A banker is a person who borrows you a towel at the price of a bed and asks you to return the towel.

My girlfriend complained. She broke a crane in the bathroom yesterday. Called the slider.
A bell at the door. and opened. Standing in the special with a suitcase, everything is as appropriate and asks with a voiced voice:
Spraychen Zy Doych?
And the rabbit, the son...

“But here we got a letter from Shamil Prokhorovich Katsnelson from Nigeria.
How the fate ordered man!

Nothing motivates the study of foreign languages as much as the activities of our government.

Theft of the Century

All, master, take the job. It is cold, hot, it opens – it closes, nothing flows.
Thank you very well.

I paid with the sanitary and led him to the door. He smiled a little and decided to ask:

- Sorry, this is the question: do you need an old mixer, or a discharge?
And so it all flows.
- It's nothing, I'll replace the bugs and goats, it will serve more, the metal in it is good. I am not asking for myself, maybe you know, in your entrance there is such a grandmother - Vera Stepanovna, she still has a French bulldog?
I know, I have seen.
- Well, she lives alone, grandchildren in another city, do not help at all, and the mixer in her has collapsed, your old for her would be for happiness. Don’t think, I won’t take money from her, even I sometimes take away from myself to do something for her in the apartment.
Where does this altruism come from?
What from where?
What is your interest if not money?
Yes, as you say... She’s a good man, that’s all. I can tell you how it happened, life. Six months ago, I brought my son to the army. I drank, of course, not without it. The son, leaving left me his new iPhone not to take with him, and I gave him my "callbox".
Here, of course, I broke up - after the wires, I went to work and worked well with our men.
In short, late at night I wake up from the cold, I raise my head, I look - I am alone, on the asphalt I lie right in the middle of the sidewalk, people cross through me. And then I remembered that I didn’t let my son’s iPhone out of hand all day. not there. I went around, there is nowhere. I have sports pants and a T-shirt, so there are no pockets, there is nowhere else to look for. Can you imagine what a blow to me? The phone costs like two of my salaries, and my son will come back, ask.
I came home, listening, of course, from my wife a couple of tenderness. I split up, started to take off the socks, and in it a note, opened, read:
“I have little strength, and you are very heavy, sorry, but I could neither wake you up nor lift you up. Just picked up the phone, and then see who will steal.
2nd entrance, 18 square meters
With respect to Vera Stepanovna.

Why hasn’t anyone yet decided to combine old-age homes, children’s homes and shelters for animals? An enormous house where the elderly teach the lives of small pets who have not seen their parents and together take care of abandoned animals. This is great, everyone will win!

Everyone has stories about bad taxi drivers or passengers. Let me tell you a few stories about good drivers.

Since I often use a taxi, stories have accumulated a lot, but there are special ones.

I usually drive on the cheapest, so the requirements I have, except for the "pick up and all" no.

I will try briefly.

1) The hour of night. I am delayed. I go home. I am lucky with an older man.

I usually ask you to land me without going into the courtyard, so as not to force a person to turn around the streets. I ask the same thing for this uncle, and he answers, “Are you mad? ? to The hour of night! Who at this time will let the girl alone walk through the courtyard! What entrance? this one? Wait, I’ll get up now to light you up. Do the windows come out? Help me when you are home! I have a granddaughter of your age, how can I not worry!”

I did not resist. In bright light, the lighthouse ran to the door and under the surprised look of her husband waved onto her uncle from the balcony, after which he immediately left.

2) Called a taxi to take my grandmother from the hospital to her home. She was sick and could not accompany her. I coordinated the driver by phone. Grandma stood on the stairs of reception rest and was ready to start to the shlakbaum.

The taxi driver refused to force his grandmother to walk by herself. All the truths and lies he passed under the shlackbaum, although the name of the patient was required from him and was not found in the lists. He decided that the grandmother was still in the department and was going to go after her to the chamber, in time stopped. Then he patiently and slowly helped her take her bags to the fifth floor. The trip cost him 200r and dropped him another 300 on the phone. Although he did not ask.

3) Carried a brother, a boy with the apparatus of Ilizarov to the cinema. The car is driving, I don't see the numbers, but I see the yellow sign "disabled". I laughed at him, and I’m sure! The driver was without a leg. The entire management was moved to the wheel. On the way, he told his brother how he was depressed and then found an incentive to live actively, how he tried different professions and decided to ride again, told how the car was arranged for the disabled, gave a piece on the wheel and quietly silenced, leaving us, smiling, near the cinema.

4) She fell asleep in the car. She slipped all over the rear seat and almost let go of saliva. When I arrived, the driver woke me up very carefully. “Girl... sweet girl... we’re here... wake up.”

It turned out that after seeing me asleep, the guy was driving as carefully and smoothly as possible, periodically looking to see if he woke up on the road and still stood for a while in the hope that I would wake up myself.

The driver jumped out of the car and opened the door to me. The exit too. When traveling for 104 rubles to say that I was in shock - nothing to say.

6) When there was a terrorist attack in Peter, I was lucky to catch a ghetto. There was no money with me at all. The driver agreed to wait at the entrance until I took it. We had to go from Vaska to the north. Applications rushed like a cage, the phone was running without stopping. We went, the driver slightly said that we would have to eat, but apparently not the fate, not to go to the store, because the city went crazy. She gave him the cakes bought at the bakery and a bottle of drinking yogurt, served a cigarette. He was terribly squeezed, in exchange for chewing gum. The poor man was sitting at my entrance. He looked very hungry.

I had a lot of taxis. They were inadequate. They were adequate. There were a lot of scammers and I want to say thank you to them for knowingly performing the service, they treated me as the most expensive customer. A good taxi driver in the morning is able to raise the mood, instill confidence, set a good pace. A good taxi driver in the evening is able to pleasantly finish the day and calm the nerves.

A good driver is a bit of a psychologist.)

Good taxis and thankful customers!

In life I do not like various psychological tests, because I believe that a person is a very complex creature, and it is difficult to drive him into some framework and "accentuation".

I remembered this topic a funny case at the study at the Tver Medacademy, so in 2000, at a class in medical psychology. Prepod gave us tests with the following questions:

1st How do you assess your physical well-being right now?

2nd How do you assess your mental well-being?

Three How do you assess your sexual well-being?

4 is Your attitude to life.

5 is Your attitude to drugs.

It was necessary to place a percentage figure in front of each point and submit anonymously in 10 minutes.

For 2 minutes I was thinking about what kind of idiot it was, and how to measure the attitude toward life in percentages.

Having come up with nothing, I imagined as if A.S. Pushkin had answered this, and for the remaining time, in front of each point, he spotted:

1st I am sick, all in the green.

2nd The brain does not cook a bottle.

Three I have no girls.

4 is Life is shit!

5 is And Anash...

The teacher really shrugged his face when he reached my paper.

The main thing is to set a goal. Let it stand. You lie where you lay.

I sit in the office and I don’t touch anyone. The phone call, lady
How much does the court cost you?
Which court?
by the child.
What about the child? Alimentation, the procedure for communication, deprivation of parental rights?
You are some stupid! I called you in one of the offices and I was immediately told: 80,000 rubles!
We have 75 thousand rubles.
Why so expensive?
What did you answer in the previous office?
They said it was expensive because it was a child.
Well here! It is expensive because it is a child.
Could it be cheaper?
Describe the situation in more detail!
How incomprehensible you are! trial of the child.
Oh I understood! The case is really difficult, we also have 80,000 rubles.

The Israeli army is so economical that it has learned to shoot down planes with foreign missiles!

If you meet someone you haven’t seen in a long time and don’t want to talk to, just start the conversation with the phrase: “Hello! Did you know that online marketing is underestimated? Now I’ll explain it to you...”

P.S In 90% of cases, a person suddenly begins to rush.

I was on a train and I got a companion. He went into the car, without saying anything, began to glue the window with some fence. I asked him.

Man, what are you doing?

I get rid of the light. It prevents me from sleeping.

Nothing, what is the day? Should I sit in the dark?

You will endure!

I do not know how to conflict, so I decided to wait until he closes the windows, and then I will call the conductor to get rid of this inadequate. The window is sealed, the door is closed, the light is turned off, the car is dark, nothing is visible. I turn on the phone, look at the time, I'm going to follow the conductor, I hear the voice of a neighbor.

Fuck the light!

And started from his side such a sound of movement in my direction, I see nothing and automatically beat my foot to the side and accidentally hit the neighbor. The neighbor begins to cuddle, I quickly turn on the light and I see that the neighbor’s face is all red from my foot and he is talking.

Do you immediately get into a fight? I would normally ask...

After that, the neighbor took his faner, turned away from me and slept the whole trip. He said he could not sleep in the light. This is the power of the healing p**dules!

Today I walked the street and heard a mother mocking her six-year-old son: “You’re punished! You won’t go to grandmother tomorrow. You’ll be sitting at home and playing on the tablet!”

The child cried.

A acquaintance told me. He sued his wife for her inheritance. These relatives filed against him for 116 U.K. that he allegedly struck the uncle of the heir. There was a report from the hospital that he was beaten. A familiar lawyer, only after the third session showed a foreigner and a passport that at this time was like a week in Cyprus with the whole family. The uncle could not explain who beat him and said he was wrong. And since the lawyer of the uncle was hired, he also got the money. From the words of the acquaintance this office takes from the hundred))))

Set up a program of registration of acts of civil status. He went away and called the chief:

I do not have a program.

I was surprised, just checked, everything was okay. I enter the office and she meets me with the words:

The program was closed and nothing was saved.

Don’t worry, we’ll find out now!

