The funniest thing about communists in Russia

Immigrants in America.

The relationship of power to people:
They call.
Ivan Ivanovich is? Visit the Pension Fund with a passport.
I come.
Hi, and we have a certificate from ZAGS about your death. It turns out, the senior opera commissioner, together with the pathologist, arranged some bombage according to my data. I call the officer.
You need to come and talk.
Call the head of OP.
I go to a meeting and call again.
He still calls.
I’ll go to court for ZAGS.
After a month, the correspondent is incorrectly indicated.
I offer again.
After a month - the application should be made not in a special, but in a simple order.
I offer again.
Three months and trial.
Certificate from the workplace, certificate from the JEC, copies of all available documents. My wife tells me she has known me for 30 years, and my son tells me he remembers me all his life. Oh wow! I am recognized alive.
Documents have not yet been received. Social security is blocking my travel. I come.
When the decision of the court is in hand, we will unblock it.
I go to the boss and talk.
Either you recognize me alive or call the police, let me be arrested for fake passports.
Write a statement that you are alive.
P.S The lawyer said that the only thing I can count on as compensation – I will be refunded the fee for the court application (300 rubles).) is

On the stock market, the toilet is the leader.

xxx: here I have an unlimited tariff from the green operator, there and so all kinds of youtubers and social networks are free. Where to raise

YYY: From the green operator. When you go to a green bank, call on a fruit phone through a green operator, you don’t want to fuck your head with a taburet from a Scandinavian furniture store?

And a lot, a lot of viruses, the Rat brought us.

The cleaner =
My daughter is 7 years old and went to 1st class. She liked school so much that she wanted to be a teacher. But since she did not want to wait for the next 15 years, she took all her soft toys and planted them for improvised batches of books. Each handed out a notebook, pencil and with a strict voice began to lead the lesson.
At that time, her mother was washing the floor. I washed everything, only my daughter’s room was left. She opens the door, enters and begins to wash. The daughter gives the phrase:
- Do not get distracted by the strawberries, strawberries, we produce strawberries.

The most crestomatic and most instructive sample of "nulling" is the final "Tales of a Fisherman and a Fish"

A friend of mine got married a while ago.

Where will you live?

We have a house with a sister. My parents live outside the city.

I asked my sister, did she not mind?

Why, this is my home too.

Is my future husband working?

He will find a job.

Is his father working?

D. No, his wife has contained all his life.

Why do you think he would have such an example?

He is no different, he is no different than his father.

Will you give birth?

We will do it immediately after the wedding.

Does the future husband know?

Is it possible to have a child after marriage?

Will you work or sit with your child?

D to work. Mom will sit with the baby.

My mom knows, did you talk to her about it?

No, she sits, it’s not hard for her.

You are not looking for easy ways, right? Do not get into this adventure.



The result.

I got married.

She closed her husband’s debts by taking a loan on herself.

Born a child.

After a year of living together, when the husband slept until lunch and never went anywhere to work, she divorced him.

Her mother with the child did not sit and did not sit, said to bring the child to her outside the city. The baby was on breastfeeding, so the daughter refused.

She deprived the child of the father, does not allow them to communicate.

She does not communicate with her sister because of scandals related to living with her unemployed husband.

The loan is paid out which was taken for the wedding and the loan with which the debt of the husband was closed.

Oh yes, she is looking for a man who will keep her and someone else’s child and pay the loan for her wedding.

I learned to read thanks to my older sister Ire and the big beautiful cubes with the alphabet. When I was five years old, I could read every child’s book. My sister taught me to write in print.



I learned to write letters at 9 years old. And the very first was written not somewhere, but in the editorial office of the Russian newspaper "Week". Having recorded in the courtyard all the known calculators, the names of the games and outlined their rules, I sent this work to Moscow. This was suggested to me by a sister who read in the newspaper a call to send street children’s folklore. She also edited all my calligraphically written text. And soon on my name came a firm editorial envelope, and in it a letter printed: "Dear Olya! Thank you for your attention to our newspaper. We will definitely use your letter in our publications.” And then something spiritual about how wonderfully I wrote and told everything, and wishes to learn well, and that there is no mistake in my letter, and so keep, and write more! ...and signature: correspondent of the department of culture, a journalist.



And the world turned. For the first time I saw my name printed, and for the first time I felt the strange excitement of all these amazing words - the editorial, department, correspondent, journalist, publications... After I read this letter on a hard white paper ten times, I ran to the second floor to my friend Ole, then jumped around my sister who had returned from school, read it with an expression to my parents and boasted in the yard.



At night, unable to fall asleep from the excess of impressions, I endlessly touched the magical letter lying next to the tablet. Before I fell asleep, I gave up my career as a circus coach forever and decided to become a journalist. And in the culture department of some big newspaper with the same beautiful envelopes and polite staff.



