Eating snacks from the bar table, don’t call it a joint meal.

She painted her eyebrows herself, made the a-la natural, thick. It was hernia. The husband came from work, said nothing about it, but all night "for fun", kisses, hugs. I thought he liked me like that. And before going to bed he says to me, "Good night, Brezhnev Leonid Ilyich. “Let’s kiss?”

Putin has complained about “lying about Ukraine on all channels”.
He has not yet seen a “direct line” with the president.

Money has already ruined so many people that it is unclear how it has not been banned so far.

Sofas and Germans

As an epigraph, a replica of a resident of Bavaria.
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“And I also met in Ukraine “Bavarian” bread. It is delicious. With nuts and grey nuts. We don’t have such a niche in Bavaria.” (End of the Quote)
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At the dawn of the restructuring, when after the “big bang” there was still nothing, but there was only faith in a bright tomorrow, we bought a Dresden sofa. There their whole series was - sofas from Urupinsk with German names. Cologne, I remember Berlin, there’s something else. We looked at Dresden.

I do not know why the marketers of the furniture factory decided to give their products the names of precisely German cities, in retaliation for the occupation in the years of war, but the fact remains a fact - more terrible and inhumane products of the furniture industry I have not met before or after.

To dismantle the couch into a sleeping state, it took six healthy, sober, non-old and stupid men. I do not shrink. If, for example, there were five men, and the role of the sixth person was played by a woman, then the couch could get upset and stumble anyone. Or shoot with a sprint. In short, a miracle, not furniture.

We bought it as a guest. Guests in those years went a lot, who eat, who, on the contrary, drink, who just so. Moscow is a transit city. Guests also need to sleep. So here. With all its disadvantages, the sofa had one undeniable positive property. Those who once stayed there never visited us again.

Once a friend from Germany brought us two Germans on the stand. For what purpose these Germans came to us, I don’t remember, they just had to stop somewhere. But in the conversation it turned out that the Germans were not from anywhere, but from Dresden.

When we joyfully told them the name of the couch on which they slept, the Germans cried and vowed that it was not true.

And we never saw them again.

Only a weak woman is to blame a man for everything.
He is strong and punished.

How I see spiders in ordinary life:

After waking up in the morning, and realizing that he was asleep, and 98 seconds before the start of the working day, the ranner jumped out of bed, landing 47 centimeters from the closet, thus avoiding the process of sewing. The morning script breaks, which allows you to pass the phase of brushing your teeth. Furthermore, making a jump in the direction of the closet, he is hit by a small left foot in a leap, thus activating the shirt clothing trigger. Then, making a leap from the wall toward the kitchen, he enters the batin soup, thus skipping the screenshot with the morning talk. Sagraving Batty on himself, he launches the script for opening the entrance door. Having received a pedal-bust from the bat, the ranner reaches the car in 2.5 seconds. Going to work is not necessary. After all, if you have time to open and close the door in two thousand seconds, the car will think that it has already arrived and will take you straight to the office. This moment is the most difficult in execution, as you can accidentally move to the country.

Going into the office, and having received a pedal-bust from the cleaner, the spider-trainer flies in the direction of the coffee machine. Hit a coffee machine with your head can get a little damage, but break the script of drinking coffee. Thus, the body thinking that it has received a dose of caffeine triggers a thought process. And the ranner remains only to make a triple saldo towards the workplace, to realize that today is Sunday.

They have to open the Pandora’s box there, and we have to cut a window into Europe.

The Yerevan

Bella Anatolievna worked in our accounting office. Careful, knowledgeable, always ready to help, the benefits from her were many. Everyone knew you want to please her.

One girl had not gone to school for so long that her parents called her to the United Nations.

We had new owners and decided that our power station operators in the number closer to 100 should have a beautiful uniform and entrusted it to me as the youngest and stupid one who didn’t have time to jump.

I came up with the design, decided that in the image of the stewardess, (white blouse, green shirt, a green shirt on the neck, a green cockpit, a green jacket for the case of cool weather) they will look spectacular that would delight the eyes of long-distance drivers.

I ordered the administrators to send the sizes of their employees, received these lists, and then the problems began, these women could not be determined with their sizes! Calls with requests to change the specified size were issued every minute, and from the same people since once, I stopped these attempts almost immediately, but they hit everyone! From the cleaner to the chief engineer, even the general managed to call, the final size was impossible to and I put into production what was, sewn in the studio of certified materials for ass and it was a separate epic.

But the worst thing started when I sent sets of shapes on the objects, it turned out to be really beautiful and they liked it, unfortunately, almost all 100% of women were fucked up with their sizes!!! In the smaller two-three-size side, as it turned out, they were embarrassed to say their true sizes and counted upon receiving to take a set larger without a fire, but it didn’t run because it was sewn in the studio, and they were distributed by name, the noise was wild, I was watered with the last words, the phones burned, from the end of the area they were screaming that I was squeezing some shit and they don’t get in, they even hit the general and he presented me, we found some norms on the size of the clothes took a meter and measured, everything matched, the director passed the order that the shape was good, and they didn’t get out of what they were paying too much and they passed out of that, fast, all went in, and they really looked

So next time I would buy shapeless ballahans xxxxxxxxxxlsize.

It’s not the first time I’ve noticed that when you get into a taxi and start getting stuck, many drivers perceive it as a personal insult.



One day, one of them came to the challenge. I sit in the car, pulling the belt, and he doesn’t get out, stuck somewhere.

I sit and say:

Your belt is broken.

What he responds to me:

Did you give up this belt? Do you not trust me?



Then he, looking at me like Vin Diesel of the Fortress, gave the gazka to get to the blinking green and steadfastly entered the ass of the kia rio standing in front of him, which passed the pedestrians.

XXX about anesthesia. I recently had an operation on my knee. An injection is made into the spine and the lower part of the body completely loses sensitivity for several hours. Further from his words: "I put my hand on the "household", with my hand I feel that a member is in it, and as a member I do not feel anything, as if you hold a foreign man, it does not become itself."

Yyy: It’s like a stranger, but the opposite.

ZZZ is a stranger?

If you are surrounded by beautiful girls, give up.

I asked not to scream.

You are running into the kitchen, the whole floor is filled. Going to the kitchen?
Don’t take off the shoes, I didn’t wash the floor. There is nothing flowing here and here.
It sounds like I’m all overwhelmed, here’s a swab with a cloth in the kitchen!
- The scarf is dry, I wanted to wash the floor later. I am in night shift. You awakened me.
He is hysterical about his kitchen.
It runs somewhere, but cleverly, it doesn’t flow to me. Apparently they have a covered tube. I have a place where water flows along the pipe. Please go up to the floor. I obviously don’t run. She turned on the crane, she and her husband on the phone. of origin?
seem to convince. She is out and her feet in her boots.
And in them...
The cat, or the whisper does not tolerate, or immediately punished. But it was full in every shoe.
The eyes of the neighbors from the orbit climb! I am polite in silence, but I hear the revenge whisper in my shoes. (Thank you a song for me!)
I asked you not to take off your shoes. Cats do not like the noise of others.

Stupid non-adequate people do not understand that even a small cattle can protect their home from whispers and claims. Because they, among our favourites, have a stronger sense of justice. They just don’t like to tolerate strangers in their home. They want to drive out the unnecessary, available means :)

P.S
I noticed that such demarches or any conscious actions - cats and cats begin to do after six years of the family. Are they young at that age? The mind is awakening?
Strih (my cat is now dead) after six years began to write himself to the toilet. I did not even teach him.
My aunt (current cat) began to drag my socks into the vanouja from under the couch. To say that I wore, nothing to say! He specially threw his socks at the couch, and after a while - he lies in the bathroom next to the washing machine! But it started quite recently. My cat is 6 years and 5 months old.
And the cat continues to give me gifts. I wrote about it.
Yesterday I put a cushion on my pillow. God knows when it is broken. And all because I wanted bread with oil and salt. I sit and watch a movie, chew a delicious butter... I felt my mood.
behind
by Miva!
The same on the pillow.
So how can you not think of this as a smart man? She has the biggest heart. And huge eyes!
All are good!

Matroskin: foxes, legs, tail - here are my papers!
1978: Oh, such a funny fool
2019: This is enough for biometric authorization, Mr. Cat

The stupid things you did while your brain was on the autopilot

1st One day I brushed my teeth and went to throw something out, on the way splintered on the floor instead of a shell.

2nd I also brushed my teeth, hardly brushed. I put the toothpaste on my shaver and almost brought it to my mouth before my brain turned on. I don’t have a shave in the shower.

Three I woke up at night to write and somehow unnoticed into the morning routine. Only after drinking coffee, I realized that it was 3 o’clock at night and I could go back to bed.

4 is On the weekend he sat in the car to go somewhere there, and woke up at the parking lot near work.

5 is I put the dirty plate in the refrigerator instead of the dishwasher.

6 is I came somehow to the gym, got the key from the box on the bench, came to the box and wondered why I was here at all.

7 is He came to the gas station, paid, did not go and left. And so twice.

8 is I tried to unlock the refrigerator with the car keys.

9 is I blinked at the light for five minutes, thinking it was red.

10 is I worked in fast food and accepted orders both in the hall and in the macau. And here I accepted the order in the hall and for some reason said to the visitor, "And now go to the issue window, please."

11 is A couple of weeks ago I moved to my old house, where I had not lived at that time for more than 5 years.

12 is He held a glass and a phone in his hand. I answered the phone with ice cream. A lumpy ear is unpleasant.

Thirteen My brother came after the day and went to the kitchen. He stopped him, squeezing in the tea.

14 is I turned my reader to read the “other” side of the document.

15 is I got a bag of sugar. I opened it and dumped it in the garbage. There was an empty bag in the coffee.

16 is I tried to scratch a paper magazine to overlay the photo.

17th Instead of a pill, I put a dog cake in the dishwasher.

18 is I looked at the watch with a cup of tea in the same hand.

19 is I grabbed my note as if it was my dog.

My wife and I go to a colleague’s birthday. As usual, everything at the last minute and we only ran for the gift in the morning. After a little curious at work, I decided he needed a belt or lift ( maybe just a little weight gain). I bought this and that.



We run in panic, we go. A woman, like a fire extinguisher, watered the curled hair with lacquer. I try to clean my jacket from white cat wool. The cat looks at me and says I’m not going to do anything.



We are dressed and we are at the door. Check if you have forgotten a gift. There is. The documents? There is. The keys? I took. The phone? ? to



We start looking for the phone. To make it faster, the wife catches my and taps the number, which is signed “Love”. A few seconds later, the girl calls: “Allo.” My wife’s eyes should have been seen. Maybe my eyes too.



A hysterical woman closes in the bathroom. I try to explain something to her. The cat, sitting in the same place, with a glance says that I will not get anything out.



In shock, I call back “Love” by contact. Indeed, a pleasant female voice responds:



– Wait, don’t throw the phone, I found this phone in our store, and I don’t know the unlock code. Come and take. The girl prototyped.



Somehow, through the closed door, and the female screams I managed to justify. Now, the main task is to make makeup again and try not to be late. The cat’s eyes say we’re not going to do anything.

The agenda came to a young man in the military. A few years ago, he lost his leg and was installed a prothesis. He passes through the offices. The ophthalmologist has no complaints, the psychiatrist has no complaints, Laura too. Everyone puts a year. Go to the therapist:

Dress up for inspection.

Should the prothesis be filmed?

What kind of protection?? to

I have a prothesis instead of my right leg.

and???? to

This examination was completed and it was no longer called.

I went with my husband and son to a resort in Greece. My son, a 5 year old energetizer, managed to get me and my husband into a state of neumonos with his activity. Remove the hand, say the territory closed, everything as safe as possible, let it be worn by itself. And he did not stop for a second!

He runs.

“Mom, you know, I’m tired and I want to rest.

"I wrap my eyes in ecstasy - did I wait?"

I’m going to jump on the tramp!