Galatea23: I was told here how I was seen in a dream.
Galatea23: This is a very romantic story
Galatea23: I was eaten by orcs

The pregnant! Get rid of women’s forums!

The Habr.
AndersonDunai: Dangerous Dave, Brothers Pilots, Color Lines... Seriously hit for the live. I played on a black and white laptop.
Sparhawk: In Color Lines?

Finite La Comédie.
Flash: in the document instead of "agronome" wrote "agronome"
Flash: it's time to tie up with online toys, mother them :)

Today I passed the electricity exam. We are all on the nerves in the corridor. To calm down, I talked about yesterday’s game. Eventually, the preacher looked and demanded to shut up.
It was my turn to give up. I went in, prepared. I report. Two things are OK, and the third is OK. A rating between four and five. In general, the prede takes the count and puts four. I begin to whisper: "Mole, another question, and I went to all the lectures, please".
And the preacher suddenly looks at me so disgustedly and answers: "You, Semenov, at the beginning of the lesson, learn, and then call the lesson foolish." % of (

The morning shift of ambulance drivers, sitting on the bench, anecdotes spoil.
"Daddy, is it true that all drivers are in the ambulance?""Yes no, son, only changers."
One of them was talking on the phone at that moment. "Yes my dear Okay well. Well, my dear, they agreed." Padded the phone - "PIDARAS!" Then I looked at the men who were tearing to tears with a long time of astonishment.

I live in Siberia. I work in a gold mining factory. Yesterday after work - walked around the surrounding swamps, saved from the brutal murder of the burunduk. I don't know what the dogs would have done to him, Naida was just running around, and Ryzhik (the father of the family) immediately grabbed him in the fist... like a buckle from the fist I didn't think, but I managed to jump into a small pit. The dog ran away and took it. When I was in a large land, I wanted to buy this animal. The question is how to bring him to work. In general, you can only carry what is permitted, and this list is very short. There is tea and coffee on this list. Several times, a superficial look and missed. And I just have a 250g iron coffee bowl empty. A hole in the cover, not very noticeable. I went into the passage in the morning, took the bowl so that no holes were visible. For nothing you can guess... I give a pass and I hear: "Open the bank please!", there is nowhere to go - I open. Together with the guard, we look into the bank, there is a bucket. Calcination - on the face of the guard did not shake a single muscle, without saying a single word, gave a pass. Guards are people too! Now I have a shredder, Eisenstein, and he lives in a transparent shredder drive.

The match is Russia - Korea. The commentary:

It is very humid and humid right now in Kuwait... Not the best name of the city, but what it is.

M: I said today
I married instead of the army.
M: It’s almost the same thing.
M :D
Noah is the same thing.
The army for a year
But now you have two grandparents for the rest of your life: a wife and a maid.
Wicked, merciless and illogical

From the Women’s Forum:

The question is what kind of children are now. My daughter is large, of course, tall, her leg is 37 in size, she has grown over me, and among her friends she is small.
The girls came in guests, the bedbugs in the hallway dropped the last size of 40, and my husband came back from work. His first question was "What are the men in our guests?"

argont: The phrase of the day "- The server cluster has fallen. Try to reboot. How he fell. On the floor in the sense"
All high availability, fault tolerance and other clever words will never save you from the angry Tajiks doing repairs at neighbors.

Archont: But it was megaepic. Guests from sunny Asia saw a cable going into the wall. Asked the procrastinator - he said "Keselbe jellбере ništiak belde ";

Then they began to pull him out. The cable was good. and armored. With a built-in metal wire. But the fasteners did not do very much - well, why do they? In the building is a pavement. So as not to talk.

The only problem was that the optical cross was standing. And to the stand was specifically so attached to the cable itself, already a normal fastener.

The Tajiks were apparently very strong - "The power is, the mind is not needed!" and pulling the cable overturned the stand. Together with all equipment.

Argont: Well, now I’m running with the screams "AAAAA! The Advocate! The masterpiece is full! It’s like a pitch!"

Previously, when seeing a niche like salmon2001, it was immediately clear: a man with a niche salmon went on the Internet in 2001. And now what? This is "2001" - is what: the year of a person's access to the Internet or the date of birth?

HHH
This is probably your worst joke.

YYYY
The umbrella was harder.

XXX is
With an umbrella?

YYYY
When I told a friend that you will get a gift for a doctor only if you do not unfold you guess what is there
He needed an umbrella, and he told me.

YYYY
I wrapped my umbrella in a gift paper.

The Little Revolver.Sleep for the weak.
Today at 3:01
Alexey Hronus: From the creators "And what will be in the refrigerator"

Quote from the Kung Fu Panda series:

"One evil is around! Goats control the media."

Context: Menta can only travel abroad to certain countries. There is only Andorra in Europe.

