bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №146625
 20.11.2017
I was once at the canteen at the Irish Coca-Cola factory during a tour. There is a healthy machine with all sorts of drinks spilled in the factory, of course, in a hurry. The devil stumbled on me to ask where Pepsi was poured - I never seemed to have heard such silence around =) But the guide quickly recovered, shrugged and relaxed the rest.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №146624
 20.11.2017
I go on the bus. I sat at the very end, and on the other side of the bus (through the passage) was a boy, 10 years old. Two grandparents come in. One of them sat next to the boy, the other grandfather said, “I stand, I don’t want to sit.” Would it seem that it could go wrong? One grandfather (who sat down with the boy) began to talk to the boy, and he, apparently, did not really want to talk to anyone, did not respond, just kept reading the book quietly. Grandfather did not stop this fact, he began to cling specifically to the boy "What do you not answer? “Do you keep silent?” And with his wicked scratches in the book.

The boy took yes and said to him, "I don't want to talk to you, I don't know you, I don't know you, who are you at all? What did you stick to me? Are you a maniac? “”

At this point, I turned my head toward the boy because his calm tone and rather complicated speech caught my attention.

What do you think my grandfather did? Stabbed in? No is! He began to “bear” the boy (along with the second grandfather) and said, “Why are you so bold? Your parents did not raise you, so you should respect the elderly. Could it be your parents? Or drug addicts, once you were born like that?” and etc.

I couldn’t be silent and decided to make a comment to them (ahaha, naive) saying, “Why do you stick to the child? Get away from him immediately! “Of course, according to the classics, they struck me with the words ‘prostitute, youth addicted to drugs’ and so on.

Despite the fact that the grandfathers wept greatly, on the whole bus, no one even brought the ear to our side.

At this time, the boy stood up from the seat, approached me and declared with such a clever look, “Girl! and calm! Don’t waste your time on people like them. More expensive to yourself. We still live and live, not what they are.” With these words, he walked out at his stop.

I, flattering from his level of calm, because I had a great bombardment from all this situation, went out at the next stop. But anyway, sorry for the boy, he was driving for himself, he did not touch anyone, and here, some old pearls dug up to him just like that.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146623
 20.11.2017
When I was 10 years old, I fell in love with a classmate. He wiped out a board instead of me, carried flowers sprinkled from the school bowl, followed me everywhere, accompanied me home... One summer my mom forced me to drive a duck to the river, and we had a lot of ducks, 20 pieces. I get closer to the river and I see there my fisherman – fishing my knight, has already caught a full bucket of fish. And then my ducks also discover this appetizing buzz, crash from place, throw on it and in a couple of seconds weave all the fish...

My fiancé was in shock. He lowered his head, took the empty cage and ran home in tears. It did not fit me anymore.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №146622
 20.11.2017
In the U.S., a congressman who fought LGBT, caught for same-sex sex in his office"
Kiro: For what he fought, for what he struggled

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №146621
 20.11.2017
That is, we are 100+N kilometers from the North Pole, at any point in this circle. We go 100 north, now we are in N kilometers. We go to 100 west (or east, I don't remember the conditions), we cut around the pole strictly a whole number of turns. Go 100 south, return to the starting point.
Thus, we are satisfied with the infinite number of points lying on an infinite number of parallels, which, on a glass-kilometer arc lying on the meridian, are separated from the arbitrary parallel having any circle of the species 100/I.
Was that meant?
How is that traveler who was taken to the club of the round-the-world, although he did more (has reached the pole), but formally did not swim around the globe? The actual reason was that the Pole was cooler than the world, and the formal reason was that he said that he stood on the Pole and turned a little.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №146620
 20.11.2017
This is not where feminists are looking for sexism. I buy myself a notebook for work and I see that a mimic pink notebook with an eggs is three times more expensive than a simple boy notebook with Darth Vader.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №146619
 20.11.2017
> Thank you, comrades of the side, for the rich dreams.

The neighbor himself!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №146618
 20.11.2017
Can you see the car from the window? Chat ZZZ says saw our
YYY: See also
XX: to the old Kirovsk
YYY: I was scared. I went and looked, I thought maybe someone was drinking again. It is OK)
Q: Do you see the car? Greta is sure she has seen.
YYY: Yes to fuck. I looked out the window, the car, very similar to ours, stands in the place where I put ours. I called and led her, the car, very similar to ours, which stands in the place where I put ours, blinking the headlights. I called and struck the engine, a car very similar to ours, which stood in the place where I put ours, turned off the lights. Convincing enough?? to

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №146617
 20.11.2017
The cat would say

>> Are you talking about cats? They are ugly ever-burning and abhorrent evil creatures! rotting sofas and wallpaper animals.I am sure they are the associates of Satan whom he created that would at least somehow delight the human race.