Such early professional orientation brought its fruits in fifteen years. I’ve been happy all my life to do what I love. And again – I am very grateful to the man who in the endless editorial park found time to answer a girl from the far Krasnoyarsk.

Yesterday, the headquarters gathered the team and announced that in light of recent developments, some employees may be transferred to remote work from home. It was only one of the first to move to the remote mode, as I was immediately categorically refused, without any explanation. He said that the drivers are not concerned. Injurious and unfair.

Dasha: Why the school doesn’t teach you to buy a little bit of dollars every month to be prepared for such a hernia.

Woddy: Every month at least 10% of the money received should be invested in something.

Dasha: That’s why they don’t teach this in school. But we know that moss grows on the north side.

Woddy: Maybe in six months, you’ll need it.

I go to the dentist. She was professionally frightened, accordingly, half of the face was anesthetized until the test state. I am afraid to bite my cheek, bite my tongue. Mimic is specific, speech is unrelated.

The third person stopped asking him to raise his hands, smile, name.

In the box, in the metro. Nice, of course, but I want a T-shirt with the inscription "It's not a stroke, it's a dentist."

I sit in a line to the endocrinologist, write out prescriptions for insulin. A full-fledged aunt, as in that post: “uncertainly-hulled outward,” and in the course of ores:

I am a diabetic, I have no line.

And, in a rough turn, he tries to break into the office. Naturally, it is inhibited, indicating that it is your turn, please go to the end.

But is sick! I have type 2 diabetes! I am a group 3 disabled. I am without a turn!

Then you will be after me. I’m also a disabled and a diabetic, but I’m a type one, I cried in, getting rid of Picabus.

Okay, I’ll be following you, still the 1st type.

Only she didn’t know that the whole line was made up of diabetics, and the last in that line was me.



Good sugar for all diabetics!

A new tenant arrived at the venue, a guy named Misha.

Previous apartment guests were accompanied - almost drunk in joy. With one hand followed, the other tears of happiness wiped. Thank God, we are gone, the catchers.

I started communicating with Misha:

“Misha, we don’t smoke in the entrance. All three do not smoke. And one too. Only cigarettes do not smoke either. Smoking in the loggia, please.

Mickey, reduce the noise. In the name of three nights. How quiet is it? So that the bed does not throw decibels.

What is this installation at the door? It was rubbish, I forgot to take it. You don’t want to smell at home, let it flow in the entrance. We understand. Please hasten to bring the bag to the bag.



I come down the stairs and listen to Misha speaking on the phone:

The house is fine, repair standards. With the neighbors, you are not lucky.

After the World Quarantine, in 9 months, a record number of babies will be born and we will call them coronals.

I have a companion. of Leha. In Lehe slightly more than two meters of growth. The athlete. The Fighter. He served far from in the army. In the 90s he managed to banditize - but survived, was not shot, not jailed. Tattoos like a Yakuza. Generally speaking, a frozen personality.

Leah met a woman. Relationships developed rapidly. Love and all things. When it came to the plans for the ZAGS, she admitted that she was married, and her husband was a sailor, now on the flight, but as soon as the divorce will return. Just a month to wait.

Plans remained plans - the husband made a surprise and returned the same evening.

About the return of the husband of his beloved Leha told with a broken eye and a broken lip. My imagination painted a lump of a monster, the marine man was imagined as a former pirate who sold his soul to Kthulhu... Well, what else to break? Leah told me:

A man two heads below me. and empty. The Lyse. You know, I was very ashamed. Imagine yourself in his place, smelled the mechanic in the oil for six months, you rush home with the guests, and you in the middle of the night the door is opened by some wretch dressed in a towel and in your shoes. In short, I put him in the mouth until he was tired.

The planes do not fly. Factories are not working. Greta, baby, are you happy?

In Korea there is a chain of stores "Daiso", it's something like "Thousand little things" that store that next to my house is on the -1 floor. You can only go down there by the escalator, then you enter the door, go shopping and go out on the other side. He has one small trouble. On weekdays he works from 9 in the morning and on Sundays from 10 in the morning. Well, on Sunday, during a morning walk-running, I decided to jump there, buy a little stuff like isolants and markers for work. I go down the ladder, down there is a crowd of people, a man 20-25. The doors are closed, there is no way out, there is no other way upstairs. cannot take. Time is 9-10. Asking "What happened" they explained to me that today is Sunday and the store is from 10 a.m. and a whole hour to wait to just get out. Well, I looked at the clock again, decided that I don’t want to stand here for 50 minutes, leaned, pressed the red button with the inscription “STOP” (there was a signature, press only in emergencies) and went up. From the bottom I hear the rubber and the phrase "I said, now the Russians will come and save us all."

My husband is angry:

- Fuck, this panic is global with the coronavirus...

The Wife:

And do not speak. Should we buy pasta and pasta?

My husband is suspicious:

In what case? ! to

The Wife (Woman):

In case you want a pasta...

Now and roll out of the country nowhere, around - the coronavirus.