bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109089
 07.02.2015
In the group of our house in VK debate about garbage, that not everyone is stuck in the container and thrown nearby. A hundred pages, and suddenly:

Aunt writes: “Yesterday, a huge rat came out of this bunch of garbage and walked into the kindergarten.”

The guy said to her, “I also don’t like to run on a full stomach.”

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109088
 07.02.2015
There is such an animal.
Drink pure juice of plants. There is almost nothing in sugar.
Two parasites live in it: one processes sugar, the other makes the first, which weakens so much that the slightest difference in temperature kills it and the fat dies from exhaustion. So who is who’s owner suddenly the question.
In the second parasite lives his parasite, who stole the genes of his virus (!!) Fighting with the Oscars. The parasite parasite kills another parasite, yes.
But that is not all.
There are parasitic fungi!) Seven genes were borrowed, which provide for the production of karatene. And this caratin seems to be photosynthesizing (!) is

And you are talking about the risks of GMO cartridges here.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №109087
 07.02.2015
Ivan Ohlobystin fell and struck his head at the chair.
Was the chair hard or soft?
He has a chair in Africa.
The soft chair in Africa is an alarming sign.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №109086
 07.02.2015
When getting a soldier, my aunt asks for a profession, I say a system engineer (as in a diploma) - shuts eyes, I say a system administrator - shuts eyes, I say a computer worker, a programmer, something started writing. No one has humiliated me so much.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109085
 07.02.2015
To the Pillow:

She was not a servant!! to
A maid is a reward job.
The mother-in-law’s ashes were oppressed at home and forced to do all the black work, so that she would lose her beauty, or even die, and the mother-in-law would be able to marry her unborn daughters and provide them. And whoever is at home, before that, no one was concerned.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109084
 07.02.2015
Kaliningrad, discussion of news:

111: Is it generally normal that only the man burned himself at the entrance of the city and burned???? to
Chapter 22: Your Mother
333: a man came to the town hall to bustle, for example,
444 and burned.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №109083
 07.02.2015
A colleague has some kind of linguistic mania: she reduces words. Restaurant at her - "restock", sandwich - "butique", electric - "elick", corporate - "orpor". In particular, somehow, when there is no unshorted substantive left in the sentences, the meaning is simply difficult to capture. A friend last night couldn’t stand it and asked:

Damn, Natasha, do you have the letters in the words paid?! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109082
 07.02.2015
Blizzard has begun to block accounts of Crimean players in World of Warcraft, Diablo and Starcraft. The money will not be returned.
and...
Maybe I should move to Crimea so that I can defend my diploma and get married?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №109081
 07.02.2015
Where do they come from "self fool"? Do you earn so that all the expenses are on you? So buy this damn ice cream when you want ice cream! The most cherished padishah in the general budget does not throw a penny and money for something is not enough? Sorry dear, we only have tea for lunch today! You are not obliged to pay for his loans, just like keeping an adult capable person.

I am for female responsibility. If with a man, do not bring heaven, something happened - trauma or severe illness - if the infamous loan before the dawn of the operation was needed, then yes, then a loving woman will stretch the belt stronger and will support it, no matter how hard it is. But when money really just knows where it is going, it will be superfluous from time to time to make a sandwich only for yourself - and only a masochistic moral will expect that he will suddenly change himself, and at least for her own money, but will buy an ice cream as a sign of attention.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109080
 07.02.2015
In the middle of the night, the middle daughter rises from the bed with an acid face and goes to the toilet. I rush to her with questions whether she feels well, what happened, does not hurt anything, etc., but the daughter silently makes a interrupting gesture with her hand and does not respond to questions. The older son of the programmer watching this scene says:
The speech module has not loaded.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109079
 07.02.2015
Trolling comes to us, trolling comes to us... Fun brings and the cheek is revitalizing, the taste of trolling is always real...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №109078
 07.02.2015
I explain:
and----
In the Gopoda Augcbupg, Gepmania, the young German obpatilacy in the cppp ppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
Europe...
and----
After that, the young German appealed to the court, which prohibited bordels from placing vacancies in employment centers, arguing that prostitution was legalized to protect workers in this field, not their employers.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109077
 07.02.2015
My girlfriend learns to play the flute.
xxx: Strange... as soon as I read the song of Damis Roussos "My Souvenir"... He took and died...
YYY: O_o You are... Mozart teaches. He is no longer afraid.
xxx: I'm just studying the mill)) Now I think maybe not...
Check out who is not sorry.
Teach the Basque.
XXX: Then I will die!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109076
 07.02.2015
It is naive:

Today I saw the solo guitarist of my favorite group in one of the supermarkets... in a brand jacket and a supermarket hat. He works there :(
_______________________

Everything is right, because you, the poor, the songs of your favorite group prefer to download for free without registration and SMS, and you will only agree to go to the concert if the cost of the entrance ticket will not exceed the cost of three of your lunches. And the musicians, you won’t believe, are also people, and they also, imagine, want to eat at least sometimes.
— — —

The point is not that someone downloads music for free or does not go to concerts, but that music can only feed you if you collect the stadiums. In other cases, you have to work. And yes, regardless of education, musicians often go to low-skilled or unskilled work, as it easily allows you to regularly take a vacation at your expense during a concert in another city or tour. In one of my favorite metal bands, all members are working, except for one loader and one driver, for example.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109075
 07.02.2015
Regarding the check "Vasi had two cats" and the conclusion that it is necessary to enter "three", not the number 3.

One comrade created a check on his website:
Prove that you are a Russian person and answer, how much is 10 times 100 grams?
In response, of course, scored the word "liter".
One day, a man contacted him through his tenth hand, who, with all the possible and impossible mistakes, entered the word 'kilogram'.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109074
 07.02.2015
But God saves the drunken, the foolish and the women.
By the way, by this principle, a drunk blonde is considered the best protector.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №109073
 07.02.2015
We can all – let us all wish peace to Ukraine together! Let our people not kill our people!!! to

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109072
 07.02.2015
I saw the demolitioner. Signature – The Fear. The photo itself is a dish with zephyr.

He ticked for a few seconds, then ate. Fear of the company.

Great to dish!

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №109071
 07.02.2015
It is easy to make a person happy: you must first take something from him, and then give it back to him.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109070
 07.02.2015
More than money
One entrepreneur was in debt and saw no way out of the situation. The creditors stood on him. Suppliers demanded payment.
He sadly sat on a bench in the park, lowering his head on his arms, wondering what could save his company from bankruptcy.
Suddenly an old man appeared before him.
“I see that something worries you,” he said.
After he heard the entrepreneur, the old man said:
I think I can help you.
He asked the entrepreneur his name, wrote out a check and pulled it in his hand, saying:
Take that money. We’ll meet here exactly in a year, and at this time you can give them to me.
Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he appeared.
An entrepreneur saw in his hand a $500,000 check signed by John Rockefeller, at the time one of the richest people in the world!
“I can end all my problems in an instant!” He thought he.
But instead, the entrepreneur decided to put the received check in his safe. Only the thought of his existence gave him the strength to develop a way to preserve his business.
With newly increased optimism, he concluded profitable deals and expanded the terms of payment. He managed to make a few big sales. Within a few months he got out of debt and began to make decent money again.
Exactly a year later, he returned to the park with the same check. At the appointed time, an old man appeared.
And at the moment when the grateful entrepreneur wanted to return him the check and share the achievements, the nurse ran and grabbed the old man.
I am so glad I caught him! She cried out. I hope he didn’t bother you? He always runs away from home and tells everyone he’s John Rockefeller.
Surprised, the entrepreneur stood simply astonished. After all, for the whole year he was engaged in business, buying and selling, being fully confident that he had half a million dollars in the safe.
Suddenly he realized that it wasn’t money, real or imaginary, that changed his life. It was his new confidence that gave him the strength to everything he now has.

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