While the Lemmings sent SMSs during the Orthodox marathon, they canceled the accumulative part of the pension and froze the salaries of budgeters. At this rate, Malakhov will personally form a monthly pension fund. No need for government, only zombies and ORT 24 hours a day!

to this:
The boss from vacation calls: I am here on the boat - they have a wifi here. Can you tell me my password to log in? Oh, admin, you must know.

A year ago, we were told that the gentleman could not call from Tel Aviv to Italy to his chairman (tourist chairman) and, of course, whoever, like us, had to urgently fix everything...

Even when serving in the army had to lie in a hospital, in the same chamber with the major in retirement. Major was a smoker, and, which actually destroyed all my stereotypes about the harsh representatives of such a high rank, smoked KISS cigarettes (so thin, in a pink pack of flowers). Having noticed our astonished eyes, he told us this story about it (further from his words): "I met my wife in the first grade, and we grew up together. It was, so to speak, in our courtyard. In the fifth grade, we, according to curious little hooligans, started smoking cigarettes. The idiot taught her. Who knew she would be my wife? The time went. They got married and raised their daughter. The wife stopped smoking many times and started again, but the daughter did not know about her mother's bad habit. And now, as an adult girl, I found my mom’s KISS package at home. After that, she naturally approached us and said, “Mom, do you smoke?” I had to say that was mine. Three years have passed and I smoke them all".

to this:
Girls, remind me the recipe for shrimp, starts with the words:
Take the sperm of a loved one.

Take it regularly and that’s all.

From the discussion under the photo news: in Rostov on the Don in the middle of the day, in the very center of the city, unknown people removed all the doors of the Porsche Panamera left unattended and literally crushed the accidental car.

In the photo, the car lacks all the doors, the seats were pulled out of the cabin and everything that was badly twisted.

The best comment:
"Minimum amount of equipment"

I was at a restaurant today.
XHH: Upstairs played relaxing melodies
First time not on New Year saw a man falling asleep with his face in a salad

xxx: I today with the help of Kirill (son 1 year) passed the exam for four.
I need to take him with me to the diploma.
YYY: Dear Commission, this is my development.
yyy: The development process I will not illuminate
YYY: but the result you can evaluate.
YYY: Advanced Intelligence
YYY: We are working on speech functions

ZZZ: When ordering engagement rings for the amount of 50,000 rubles – certificate on the golden cross for your baby as a gift!
ZZZ: Let you go to @uji!! to
ZZZ: for 50k I will buy an entire child in Romania
ZZZ: Together with the Cross

About "Posted on the SMS... "
I have been calling for six months with a record of a dog that has the remains of fried pigeons. There, the bones are small, crumbling so that in the dark is scary, and the dogs are still choking silly. At first I put off the bricks. At work, customers, unusual, jump. The colleagues argue about who will react, because the real sable-toothed tiger has broken into the cave and eats neighbors.

yyy: We drop off 100r on the totalizator: when I give birth. ))) While there are bets on 5 (Nastia), 15 (grandmother) and 16 (I) numbers. Tonight I will clarify the exact number at Mommy and Gennaka, they have several options so far. )))
Are you with us? and ;)
All families like families... normal...

Funny that shit.
And a fire?
It is FITIL!

I dreamed that I came up with the perfect circumvention of copyright for songs and protection against copying. They recorded songs for pops, and then they sang them. These are real pirates with puppets.

by laugh_with_me
Mask for the beauty of the face
First, she is terrible. As if you smash anfas with PVA glue, and then fall on a forest floor, where the shit and the tree tree.
Second, the next three minutes of life are unforgettable. The mask burns, and it’s not a speech figure.
If you complete such a piece of wadewe, you can get a crowd of uncontrolled berzers. They will attack mentally with screams of ‘Let Me Go, Miracle Grass!’ and ‘Here’s She, Here’s The Cosmetic of My Dreams—Gra-I-I-I-I-I-Jaz!’; to run past the enemy, to jump into the fountain, and to be blissfully washed. These, you know, are the pigeons of the world from the landing.
Third, the tool will surely have to taste the grimers of horror films. Because a) looks awful b) the actor will very likely run and roar like a beaten messerschmitt.

Forbidden Neptune -> received flooding in the Far East
Not apologized to Neptune -> Received flooding in Sochi
Is it too late to apologize?

I remember, we accompanied the Korean in the army, three days of bushing. The next morning we go for him to continue the banquet. The door is opened by his sister (year 10).
Is Serena at home?
He said to go to the army, took his backpack and left.

The world’s first driverless car:

xxx: I can’t imagine that a computer can replace a person driving, a few examples:
1st Suddenly a dog jumped out on the road, we don't have time to slow down, hit the dog or suddenly drive off the road, but with injuries to people in the car? What if it was not a dog but a child? An experienced driver will shoot the dog, but will not shoot the child. How the computer will make the right decision in this situation I cannot imagine.

64 lasers spray a dog in 12 milliseconds. Through the broadband channel, a message is sent to the household service with a request for a cleaning with GPS coordinates and a photo of the dog in FullHD.

XXX: I did not consider this option.
And with the child what?

zzz: If a child has a Google account, he or she will be recognized as a Google user and will go around. If not, look at the cleaning company.

to this:
To the numerous stories of female logic it is time to add the stories of male logic. So: the city, the left row, our hero rushes over 200 on his important male affairs, as suddenly someone interferes with his restructuring. What does a man? They guessed that he rebuilt before the offender and began to 'touch' before him at a speed of three pillars per hour. And it doesn’t matter that he rushed somewhere, it doesn’t matter that he himself broke the rules, as a result of which others could not correctly assess his speed... If you are so in a hurry, why do you waste time on this kindergarten? Logic and logic"

It’s not a man, it’s a fool that makes it so.

Billions of dollars have been spent on the Olympics in Sochi, and help to the inhabitants of the Far East is being gathered by the First Channel of SMS.

On the eve at the enterprise disconnected one system and took to repair, there was a monitor keyboard and mouse.
In the morning call "the owner"(X) comp.
X: "Wow, my computer doesn’t work"
I: "And he is not"
The owner looked under the table.
X: Not exactly, well, so far.

I started smoking a pipe, I filled it with tobacco from papyrus, I grown moustaches.
Are you preparing for politics?