other nonsense. I come to the morgue for the body, and they say to me, you are 11 thousand. 7 thousand for the storage of the body, 4 - the payment of the services of sanitary. I say, salutation has arrived. The storage of the body in the morge is free of charge, I pay your sanitarians from my taxes. My body, dress and endure. The whole group of Morgue fell upon me. and fully. Orals touched me in the face with their internal regulations. When it became clear that I was not going to pay, they threatened that the body would not be given. Well I get up, I say, okay guys, now this body is your problems, goodbye! And I am going to leave. In general, it turned out to be a wonderful way that everything can be checked for free. And they washed, and dressed, and laid in the tomb. What if I was murdered by a relative of the deceased? I would give everything and even more if everything went well. So knowing the laws and being able to prove your own right is a very useful skill in our time.

Xxx: I was in the camp only once, but I remembered it forever. I was in class at 6-7.

I was sick, so I had a stomach, defined my illness as constipation and sent for a cyst. I run out of the office to the side of the push. I covered the mutation with my hand. And in front of the other office, losing the cowards, she runs away. We met in the middle of the hallway next to the toilet. I, as a true gentleman, give in to the lady, and I myself try to understand will bring to the bushes on the doorstep or better right here in the flower pot to drop the load from the soul. And then she screams from the inside, “There are two points!“”

Seated mentally.



Yyy: The first really cute story about shit

Xxx: I have a colleague at work, Russian. His name is Wahhabit. He loves to grow his beard. They are constantly checked at the airport. We tell him, at least before you go on a business trip, shave your beard and then grow it.

and broke. We are on the planeët, and it brakes. The whole is burnt, and where the beard is wë white. The terrorist was burned ?