bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122133
 22.12.2015
In fact, you can’t distinguish a normal man from the one who disguises himself. There are two options - either learn to differentiate (grow up), or sit at home with your mother. years to fifty. In the blue socks.

Sometimes you fucking find out.
I was on the bus in the summer. The city is big, long to go. Next to him sits a starperist-cultural man and is silent. Suddenly he asks something about a stop where he can go out and sit. has answered.
And here it began. He began to talk on incomprehensible topics, did not come out at his stop and embarrassingly asked a phone call, appointed a meeting. Elijah has fled.
What is called,"nothing predicted". I lived to 50.


[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122132
 22.12.2015
You have been somewhat upset lately.
Dangerously warm winter - don't let god the French or the Germans move to Moscow.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №122131
 22.12.2015
The New Year gifts.
We were pleased to run down to the whole team and gave the perforator to our boss's neighbor.

[ + 47 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122130
 22.12.2015
9/11: The Shipman's Story

On the morning of Tuesday, September 11, we flew from Frankfurt for five hours and flew over the North Atlantic.

Suddenly the curtains moved, and I was told to immediately go to the cockpit to talk to the captain.

As soon as I got there, I noticed that the crew was extremely serious. The captain gave me a printed message. It was from Delta’s headquarters in Atlanta and briefly: “All airlines over the continental part of the United States are closed for commercial flights. Land immediately at the nearest airport. Tell me about your direction.”

No one said a word about what it could mean. We realized that the situation is serious and we need to land as soon as possible. The captain found out that the nearest airport was Gander, on the island of Newfoundland, 600 kilometers behind us.

He requested permission to change the route from the Canadian controller; permission was given immediately, without asking questions. Only later did we find out why this happened.

While the crew was preparing for landing, another message came from Atlanta. From him we learned about terrorist activity somewhere in New York. A few minutes later, the plane was stolen. We decided not to tell the passengers the truth before landing. We told them that there was a small technical failure on the plane and that we needed to land at the nearest airport, in Gandhara, to check everything.

We promised to provide more details on the landing. Of course, the passengers wept, but we are used to that. Forty minutes later we landed in Gandera. Local time was 12:30 – it is 11:00 on standard eastern time.

There were already a dozen two aircraft from around the world on the ground, which also changed their route on their way to the United States.

After stopping, the captain made the announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, you probably want to know what technical problem brought all these aircraft here. We are here for a different reason.”

Then he told us the little we knew about the situation in the United States. There were loud screams and suspicious eyes. The captain told the passengers that the Gander air traffic control ordered us to stay in our seats.

The situation was under the control of the Canadian government and no one was allowed to leave the plane. No one on earth had the right to approach any of the planes. Only periodically approached the airport police, inspected us and moved to the next vessel.

Within an hour or so, more planes landed, and 53 aircraft from around the world gathered in Gandhara, 27 of them American commercial aircraft.

In the meantime, news began to come on the radio. So we learned that the planes were directed to the World Trade Center in New York and the Pentagon building in Washington.

People tried to use mobile phones but could not connect due to differences in cellular systems. Some managed to break through, but they only received messages from a Canadian carrier that all lines to America were either blocked or hit.

Later in the evening, the news came to us that the World Trade Center buildings collapsed and that the fourth robbery ended in a crash. By this time, the passengers were morally and physically debilitated, not to mention being frightened, but everyone remained surprisingly calm.

It was enough for us to look through the window at the other 52 aircraft that were in the same difficult situation to realize that we were not alone.

Before that, we were told that people would be released from all planes in turn. At six o’clock the airport that our turn would be at 11 a.m. the next day. Passengers were unhappy, but accepted the news without much noise and began to prepare to spend the night in the plane.

Gander promised us water, toilets and medical care if needed. And they kept their word.

Fortunately, we did not have any medical conditions to worry about. However, we had a girl on board at the 33rd week of pregnancy, and we took great care of her. The night was quiet, despite not the most suitable conditions for sleep.

