bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №120572
 14.11.2015
The duck under the tree or Santa exists!

In our family there is a tradition - on the New Year's table must be a duck with apples, at least nothing else, but the duck must be a point! This tradition has been established since 1991, and we continue to do so.
In the 94th (I was 10 years old) came a black-monetary strip, my mother could hardly work, there was no money at all, or there was very little, no permanent work was taken, and random earnings, in the form of compiling accounting reports, were not regular and paid very little. I remember how a terrible sleep our diet - soup only from a bouillon cubicle and green onions grown on the window, with a piece of homemade bread - has been more than 20 years, and I still can't eat bread "by that" recipe. But this is the prehistory to the story itself!
On the evening of Friday, December 30, 1994, in my mom’s pocket of only 20 rubles, it is clear that this year there will be no duck, but there will be pure and silk. She returns home, going to the market to buy something on the holiday table, well, and mandarines). Almost all merchants are closed, and a single grandmother stands and sells a single duck, not a duck, namely a duck, weighing up to a kilogram! The price is 20 rubles. As they say, we do not trade! ? Miracles do not end here - going with this miracle cat through the market, in the snow mom finds a rubber paper!!! There were tears of happiness, and a tree, and a mandarine, and a duck with apples, and even a small candy gift!
During these years there were different New Year's ducks - and "in oranges", and "with nuts", and "with garlic", and "in the test", and weighing 6 kg, etc. and etc. But we always remember that duck!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №120571
 14.11.2015
Medvedev decided to pass the law on the increase of the state. Divorce fees up to 30,000 rubles, so as not to divorce. The next step will be the law on the paid death certificate, so that you don’t die. They take care of us...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №120570
 14.11.2015
A: The Pride
How to share?
B: The Jade
A is pleasant!
What are you eating?
B: chicken soup, rice cake
A: And our dogs ate all the food. We rushed out of the apartment and forgot to close the door to the kitchen.
So they all wasted there and besides food they ate more spices, sugar, laundry, garbage, land.
for flowers, flowers, pots and grip for cage

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №120569
 14.11.2015
And can you besides the buttons "+" and "-" button "IT" and put these posts on a separate page?
Thanks in advance.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №120568
 14.11.2015
st_yourself: I’ve been doing cascading tricks for ten years. I broke my arms, legs, ribs, jaw, fell into a coma. But I will continue. I think if God wanted me to quit, he would have given me a sign.


[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №120567
 14.11.2015
Free on all flights (international and domestic) only personal belongings can be brought into the aircraft cabin. These include: female bag or portfolio, paper folder, umbrella, bouquet of flowers, top clothes,

Yyy: At one time it was believed that a normal female bag should fit at least a half-liter bank of cucumbers (preferably three-liter) and a baton. So you have to stop carrying all kinds of clowns with you...

Aaa: I can easily pull a bottle of champagne with a box of candy in my own, closing it with lightning)))

YYY: I can only carry four beers in my own. Unfortunately, I don’t like the bottle, and the bottles don’t go in :))) It’s time to change the bag.

BBB: I think I can get in my lady’s bag not only the whole puddle, but also an elephant. The main thing is to wrap his ears with a hood with something, so that the flash of the bag does not stretch in the road.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №120566
 14.11.2015
xxx: I am not
xxx is a thousand
Even the door in the subway is hard to open.
YYY: in the wagon

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №120565
 14.11.2015
Follaut 4 is out and I don’t have a course done.
Order for Babies
Q: How much is the course now?
from 3 thousand. covered

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №120564
 14.11.2015
During the day, green builders come, roast and take away everything they don’t like. At night they go out, bite and take away everything they like. Soon our forest instead of a park will become a desert of culture and recreation.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №120563
 14.11.2015
The shortest street of our city is "Suvorovsky Bridge". It has exactly one small private house, standing in the park seven kilometers from this same bridge, and from the road to the house only the ancient ground track leads through the bushes - that is, the street in principle does not exist and has a zero length. I am glad I am not a postman.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №120562
 14.11.2015
The flight was overturned after some character in the cockpit costume stood up from his seat with a scotch and, depicting concern, with a scotch and a lump began to inspect the salon and make stickers around the illuminators. I was in panic, yes.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №120561
 14.11.2015
I saw this car seat sheep, and now I have a dilemma.
xxx: on the one hand presses the frog, on the other - freezes the ass %)
You can bet which side wins.
Buy a skin.
Winter is near!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №120560
 14.11.2015
XX: And not to argue at all! The taste and color of the flower are different.
YY: Yes yes. Especially unpleasant, I remember, were blue and green:
I painted a lot of heaven and grass, the flower masters dried up, and the grandfather revived them.
With the help of Odyssey.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №120559
 13.11.2015

to this:
You should also bear in mind that repeating the word hai by the interlocutor may mean that he is listening and understanding you, but not that he agrees with you.

What is not so? We have the words "Yes" and "Ugu" too quite often – just pings and echoes...

[ + 20 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №120558
 13.11.2015
The scream of the soul.

There is no computer humor left, no intelligent people left, just normal people have long since gone. There are only the trolls, the trolls and I, who read them for some reason.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №120557
 13.11.2015
Comments on Western actors wishing to get Russian citizenship:

“That’s what I see in the new season of ‘The Deaf’ on NTV by Jack Nicholson, Mel Gibson and Sylvester Stallone.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №120556
 13.11.2015
From the Parent Forum:

by Maria@:

We make sand cakes, cut into shapes. The eldest puts his creations on the counter.
I cautiously notice that some are too fat – they will not take care of.

He leaned to the cookies, looked closely on the side, squeezed and bloodthirsty like this:
And the fat we will soon bring down, and he will strike them with his hand to the enemy.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №120555
 13.11.2015
I never count money, I never know the prices in the shops, I never have a bad mood. Instead of work, I like to rest and help those in need. My shoes wash other people with their own language literally, and to have the best and most obsessive sex in the world, I just need to say it. The question. Who am I?
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №120554
 13.11.2015
Oh, a great new photo! You have not posted anything for a long time.
Wow: No, it wasn’t before that.
HH: The figure is great. Did you go to the gym?
Wow: I have an individual program with a personal trainer: strict restrictions on food and sleep, weight lifting exercises, every day 2.5 hours of walking with weights across the crossed terrain, and only dare to stop and sit down, such an instant on the whole street, which is his nafig.
See also: Figase! How do you endure it? Have you been doing this for a long time?
Wow, half a year already. It is hard, but I can do it.
Do you want to give up everything?
Well, I won’t throw a child in the garbage because he doesn’t eat or sleep.
HHH: Your own foot! I wrapped my ears here! Congratulations then :)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №120553
 13.11.2015
Aaa: It is impossible to simply prove the existence of God, as it is impossible to prove his absence. No one has yet managed to obtain the simplest single-celled organism from non-living matter. If they get it, it will be iron proof of his absence.

Bbb: In other words, if scientists could use their minds to obtain a living organism from non-living matter, would that be iron proof that reason is not necessary for life to arise, and that everything worked out on its own? Funny...

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna