Today I sit in a line in the clinic, and next to me two old ladies are talking, involuntarily listening.

Yesterday I went out to the courtyard, I see the girls sitting at the entrance, and drink vodka, and I myself only 18 probably. I tell them, girls, what do you do, you still get married, give birth, you should not even smell vodka now! And they laugh in response and answer, grandmother, but we are not going to get married and have children yet.”

Then the grandmother holds a pause, and charges “Well, even if you don’t send it, the outcome is good.”

xxx: Here, you write “cassor in a paid sort” – fuo. And the "Administrator of the paid toilet" - straight proudly sounds



YYY: You can’t write a resume, guys.



Managing sanitary facilities. The obligations:

- organization of the passage mode (we watch the helicopter at the entrance),

- ensuring the established procedure for visiting the object (delivering tickets),

- control and cash service of the infrastructure of the facility (take the penny),

ensuring the accounting of the enterprise's material and technical base, ensuring the preservation of real estate objects and means of production (we hang paper in rolls, make sure that the sanitary facilities are not beaten);

- control over the observance on the territory of the enterprise of sanitary and hygienic norms in strict accordance with the current regulatory legal basis (we clean up twice a day)

identification and prosecution of offenders of the established mode of operation of the object (we expel the sleeping bombs from the cabins).

Our neighbor held a small farm. As a child, I was very quick to run past her possessions, because the cockroaches there were completely abducted, there was no need for guard dogs. They chased us, the little ones, from the fence and until lunch. But once my grandmother sent me to bring her an apple for the rabbits. I knocked on the gate, and from there, waving my wings on me, a healthy cock flew out, and hugged my knee very painfully (I could not walk for a week, and the scarring still remained). The grandmother returned to her with complaints, but the neighbor said that it was my fault, irritating her highly cultured and kind cock. A clear pen, a rare adult will believe a child. But this story has an instructive end.

A few days later, the neighbor’s husband found her unconscious in the garden. When she laid the beds, that same cock eb@nulled her in the bottom. I don’t know, maybe his ass has irritated him, maybe he has understood who is collecting eggs, maybe he has seen how she has rabbits hammered between her eyes.

Miraculously, it all happened, in the evening, my grandmother and I were given a borst from a crazy bird. Better late than never. And yes, the borscht was very delicious.

My drunk husband called me at 1.30 a.m. from a party for the employees of their company and asked me if he could fuck that fat woman from the accounting office because he was so sorry for her. On my outrageous rejection, he accused me of lack of empathy and that I had a heart of ice, threw the phone and didn’t take the phone anymore.

The laboratory manager asked me if I understood the laboratory task.

I replied that yes. He breathed up with relief and said, “In this case, without a doubt, the others also understood everything.

After two months of meeting my girlfriend, I realized I was happier than ever, and decided to confess to her in love. After the confession, she confessed to me that she also loves me and dreams of a big family – wanting at least five children. Seeing my shaken face, she reassuringly added that “not everything should be from you.”

At the previous place of work was purchased painting robot Fanuck. With optical vision, everything is right.

At the first launch, he ignored the objects hanging in front of him and painted his outlet. We shouted at the adjustable and forced him to wash off the same drawer.

A week later, the bourgeois machine painted the outlet twice in one day. It became clear that the robot preferred red shades.

Pepper was called from technical support. An adult man came, grabbed in the program and said that the extract would be ignored.

The robot was of a different opinion. A week later, the extraction was covered with monstrous polyurethane stalactites. We walked and kept silent. The manager wrote a statement with the work.

Then, during the fire protection processing of the products, the robot saw a local cat named Cat. The animal was treated and acquired a second class of fire resistance.

A couple of days after the cat, the robot refused to work, saying that it was poured in bad paints. So we learned that malaries are throwing morils.

At the forum, we were advised to draw circles on the outlet. To my surprise, it helped. The robot painted the chairs, sometimes inspected the outlet, sadly (as everyone seemed) breathed and continued to work.

There was a case when the robot poured almost a speck of paint on the floor and this shortened the extender. This almost killed the crapper.

Finally, he filmed the director hurling at the carpenter’s workplace and kissing a fire-resistant cat alone.

A few years ago, almost immediately after I graduated from the universe, I was suddenly taken to a very unprofile area for me: studying abroad. The volume of work and salary me more than satisfied, so I joyfully plowed skies into the office with a view almost to the Kremlin. It turned out that another young man was selected, and the management decided to leave us for a month's trial period, after which to break up with one of us. It was very interesting, the team was warm, we helped in every way and all that. As a result, I was taken on a full bet: 45k for a girl with no experience, in my opinion, was okay.