It is useless to break down, nothing can be restored! Here you see, the computer broke down, so young people, now you are going, go home, there again think well, divorce you or not, in a week you will come back. People argue, argue, and everything happens.

She spoke to a young couple who came to the reception.



I just heard the first phrase and immediately got upset:

What you panic! We will restore the information. Everything will be well!

I raise my eyes and see the face of a guy who makes every effort to show me that fast computer repair is a bad idea.

- Although, of course, there is a lot of work here, - I continue I am not very sure and at this moment I notice the sad and a little confused face of the girl.

I will handle quickly! Finish the phrase. The guy, smiling, turns his head to the side, which means no. The girl looks with hope.

- Everything is ready, you can work, - I inform the present. The boy is disappointed, the girl smiles sadly. The manager thanked me, and I left. She talks with them for another five minutes, but she can’t convince them.



In the movie, it would probably be funny to see how a programmer saved a family by lying that the computer was faulty. But life is not a movie. People decide their own fate.

She worked in a bank, the name of the director was Sidorenko, the accountant - Ivanenko, and the programmer - But.

An employee enters the reception room, points to the door and asks the secretary:

Is it free?

“No, there are Sidorenko, Ivanenko and But.

What are they doing? ! to

As far as I know, production matters are decided.

Then Booth told everyone, “Always call my name first, so that there are no unnecessary rumors in the bank.”

A man is so unhappy as his wickedness does not allow him to be happy.

How elephants die.

Did you see death, Dick?
Learn how we go!

An elephant, 60 years old and recorded as Marita, died at night. She had long not led the family, transferring the powers of the leader to her third daughter, the mighty Margo, and herself passed on to the role of a grandmother, dragging behind the flock the broken body, and watching that the young man is not too distracted from the babysitters. And it would have lasted a few more years if the boys from the neighboring Masai village had not had time to become men. And for the Masai, becoming a man means doing a feat. For example, to kill someone. And the boys, taking the heavy, in their own height, spies, in the darkness came to the elephant herd.

It has not been so long ago. In recent years, the Masai have been satisfied with bloodless feats, such as transporting a herd of cows through the river into the floodwater or picking out the prey from a lion. The elephants were discouraged from the fact that humans represented a danger, and did not react to a dozen armed teenagers in combat color. Only Marita understood what was happening, and with an unexpected roar that meant something like, “Run, you fools!” she covered the flock with her wide side. She was seconded by the clutch of our jeep, which crashed to the scene through a bush.

But we were late. The elephants went to the other bank of the river, to the reserve, and the Masai escaped in the bush. We got four bloody spies, one of which was broken by a hood from the wound. In the morning we found a herd in the depths of the reserve. The elephants went far into the mud and walked, excitedly talking to each other. Marita was not with them.

For a week we searched for Marita all over the reserve. It turned out to be in vain: the wounded Marita decided not to burden the family and hid among the frogs of one of the islands. There she was killed by sepsis from inflamed wounds. The body was found by Mara, her last daughter, who understood her mother’s logic better than others. He found and brought the others.

A powerful elephant column moved to the place of Marita's last rest, breaking the water stream. Two huge elephants lifted up the deceased and supported her with their shoulders. The family built up in half a circle and spoke mourning speeches, loudly trumpeting and gesturing with hobots. The honorary guard of the body of the deceased was changed four times, while the family dug a grave - shallow, 70 centimeters in a hole. The body of Marita was moved there and thrown from above with a hammer and specially delivered from the shore by branches. The elephants did not disperse immediately, leaving the cave in small groups, and the latter left the heavily grown Mara. No, we were the last to leave, who visited Marita after Maria and smoked her last tube on her grave - she liked the smell of cherry tobacco for some reason.

NN, a former senior engineer of the “Igreek” department of the famous “kissing” NII, died far from his homeland. When he was 72, the Russian medicine rejected him, motivating that his efforts were needed by young people, and he had already lived his life. His family moved him to Israel, whose doctors do not consider age as a reason for refusing to treat cancer, and there he lived for another fifteen long years, surviving much of most friends and colleagues. He was visited by various people, including those who never shine on TV screens, but is often mentioned in special reports, but he refused to cooperate. He was visited by children, his grown-up grandchildren were regularly called, his wife was lovingly drunk, and I, as I could, painted his life with conversations on professional topics, although I was quite far from the control systems, and he - from the oil company and the exchange. When cancer eventually took its own, he sat down on Skype and personally said goodbye to each member of his large family, finding a few fun words for each. By testament, I got the key from a bank cell. No, there was no package of banknotes – there was a package of papers with records. Here, I sit, I understand - who if not me?

After the decision to dismiss the Ecumenical Patriarch, the leadership of the Russian Patriarchate of the Russian Federation decided that the descent of the Blessed Fire would be transferred from Jerusalem to the central office of Gazprom.