bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №84247
 17.07.2013
I sit with my neighbor in the shop and smoke. There is a cat next door.
As you suddenly hear "Kiss-Kiss-Kiss". We look around, no one. Suddenly a piece of sausage arrives from above and falls next to the cat, after which a drunk man’s voice is heard: “Gry, bl*t.”

I don't know how to comment, but a man in the League is good :)

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №84246
 17.07.2013
I saw it in the store today. There are two kinds of cheese.
The Dutch cheese. murdered
The Russian cheese. Belarusian

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №84245
 17.07.2013
It would be better to support the initiative on the possibility of imposing “People’s veto” on any amendment or new law invented by our deputies.* / /

There is such a procedure. This is a referendum. It is only necessary that the initiative group gathered and traveled around the country to collect signatures (well, or by using the Internet to gather the initiative group with activists across Russia). Really, who will do this?

[ + 75 - ] Comment quote №84244
 17.07.2013
by 2:30. A black and white stick.
Hello to you...
I: Good morning.
M: What is it?
I: Hi to you.
Battalion of GAI.and Pause
I: And what next?
What is " further"?
I: And what next?
M: I need your papers.
I : Why?
M to check.(I send the documents)
Why don’t you sleep at this time?
I take the cookies home.
M: So is it?! to
I: That is it.
Q: Did you drink alcohol?
I: Yes, two years ago.
M is drugs?
I : thank you.
M: What is it?
I: Thank you, I will not.
M: It is good.
I: There will be more.
M: It won’t stay.
I: Of course, the whole night ahead.
M: What are you wearing?
I – the responsibility.
M: For what?
I: For those whom I taunted.[A long pause, a thoughtful look]
M: Go to pass.(Giving up the documents)

[ + 11 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84243
 17.07.2013
I am a programmer.
My wife is a programmer.
I have a daughter today!!! to

[ + 40 - ] [7 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84242
 17.07.2013
My friend and I are studying at the Faculty of Electrical Engineering... My girlfriend often sits behind my comp, therefore in my Skype (my friend knows about it). Recently found in the history of Skype:
Comrade: Hi... is it you?
I: Yes and what?
A square root of -1?
I am... fucking.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №84241
 17.07.2013
XX: Everyone is implicitly thinking they’re spying on someone. It was fucking right behind us. For our grandmothers.
The situation is similar to the fact that you have no illusions at all, that in general all the babies are prostitutes, but here you caught your own wife with three blacks.
YYY: Well, once married – so now not to play basketball?

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №84240
 17.07.2013
(Haber, discussion of the Hyperloop system – high-speed passenger transportation in vacuum pipes, after a series of critical comments)

pa100r: I read the comments, I saw that many refer to the so-called railway.
It is strange that these ridiculous fiction continues to circulate, although any thinking person should understand that the idea is false.

1st Well about the fact that the iron wheels will slide off the rails I think it is not even worth mentioning, it is understandable to any child.
2nd The price. Can you imagine the cost of building a railway? Not counting even the cost of land, the land works themselves, the production of rails, the delivery of them to the place of laying. This is astronomical money, no one will invest it in this adventure.
Three What will be used to deliver steel ore in such quantities (rails, wagons) to factories? On the horses? It is funny.
4 is Imagine how the iron car will be heated by the sun in the summer and frozen in the winter? Would your kids be lucky in such a box? That is.
5 is And if the train slips off the rails and goes under a crash, hundreds of people will die on the spot. There is no better gift for terrorists. Any government will immediately ban this type of transport.
6 is Who will invest in the development of railways if there are normal, working horse transportation?

In general shit and stupidity. It’s funny just about airplanes, as if someone is flying in the air in a iron box. I do not even want to discuss it.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №84239
 17.07.2013
Do you remember the old joke about hot vodka from soaps?
WOW : well?
HH: and not a less colorful joke about alkashi and iriski?)))
WOW: What are you for?
Yes, I was going to the country, remembered that I forgot to buy the builders vodka as I promised - and ran to the store - took a couple of bottles of vodka, and then remembered that I bought soap for the child, and there was no soap machine - and went for a soap machine. When I was already going to the box with vodka and soap, I suddenly wanted sweets - Irisks with a discount in a large package came to my eyes. In general, I didn't immediately get to know what the cashier smiled, and the man behind me was quite choked when I put two bottles of vodka, a soap machine and a pack of iris on the tape.
You are burning, mom! 😉

[ + 48 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84238
 17.07.2013
Support for WOT tanks:
It was evil for my husband. I woke up at night – sold in the game from my husband’s loaded account all the tanks that he has played since 2010 (comp does not turn off from the tanks doesn’t come out)... what do I do? What will my husband do? How to return everything? He is in camp until Friday.c) by VOA

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №84237
 17.07.2013
I dreamed at night. At the end of the dream I dreamed of titars.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №84236
 17.07.2013
XXX You said I was wasting a lot. I left with 20,000. 7 spent on a ticket, 5 on clothes, and I didn’t spend anything on myself at all. Coffee, clubs and so on. Do you know how much I have left?
A debt of 100 cents?
Three hundred and five thousand))
WOW how is it?? to
The 20 were in dollars.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №84235
 17.07.2013
News on the tape: "American after loss of consciousness began to speak Swedish and forgot about his life"
Commentary: "It has been widely questioned. Truth is wrong. and"

[ + 51 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84234
 16.07.2013
Tuesday July 2013
I fought with the boss today.
PSI: What is it?
Alpha: Yes, I didn’t go to work yesterday, and today I came at twelve. He was very nervous about this and threatened to be fired.
PSY: What about you?
alpha: said that according to the laws of the Russian Federation can not be fired for the passing of a person in official leave :)

[ + 26 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84233
 16.07.2013
This is:
Facts from History
In the USSR since November 1941 there was a tax on childlessness.
That was 6% of the salary. paid for the childless.
Men from 20 to 50 years old and childless married women from 20
up to 45 years. How is it.
______
Medicine is free and health is better. Only in our office 3 (!) Young women dream of becoming mothers.
How much money has already been spent and will be spent again, you hardly have the slightest idea. One has 3 eco (artificial fertilization) and none has been crowned successful. And all the girls do not drink, do not smoke and lead a healthy lifestyle. I am not sure that when I decide to have children, everything will go without problems.
So somehow, comrades

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84232
 16.07.2013
On this topic:

Accidentally discovered on a vacation with guitars that the cuplets of Pugachevsky's "Million red roses" remarkably lie in rhythm on the Aryan "Rose Street". and vice versa. The unexpected remixes delivered a lot of loops)

There were so many songs that were translated into other music. Sea fun, especially if the company is good. Much of the head flies out literally the next day, but "I remember a wonderful moment..." on the melody of the song "On the field of tanks grumbled" I still sing frequently :)

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84231
 16.07.2013
The resource administration.
Please apply the law on the protection of the feelings of believers.
I believe in the law of Archimedes.

[ + 26 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84230
 16.07.2013
xxx: And here: OE7WTF OE7WTF - so joyfully fucked...
YYY: Friend, what is it all about?
Zzz: This is a radio conversation, baby. A world where you can communicate with each other across the globe without paying a penny for it, because the radio is for everyone!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №84229
 16.07.2013
XX: I also know a similar story, the teacher in the technair told us.
xxx: grit, comes home, there husband drunk with a friend some. He hears, the husband whispers to a friend: "Look, the shake will cries". She went in, looked at them, smiled, greeted, went out to another room.
xxx = the husband
xxx; again hears, the husband whispers: "Look, the sting will drive us out", and himself loudly: "we will still sit down, drink the water?". She again calmly replied - "no question, rest")
XXX: The Husband
XXX: Then they still sat down, a friend left, and she hanged him.

[ + 23 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №84228
 16.07.2013
My World is Broken – I’ve seen a movie in which Steven Seagal was killed.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna