From the point of view of the authorities, a person has the right to express any thoughts except the wrong ones.

The commission fell upon us unexpectedly, like snow on our heads.
It has been talked about since our purely civil factory was taken under its wing by the Ministry of Defense of the USSR. We even expected a top ministerial chief to appear somewhere at the end of the month, but not in a week.
Everyone ran in the factory, from the chief engineer to the cleaner; endlessly something was rubbed, cleaned, twisted and lubricated.

Having seen the half-broken ventilation pipes in the metalworking workshop, the chief engineer demanded satisfaction from the same chief but mechanic. And my project on pneumatic removal of metal scraps and dust, which had been dusting on the desk at the chief mechanic for several months, was immediately launched.

On the appointed day, a thick ministerial official in a new shirt hat and his accompanying naked persons began a valley tour of the factory. The commission watched, smelled, and... grabbed everything she saw. Only it was heard - to change, paint, repair, etc. and etc.

In the metalworking workshop, the head of the commission saw new shiny pipes.
This is what? He asked strictly.
- This is our new extraction system., - unwillingly stretched on the stand "humbly" chief engineer.
“Hmm,” said the official with doubts, “she doesn’t pull the fuck!”
– It pulls... look, – and the chief engineer brought to the suction pipe a single metal pipe, which immediately disappeared in the pipe.
One shot is not an indicator. The inspector smiled and tried to look into the tube.
At the same time, the th. The inspector shone brighter bright tubes - the system pulled the hat off his head, for a moment delayed the expensive headscarf of the sucking patrol, greedy clutching, - and the hat disappeared.

Red, like a tomato, the inspector died as soon as he got back his memento, oily and metal-dust-covered hat. After a while, we were informed that the inspection went without notice.

In Russia, if you steal small, you can soon see Magadan and Vorkuta, and if you steal bigger, then - London and Paris.

In the dining room at work.
What do you have of meat?
Cocktails and turkey.
What is a turkey?
and chicken.
and)))

XX: In general, it is strange to observe the rise of homophobia in a country where two-thirds of the population is raised by same-sex couples – mother and grandmother.

My younger brother did not speak until he was four years old. That is, at all. Everyone hears everything, understands everything, and no words. Parents drag him to the doctors, they say: he is healthy! (Time of the 80s) And then somebody has bored my mother-in-law and says, “And you scare him!” Well, my mother-in-law and now not big minds do not ah you with humor) turned on the gas with the pot, put the little to the plate on the chair and says: you look at the soup, and I am the. He hid in the bathroom. It stands and waits. The soup boils, the cover jumps, the steam rolls, the little stands watching. 10 minutes stood, leaned to the plate to disconnect and said in one phrase: here is a fool, b...y, went to the store and did not turn off the plate!

The woman left the house, taking all the equipment from the house:
Where were you at that time?? to
HHH: Near and far...
WOW: How is it?
In the neighboring room, but in the deep water.

<Tsd> hello people who talk with their fingers.
<Angelofnet> Tsd: We dance our thoughts with our fingers on the hills of keys.

Desperation: I stumbled on the naked breasts of the Aborigines from the illustration in the book “The Land of Sannikov” of the 69th edition, when your parents were still walking under the table.

Why not invent an epilation cream for men? I smelt my face, smoked, washed and finished.
It does not grow long.

Has your heart ever been broken? 😉
The heart is a muscle, it cannot break.
Oh yeah, you are stupid.

What if an astronaut in space ends up throwing him back?
WOW: Oh, and if the gases will release it forward... we’ll get all the engines off, we’ll give the astronauts a peanut and viagra and they’ll fly on their own)))

Two top comments on YouTube to the most famous Bee Gees video (6.5 million views):
In such narrow pants, I would sing.
Shoes with sandals :)

Patent disputes between Apple and Samsung
xxx: apparently patented use of two fingers (multi-touch).
Read carefully: Apple has two fingers of one hand, the rest have two fingers of different hands. This is how it is drawn on explanatory schemes — and there are no problems with the patent.

300g of cognac – almost 3 granite glasses? I don't know in what dimensions you live, but the classic granite glass has a volume of 250ml, the density of your cognac find out for yourself and count, but I suspect that two glasses will not get, right? This is first. Secondly, real punks drink before the concert, during the concert and after the concert (and also fuck schoolgirls after the stop) and absolutely do not get stuck with the transfer of alcohol into unclear containers. Punks Not Dead!

C of Habra:
by k1b0rg:
The Japanese have toilets with access to the net.
by khanid:
Well, at least not with the auto-posting of received content on Instagram.
and Weageoo:
I’t be so sure.

xxx: Boy, I don’t have a very standard request to you
yyy: roll, friend, but remember I’m still heterosexual
XXX: No more
yyy: ಠ_ಠ

<River> How good it is that today is Saturday. Nothing to do, just like yesterday.
<ximik_mv> Yesterday and Saturday?! to
*** ximik_mv leaves the conference

We live on the fourth floor and our neighbors see us as idiots. They screw and repair on the fifth, and knock on the battery on the third. As a result, on the third doom, a hundred millimeters of drilling, and on the fifth, that we knock on the battery, and in fact we lie quietly and try to sleep.

Such a feeling that any new device will only work successfully as long as the box from it is carefully stored at home.