- About Andorra read, there is not even an airport, area of 430 km, the border of France and Spain
How to get into it? by other countries)
Andorra is over.
Why go there already? If you are already in the EU))
HY HY
Could that be so left behind?
They find mint in Monaco, and he is like Niibet, I am here by car, in Andorra. There is no airport, here it is!
He sits at a hi-roll table in the casino. In the fractal. The skies are nearby.
At the same time, it is impossible to avoid those uncomfortable moments, when in a very moderate sound background, disturbed only by a pleasant intersection of tokens and soft barytons of crab, these fucking skies, attached to the table, suddenly slowly begin to fall and fall to the floor with a thunder.
The owner of the skies, by the way, still sees how the skies start to go, and hopes up to blaze, rushing the chair, spreading tokens, making reckless movements... Skies naturally do not catch, but the button stuck on the frake from tension shoots at the neighboring table.
and ?
And they kill the wife of a famous magnat.)
- She sits in the Olympic and like others on the back is written "Olympiacos Perez", for example, she - "Wife of a famous magnate".
He said, “I am what I am? Where do you not know about Andorra?

The wise man learns, but the fool knows everything.

In the middle of the two thousand I lived in one of the "prestige" Moscow districts, the public and really there decent, on the street you rarely meet a bucharika and no nest parks on the sidewalks. I don’t know how now, I haven’t been here for a long time.
Our neighbor on the floor was a strange character, Uncle Lecha. A man who was stuck in the nineties. No, of course he did not have a hatchback, the raspberries jacket he obviously did not without effort change to dark grey, but the overall impression was still terrible. The mountain of meat, without the neck passing into the shaved neck and lying on the neck of the cheeks, raspberries (sic!) Color face with eyes skilled - on Uncle Leshe there was obviously very little salt, but the impression he produced was apoplexic, as if it was just now broken down and splashing everyone. We did not communicate very much, but we were friendly with his wife: a very intelligent lady, and the daughter in general an angel.
My uncle and I met in the elevator. Uncle Lecha had a pleasant smell of black-morning leaves, and I even thought Yulia had taught him herb tea, and made him a compliment. Uncle Lecha was even more red (at least where it was!) He took out a diplomatic liturgy. Do you want to eat? - I have to say, Uncle Lecha, apparently drawn by Yule on the rules of decency, was brutally embarrassed of his kind and constantly apologized, calling everyone on You, even my young wife, who was well suited to him as a daughter.
I was confused and accepted. From the throat. The liquid did not give alcohol at all, but only smelled a little of the same black rice. That’s how I met Absolut Black Currant.
The elevator finally arrived, and then Uncle Lecha showed a sudden kindness to me. I invited you to look at his new mansion, which he is building here, nearby, right behind the MKAD. I, squeezed by a good throat, found nothing to object, called back my loved one, that I am delaying, and we immediately went back down. Sitting me in the discovery of a wonderful mandarine color, the neighbor put the bat in the bottle and we went. I remember how we walked around the deaf traffic on the way out of the area, graciously swallowing the haishnik with a bottle. Haishnik smiled and turned away. I remember the chopsticks on the MCA and a turn with a whistle from the third row to the clutch. I remember badly.
We returned already dark, Uncle Lecha almost sucked the bottle and looked even wilder than usual. I tried not to look at him, I looked out the window.
At the entrance to the area we somehow had to get through the same country traffic jams, which we so badly bypassed at the beginning of the trip. Uncle Lecha, without stressing, pushed the nose of the SUV across three tightly standing rows, but in the fourth he was waiting for a colleague... Black cruiser, not willing to miss anyone in principle.
Uncle Lecha played peacefully in the distance. The corn producer issued the Fa. Uncle Lecha went a little further. The black also went forward, almost touching the orange disco bumper. Uncle Leshi’s eyes, like those of a charpee, completely came out of the orbits, his face filled with some already brown color. Without saying a word, he ticked a pipe, and the Discovery got up, getting twenty centimeters higher in a few seconds.
To my surprise, the uncle on the cruiser waved his hand in the window and cautiously drove back for half a meter. We have passed.
“That’s the same,” uncle Lecha gently stumbled. Everybody asks why there is a pneumatic suspension in the city.

and b.

In response to the proposal of the European Commissioner Günther Oettinger to establish a temporary price for gas for Ukraine within $300-385 per thousand cubic meters, citizens of Russia proposed to establish a temporary price for cars of Audi and BMW brands within $10 thousand - $15 thousand. The citizens of Russia hope that the German government will understand this constructive proposal.

Listened to registration.
A substantive conversation between the Patient (the man who added surrealism) and the Registrar.
Q: - I came from NN (the name of the district center), how do you get to the gynecologist?
Q: You have a gynecologist in NN, why come to us?
Q: And our gynecologist has been drinking for a month!
R: So what then?
Q: The production has stopped!