A business owner appeared on the horizon. He, as he stunned him in the 90s, did not get into it anymore, so that his relative was in charge of everything. And here, whether from the main place of work he was sprinkled, whether a personal crisis of some sort, but it became boring for the man to just cut off the coupons, and he decided to personally participate in the life of our shop and order. The first thing he called me (that is, a new face for him) for an interview. No problem, I have been working for two months and officially arranged. The boss said, “Interview” means an interview.



It turned out that everything was not so scary, he asked me about my education, what I had already learned here, suddenly switched to poor English and seemed to be satisfied with what I heard. But some last stroke seemed to be missing. Here he finally recalled the crown chip of the aychars and issued: "And who do you see yourself in our company in 5 years? “”



I, permeated by the idea that I am not a girl who talks to me, but a reasonable man, a businessman, gave everything as it is, say, so and so, Yuri Yurich, your company is small, all the top positions are occupied by your relatives, it is obvious that you are not going to clean them anywhere, so I will sit here, I will get experience, and you will look there, and I will open my company in the related industry.



Yuu is glowing. He seemed to like the honest answer so much that he promised me all help. The type, he does not give up, will help with connections, and maybe, and investments. And so far I decided to transfer me to the position of head of the customer department. This is how it goes, ah. And since my functionality now included not only the processing of existing orders, but also the sale of new ones, the company becomes 35k + 10% of sales.



Under this case, Juju reorganized (read fired) a good half of managers and began to battle on a regular basis with all kinds of nonsense: then a meeting for half a day for everyone, including a cleaner and an accountant, then a new site we will order in Skolkovo, then repairs in the office need to be urgently done - but this is all another story. Here it is important that by the end of the first month I sold poorly for 350k, respectively, cheerfully rubbed the pins in anticipation of up to 70k on my hands. But it was not there. It turned out, in the head of YuU worked some trigger and he considered that such a sum for yesterday's student too fat and... began to hide.



Three days in a row, he does not appear at the office, does not answer the calls. His relative (a gender who) divorces with her hands, she says, there were no orders about the salary, white, of course, you get it, but all these your arrangements were passed without me. Eventually, YU announced and said that I was broken up, he offered me either 35 or a percentage. And the fact that this is a tenth less than my initial salary, which did not include any sales - well, you. In general, get, girl, your 35 and not chew.

Hendir took me by the elbow to the side, and says: "YUYU has a difficult period, divorce, wife takes away the apartment, enter the position." I refused to enter. I say, either money, or I leave immediately, and you yourself here with your castrated composition scratch all the orders. I scratched my teeth, I was given money, but from that moment all love between us ended.

Then it went even more interesting. It turned out that such offended and insulted - almost the entire office. Well, I say at dinner, “Brothers, how long? Let’s get your own business blurred, with preference, and you understand...” A total of five responded. Two later, they actually fell. But even such a gang of four people we managed to make our small startup, where we tried to take into account all the mistakes of YU. I will be 6 years old in August. So it turned out that the phrase about my own business in five years came out very prophetic, although I was a little wrong in the terms.

Summer is the shortest of three months.

My sister is a man.

The phone rings. Masha takes the phone. A beautiful man’s voice:
- I can talk to [my mother's name, a little confused]
“It’s me,” Masha says and does right.
The Sberbank employee speaks to you. Are you born there, are you living there? With her husband, such a number, month, year of birth [all absolutely correct]
Masha answered.
"We inform you that the action "Children of War" under the leadership of Sergei Semenovich Sobyanin is currently taking place, within which all those born in such a period are paid - thousands of rubles. Payment is made by charging funds to the payment card. We inform you that the event is one-time. Please take your bank card in your hand and follow my instructions. Call it...
“Thank you very much,” says Masha, “but your colleagues from Sberbank have already called us and paid all the money.

and pause.

How is it? The Sberbank employee said.
They have already paid everything they owe. Called, warned and transferred money.

and pause.

"But I have written here," there is an employee, "that you have not yet been paid.
“No, don’t worry,” Masha persuades, “we’ve got it all.

and pause!

This cannot be! To the inexpressible pleasure of Masha and the parents present at once, a pleasant male voice finally cries out.
“No,” insists Masha, “we have all been translated. within the action. Do you not know that the action "Children of War" is taking place now - it is conducted by Sergey Semenovich Sobyanin - and for this action payments are made for as many as thousands of rubles. Here we were paid.

