bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №85607
 15.08.2013
Customer service manager, client of the car salon.
Q: How long does the diagnosis take?
Maybe 2 hours, maybe 2 days, maybe 2 months.
I have a Land Rover for 2 months, it costs a lot of money!! to
See: you have not heard such a joke that land rovers ride either on service or from service.)))
"SM was fined 10k for customer complaint"

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №85606
 15.08.2013
I love people who write - call, just to talk, learn how to do things, laugh, without a reason and without a reason.
These are smoked people.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №85605
 15.08.2013
Announced by:
On Saturday at 10 a.m. there will be a meeting of the residents of our house. Agenda of the day:
“Lo... Lo!”
Selection of assets.

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85604
 15.08.2013
There are two problems in Russia. One because of the other.
The attention!
The asphalt only cooled for a few hours. Strength takes 24 hours.
YOU, the wise fools, are riding around the fence and riding on fresh asphalt. You complain, you complain to yourself. The idiots.

[ + 10 - ] Comment quote №85603
 15.08.2013
<Whatever>
My mother forbade me as a child.
Take a cat and a tile.
Dreaming of a warm friend
I was wearing a battery shirt :-)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №85602
 15.08.2013
Discussion of technology.
xxx: an example of the interchangeability of parts can serve as a moscovite "combi" from the parts of which you can assemble a later model

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №85601
 15.08.2013
XHH: Rumor, here to me in the department the girl came to work to arrange, Lena ***ova. Judging from the summary, she worked for you. Do you know her?
WOW: Ughums, she’s been sitting in front of me for almost 2 years.
We communicated very little.
HH: It doesn’t matter. Is it better to be an engineer? What can you say about her at all?
WOW: Well... the left breast has more than the right... all sorry

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85600
 15.08.2013
Sad rabbit: Now took money from the Sberbank ATM.

Thirsty rabbit: He entered 6000 rubles, pressed out with an exchange.

The sad rabbit: He gave me five thousand and two hundred.

Thirsty Rabbit: Swapped, Hole

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №85599
 15.08.2013
from work. As literally as possible.

1 (girl): What are you cuddling about?
1 meter under 2, 21 years. In the paints.It’s dark, I’m driving under 80 without a helmet, in the wind, I see a dog running straight on the road. I feel that I will not have time, and I brake, on the slippery road, the bike takes off, and he continues to move on the side, I - with him, I drive 20 meters along the asphalt first with my feet, then my stomach, my hands try to brake - and here. (It shows really untouchable scratches)
You are a superman!
Not a superman, but a dude.
I will now raise this chair, I will launch it into you - you will fly with it for five meters - you will not be able to withstand it!
Third, I say the dude.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №85598
 14.08.2013
In short, my grandfather cut me off today. I sit like this, I read the book of Dostoevsky "Idiot", and grandfather said, what do you read? I show him the cover, and he speaks clearly with a disturbed feeling. has gone. I hear my grandmother say, “I thought my grandson was reading something on the program, and he was reading something...”

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85597
 14.08.2013
XXX: I plan a trip by car on the route Moscow-Voronezh-Donetsk-Odessa
In Voronezh I go to the Wi-Fi store antenna (hours for 2 -3), then in Rostov to lose 4 hours to meet with friends and go to Donetsk. In fact, if there are accompanyers, or better drivers, I can take them with me.
YYY: I was in Voronezh several times, but to drive there for WiFi antenna - I did not hear the nuances.
ZZZ: You probably aren’t married.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №85596
 14.08.2013
Crew: XXX, the tractor hit the snow and accidentally crashed into the car.
And the cow? Snowboard or snowboard?
Crew: Kowsh himself, knock the car on belonging... (dicts data)
Not lucky, he lives far away.
What kind of car is it
Crew of: Semka
The BMW 7?
Crew: There is no vase.
You’re covered in the snow so that you can’t see it.
The curtain.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №85595
 14.08.2013
This is:

Where are the normal headphones "drops"?? to
Well, I don't understand these new-fashioned spots, they remind me of anal sex: they get tight, you feel a strong discomfort and constantly scratch out!
— — —

You have a rich personal experience.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №85594
 14.08.2013
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Today at 4:30 p.m. I went to take the baby’s turn for a free massage.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
That you think?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The 12th!! to

[ + 46 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №85593
 14.08.2013
This
Conversation with an admin/enikey:
I am a bad admin.
Everyone complains about me.
CHC: Why is it?
admin: I tell them they’re elves (wowfully true)
admin: and also make them run under the table and connect the compops on their own, arguing that the last imbitil will not be able to confuse the connectors
You are burning!)

When will you learn to understand that your work needs to be done on your own? This "admin" is the deer's journey itself, if it is connected to comp users. I myself worked on the admin, this job is easy, just later moved to industrial programming and chef-installation. And if the administrator tries to get me under the table, he will leave the job the same day. I don’t want to fill out his paperwork. Yes, in general, for a normal person, admin is only the first stage of a good career... And if he’s a lifetime of “fat moustache, beard, sweater,” then it’s just a computer plankton, a bride of which he has thought a lot about himself. I wish him that in the hospital, the plaster on his hand was advised to put on itself, because there is nothing difficult.

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №85592
 14.08.2013
This can only happen in Yakutia. The forest is burning and... snow falls.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №85591
 14.08.2013
We are watching the world championship in light athletics.
Q: Why are Kenyaans and Ethiopians running ahead?
I: You understand, it is natural selection, they have little food, only those who are able to catch food by the heat survive.
Q: Why are they all so terrible?
I: You understand, this is natural selection, they have little water, only those survive whom crocodiles crawl in the river.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №85590
 14.08.2013
After a very dirty talk at the lake:

Do you wash your bicycle with your hands?
No, with a socket.
Q: With a knife? Do you wash your bike with socks?

A long pause.

K is yes. Remove the second socks.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №85589
 14.08.2013
XXX is a wonderful author. He really closes my gaps in my head with simple schemes with a clearly prescribed causal effect. I am beginning to love history.
YYY: Wait, I don’t understand. You are beginning to love history. But the story is about people.
You don’t like people!
XXX is yes.
But those people are all dead!

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №85588
 14.08.2013
When I moved to another department in the Bank, where mostly men work, I learned a lot of new phrases for myself. Hussar rhinitis, double Dutch shurval, anal sommelier and many other terrible words

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