Around 10:30 a.m. on the 12th, a squad of school buses appeared. We left the plane and entered the terminal, where we passed border and customs controls, and then registered with the Red Cross. After that, we (the crew) were separated from the passengers and taken to a small hotel in minibuses.

We did not know what our passengers were doing. From the Red Cross we learned that the population of Gander is 10,400 people, and they had to take care of 10,500 passengers, who were brought to them in the city! We were told to rest at the hotel and wait for U.S. airports to reopen and contact us. We were warned that this is unlikely to happen very soon.

All the horror of the situation at home we realized only when we arrived at the hotel and turned on the TVs. Twenty days have passed by then.

Meanwhile, it turned out that we have a lot of free time and the people of Gander are incredibly friendly. They began to call us “the people of the planes.” We their hospitality, explored the city and eventually had a good time.

Two days later we were called and taken back to the airport. Upon returning to the plane, we reunited with our passengers and found out how they spent the time. What we found out was amazing...

Gandher and surrounding towns within a radius of 75 kilometers closed schools, conference halls and other large premises. All these rooms have been converted into residential areas. Some had mattresses, some had mattresses, sleeping bags and pillows. All high school students were obliged to volunteer to take care of the guests.

Our 218 passengers landed in a small town called Lewisport, 45 kilometers from Gander. They were placed in school. If any of the women wanted to accommodate only with women, this could also be arranged. Families are not separated. Passengers were accommodated in private houses.

Do you remember our pregnant woman? She was settled in a private house across the road from the 24-hour ambulance center. If necessary, the passengers could call a dentist. The nurse and nurse stayed with the group continuously.

Calls and emails to the United States and around the world once a day were available to everyone. During the day, passengers were offered excursions. Some went on boat rides through lakes and coves. Some went on hiking trips through the surrounding forests. Local bakeries were opened to provide guests with fresh bread.

People cooked food and brought it to schools. People were taken to restaurants of their choice and fed delicious dishes. The luggage was left in the planes, so everyone was given tokens to automatic washing machines to wash things.

In other words, the travellers got everything imaginable and unthinkable.

When we heard it, the passengers were crying. When they were finally told that the airports were opened, they were all taken to the airport exactly on time, none of them were missing or late. The local Red Cross department had full information about the location of each passenger and knew which aircraft each of them should be on and when all these aircraft depart. They organized everything wonderfully.

It was incredible.

When the passengers boarded, it felt like they were on a cruise. Everyone knew everyone by name. They exchanged stories about their stay, trying to impress each other and measure who had the best time.

Our flight back to Atlanta looked like a private flight party. The crew tried not to interfere. It was stunning. The passengers called each other by name, exchanged phone numbers, addresses and emails.

Then something unimaginable happened.

One of the passengers approached me and asked for permission to make a voice announcement. We will never allow that. But this time was special. I said “Of course” and gave him a microphone. He took it and reminded everyone what they had gone through in the last few days. He reminded them of the hospitality rendered to them by the most perfect strangers. And I said that I would like to thank the good people from Lewisport.

He said he wanted to set up a trust fund called Delta 15 (our flight number). The purpose of the foundation is to give scholarships to high school students in Lewisport so that they can study at college.

He asked his travel colleagues to donate any amount. When the record sheet returned to us with amounts, names, phone numbers and addresses, the result was more than $14,000! This man, a doctor from Virginia, promised to collect donations and start procedures for the organization of the scholarship. He also added that he will contact Delta and offer them to participate as well.

I’m telling this story, and the trust fund is already $1.5 million, 134 students have gotten to college.

A great story, right? It reminds us of how many people in the world are willing to help. Only those who don’t help write more in the newspapers.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №122129
 22.12.2015
The Chief Doctor:
The premiums will only be paid for permanent patients.
The pathologist:
I got in.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №122128
 22.12.2015
The father asks his son:
Your son is about to be 25 and we think what to give you for your birthday?
What did you give me for 24?
O O.Hahahahah he knows!
C. Can I do it?

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122127
 22.12.2015
Quote from the website of the newspapers about the retiree Ionov:
"Ionov is a member of the movement "Solidarity". Whether he is in a dream or in any other image from the article is not clear. But... it may still be a mistake. and :)

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №122126
 22.12.2015
I’ve never liked hamburgers in a martyrdom. Farce is like a pastry. Potato norm, car there, cocktails, that’s all. The hamburgers are crazy. It is better to go to the rostix, there, even if a piece of chicken, it is seen that it is a chicken.

You are a gourmet.

Tagged: curman

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122125
 22.12.2015
The Dutch government has legalized sex pay for driving lessons. This was announced by Justice Minister Ard van der Stein and Transport Minister Melanie Schulz van Hegen. According to them, such a form of payment for services to motor schools cannot be considered prostitution. Ministers called such payment “undesirable” but not contrary to the law.


[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №122124
 22.12.2015
The man’s logic:

Having received a rough answer to the question "what hour?" from a girl on the street, complain about the girl, how she did not recognize the harmless mosquito, and not the crowd of fools who brought the girl to this behavior. So if a body in a cape and trainers approaches you in a dark bedroom with a question about smoking, you will honestly analyze its intonation and facial expression, suddenly this is friendly, and not move into the board and make your feet? The Truth?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №122123
 22.12.2015
(Discussions about the comics)
DDD: How is it right – rosomaha or rosomaha?
Tagged: Wolverine
and ddd :)
vvv: A in Russian - rosomaha

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122122
 22.12.2015
How many times have you broken.
Watch and mobile at the same time.
Forced in the past.
to ask (and necessarily nice girls, not out of that)
The grandfather?
I can’t believe in such a total.
The Unfortunate. In the multiples
unskilled subjects - is more willing to believe,
According to the further text.

He fully agrees, but his complaint has a part of truth, because young girls are really very rude today. I personally don’t have the clock broken, but sometimes I have to turn to the locals to find some organization that seems to be somewhere here. And I will NEVER approach a young girl, for five out of ten will answer the same thing as a complainant with a broken clock, four will pretend that they do not hear, and one will pass through her teeth, I don’t know. But for the elderly, this option is undeniable. They will always tell, tell and show. And often they themselves are happy to move a couple of phrases with a polite young man.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №122121
 22.12.2015
My wife gave birth today. The name was Field. My wife is now a field generator.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №122120
 22.12.2015
The story happened to me in my childhood, when I was not 6 years old, playing in the kitchen with my grandmother alone I used somewhat under the counter and discovered a huge amount of money: 50 thousand rubles with one note, turning my brains I calculated that I could buy about 1000 ice cream (not a mistake), so I took the money and went to binge with my friends, such as: I will buy a lot of ice cream and I will eat one, and you will not give it. Then I went to the store and gave the money to the seller (my aunt), gave me one ice cream without taking a penny, laughing at the same time. Only then did I find out what a denomination was.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122119
 22.12.2015
Well, Ray in ZV, she is... mmm. Do you remember Gaia?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122118
 22.12.2015
The boss called - asked to buy a LGBT card for 5000 rubles. For a long time, I thought he wanted me. The card of Ildebotte.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №122117
 21.12.2015
Mother: I bought my grandmother a new gas plate as a gift. on "advertising" found a licensed specialist to connect. I made a check-up call in the morning - he had already forgotten, but promised to come at 2 p.m. And then at 3 a.m. he called and said that in the cassation the court refused and he will go to jail next week and wished me all the best and that we would look for another specialist.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №122116
 21.12.2015
The colleagues presented a cactus in a pot for their birthday. At work it was dark and the temperature was not suitable, I decided to take him home.

Friday and evening. I go down in the subway with two colleagues (girls) and a cactus in a pot. Some drunk character long thoughtfully looks at the cactus, on me, on colleagues...

Do you have a girl or a boy as well?! to

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №122115
 21.12.2015
I had a quarrel with my wife yesterday. And now for 2 days we don't talk, we quietly have sex, silently dinner appears on the table, and I quietly play the console and watch movies. This is how ideal relationships look.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №122114
 21.12.2015
In the shops "All in 36" came oil.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna