xxx: Hearing my mom “she was beautiful, and now she’s so down,” she shaken before realizing that it was a baking cake I got out of the oven.

With years of education, only a diploma remains.

“America didn’t like Babie Gale from the first minute. From the moment the customs officers confiscated a decent piece of salt from her suitcase. Of course, her daughter warned her and ordered her not to take anything out of food in any case, but how could the grandmother know that her carefully wrapped in cellophane bags, glued with a scotch and again wrapped in a thick linen scrotum treasure would find a healthy dog, who rushed onto his grandmother’s fabric bag as if he had been messing his entire dog life with that grandmother’s salty. Only tears and pleasures saved Grandma Gal from a meaninglessly large fine.

Exhausted by the long flight, the grandmother Galia did not notice how somewhere she lost her left beard. Such - frightened, crying and in the same shoe - she was met by her daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren. Later, the grandchildren will irritate her: "Baby Galia brought the salad, and as she ran away from the dog she lost her sandal."

With her son-in-law Vasily, Galina also did not work out from the very beginning, from the moment when she sat in the car and closed the door, she heard from him: "And if you are so kidding, you are no longer in your village and it is not Zyguli to you." The son-in-law was generally a guy as if not bad - a hardworking and decent family man. He worked as a long-haul driver, but for some reason told Galina that he was working as a truck driver. Why a trocist, and not a driver, Galina never understood, but decided what was apparent to look more solid in the eyes of others.

Having prepared dinner, Galina said to her daughter: go call your tankist to eat. Vasily was nervous for a while, but subsequently agreed that his aunt called him a tankist. At any convenient occasion he said, “Do you think it’s so easy here? Do you know how much I pay for morgh, inshorence, eseshment? I currency streets from delivery to delivery, and I also pay for tickets to loyers so that the record does not fail." Intuitively, Galina understood that her son-in-law spoke Russian, but she did not understand anything, so she could not offer any argument in her favor.

Galina missed and longed for the village, for the forest, for the goat, the chickens, and even for the foolish crazy neighbor Valka. At night, she dreamed that she was returning to her village, sitting on a bench at the cherry tree and mashed Valke's hand, who ticked her figure and said, "why are you stuck here, American suck." But, unfortunately, nobody was waiting for Galina in that village, and her house was bought by Valkin's nephew.

In order to get somewhat distracted, Galina walked a lot around the city on foot. At first, the streets of Chicago acted oppressively on her, but over time, in those seemingly gray and monotonous houses, she began to see some unknown beauty. Unnoticed to herself, she could stop and look at graffiti or the old metal bridge for a long time. Every time she went further and less and less wanted to go home.

One day, obeying an unknown impulse, she entered the door of the institution which looked like a gateway to hell and even the music from there sounded hellish. It was a bar full of men and women dressed in leather clothes. Galina approached the bar stand and said one of the few words she had learnt in English: drink!

Back home, Galina was riding a very loud motorcycle, holding behind the back of Don Jorge, a black-eyed beauty man who told her something all night lively, twisting her gray mouths. On the back of his leather vest he had the inscription "BANDIDOS", and the face was decorated with scars and a tattoo under his right eye in the form of droplets of tears. Since that evening, Galina has hardly gone for a walk because Don Jorge was following her on his Harley FXSTB Night Train, whose engine sound Galina could easily distinguish from any other model. This sound awakened the tank driver Vasily and embarrassed the neighbors who said Don Jorge was a terrible man, the former bodyguard of Pablo Escobar himself and is being sought by the FBI.

Vasily pressed Galina’s daughter to talk to her mother and convince her to take the mind. The daughter pretended to worry about Galina, although in fact, knowing the difficult life and early widowhood of her mother, she rejoiced for her and even envious of such rebellion. One day, Galina put her things in her suitcase and said she was going to live with Don Jorge.

The daughter was crying, and Vasily emotionally told Galina about conscience, shame, and what the neighbors would say.

“You understand, Vasya,” Galina said, “the subjective opinion of others is nothing more than a reflection of our complexes, shortcomings and low self-esteem. If you do not stop worrying about the opinions of your neighbors, and all your actions and decisions are limited to the standards set by a particular social group, sooner or later your unfulfilled dreams and unrealized potential can sublimate into violence, family problems, illness and alcoholism. Look outside of your box, Vasya.

Intuitively, Vasily understood that Galina spoke Russian, but could not understand a word from what she said, so he silently left the door, clapping his eyes confused.

