I recently went to a specialized clinic. The specialization is narrow, so the contingent is the most different. I met Natalia, a woman of forty years, the head of a large enterprise. Showing photos - completing the construction of the country, in three floors. With a brick wall in two rows. Another brick for two is gone. I am interested:

And you, Dima, who are you working for?

I am, I say, a sanitary engineer.

She was so jealous in her voice:

and daaa. Sandwiches, they are always with money...)

I was somehow in a car with my wife, the traffic jams was terrible, I see a girl trying to get out of the turn behind the wheel, well, I think I will step down the road, she goes out and instead of blinking, she sends me an air kiss. What was the reaction of the wife, it had to be seen)) To prove that I did not know her was useless, but there was peace and silence in the house for two weeks.

A small store, in which behind the shelf is Saule, a middle-aged aunt who has been working in this field for a long time, has a fun mood and a word in the pocket will not help. Saule leaned to get into the refrigerator window, and something was going over there. At this time, on the other side of the shelf, a girl in the parange quietly approached and quietly stood over Saul. She finished picking up, rises up and sees her head close in front of her in the parange, from surprise shouts: "Oh! A! Fuck your mother!” From under the parranges humble voice is: "You argue in vain. This is sin. You are a Muslim.” Saule concludes the dialogue: "You have to dress normally, then nobody will argue! You walk like a fool, you scare people!”

I stand in a line, in front of a lady of uncertain age (up to 35 years), buying cigarettes. Cocktailingly says to the seller: “Show the passport?The young man replied, “Thank you, it is not necessary, everything is perfectly visible.”

I believe in God, so I rarely go to church.

Glenn Beck: "Many Catholics are outraged by the modest clothes of the Pope of Rome (shows a photo of the Pope of Rome), saying he is dressed somehow not papally. I recommend them to change their confession and turn to the Russian Orthodox Church. Their Pope (showing a dozen photos of the Patriarch) has more costumes than singer Beyonce changes at her concerts.

Residents of Volokolamsk proposed to move urban landfills to the sparsely populated areas of the Moscow region with low population density.
For example the rubber.

I take a taxi and sit in front of the driver. It is not uncommon to see Tajik. There is a crowd of Chinese people at one stop. Everyone went into the room and one of them sat down at me. He turned out to be very word-loving and told him in russian that he has been in Russia for several years, and then friends came to him, now the city shows them.

The international route

Literally, at the next stop, three African Americans sit in the route - two of them are acquainted, and the third is himself, in addition to the Russian military uniform.

The route was full, and one black guy had to stand.

And here is the following picture before me: Russia, a Tajik driver in Russian addresses a Chinese in English to ask a standing black guy to sit down, or the haishniki can be fined. The Chinese long searches for words, after all, the black passenger sits down and clearly pronounces in pure Russian: "Let me sit, sit..."

The engine for the lifting of the heat cooker weighing 0.6 - 0.7 tons burned. His working conditions were very difficult. No other engine was found immediately, we put a manual swing.

In the afternoon, the worker lifted the drive, released the pen and wanted to look out the window. The dog did not get up on the shovel, under the action of the load, the pen went in the opposite direction and broke his jaw.

The head of the commission did not want to hang the act, put forward a version of the fight.

On the spot, he took the pen and began to spin. Snook, wanted to wipe out the sweat, immediately his jaw was broken with the pen of the swamp.

A resident of Lysev discovered that there were cockroaches in his apartment. He did not intend to settle with the barren neighborhood, and decided to arrange for them hell (in terms of air temperature).



He pulled a heat gun home, turned it on full power and closed the door tightly. When he realized that the sharp smell of heat was produced by not-heated cockroaches, it was too late. The insects were embraced by the flames along with his things and furniture.



To extinguish the experiment with thermal disinfection traveled up to 5 fire crews and 13 personnel. From the foolishness of the culprit of the incident, they were also slightly burned.

I don’t understand how a woman without a beard could win Eurovision.? to

A running man

On May 9th, I went to Dacia. The streets were almost empty, all the people sat around the houses and celebrated.
The suburbs of Moscow were not covered by the May heat and the air conditioner that did not wake up from the winter sleep saved me from the hustle of hell.
Suddenly stuck in a deaf traffic, where it should not be at all, the navigator showed that somewhere far away the road is blocked, the holiday still.
The smokers left their cars, decorated with red bars, and spread across the square to breathe hot asphalt.
Then I saw him for the first time.
It was a long-strung, white-brushed sergeant, he walked by a halo by me, cleverly, like a deer, maneuvering between standing cars. It seemed that somewhere nearby, behind the square, a truck with parade fighters was waiting for him, and the sergeant suggested not to delay his own.
Twenty minutes later, the stream slowly moved, the thing went and soon I saw it again. The sergeant ran somewhere far ahead of me, not as fast and not as easy as before, but with all human strength and it was visible. He fled like a wounded pilot from German shepherds. Within ten minutes I gradually pursued and equaled the runner, opened the window and shouted:

Oh the fighter! I am in the direction of Zvenigrod, if on the way, sit down, I will drive.

The grimass of the runner's pain was replaced by surprise, and then an unfailing childhood joy. The sergeant rushed to me, and then the forces left him, he just as a puppet stood down. The car smelled nostalgic. At first, the poor man could only hardly breathe, as the dying dog breathes at the veterinarian, then he paused between inhalations and pulled out a whispering sickle:

and Hassie Hassia.
Yes, not for what. You are quiet, don’t talk yet, calm down and rest well. Here is the water bread.

After a few minutes, the traffic was completely dissolved and we flew under sixty. Wet, as if out of the bath, the sergeant was able to speak almost without suffocating:

Thank you very much for picking up. We were moved to another point yesterday, and my mother came to me in the old part, well, Mom. Half a day. The surprise wanted to do. She has a train tonight. Now she has to go back to the station. The commander let me go, and I ran away. I had no time and had no hope of anything. You have to run, right? If not you... sorry, I should...

The sergeant picked up the number and almost shouted at his little phone: “Mom, Mom, I’ll be able to wait! I’m being taken by car, you know? I will surely succeed! Stay there! I kissed.”

I shortened the march of throwing to this fighter by eight kilometers, brought him to the CPC itself, and even saw my mother slightly.

It all seemed to have ended well, but I was so saddened by this story. It cannot be, because it can never be. What kind of aliens have gathered around me? And where did the aliens get the cars with the banner of Victory? None of the hundreds of aliens who passed by picked up an asphyxiating man on Earth. And only, for some reason, I handed myself out with a little bit. Especially sad from the realization that if suddenly, in the middle of the street will catch the heart, then me and any other person, no one will help, because aliens are not helpers to people.

What is this cloudy?
The horoscope says, “The Aquarius can learn about the betrayal of a loved one.”
Are you a waterlord?
The water woman...

I was probably 5 years old, but I remembered this episode very well. My father was sitting on the couch, watching TV and eating a salty seduce, the plate stood next to the couch, in addition to the pieces of seduce there was also milk, as it later turned out. I climbed on the couch and at some point fell from it, hurting my head. I sit and admire. Dad said, “Well, let me see what you have there. Oh well! Yes, you have a hole in your head, your brains have fallen out...” And she shows me the milk. I was just in horror. Then he crawled in my head again and got another “piece of the brain.” I have been gray for five years...

She regularly talks in her dreams. In the morning, of course, she doesn’t remember anything, and asks to record her nightly statements (but I usually scored because of short phrases).

Today, I wake up from a long bump.

The monologue is quite connected. And I hear the direct question: “Is there a country where there is always the sun and there are no clouds and clouds at all? »

I think, right now, I’ll gather material for history. I turn to the cell phone, remove the phone from the charger, turn on the camera, turn to it, supposedly clarify, "what did you ask about the sun? “And the silence.

Okay, I fell asleep again.

I lie back. A few seconds pass and I hear the phrase: “I would have answered if you answered yourself, and not used again for information on the phone...! »

In the morning, of course, I did not remember anything, but we found out that we can be offended even in the unconscious state.

We have a long-established company, with which we rest together, ride to the sea, land, go to each other for guests, etc. There are different things that people have, but I wanted to tell you about one that is why it is the most angry.

There is, therefore, a family couple, we have been communicating with them for 15 years, everything is okay, they both work, they are not far from miserable, but there is some kind of sloth in them. We usually have a pre-defined format for joint trips, then each deals with some items in the menu, and as a result we put everything together and divide it into all equally, this is like a tradition, since student times, but it has remained so until now.

The heroes of this story usually act as follows – guys, and let’s prepare such a dish. The reaction is usually simple – no question, prepare. As a result, when we calculate the total, there are prices for all components with a coefficient of 2 from the prices of the ordinary market, well, and a story in excuse that we are for friends, the best, did not buy so to say. Well, we also bought a cage, what to cook in it, it will remain with us, but there will be a common type, if anyone needs, call, take. They went to the sea together a couple of years ago, in the same way they fell on tourist chairs and a table - it is common, if you need to call someone, take it. Or, for example, we go to the country, someone decided to drive without a car, that would arrive thoroughly, call our heroes - give it up? In response, of course, with pleasure. As a result, when we calculate who owes how much, it turns out that for the road gasoline must be paid in half. There was a case when on the birthday of our hero he called everyone out, but at the same time persistently warned – it is not in honor of the birthday, just gather, sit, talk, drink... It turned out that this manoeuvre was for the menu, as usual, to spread on everyone, because. In the same way, we were surprised at the new home, i.e. everyone gathered, looked at the newly repaired square room, congratulated the owners, drank and ate, and at the end - we counted the menu here, with you so much. There are many episodes of these, against the backdrop of the joy of meeting they are not noticeable, but then you begin to think – no, what exactly, where is the logic, why, why...

In short, the essence is: in the company no one sucks the leg, everyone is sufficiently assured and accomplished, so this behavior surprises everyone, but either because of education or long-standing relationships, or maybe all together, no one wants to talk about it in their face.

He decided to share in connection with the fact that they were gathering again with friends at the country, but the heroes of the story were not there because, as the owner of the country said, they were kidding something with their little stuff. And here everyone seemed to break, because everyone had it boiled, but it was not convenient to say.

My friend told me the case was in February. She finally managed to convince her husband to go shopping. He was a man and didn’t like to go shopping. Everything went well that day - and the spouse was free and the money was... In general, they spent a few hours in the shopping center, bought upgrades (a pair of new shirts, jeans, pants, something else in detail..). We decided then not to go home for a little walk, and at the same time to wash this matter so that my husband's nervous system can be restored after all the numerous samples. They went down to the lake near the TC, found a shop... Further from the words of a friend:

"We sit, therefore, caveat, drink cognac, snack chocolate and admire the surroundings. Suddenly comes a group of men, as it later turned out, lovers of morching. We dress up and so on. There were no more shops nearby, then their clothes and bags began to fold near us. Well, we are not sorry for the place, but at the same time we got free entertainment, watching the brave morge dive into the doorstep. We penetrated them and even offered to bread our cognac for a warm-up. The proposal was accepted at “Ura”. In short, we sat down, talked, discussed different types of hardening. When the cognac was over, the men thanked us, gathered their clothes, said goodbye and went to sunset. And we went home too. We look, and the package with new things like we didn’t have! We looked, and there instead of upgrades are old clothes, towels and wet trousers... Men confused their bags and accidentally took our instead of theirs!

The clothes just got out of the store, a lot of money spent... shit! We drank our cognac and ate our chocolate. In short, we found some cardboard in the snow, wrote a lipstick (there was no more writing) a note asking to return someone else’s things and phone number and left it on the shop. We went home in a sadness, in the thoughts already saying goodbye to their updates.

The Morsi were honest people. One hour later we called and got our package back. Long apologized for the misunderstanding, told how we were sought and accidentally found a note... And for moral damage even offered us a half beer...”

Faith in humanity has been fully restored.

It was long ago. I had one old friend named Kirill. He did not want to serve and decided to withdraw from the army.

A curved corruption path led him to a psychotherapist. Whether the doctor was highly specialized, or he simply had connections in that department, but instead of the typical diagnoses 3A (lunatism) and 7B (schizophrenia) was identified alcoholic delirium. It is white, it is white.

To confirm and confirm the diagnosis, Kirill was placed in the Kursk Psychiatric Hospital, better known to the people as Sapogovo. In the department, he was the only healer, and the rest of the patients were there for real treatment.

Quickly bored, Kirill already on the second day, made a night trip to the nearest village for the same and drank with the neighbors around the chamber. The outbursts became overnight and not only the neighbors, but also the other patients of the department began to descend (where did they have the money? ) On the promised walked and send a clever young man into a walk through a high fence.

On the fourth day, doctors noticed a significant deterioration in the mental state of their caregivers. Some, already almost ready for discharge, had a “protein” recurrence. An internal investigation has begun.

On the fifth day, one of the patients handed over to his dealer Kirill. He was immediately discharged with a scandal, stating in his medical card that he was absolutely healthy and had no delirium.

So Kirill became the only person I knew who was expelled from the psychic.

The place of action is the store "Peterochka", Borysoglebsk. last summer. I am on vacation.

I walk, pick up food for a village dinner in one person, because I came to a village near Borisoglebsk without a wife.

I notice that some lady of considerable sizes throws a package of free packages into the cart. Of those in which the fruit itself should be applied.

Not a couple of pieces, but a bunch, packs in a hundred.

I wonder how they react at the box. In turn, he stood right behind her. It was funny and disgusting to watch her putting out the contents of the stuff so that the cashier would not see her because of the box office. But she saw.

At the request to lay out the packages, the lady began to whisper that the packages are free and she "has the right" to this did not agree the guard of the store. The tone changed. “Do you feel sorry? These are not your packages. I need them all!”

I broke my shopping and leaving advised the lady to look into the toilets of the shopping center, say, there toilet paper also lies for free.

He was overwhelmed and left.

Previously, pulling the rope, the hooligans did not allow us to reach the wallet with our own money, and now they want to repeat this trick with our retirement savings.