bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №83547
 30.06.2013
The pessimist puts off for a black day, the optimist puts on it.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №83546
 30.06.2013
I will be brief. It was shown in the news yesterday.
In January, the rocks in the streets of October reached a height of several meters. Fearing not to cope with the cleaning of the snow, which threatened to flood private houses in the spring, the locals turned to the akimat for help. And, to pay tribute to the officials, they did not refuse help. In the reply clearly stated: "At your appeal on the question of the removal of snow from the street of October, I inform you that the work on cleaning and removal of snow from the above street will be completed until March 15 of this year."

Everything would be nothing, only the letter came to the inhabitants of the street on June 21 – in a 30-degree heat! Moreover, as the recipients found out, the mail here is not at all to blame: the document from the Civil Service Department was sent on June 13.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №83545
 30.06.2013
What is your name?
and Vasily.
Are there children?
Yes, the son of Vasily and the daughter of Vasilis!
Are there animals at home?
The cat waska.
Unfortunately, we can’t accept you as a creative manager.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №83544
 30.06.2013
I look at the note about the new safe road fencing, suddenly the eye is spotted:
“Rosdornia has proposed the installation of special flexible columns on Russian roads, which should divide the opposing streams.
What is Rosdoria? I know Narnia, I don’t know Rosdoria.
And further: “They, according to the initiators, will become a visual obstacle for drivers.”
A visual obstacle. For our drivers, even a concrete block is not always a visual obstacle. We saw these flexible columns under the oak, shattered like grass. And somewhere here it comes to me that the authors of the proposal are not in a fairy tale at all, but just in RosDornia.Al the first option is more accurate.
Rosemary is so messy.


[ + 43 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №83543
 30.06.2013
Danaids - in Greek mythology - the criminal daughters of the king Danaios, who killed on his orders their husbands. First, they were condemned to fill a bottomless barrel with water. Subsequently, when reviewing the case, the court took into account the fact that they were married forcibly. This mitigating circumstance has allowed them to translate to somewhat less meaningless work: at our institute they are engaged in breaking the asphalt everywhere they have recently laid it.
with "Monday begins on Saturday" A. and B. Strugatsky
This is what...

[ + 33 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №83542
 30.06.2013
Mother (40 years) and sister (12 years) are shouting around the apartment one after the other, my father and I complacently watch this spectacle.
I: Like children...
A: Why how?
I : really. Has she always been like that?
A: Oh, it was even worse before...
I: So why did you marry her?
That’s interesting, wife of a child!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №83541
 30.06.2013
C of Habra:

Approximately this is how the whole system of education is built: first we call the 11th grade class, and then we wonder why people don’t want to re-learn.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №83540
 30.06.2013
From the Fishing Forum:
- I don't understand.These are all the people who trade fishing, they are not married, are they all? The infection is at every price. Yes, you’ll get rid of it... I’m sitting down and screaming... No, it’s not true. The fucking shit. What can not be put on the window with a price, and from a stack without a sticky label to sell? I do not exclude what I take...Well, there is no happiness in life, and you will not take away a loved one's "mycardic infarction; this is such a scarring".

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №83539
 30.06.2013
A scandal at work. Zeka, Lenke from the receptionist assigned a new position in the signature, and she was sending letters to clients for 4 days, until they found:
with respect
Head of Face Selling Department
Elena Ivanova

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №83538
 30.06.2013
LiPanda: Our meeting was a complete mistake. She had to break up all the relationship with her then, in the summer, when she offered to warm up the carpet.

SERG: O_o...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №83537
 30.06.2013

The evening. I go past a pavilion, in which an intelligently drunken company discusses everything that is happening around as intelligently. Compared to the elite of the area, I hear at my address a banal:
Do you need your mother’s son?
No, I do not need it! - and I am already getting fast to pass the cloud of beer smells, as comrade Gore-Kazanova rises up here, and loudly asks him:
What about Dolby?
...
The curtain.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №83536
 30.06.2013
I live and work in Africa, in Sierra Leone. There are not so many white here, but our, as always, stand out.
Today in the parking lot, we sit with our partner in the car, he has an open window. And, as always, healthy and ill-hearted beggars begin to rise up and start to quote:
Friend, good friend, may friend.
The partner in the window in Russian, breaking by slogans:
Go to Fuck!
A Negro with an offended child's face half-questionably-half-affirmatively gives:
Rashn
It is quiet at sunset.)

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №83535
 30.06.2013
The author #11584 has said:
I really want to hope that you have not had time to bind yourself to the bonds of marriage, then both the unhappy girl and her child have a chance to survive and finally become happy. Without you. For a baby left for a few hours you will not be put in jail - you have a head at all or what is there instead of it?

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №83534
 30.06.2013
From Zems
To stop being afraid, you have to do what you are afraid and the fear will pass away. All the other techniques are only demotivated and crooked.

This can only be said after a series of severe brain shocks. For example, I am afraid to jump from the roof on the asphalt. I am afraid to kill people. I am afraid to drive around the city at a speed of 220 km / h during the day, I am afraid to dive in unfamiliar places from a height of 20 m into absolutely opaque water, I am afraid to eat mushrooms that I see for the first time. And I won’t do that because I’m not a fool.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №83533
 29.06.2013
I have a strange new neighbor in my room. It’s a nicotine boy, but he really loves ketchup.
I also love ketchup.
But this guy even eats fresh tomatoes with ketchup!
WOW : ))

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №83532
 29.06.2013
I read the quote loudly:
"Can the question be modest?
He is: Walk
She: The boys are sitting, and where are they sitting?
He is thrown on his shoulder!)"
I commented: - Yes, once I was interested in it... Mom: - And I was curious how they ride a bicycle... I: - And to me - how they jump out of the window of the second floor just into the seat of their horse! My daughter, 13 years old: Yes, you are interested in...

[ + 31 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №83531
 29.06.2013
DANIEL
How much do you no longer drink?
Denis
Three weeks somewhere.

DANIEL
How the feeling?

Denis
All goods, a lot of free time appeared.

DANIEL
How do you plan to spend it?

Denis
Theatre, books about the theatre, video shows, poetry I still teach
Discovered by Eduard Assadov

DANIEL
You are almost perfect now.

Denis
I still lose weight every day :)
In short, I feel that when I come to Sevas and swim in the sea I will not be able to.

DANIEL
Why is?

Denis
I'm going to walk on the water, I can't dive :)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №83530
 29.06.2013
Announced by:
In the city of N, in a normal and sociable and company of guys, a grandmother-friend is needed.
Z is. by consent of the parties.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №83529
 29.06.2013
Review of the new broadcast on the viasat explorer : “bu-bu-bu... thousands of years of ignorance and superstition came to an end...” Voice on the side – What, the Christian church was cancelled?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №83528
 29.06.2013
The man, far from Da, lives in vanity and acts under the influence of his passions. On the religious side of life, his activities are reduced only to rituals, but trusting in the "magic" of rituals marks the degeneration of religion! Such a person also forces others to act like him.
This only happens to those who do not have Tao in their lives. They cannot be trusted, they have already betrayed the Tao – and are ready to betray anyone.

Lao Tzu

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna