bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №80827
 28.04.2013
A reminder of another story from my manager, who once worked in the "Marphine Barracks". About what security measures are there, I have already written here in the story of a foolish man who stopped a car with a secret cargo.
The time of the Brezhnev stagnation. The word “hop-stop” was then known to every citizen, and no one wanted to hear them on the street. The salary was then issued in almost all enterprises in one day, it seems to be 25 days. The hoppies knew this very well, after a working day they guarded the lonely passers and wooled for money. This time, someone almost lost the result of their monthly work. Picture: a guy with a wallet runs, with the screams of "hold the thief!" he is pursued by a man. Zevaki at the stop quietly observe, no one is going to catch the thief for someone else's portfolio. Per a "squeeze" in the bubble will blow, then this often happened. The physical training of the thief is clearly better than that of his victim, he, like an experienced parkourist, jumps through the fence encountered on his way. Conventional concrete fence, such as those that fence warehouses, parking spaces, buildings. Only the guy was clearly not a local, on the criminal jargon "golden thief". What was behind that fence, he obviously did not know. And behind the fence there was a second fence, with a clutch wire and a security system. Within a few seconds, the unsuccessful jumper finds himself under the target of the automate who resorted to the signal of the WOHROVC. Unlike that stupid thief, the thief was not led to the first department, and it is so clear what happened. He was just arranged a small educational conversation and conducted on the intermediate perimeter to the passageway, where he was already awaited by the militia "cracker" and the owner of the stolen portfolio.

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №80826
 28.04.2013
If Mercedes will continue to develop electronic filling of its cars, they will soon leave Russia independently back to Germany.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №80825
 28.04.2013
I went to visit a friend. And they are there with the whole family (mother, dad, daughter) in the kitchen discuss something fiercely, and everyone insists on their point of view. No compromise seems to have been reached. Here comes to me a friend’s mother and sounds emotional:
- Masha, I live with three hamsters and two dudes!
From the kitchen comes a friend’s comment:
You won’t believe it, but I too.

[ + 45 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №80824
 28.04.2013
So why doesn’t anyone make winlocks with Darth Vader? You turn on the computer and there you are Darth Vader, the Imperial March and a request to send SMS to help the imperial strike jets make a star of death.)

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №80823
 28.04.2013
They have almost fallen asleep.
Wife: Are you sleeping?
My husband mmm. What?
Do you know why people get married?
M: Well, to raise children, to be around all the time, to grow old together...
The Voot! What do you expect most in old age?
The grandchildren?
No, they are waiting for their spouse.
Q: Do you want to drink?
J : Yes! Bring me a glass of water!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №80822
 28.04.2013
I was ashamed recently...
An aunt in a resort town asked her to take a picture.
Anjo: and I look, the camera is somewhat strange, the screen is very small and generally
Anjo: in general, I stand I curl in my hands this miracle, closer further, and the image is small and somewhat reversed
Anjo: a woman like this says: girl, bring it to the eye, it’s an ordinary soap (!!)...
Anjo: I’m just offgeled, because I was about ten years old and only photographed her. I did not admit 😉

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №80821
 28.04.2013
How much progress has been made.
I turned off the lights and sat on the internet with candles.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №80820
 28.04.2013
xxx (working in a fur firm): I wrote a few hundred bills in the day at work. Simply because some clever man on them instead of the standard abbreviation "bd" (big defect) wrote "bds", encrypting in this "big defect of sophisticated fur".

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №80819
 28.04.2013
Do you want to meet one by one? Come here, we are waiting for you.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №80818
 28.04.2013
Vladimir: machine guns built in the chest.
It is strange not to have thought of this before!

The machine guns were in Austin Powers, if I’m not mistaken.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №80817
 28.04.2013
Women are "horrible what stupid" and "charmful what stupid".
And there are pleasant exceptions to the rules and those in which you tell the previous options.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №80816
 28.04.2013
I give to the poor what I give to the rich.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №80815
 27.04.2013
The perfect cake is the one that starts with the first bite.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №80814
 27.04.2013
The case takes place in Portugal.

Have you found a lawyer in the team?
I found.
How are they called?
Rui Fernandez Sousa.
Is this the one you met at a golf club in the mountains?
and yes.
is excellent. So we will note: the party pseudonym of the lawyer will be "Ruy from the mountain".

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №80813
 27.04.2013
About the washing machine:

" A very good machine.
Not very noisy.
He does not jump.
Not a broken management.
Written "Made in Germany" (I had a son there, it worked well)"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №80812
 27.04.2013
He talks about his first date:
Leo_ParT: She asked me what I think about gay marriages.
Leo_ParT: And I start so meekly: “I’m 29 years old, I’m still not married...”
Leo_ParT: I look, the eyes round and it seems she expects the finish in the style of “I am a gay, and I torment with you, because you are very similar to a man”
Leo_ParT: So I continue with the short-talk, “So as you can guess, I’m not very good at heterosexual marriages.”
Leo_ParT: I felt like I heard a breath of relief.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №80811
 27.04.2013
I sit in the room behind the compost on the 5th floor. The window is open. On the street, some man begins to cough like a tuberculosis and everything will not stop. He walked out of the table, not thinking he would hear:
Stop smoking!
I hear the answer:
is also true.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №80810
 27.04.2013
Half of the first night, Dad puts you to sleep.
You are a hunter, right?
and yes.
What are you dreaming?
And now Mom will snore and Daddy will dream that he is hunting a beemot...

[ + 52 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №80809
 27.04.2013
Fuck, that is the case. You’ll be surprised, but I have a shower at home and even a bath in which I wash every day, if not lazy. A couple of days ago, as the washing process approached the end, I tried to turn off the water and, standing in the bathroom, took the handle. Then I realized that she was under great tension. Now every shower becomes a normal such quest as soon as the grounded bath in which I am standing is soaked. In short, the question is how, knowing the electrical resistance of water and pipes, to calculate in which apartment in the bathroom is the corpse with the dryer on. He has been lying for three days.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №80808
 27.04.2013
Someone in Hanze responded to the introduction -
You are without food, compass, maps, knife, clothes, communication and fire.
We were in Thailand in the winter. What to do?"

Lie down, smile and take the posture in which you want to stay forever.

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