bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №108429
 21.01.2015
Sergey Ivanovich, who is a cat, and the toys are right, gentlemen - wine bars in an incredible amount, scattered across the narrow corners of the house. And the most beautiful thing is that it never translates.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108428
 21.01.2015
here here :
We motivate you with flowers, compliments, and you motivate us with matyugs.
– – – –
Everything needs to know the measure. A virgin who quarrels is a fool, yes. And to motivate and say "Thank you" need. But how often does a man cook and clean for himself? In my practice there were two men who cooked not only well, but better than me, and did it with pleasure. They cleaned the kitchen - what to clean there, washed the dishes and wiped the table with a cloth. And there was some number of friends who are preparing here in the option to show care once a year". Will they clean the kitchen? Do not laugh. They, proud of the accomplished feat, will joyfully bring their slightly crushed creation, will proudly serve and go to the computer. All of. You with tears of happiness and temperature in your eyes say, “Thank you, dear,” and then you collect the remaining strengths in a bunch and go wash the dishes until it dries, rub the table that has already dried, scratch the bark – like masking a scratched tableboard and wash the plate. Then wipe the floor because it’s wet. And when you’re just thinking about what you’re going to do, you don’t want to thank.
Therefore: men, cute, we love care very much and are ready to say thank you, to give threads for mood and good sex, but not when in response to care you need to wipe off the whole apartment from the consequences of care. Bring the matter to a logical end.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №108427
 21.01.2015
06:37, 21 January 2015
Russian filmmakers ask for the return of the film
— — — —
Do you want to equalize the flow of mate from the room and from the screen?


[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №108426
 21.01.2015
Sherloked: I don’t want to wash the boiler.
Lorraine: I have to.
Sherloked: Give me at least one reason why I should do it.
Lorraine: A new form of life has already been born, probably intelligent. Given the furious pace of development, very soon they will expel parliamentarians and want independence, will attract the world public through the media, will call for tolerance, will oblige us to respect our customs and laws. First they will declare the kitchen their territory, and then demand compensation for years of ruthless extermination of relatives. They will proclaim a constitutional monarchy of confusion and expel us from the apartment. And while we are going down to the social bottom, they will get the right to vote and participate in the political life of the country. There will be a few weeks until humanity is enslaved.
Sherloked: I understood, I understood, I went to wash. But with the proud feeling that I am saving the planet.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №108425
 21.01.2015
Do you know what I noticed? When you break up with a girl you like, she doesn’t stop liking you. And here all the rest stops.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108424
 21.01.2015
What do you know about the slow internet? Apart from Rostelecom, we do not have any providers at all. The speed is amazing. Add a torrent. "There are three years until the download ends" So how, shit? How is?! to

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №108423
 21.01.2015
xxx: Well she sits in front of the blue screen of Wendy and plays the flute melody of Kill Bill
XX: It seems to be related.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108422
 21.01.2015
The Habr. Comments under the topic "what kind of music aliens can listen to" (golden grammy recording on "Voyager")

Q: Is there a loser or only his scheme attached?

Yyy: No, it is assumed that when analyzing the disk, the aliens themselves will find that the concentric spiral cranes on the disk contain sound fluctuations.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №108421
 21.01.2015
from the post of one aunt lover of exotic life
...Well, about the freezer, bitten by mice (white, feed) I will not tell. Once we had guests from the bodong got up in the morning before us and confused them with the pelmen. They cooked (in a pot under the cover)... There was a scream when the plates were poured out...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №108420
 21.01.2015
The creator of the game about exploding kittens began to raise funds, intending to get $10,000 for the month of the campaign. The requested amount was collected in 20 minutes, less than a day the project received 1.4 million from Kickstarter users.

Comments under news:
It’s all about cats!
Put a cat in any startup and you are waiting for success.
It would be necessary to draw cats in rubles to benefit from demand.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №108419
 21.01.2015
The Infantile:

When something hurts and I don’t know why, I go to the doctor.
xxx: when something"s hurt" at the comp, I go to the programmer
Hello, I say I don’t have a computer.
xxx: and I get a genius phrase: "and why?"

– – – – –

Did you learn to go to the doctor and not complain to your mother? Now find a service center for comps - there they are "treated". Or call on the "bottle of tea" spice from there. The programmers have a different job.
So you can come to the economist with a complaint "the money ended" - suddenly he saved it for you? and ;))

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №108418
 21.01.2015
I call the whole conscious life the living room, the conscience does not bite.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №108417
 21.01.2015
They argued with the Chuvas, Persian or Greek king Mithridates.

xxx: vo, wiki cury, Mithridat Evpator, king of Ponta
The king of Ponta is the one who cannot be called.
The Euphoria, again...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №108416
 21.01.2015
What are you all sitting there?c) The Union

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №108415
 21.01.2015
The epic file.
I bought pants for weight loss and didn’t get into them.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №108414
 21.01.2015
How interesting:

They praised Shiza Tarkovsky, and he spoiled the beautiful book of Strugacki.

In fact, the film was filmed by script by A and B, and "Picnic" in this script smells only out.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №108413
 21.01.2015
I recently went to the dentist for implantation. Operation according to the standards of dentistry is quite serious, strong side effects such as temperature, bruises on the face, swelling and other "pleasures" are possible.

On the third day, I am due to go for examination. The dentist carefully examines the place of action (six seams, blood, swelling), after which with a very serious look reports: "You heal well, very beautiful seams!". People have very different concepts of beauty.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №108412
 21.01.2015
Australian scientists captured a signal from space. The source of the signal is located approximately 5.5 billion light-years from Earth.

Why do we need a signal that is five and a half billion years old?
How Why? → Suddenly there was porn?

[ + 12 - ] Comment quote №108411
 21.01.2015
The problem of those who say that Ukrainians, Belarusians and Russians are one people is that they cannot say it in either Belarusian or Ukrainian.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №108410
 21.01.2015
Tell me who your ministers are and I will tell you what kind of president you are.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna