bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109429
 15.02.2015
Ajika - a lot of pepper, less tomatoes, spices, without garlic.
................

and ah. Do not tell the Abkhazians that adjika should be done without garlic, but with tomatoes.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №109428
 15.02.2015
Why do women live longer than men?
Because they have no wives.
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According to statistics, single women live longer than married women. Single men live less than married men. We’ll make our own conclusions, okay?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109427
 15.02.2015
Old Pearl: I don’t have an IP or a face)
Q: What did the passport eat?


[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №109426
 15.02.2015
by Scuconahou:
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15 years ago, working in a carpenter on the manufacture of furniture, screws were knocked with a hammer into raw pine boards.
In fact, then I learned that a stitched screw is better than even a stitched nail, not to mention a stitched one, because with time the tree dries out and the nails don’t hold at all, but the screws...
__________
For the fact that you, fucks, furniture from crude pine made you this furniture in your ass and inserted,

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109425
 15.02.2015
Let’s finally show the American police a real gun! Make a booklet for them, how to distinguish a real gun from a toy, let them carry with you.
— — —
For the sake of justice, a gun from a normal "intimidator" is really difficult to distinguish at a distance.
Brochures will not help.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109424
 15.02.2015
[16:18:51] Count Kotovsky: My naufragus exalted all the edits of the text with nuclear flowers... It is likely that my eyes would hurt as much as his when he read my text: D Here is her, the revenge of the highest test.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109423
 15.02.2015
I watch on YouTube clips of Lindsay Stirling (playing violin and dancing at the same time). Comment on the clip "I tried to dance with my piano. It ended badly"

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №109422
 15.02.2015
Man is born clean, like a morning well, but then, everyone who is not lazy, begins to suck there.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №109421
 15.02.2015
Short good stories

1st Today my dad came home with roses for mom and me. He said that some of his colleagues today complained about their wives and children, and I was unable to make a company with them.

2nd Today I asked my grandfather’s advice on how to have a relationship and he replied, “Honestly, at the moment I met your grandmother, I was disappointed in trying to find the right woman and just started trying to be the right person. It was then that your grandmother approached me and said, “Hello.”

Three Today it was 10 years since I lived with a husband who would not have become him if not a graduation ball. At the time, my family was trying to end up and we couldn’t afford to even buy a dress. He bought me a dress, helped my parents and through his parents found a job for my dad. We have two children and I still love him.

4 is Today, on our 50th wedding anniversary, my husband took out an old envelope and handed me a love note, which he wrote in 7th grade.

5 is A couple of years ago, when I went out of the hypermarket, I held the door for an elderly lady. She thanked me and said that she would be lucky for the girl who got such a good man. Tonight I went with my wife to the grocery store, we walked by the hand and on the exit I met the same old lady. She held the door for us, blinked and said, “I told you.”

6 is Today, my mom and I sat down and watched the same movie at the same time, even though we were several thousand kilometers apart. I missed her so much and it felt like we were sitting on the same couch and it was so warm in the shower.

7 is Five years ago I took a puppy from a shelter for sick dogs, he had constant seizures. Today he grew up and he has recovered, and now he is my service dog.

8 is My daughter was 28 years old, a firefighter saved her life when she took her out of a burning building. During the process, he injured his leg, and doctors said he would never be able to walk normally again. Yesterday he laid down his trunk and slowly led my daughter to the altar. I didn’t want the best husband for my daughter.

9 is Today, for the first time in six months, I called my best friend and apologized for not being able to support him in a difficult moment. He said to me, “I knew you would call me... Come...”

10 is Today was my little sister’s 14th birthday. She has Down syndrome and has no friends. My boyfriend came to dinner with flowers, but said they were not for me. He entered the house and gave it to his sister. She was so excited. He took us two to a restaurant and we had a great evening.

11 is I am a poor student, I always have no money and I feel unhappy because of it. But when I get an e-mail from my father, who was left overseas, saying he loves and misses me, I feel like the richest man on earth.

12 is My parents help with the rehabilitation of heroin addicts. They were like that, 17 years ago, but they changed when they found out my mother was pregnant with me.

Thirteen My grandmother died today. She was the glue that kept our family together. There were so many people at the funeral today. It turns out that she was loved by many, and everyone approached and said thank you for keeping her until the last day.

14 is Today I learned that my biological mother was a drug addict who died of an overdose when I was three years old. But today I can say that I will be proud to call my mother the woman who raised me and took me out of the shelter.

15 is Today, after we all watched our grandmother squeeze 100 candles on the cake, she raised her eyes, looked at all of us, 27 members of the family, and said, “You are my family. I am very proud to be a part of your life.”

16 is Two years ago, my mother was attacked and her scars remained on her face. And my brother and I every week, wherever we are, call and say that she’s the most beautiful of us.

17th Today I helped cook food for the homeless. The man to whom I gave the sandwich said he didn’t want to and asked to give it to a friend who was behind him. “He’s birthday and I want to give him a gift, but all I can do is sacrifice myself for him.” His friend was delighted. People who have nothing value the little things that we do not notice.

18 is I passed by a woman with two dogs. One of the dogs had no legs, but they both cried. I asked what happened. The owner smiled and told her that one dog had lost a leg while protecting the other and now the other is choking because she is grateful to her.

19 is Today, playing with my 20-month-old daughter, I pretended to be asleep. She covered me with a blanket, knocked on my back, and then kissed me gently in the lips. This is exactly what I do when I put her to sleep.

20 is My two-year-old daughter, who didn’t know how to swim, fell into the pool, I was in the kitchen and when I ran, the yard dog had already pulled her out of the pool, carefully pressing her dress in her teeth. Now we have a dog.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №109420
 15.02.2015
In ancient Sparta, physically or mentally disabled people were thrown off the rock, rather than making them national footballers or deputies.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №109419
 15.02.2015
How do you wake up in the morning without being broken? I don’t need advice like “coffee drink” etc. I need a tool so that after waking up there is no feeling of “I want to sleep.”

U: Drink 0.7 vodka before going to bed, then in the morning you will not feel “I want to sleep.” It will feel like "Kill me straight".

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №109418
 15.02.2015
Disappointed Paranoid

News about the drone.
I will not go to the road for a mile now.

Kamaz does not need roads. be careful.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109417
 15.02.2015
Discuss the story of a cat whom his husband threw into the apartment half an hour after leaving.

I had a cat so hardly flew to Dominica with me. At the airport at the entrance he was seen in a backpack. The main thing was sitting like a mouse, quiet. I was surprised, ch...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109416
 15.02.2015
>> How nice it is to put a cat in the merit that he is not
He does what he does not have.
opportunity to do.
****
with a loud voice*
The original quote was not about the benefits of cats vs the benefits of young children. The little daughter too will not be able to give you to the nursing house and with about the same success will provide you with water as a cat.It was about that someone was more sweet when his two-year-old daughter meets from work, and someone - when a cat. There is nothing to hide in the garden. No one at this moment thinks, “Well, my daughter will grow up – it will provide me with a quiet old age” or “Ah, Vaska, you have no milk, no meat, no glass of water.”
Though, whoever you, amazing, knows 0_o

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №109415
 15.02.2015
In the early years, everybody was feverishly questioning the newcomers, catching every news from Germany, day by day waiting for the collapse of the Third Empire. Now everyone understood that only war could lead to the collapse of the Reich. And every slightly intelligent person also understood that a government that solves the problem of unemployment through the development of military industry will eventually face an alternative: war or an internal disaster. Meaning the war.

The Arc of Triumph, Erich Remark

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109414
 15.02.2015
Blocking advertising is theft!
YYY: Then advertising is rape!
ZZZ: There is no sin in stealing the rapist, my children.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109413
 15.02.2015
DerArto: Valentine's Day - reminds of the times of the Universal Flood. All creatures break up in pairs and go somewhere. Do you go anywhere and sit alone? That is Noah!

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109412
 15.02.2015
Explain far from medicine: the names of drugs from the ceiling are taken quite rarely. Gaster (Latin) The stomach. Iberia is a plant. Sage is just a drug for the stomach based on ibers, it's all simple.
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And now about ibuprofen, the audience at your feet...

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109411
 15.02.2015
My wife left the shopping center "to walk".
I got a ticket to Jupiter, eat without me"
I spent two minutes talking about...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №109410
 15.02.2015
Wife (reads a newspaper): a misunderstood phrase - "Please never put a magnet next to your mobile phone"
I: I think it is a very clear phrase. What do you not understand?
I don’t know where to find the magnet.

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