Goodbye to Cabron! (As far as I am concerned, idiots) Galina cried out and went out to the street. The daughter was crying, and Vasily was looking after a fairly young girl with good buttocks, tightened with broken jeans and wearing a leather vest with the inscription BANDIDOS. On the street she was waiting for Don Jorge, and from his Harley speakers the song AC/DC Highway to Hell, which translates into Russian means Highway to Hell.

from the network via #crazy_hatter

One girl saw a photo of a teacher in a swimsuit and grew up as a prostitute.

Discussion of Fitness Clubs



We have weights in front of the entrance. They can be calibrated. What do you think our director invented to attract the people? Every Friday he weighed 1 kg. And the people really thought that the lessons were useful! We were recommended! On Monday, it returned to its original state. People thought they ate weight back over the weekend.

First we eat the plants, then they eat us.

History from the early nineties. Then in the city of Anapa began its history film festival. There was no officer. The festival was held in the "Dream" pension. Resting from the neighboring pensions could freely enter the territory of "Dreams" and watch the films participating in the festival. Then, by the way, we first saw the beautiful Elena Korikova in the movie "Barrish-peasant". But I am not about that.
The movie room was arranged so that it could be accessed from the beach. Well, you know, the doors that usually come out after watching the movie (side by side from the scene) were located on the side of the beach. People could enter through these doors right from the beach and sit in the hall, where films were shown continuously.
One day I went in and sat in the room. Some time later Svetlana Kryuchkova entered the hall by the same way. Who doesn't know - the movie "Big Change" and many others. She walked off the beach, was in a saraphan and barefoot.
Suddenly, the electricity was turned off for a while. The film demonstration stopped. Homer began in the room. Svetlana stood up and went out. I thought she would leave the room. But she got up on stage. In the darkness and without a microphone (no electricity) she began to read poems. I don’t remember (nearly 30 years ago), but it looks like a flowery. The hall gradually shrunk. Everyone is deceived. What made this extraordinary, amazing, talented woman do so?
Years have passed, but I still remember the tears in my eyes. This is what a real actress means.
The light lit up, the film continued, she worshipped and quietly left. But the few minutes she held in the hall I will never forget.

I don’t understand how this not graduated and six classes Arashukov, poorly understanding Russian, not distinguishing a million from a billion, physics from chemistry, propane from methane, managed for many years to bring Gazprom with its regiments of effective managers, accountants and lawyers?

Breakfast is a sick thing for me. Eggs, toasts or oatmeal, for more imagination is not enough. From these three options I was already really sick and I increasingly missed the morning meal.

And here I discovered Musli! No, not simply, but super fucking delicious and nutritious. I ate and didn’t feel hungry until lunch.

I was wildly inspired by this discovery, and I was also pleased that it was a type of healthy eating. I had two boxes for breakfast.

I was sure of the accuracy of everything that was happening until yesterday, throwing out the next package, I saw the inscription "5 PORCES".

I work at 112. Once a colleague took the following challenge (K - colleague, Z - applicant):

112, the operator is, I listen to you.

I don’t have the keys, I need rescuers to break the door.

Q. Do you have any keys? Rescue workers during dismantling damage the door, it will not be repaired.

Z is there. They are with their wife.

Q. Where is your wife?

C in the apartment. But she sleeps.

K to? ? to ? to So wake up!

Z – I can’t...

K is why?

I am a drunk...

I decided to play my acquaintance somehow. I had a pack of $100 bills in a bank package. Of course, it was a mule for jokes. An acquaintance comes to visit. I specially placed this "cottlet" in a prominent place. I decided to watch his reaction.

He is: from where! ? to

My daughter has gone to America. I met a wealthy American. Now it’s all in chocolate. It sent me to poverty.

We sit down and drink beer. He sat down all night lying to him how well his daughter was doing. After his departure, he discovered that he had twisted five papers out of that package. I think he is a rat!

The next day he calls me and talks to me. Why did you deceive me. Money is false! I am still in the rain!

How to communicate with him afterwards?

I am 5 years old, lunch time. The worst time for me, I had time to have breakfast at home, but for lunch I wanted to eat. I bore a spoonful in this terrible soup with fried onions and I understand that I can’t eat. I depict "the presence of absence", bite bread, drink jelly, but everything turned out to be in vain. The teacher said I didn’t eat. “You don’t like soup?” “I don’t like it, and I’m not going to eat pasta with cottage either, they swim in oil.”



Natalia Fedorovna calls the cook, aunt Asya and says, you see, he doesn’t like lunch, doesn’t like how you cook. So confused, and then asks, “What would you like to eat?” and here I recall how one day I accidentally saw our chief at dinner. They called her Barbara Abrosimovna, and between us we called her Barbara Abrikosovna. I say out of despair, "I want what Barbary Abrikosovna eats," this is how it broke out. The kids smiled, and the cook and teacher were in shock. Then a voice from the door was heard, “And what have I eaten?” and she came to us. Retreat nowhere and say, “Fried potatoes, chickens and salty cucumbers. I want that too.” In the silence there was suddenly a loud voice: “And I.” “Who said this?” asked Abrikosovna horribly, but the answer was a frightening silence. Then I talked to my mom when she was taking me home, but once, aunt Asya secretly invited me to the kitchen and fed me a fried potato, a cottage and salty cucumbers. I remember smiling and saying, “Just look, promise you’ll marry my daughter when you grow up.” I, of course, promised, wrapped up on both cheeks, and so it was several more times when I was secretly entering the kitchen to aunt Ace. She lived on the neighboring street, and we often met in the years that followed, and always asked if I had forgotten what I had promised her. Years later, she saw me on the street with her wife, hugged me and said, “Well, the deceiver has never kept his word.” I was ashamed and I was red.

and Taxi. Night, time to midnight. Order for the private sector. I come, I beat that on the spot, through the darkness approaches a violent man who is trying to light up the phone to pave his way. The right front door opens, this is a bonus, a familiar face.

D for good night.

I am good.

I am on the way. We go. My thoughts are turning in my head, fucking, maybe you didn’t recognize me? Though... six years have passed... her... her... she then went crazy on me, and I was like a scapegoat "rotted and thrown."

The whole trip the girl stacks in the phone, no hint of the past.

The final address.

Do I have it on the map?

Oh yes, I was fucking.

D for good night.

And you too, my dear.

I didn’t know exactly, or pretended, well. I go away. It does not pass and 15 minutes, the message "you are blocked, a complaint from a customer". The change is over, and the change is over by morning.

I knew it, I thought 😉

Here are some of these beautiful airport stories. I am sitting in Sheremetyevo, waiting for a colleague, reading. The boy rabbit-sparing-something-there-card-s-super-cashback (a bonus travel pillow) fits and turns to me, shining with a taught smile:

Girl, do you want a gift? You are from which city?

From Tula.

No, then you don’t have a gift.

How is it?

Your region does not participate in the action.

Well, and happiness was so possible... and there was no luck! I am breathing pictures.

“Well, I’t say,” the boy smiles embarrassed. Maybe the opposite.

I photograph for graduation albums. There was a couple in the kindergarten - a boy and a girl, took a photo of him hugging her. Lovely photo, everything is cute. In the finished album she put a photo of her and him, sent albums for coordination.

A message from the girl’s mother: “Remove this photo from Katie’s album. It is a one-sided feeling.”

I feel like a guy in a deep friendzone)))

Dialogue in the cafe



A young boy and an adult man (maybe a father, but not sure)

The guy enthusiastically tells how he meets three girls at once, and each is sure that she is the only one he has.



A long monologue. Admiration of yourself. Laughing at a girl — she thinks she’s the only one I have!



The man listened philosophically. He breathed and said.

B and you too.

Q. What am I too?

I think the only one............

For work, you have to frequently go on business trips. I was travelling from St. Petersburg to Volgograd. The road is not close, more than a day in the way, so the ticket was taken in advance and on the lower shelf in the coupe car.



I arrived at the station later than I expected – the train was already standing at the perron. I rushed to my car. Having presented my passport and ticket to the guide, I went inside and started to go to my seat.



To my surprise, it was all packed with someone’s bags and suitcases. On the next shelf was a girl with a girl, and the upper shelves were empty.



I asked the young mother if she knew whose things were. She replied that all this was brought by some young people, and then they all went somewhere.



Nothing to do, I decided to wait until the owner of things announced. He put his bag on the floor, and he himself set up from the very edge, as there was virtually no free space.



It was ten minutes, and the train touched from the place, and the owner of things did not announce. I was already thinking about what to do with all this when the door of the coupe opened and a woman in her 50s entered.



She greeted me, made a little bit of cheer that she had so many bags and asked me to help her put them on the shelf for things. Somehow they all managed to fit in this limited space, but one suitcase did not enter and went under my shelf.