The human race is much worse. Cats at least don’t try to cover up with “high goals” and “hard past” by doing ugliness. People salt themselves well, Satan has nothing to do with it. Cats make this life a little more acceptable.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146616
 20.11.2017
by Onomasticon

>> There is also an original Russian Akaki

I am glad, yes.
But the inner boredom suggests that it is not the original Russian, but the Greek, "who does not do evil."
The Russians are good, they can go well.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №146615
 20.11.2017
What is wrong?

Porn actor and director Ron Jeremy has been accused of sexual harassment.

There is a lot of video evidence of this crime.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №146614
 20.11.2017
Who am I to judge myself?

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №146613
 20.11.2017
Here now will be a terrible story about how security forces are nightmaring small and medium-sized.
In general, in the capital lived an entrepreneur (I intend not to name), who had his own clothing, accessories and personal hygiene store. Things went well, the businessman was thinking about expansion. And he also had an apartment in the center of the capital, which he decided to rent, so as not to prostrate. All his problems began at the moment when a very young security officer entered this apartment - a native of, by the way, one of the southern regions of the country. This police officer, as it later turned out, got into the organs of the mud, thanks to the kumovst and personal friendship of his relatives with a high-ranking man in the pursuit from the security service.
The young policeman behaved disgustingly, did not pay for the apartment for months, but systematically drove drunkards with friends. And then suddenly, a small businessman was very cool. The investigation initially arrested his wife. For faithfulness, in order not to shrink, she was taunted by a gentleman. The Lord, Karl! The wife of a small businessman. In the apartment and in the store arranged a shaming, and then arrested the businessman himself. And his tenant, whom he, from despair, sought protection, even himself gave the entrepreneur into the careful hands of his colleagues.
And what would you think? The businessman also started sewing the gentleman! Again, the small entrepreneur was accused of state abuse! Absolute absurdity and arbitrariness. They were treated monstrously. held in hell conditions. They were questioned several times a day, including in the middle of the night. They arranged one-off bets with some kind of security officer, who, as it turned out, pretended to be another person.
Eventually, the businessman was released, forcing him to cooperate with the investigation. When he returned, it turned out that his tenant harassed his wife (she was also released) and led her to sexual intercourse. The businessman was not free for a long time. Soon the authorities arrested his wife again, and then himself.
He spent several years without a court sentence. He was just murdered in the sword, without showing anything. When the businessman, after all, was released, he was already completely ruined. The store was removed, the apartment was removed. It was a sharp raider capture that an honest entrepreneur could not fight.
Thus, a successful capital businessman turned into a city bombardment who lived on mercy.
The resident, by the way, made a fantastic career in the security service. The businessman’s wife was murdered in prison.
This is the sad story of a Paris gallantroyer by the name of Bonassie.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №146612
 20.11.2017
Bill Gates says they started in garages with a single solder.
Just like us. But we still had a straw...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №146611
 20.11.2017
- Babule, we were asked to read "The stationary watchmaker", do we have it? Why are you laughing? No, no... No, not "distance"!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №146610
 20.11.2017
Experts calculated the real salaries of medical workers in Russia

Q: Well counted, and hole on? I can count my cats too. Once or two. All of. Is the cat more than that? Change the color? Wings are grown?
I beg you.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №146609
 20.11.2017
xxxxxxxxxxx:
In general, in the hallway under the closet there was a hole, inside quite spacious, with a narrow entrance. The gap between the DVDs. There were two generations of cats. It is impossible to get a cat out of there. But when the cats grew up, they stopped crawling there themselves.

xxxxxxxxxxx:
It just happened that the cat had to be broken, and he knows it. And then the cat hid there and sat down until the people cooled down.

xxxxxxxxxxx:
True, Filka, who is a Thai, did not hide if they wanted to beat him. He was not allowed to go by a cat busido. He preferred to catch an extra for self-defense rather than a snob.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №146608
 20.11.2017
I seemed to understand everything the little one said. But the "Papa's request to tell a fairy tale about how the whisper lost his skin" for two days put me in an impasse, and made him know what "the tears of vanity" are.
When the puzzle of the bird-cheese-fable-wings formed in his head, he felt like someone between Newton, shrouded with an apple, and the unwashed Archimedes.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №146607
 20.11.2017
I laughed at the man about whom they said he was washing for a long time... and today he fell asleep in the shower for half an hour, clinging to the wall...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №146606
 20.11.2017
> we are all in the soul of Ippolit...

A great calendar, by the way.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna