Russia will send Vladimir Soloviev to Italy to tell them that they are well.

Recently, my mother and I remembered my childhood. I remembered such a story.



I was eight years old in the yard in the early 2000s. I did not have friends, the television was mostly hard Brazilian series on +100500 series, the computer was 1 for the whole village and stood in the office with the head of administration. There were only books left of entertainment, and we had enough of them at home.



And I encountered somehow in one of the encyclopedias for information about Jeanne D. Arc. Here Fig knows why she caught me so fast, but I started looking for information everywhere (I didn’t know about the existence of the great Internet at the time). Soon I became a small speaker in this part of French history.



Time passed, my kind eldest brother wrote a history book. And, o miracle, the theme is this Orléans Virgin. My star hour came, I took the posture of Radzinsky and began to read a lecture. Particular attention was paid to the point about the voices of the saints that Jeanne heard. I listed the entire list.



So my mother heard me. On Saturday, when all the relatives went to the bathroom, a family council was gathered. I was called into the room and asked to voice the voices once again. I, a simple soul, calmly said. I was listened and driven out of the room. A few days later, a strange uncle came home to us and told me that imaginary friends are not bad, but we have to fight it. Well, I listened to this, type of me why this information. It turned out that I was absolutely contactless and did not want to share my experiences. In short, this uncle disappeared as unexpectedly as he appeared.



And then, many years later, I decided to ask my mother the question: what kind of frog was it? Because nobody explained to me what was happening at all. As it turned out, in those distant times my whole precious family decided that in this way I decided to tell about what I hear voices in my head. After all, the eight-year-old can’t know who Jeanne D. Arc is. ! to L is logical.

xxx: Once tried to use the city mobile, t.k. You can order a taxi at a certain time. I had to go to the station at 5 in the morning. I ordered from the evening, I wake up in the morning and see that the order is already processed and the money is written off the card.

YYYYYYYYYYYY Woke up at the station?

The work of a psychologist. A teenager wrote, asked if it was possible to enroll his mother for a consultation. I ask, does my mother know that she is being recorded? He replies, "No, she just wrote me to the dentist without permission, and I decided to write her to a psychologist. I have always dreamed of Parapham.

If a person does not laugh with everyone, it does not mean that he does not understand what is happening. He was the first to guess the consequences.

The package voting. Example from the past

Yes I remembered. Probably 1991 or 1992. That is the beginning :)

I remember all the time broadcasting deputies on television, my father read "New World" and so on. There are discussions in the newspapers. Well, I was still in school.

And then the father cries and reads an article in a magazine. Example of a package vote.

There are three people: “A”, “B” and “B”. Not acquainted with each other. They are invited to vote for the following:

"A" is put in jail, "B" is raised twice, and "B" is transferred to a new promising position.

“A” votes against, “B” and “B” vote for.

“A” is in prison.

The next vote:

"A" is transferred to the best chamber, "B" is sent to jail, and "B" is raised twice the salary.

“A” and “B” vote for, “B” vote against.

“A” and “B” are in prison.

The last issue of the vote:

"A" to improve nutrition, "B" to transfer to the best chamber, "B" to put in jail.

“A” and “B” vote for, “B” vote against, but in the end:

All three volunteerly and democratically put themselves in jail :)

Then I just remembered this example as a joke, yes... Later, I realized that “package” voting is an extremely dangerous thing. And that, however, each proposal should be considered separately, and not a "package" to be pulled all the way.

Z is. I’m not suggesting anything, I just remembered.

The Kremlin jokes that the coronavirus is the second stage of the pension reform.

XXX is a classic. Recently we had a similar:"And let us do geology on the site", but not a question, we came, and there is not just a site, but already a house on the 3rd floor. Directly on the "language" of clay, on a steep slope. And everywhere in the cave traces of fresh landslides) To the indigenous breeds there can not be reached at all, the trees, which at least somehow held this slope, cut for construction... We conclude that it is not possible to build on this site at all and never, the owner in rage, the architect blows something unclear about "let's agree"... I explain to them that they will not "deal" with nature, and a maximum of a couple of years this wonderful house will slide down the cave, whatever they do, and I am definitely not going to be responsible for this. They seemed to have found then some greedy fool, who made them all the documents, land them all the fools, fools...

I go past the OVD, I see, the chief engineer of thermal engineers approached one DPS car, the other, the third and like they smell.



I say, Mikhailic, do you have a roof running? Answer - water from heating disappears, 500 liters per night. All cranes on batteries in all houses have been eliminated, and mints are not allowed into their garage, anti-terrorism is referred to. Yesterday I poured 20 liters of creoline into the system, barely washed my hands afterwards. Here I try to catch them, that they are washing cars from heating.

We live on the first floor. The neighboring apartment is transferred to a non-residential fund and is handed over to the store.

Behind the wall of our toilet is the washing machine and the kitchen of the store, where baking and all kinds of dishes are prepared for sale, in connection with which, our toilet smells of cooking. Moreover, the smells are so bright, juicy and tasty that it becomes uncomfortable to do your "dirty things".

Very strange sensations when you go to the toilet, and your saliva is released and begins to shake in the stomach in anticipation of food. So we live.

I am afraid of attaching the conditional reflex to the toilets in general.

Old Pavlov would be pleased.

Of course there are disagreements, but I am entertained by people who disappear at work and complain that they spend little time with their relatives, and then complain as tired of them.

Yyy: The fact that you want to relax from family and relatives doesn’t mean you regret having a family or having loved them. Everyone needs a rest from each other and a banal time to let go and do nothing. When you have a wife and children, you can no longer stick to the computer after work and decompose foolishly, sometimes scratching eggs hanging out of holes. When you have a wife and children, after work you have to go to the store, buy to eat. When you come home, throw out the garbage, help the children with the lessons, listen to the extremely boring story of the wife that Lenka from work is a bit of a bit, not so looking at his wife. and after the shave to shave the fucker, because "you wander", clean up the house and this is all the routine that takes away the strength. And all you want is to eat a cup and one and a half clocks to glue into the dull bushes, where monkeys throw their shit on people, then go and joke well, sowing the clock on the floor, capitally so, loudly feather, and not throwing a little whisper, because the wife is disgusted, but you have to quickly squeeze out of yourself a cacodemon, because the whole family, including the cat, is already broken in the bush, and you only say Zen. And at the same time, in the apartment there is a constant background noise that drops on the brains. Sometimes you just need a break from all this for a couple of days. I am convinced that wives have their own reasons for being beaten by husbands and children. Even the children have their own reasons, for which they were taken by their parents and they want at least a day to be alone, eat sweets at ease and stick to the minecraft without time restrictions. Everyone sometimes needs to be alone.

After the trial of Weinstein, women in America represent a greater danger for men than an armed robber: you will not only be robbed, but also jailed because she didn’t like something 20 years ago.

A lady recently returned from a vacation she spent in Spain. Upon her return, she gave lectures to students for two weeks, despite deteriorating health, after which she was finally taken to the hospital with a suspicion of coronavirus. Suspicion has been confirmed.
And all would be nothing, had she not been the chief infectiologist of the region, a professor of the department of infectious diseases...

In the last few days, everyone has learned to wash their hands regularly.
The theme of the next pandemic is “reversals.”

The first half was zero. I bought an apartment for a married couple. The divisions were rare, tried to do some business, constantly wandered somewhere, but judging by the fact that they always lacked money, their affairs went their way. Then they abandoned this "business", and moved to a sedentary lifestyle, and I had to look for another apartment. Unfortunately, in spite of their total disturbance, the people were kind.



Here they come from another business trip. The wife lies with the flu, the husband fountains with ideas.

I am sad77! Want to eat for free?

I finally want!! to

Those times for me were the continuation of the nineties—that is, I was in a state of permanent shortage of money and chaos. Of course I agreed.

In general, his brother's son is 7 years old. Soon to school. “A big ship is a big sailing, and therefore a big gift.” Go to the Chinese market. There, he chose a gift to the nominal, a large soft toy depicting Alpha.

It will not be offended to say (written) to the fans of Alpha, this character, frankly, is not a beautiful person. But here in the performance of an anonymous Asian handcuff was a complete shit. The toy is not just big, but huge. It was a miracle about one and a half heads above me (and my height was 167 cm). As long as they picked, carried from the market, caught a taxi, dragged this on the back seat (along with me), the donor repeated once and for all, "The Spider must like it." I doubted myself, or something else. I brought a gift to the address. The fifth floor. Without an elevator. The staircase is very narrow, carrying substantial torment. The house is very poor Soviet planning. On each floor, four apartments, of which consist not of rooms and kitchen, but of rooms and kitchen. This is a “miracle” with your legs (or legs?) to forward. A few years later, I remembered the story of helping my neighbor suicide down the same narrow staircase from the fourth floor. feet forward as well.



Okay well. I brought the gift to the right apartment. Here my companion said for the last time that "Pavly should like it" and removed the transparent plastic packaging from "Alpha"... In short, what was in the packaging was just a shit, became a shit. "Alpha" had a specific flux and appears to be the sixth month of pregnancy. And another strange smell.

The donor called. A sluggish walk. We were welcomed by our parents and Pavlik, who did nothing wrong to us. And then we brought a gift...I immediately remembered the classic. In other words, 12 chairs. And more accurately – “They’ll be beating. Maybe even with my feet.” On the face of the boy (for his 7 years he was small) there was such an expression of unfailing horror that it became quite clear - everything, from this moment on, you can show him a particular cherry - the most fierce horror films, the split, the future aunt, the current rate of the ruble - it will not be worse. But after a few seconds it got worse - Pavlik couldn't withstand and burst into tears and screams, and then ran into the kitchen. The parents rushed to calm him, shorter than anything, and the smell of the little one was spoiled. There were guests, adults with children. The adults sat in a large room, the children placed a table in a small one. I don’t know how the children reacted, but the adults tactically pretended that they didn’t hear Pavlik’s cries. I didn’t listen, but the words “I don’t want” and “terrible” sounded quite clearly. And, fucking, I and Pavlik all agree – the toy (if you could call it a toy) was really terrible! and stinking.

Pavlik’s rollers tried to discuss the donor and the gift as quietly as possible, but the words “dolboob” and “mudak” also sounded quite clearly.

What happened to the gift is unknown.

By the way, I was effectively fed, sitting at the table with the adult relatives of Pavlik. Per they thought I was not to blame. Even a salad was put in the bank.

The press secretary of the President of the Russian Federation is the case when the chief has no asses, and the secretary has

The desert corridor of Вуза with world renown. At the end of the corridor, a lonely figure of an old world-renowned professor with a shopping cart running behind him can be seen. He crawls to his former department (formerly because reformers from the Ministry of Education removed from universities and faculties and departments, leaving the educational offices). And he cries because these same ministerial clowns issued orders that the old-professors should come through the entire virus-infected metropolis and read lectures in empty auditories to students resting next to the shelters. What about such? A university with world renown and a billion-dollar budget in fulfillment of these orders of the ministry purchased webcams for as much as 220 rubles, but the professors must bring computers to them from home. What such? Here is a professor in a car computer grandson of 1998. No, the grandson has been in California for a long time, it’s his computer that year’s release. The department has already gathered a powerful bunch of professors and docents trying to connect webcams from the university to compams from grandchildren. The door opens, our old man appears and... sneezes. He straightened, gave a pioneering salutation and suddenly announced with a ringing voice: be ready!! The gathering of fools of teachers (according to Minobra) is also straight and with a pioneering salutation responds: Always ready!! Everyone starts laughing and speaking goodbye to the Rectorate and the Ministry, who invented this strange distance education.

The time will pass, the epidemic will end and the Minister of Education will begin to reward his mad subordinates with his orders. And it would be fair to reward these old teachers who, risking their lives, performed their duty. May God survive this epidemic and these idiots. If they don’t, then who will pass on the knowledge to our children?

The educator Violet Valeryevna at the end of the first working day in the kindergarten agreed that her name was Violette Varenie.

If we announce quarantine at our factory, it will look like this.We will just be locked in the production shop for 2 weeks and will not be released home. Production is more important than any of your quarantines.

Man, 36 years of age:

I am a reinsurer!

Who is sorry?

- The reinsurer, - slowly, by slogans, repeated the client. This means a person who always has a reserve plan.

Of course, I smiled relentlessly. How often do you reinsure yourself?

All the time! I go to the store for a bottle of milk - I buy two, I give up my driver's license for a car - at the same time I try to get a motorcycle, I write all the code written at work in three places.

Did you always do that?

At the age of fifteen, the man replied without thinking. “I remember very well the day it started – the lights were turned off all over the area, and I was playing at the computer at that time. When it turned on again, it turned out that the first preservation was ruined, and the second reversed progress almost to the very beginning. Since then, I started recording in two slots at once, and then started applying this rule to everything.

Years have passed, so why did you decide that it became a problem right now?

“Two weeks ago my aunt died, and I was her only relative in Peter. I had a funeral, and you know what I did? I bought with a discount an additional tomb and a crown to it! Too little, you will need it again. And then took all this matter to the balcony, sat next to it and thought, "I seem to have a problem with my head."