After the guide checked the tickets, they began to prepare for sleep. The girl laid her daughter the lower shelf, and prepared for herself the upper one. I also laid my shelf, but the woman was not in a hurry.



When everything was ready, I offered the ladies to change clothes, and I left the shop. To my surprise, a woman from the upper shelf followed me. Then there was this dialogue:



“Young man, I have a great request for you...you could exchange shelves with us.



With us? You seem to be alone...



I still have an elderly mom in my car. It was not possible to get tickets in one car. Are you changing places with her?



You fucking give it. What kind of regiment do you have?



The upper...



I have to say that I am a educated and polite person. But the very fact that I was offered to change the coupe for a placard already annoyed me very much. There is also the upper regiment.



The problem is that my height is 1.92 cm, and that’s one of the reasons I prefer to drive in a coupe – there my long legs don’t bother anyone.



I tried to explain to the woman these nuances, and suggested that she put her mother on my lower shelf, and I would go in a coupe on her top. Let her go to the placard. I think that was a normal decision in the current situation.



But the woman began with tears in her eyes begging me to enter the position - because an elderly person needs special care, if little at night will need. Therefore, it is necessary that they and their mother drive in the same coupe.



I don’t like women’s tears... In general, I gave in to conspiracies, took my suitcase and went with this woman into a placard car. There was an elderly woman there. When her daughter told her the news, she was very happy. She began to say that it was uncomfortable, and that she would somehow climb up and go here.



But the woman began to whisper at her so that she would silently do what she was told. Then I took her by the hand and literally pulled after her. That was a bit strange, of course...



Ten minutes later, already lying on my new seat, I suddenly remembered that I forgot a bottle of water in that bowl, and I wanted to drink. In general, I went back, the good of the cars turned out to be neighbors.



As I entered my former car, I immediately saw the same woman in the passage. She stood by my back and was talking to someone on the phone. I approached closer and heard the following:



I told you it would work out! And you set up your own – take two seats in the coupe at once, take two seats in the coupe at once... I know, unlike you, how to save money. What about Mom? He sits, bubbles under his nose, that it is uncomfortable to bother people so much...Who agreed? One man, a real fool. My grandmother’s tears! The woman laughed here. I know when I need to, if you don’t know. Okay, let’s go, or maybe Mom there is now her long tongue loosened and filled with excess neighbor...



Everything inside me boiled, but I tried to take myself in my hands. She never noticed that I was literally standing behind her back. I stumbled my finger into her shoulder, she turned around and almost shouted out of surprise.



I went back for my bag. Then I proposed to this naked lady to return to the first option (I in the top coupe, her mother in the bottom, and she herself in the placard), as it hurt my grandmother.



She started to get angry that I wasn’t a man, and all that. I told her that it was better to be a man like me than a daughter like her. And I suggested that she call the train manager to resolve the matter in his presence... Then she shuddered and accepted my suggestion.

The recipe for happiness in family life: to make a habit whenever you want to reproach a loved one for something, instead find something to praise or thank.

Listen to! He said a tired voice in the phone. Are you tired?
I am tired! The director answered honestly. Very tired. You are the fourteenth person I am calling.
And why?
“I said it,” the director replied tired. As I understand, you don’t have the opportunity, so let’s just finish the conversation.
“An unusual move for a telephone hooligan,” a voice smiled in the telephone. Are you seriously talking?
“You are the first to ask,” said the director. Others are becoming bullied or threatened. Sometimes they laugh, joke and hang the phone.
Listen, how are you there?
- Ryzhikov Alexander Mikhailovich, - readily repeated the director. I was introduced at the beginning of the conversation.
Oh Alexander Mikhailovich! The voice in the phone was fun. Can you prove that you’re not joking? Now let’s talk seriously.
The director breathed and thought.
“There is such a possibility,” Alexander Mikhailovich replied. Find the director's phone in the director's director's director's director's director's director's director's director's director's director's director's director's director's director's phone and call them there. If I say no, you might think of me as a joke.
The good ones!
There were short tubes in the phone. Ryzhikov murmured, laid the tube on the lever, breathed again and looked out of the window. On the dim from time and dirt of the glass flowed rare drops of a little rain.
The head, the director blasted. “I’ll retire, send everyone out, take a cage and go to the forest. I will clean...
What exactly clean mushrooms he was going to pick up for the Redheads, he did not have time to say. The phone on the table ringed the most intermittent thrill that Ryzhikov had heard in twenty years. Personal calls to his office rarely brought good news.
- Yes, - replied Alexander Mikhailovich, removing the telephone. I listen to you carefully.
It is still you! A familiar voice answered.
“Yes,” the director briefly confirmed. And so much?
Okay, I was convinced, the voice in the telephone became serious. Why such an unusual way? There are advertisements, newspapers. The internet finally!
- I was giving an announcement, - explained the redheads. I gave it on your internet. So I understand you very well. No one takes them seriously. At best, they call and joke. I am so tired of these jokes. Do I have nothing more to do?
Why do you personally call? He continued to disturb the interlocutor.
The secretary went to the decree, the director replied. The accountant receives a report. Employees have something to do besides calling. Should I put a cleaner on my phone? Maybe there will be more questions? Do you need the size of my shoes? The answer is forty-four.
Why two individuals at once?
“They do not live in captivity in any other way,” Alexander Mikhailovich said. They miss, they get angry, and then they chew. In short, like the people. For example, are you sitting for a long time in an empty locked room with a large window that looks out to the empty? They need space. I don’t have room for them now. The director cried in my heart. Then he explained in a normal voice:
They cannot build! How to freeze in winter?
They were silent in the telephone. The director waited silently, looking at his reflection in the dirty mirror. A man in a brown costume. The green glasses in the plastic envelope with thick glasses could not hide the fatigue in the grey eyes. Unable to withstand, Ryzhikov first looked strictly at his mirror double, and then unexpectedly flashed and showed his tongue. Even a smile appeared in the reflection.
And the city? Finally the voice said.
- The city has no money for it, - cut off the Rizikov, grumbling. I told you to run out yourself. Here I get out as much as I can. As you can see, a little.
How much time do we have? The businessman’s tone is known to the interlocutor.
A month, the director replied. The maximum. He looked at the floor, where in the flowered linoleum was a huge hole, revealing the predatory slope of the polished parquet. Can you really help? Or decided to joke too? Do you have a place to place them? Is there anything to transport? Is there finally something to feed?
- I have, of course, no. - the voice began.
Then say goodbye! Rosie breathed deeply. I have too little time for worldly talk.
He stretched his second hand to the phone to give a response.
I have not finished! The interlocutor shouted. The director’s finger was stuck within a millimeter of the lever. Personally I do not. But there are people...
“There are always people who have everything,” Alexander Mikhailovich replied with a cold voice. I have no money for their services. And no one will give them.
“It’s not about money,” the interlocutor said. Do you have someone who can take care of these animals while I have them? I can buy them a ton of carrots, but I have no idea how to feed them. How much warm water to wash? Where to put the nausea? Can it be taken to the field?
- You can, - smiled the director, drawing a circle on a scattered dusty table with a finger over a cracked lacquer. In the Czech Republic, one of my colleagues sells them for $3 per kilogram. This is right in the plastic bottles packing and selling.
Are they buying? I was surprised by the voice in the phone.
There are no tourists! I praised the roses. It doesn’t smell at all if the animal is healthy. In India, it is made of paper. Also a souvenir. Growth is coming!
Why are you not trading?
I can’t do that, the director said. If there is another source of income, except tickets and photos, they will be eaten in a moment. And my accountant will hang from this burden. Although, no, I’d rather just be fired, if I’d at least talk about it.
This is Alexander Mikhailovich. The voice of the interlocutor changed sharply, became harder. The director instinctively stressed. - Within an hour a man from me will approach you. He will listen to you carefully. This week we will prepare a volley, so report, or better - write down all the requirements for the conditions of the individual.
Two individuals! The director corrected.
And yes two! The interlocutor agreed. Temperature, humidity and the like. After that, you personally, I repeat, you personally inspect the volley. Before that, you will notify us of the requirements for the transport and loading of animals so that we can prepare. Your man must accompany individuals all the time. Travelling and accommodation will be provided by the employee. For long all this?
“I don’t know,” said Alexander Mikhailovich. - When they will build a normal winter wolverine in the zoo. Tell me, why do you need all this personally? I just warn you not to sing about love for animals. I have worked with animals for two decades. With people, even more. So why? Just honestly!
and honestly! The interlocutor promised. As a child, I dreamed of buying an elephant.

The law on the prohibition of abuse of power has entered into force. Russia became the first country in which homosexuals can be insulted, but pidoons are not allowed.