Here, says Masha, the interlocutor heard in her voice some inappropriate fun, because -
And swear by! An employee of Sberbank requested.
I swear by the bats. - readily answers Masha (ah, it was a beautiful children's recording, the radio show "Pearls" on Prokofiev's music; favorite replica of Masha's joke and quotes, but where is it to know a pleasant male voice)
What bubbles?! to
— Yes, I’m joking like that, — reassured the interlocutor Masha.
- A-a, joke, - lostly extends no longer such a pleasant voice. What else can you say interesting?
“You’re doing a bad thing,” I thought for a second, my sister responds and hangs the phone.

At the time of the USSR for hockey we were calm, but the players were unpredictable. Now the hockey team is unpredictable, but for football we are completely calm.

Q: What is your main quality?

and Lenin.

The lazy people are usually fat, and you are thin.

To be fat, I have to eat a lot, and I am lazy.

I recently changed work. Prepare for this thoroughly.



1st He warned the boss, said he was not pleased and asked to take action. received a refusal.

2nd I updated my resume and started sending it to interested vacancies.

Three I updated and updated my portfolio.



After a while, I found a vacancy that was very important to me. In the description of all requirements I pass, conditions me satisfy. I decided to call them. Neither letters nor calls were answered. I called them all week. and nothing.



After a few days, I got a good offer. I wrote a statement, worked the deadline and moved to another company.All goes well, I have been working for a month.



There is a call, an unknown number. I raise the phone, and the little girl begins to talk about the fact that they are looking for a man for a job and they looked at my resume on some site.



and further conversation. I am I, D is a girl.



Q: Are you still looking for work? I am from such a company.

I: No, I’ve already found a new job.

D: I looked at your resume, I think you would have approached us. Have you checked our vacancies?

I: Yes of course. I never wrote to your company and called.

D: Probably our eichers missed your calls (I named them all week), and the emails probably went into spam.

I: Well nothing though. Anyway, I am already working. So the question is no longer relevant.

D: Yes, I would like you to do a test assignment for us. Let’s say you need to make a design of 3-4 landings. Write us to the mail, we will send a description under each landing. Photos, text and other materials you are looking for/writing yourself, the work must be submitted within three days. I think that is enough.

O_O I am in shock

I: Sorry, but I’m already working. I am not currently considering any new job proposals. Plus, to make 3-4 landings, without materials (text), so quickly will not work. Especially since I work, I only have time at night.

D: This is your choice, we have a lot of people looking for this vacancy. You missed your chance.

And knocked the phone.



I have not been called to work so hard yet. So I am a little in shock.

The story took place more than 30 years ago. A young father, at the time a 20-year-old boy, was entrusted to walk with a newborn son. The young dad decided that walking in the courtyard is not interesting, and the air is not so fresh. And then he took the baby on his hands and went into the woods (we have places in the city where the forest goes straight to the residential houses). And here the child fell asleep from the fresh air, Daddy became bored, and then once a fungus, and then another. The hands are busy. The decision came quickly, it was necessary to pick up the shirt, but where did the diet go. And behold, he found a dry place, grabbed the leaves and laid it. Covered on top so that it does not freeze. Let the mushrooms gather. He said he had already gone home, but remembered that his wife without a child would not let go, went to pick up where he left him, and not there. There is no place for it at all. I understood Han. Everyone has run away, no. The baby fell asleep and gave a voice. This is a mushroom. Now he’s a grandfather, I don’t know whether he trusts his grandchildren or not.

It was years ago when “fast dating” came into fashion – a format where a man of 20 men and women, equally, in a cafe communicate each with each other in a circle. for a few minutes. Then the signal changes. (For those who do not know)

I just divorced and a friend invited me to such an event so that I could "go away".



The first lady, I fell clearly "non-formate" for this event - she is over 40, and it is stated that girls up to 28. Men up to 31. (I was then a little less than 30, and my peer-to-peer friend looked like a student-income.)



We talked and obviously did not interest each other.

Next, by the signal, at the table to this lady sat my friend.

After another signal to the transplant, an unknown guy sits on my seat. I look through the eyes of my friend, he is not there.

After the event ends, I start calling a friend. He only answers the next day.



Friend, have you broken up? Called and dropped...



– You know, I sat down at the table with that Oksana... Well, that adult... Well, they didn’t even start talking. She takes my hand and says, “Let’s get out of here? Would we sit quietly in a cafe? Or you can go to me right away..." And while I was thinking for a few seconds, she moved me over the table a hundred backs... a hundred backs! And I look like she is so cute and cute. That straight “Mom Stiffler” is resting... And you know... It was probably my best night... And a hundred bucks and a hundred bucks in Africa.

One day I go to work, on a service bus, I see a familiar car (toyota caribs, such few in our country). I call a friend, I say Andrew where you are, he says at home, I drink tea. I ask where is your car?

It is in the garage.

What number do you have.

He is such.

I watched everything come together. I told him to go here, named the address. It turned out that some idiots opened the garage, stole a car, drove, listened to music in the yard until the acum sat down. and abandoned her.

Shakerezada said, “Medicine has reached such heights that you don’t know where you’re going to die.

A story of five facts, one assumption, and one spell of hope.

The fact 1.
On April 16, 2018, the official website of NIA of Uzbekistan published the Decree of the President of the Republic: in connection with the 73rd anniversary of victory over fascism, EVERY participant and disabled of the Second World War in Uzbekistan in a solemn and festive setting will be awarded a monetary reward of 5 million sums. The expenses related to the implementation of this Decree will be incurred at the expense of the Republic of Uzbekistan budget.

The fact 2.
Uzbekistan is a crowded, poor country that does not trade in huge amounts of oil, gas, metals, forest, mineral fertilizers, etc. Wages are low there. Five million sums, or 38.5 thousand rubles, or 618 U.S. dollars (by the market rate of the moment) - there is, neither much nor little, four average monthly salaries.

The fact 3.
On May 7, 2018, the official Internet portal of legal information of the Russian Federation published the Decree of the President of the Russian Federation (No. 195 of May 6, 2018 "On single payments to certain categories of citizens in connection with the 73rd anniversary of Victory in the Great Patriotic War"), the essence of which is reduced to the one-time payment of 10 thousand rubles to veterans and disabled veterans in Russia and the Baltic countries.

Fact of 4.
Russia is not a very poor country. It remains the world’s leading exporter of oil and gas.
Four average monthly wages in Russia - it is almost 162 thousand rubles (the latest data of the State Statistics - February 2018). from 40443 rubles.
The country hosted the Olympics which cost several times more than the three previous winters combined. The expenses of the World Cup in football and small fools of the type of dogs flying on business jets Corgi will not be counted, because we are talking about documented facts at the moment.
For example, the program of creating the domestic limousine "Cortez", which was very useful on the same day, May 7, during the inauguration of the President of the Russian Federation, cost the budget 12.4 billion rubles (this is only for 2017 year, not counting the expenses of the current year).

Fact of 5.
The funds aimed at the development of the presidential car (apparently after the fleet of armored Meresedesov-Pulmanov developed a resource and turned into a weddar with gauges) would allow to pay EVERYONE of the survivors to the present moment 97 058 Russian veterans and disabled OVs amount equal to 127 thousand 758 rubles 66 copies.
Counting with the veterans of the three Baltic countries - 123 thousand 461 rubles 70 kopecks.
If you add the initial tenth from the generosity of the Russian President - then you will get a sum, not so terribly far from the Uzbek indicator of four average wages.

Assumption and shy hope:
I believe that the Russian President was pleasant and comfortable to drive 250 meters in a new car through the Kremlin during the inauguration.
And since he now finally has a car, I want to hope that in a year, by the 74th Anniversary of the Great Victory, "some categories of citizens", the number of which in a year, unfortunately, will again decrease, will receive from the country not a humiliating payout, but a sum, finally, at least partly worthy of their feat, our people and our memory.

- Yes, the youngest son on the spot, the older one, e-e, I don't see...
Dad, I am here!
Oh yeah there is. My nephew is here, my niece too. A cook, a maid and a guard.
All of it?
Apparently yes. The meeting of the Government is open!

At the dawn of the formation of Yandex Taxi, I worked through the company - the switch,, Capital Express ", which is still alive today.

On the driver support phone was a girl Anja, who could be called with a small problem, but hang on the phone for an hour or more - she loved to talk and wash the bones of everyone and everything.

her story.

She sits at the computer and follows orders. He sees that the driver has accepted the order, but does not move from the seat. He calls the number, as it turned out, the passenger, and asks what line he is standing in place, rather than driving. At the end, a lazy voice replies that he has changed his mind and wants to cancel the order. Anya cuts him up and, literally:

“Well, fuck, I raised my ass and went!”

At the end of the wire they reluctantly agree and put a phone.

Anja realizes after a minute that she has confused the phone numbers, waits until the driver finishes the trip and calls him to understand the scale of the crime.



The driver told the passenger:

"I thought about going to business, ordered a taxi, but while I was waiting, I was lazy and changed my mind.

Suddenly a phone call, wondering why I don’t go. I explained.

In response to the mat and under the end, "I immediately raised my ass and went!"

And then I realized I had to go.”