bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №68606
 17.08.2012
On a large channel:
I, Nikita (writing in the sea from a parachute)
BBB: I wanted to try it all my life. Some people actually told. When jumping from a parachute, there is an unstoppable desire to jump.
ccc: to tell a lie) no desire arises :P
DDD: Somehow...
and c)

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №68605
 17.08.2012
It’s always so, mom.
You are the same =))
Ohh: ughu) and even my mother-in-law to take: if my husband is prepared at 3 o'clock in a shirt and cowboy, with a gangdo attached to the shoe, a glass of grass in the pocket, under the hand with a cutty omonovce, a stitch of beer on the lead instead of our dog, and in a pink rabbit tooth... anyway, I got something.))))

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №68604
 17.08.2012
Q: Do you know what was missing in the Brotherhood of the Ring? Gnomes are, elves are, hobbies are, magicians are, people are. Women are missing!
Q: Why do you have a woman? Legolas has Himley, Frodo has Sam, Boromir has Aragorn. Mary has Pippin.
Gandalf has no one.
Gandalf has a horse.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №68603
 17.08.2012
<Yer_sub> and how much do you work?
<Nice_Rabbit> Lots of

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №68602
 17.08.2012
That was the limit. I understand my husband’s socks after washing. I bought 5 pairs of the same, and now in front of me 10 completely different socks! They have different tyres, different feet and different lengths! China won me :'(

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №68601
 17.08.2012
In Africa, a gazelle wakes up every morning.
She must run faster than the lion, otherwise she will die.
Every morning a lion wakes up in Africa.
He must run faster than the gazelle, otherwise he will die of hunger.
It doesn’t matter who you are, a gazelle or a lion. When the sun rises, you have to run.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! to

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №68600
 17.08.2012
When there is no agreement in the comrades, the lords come to power.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68599
 17.08.2012
On August 15, it was 90 years since the birth of Boris Sikkin - Bobby Castorsky of "The Untouchable Avengers".
--------------
In Ostia, immigrants, including Odessites, gathered near the post office. I approached and began to get upset:

He arrived from Rome, received a benefit from the HIAC and learned that the Moscovites and Leningradis would pay more interest than the former inhabitants of other Soviet cities: Odessa, Chisinau, Kharkov, etc.

How? how? What!! I heard indignant voices.

I cannot understand anything myself. It is said that inhabitants of small provincial cities, such as Odessa, respectively, have fewer requests than people in the capital - Moscovites and Leningradis.

The little ones? The provincial? Are these small requests?! to

I totally agree! I myself am from Moscow, it does not concern me, but what it is – we are all immigrants, all in equal position, and they say that it is impossible to compare the high cultural level of the Moscovites and Leningradis with the primitiveness of the inhabitants of the depths, the hills, the type of Odessa.

This accomplished them, and we went to Rome, and with an outraged crowd, we fell into Hijas. Russian, Jewish and newly learned Italian mat stood in the air. The frightened girl, a Hiasa worker, spoke only English and called the translator, also our immigrant.

The translator, a humorous man, was at first completely confused, but then saw me in the crowd, and a spark of understanding lit up in his eyes.

He turned to the crowd. “I understand your outrage, but let’s not scream all at once; we will choose a representative, well, for example, Boris Sikkin, as a Moscovite and neutral person, and we will call to New York to solve the issue directly with the central authority.

Everyone agreed, we and the translator went to the office, told each other a couple of jokes, I went out and announced that everything was okay - the matter was settled, and everyone would be paid equally.

After that, Ostia burled for another couple of weeks, and everyone was grateful to Sikkin, who managed to prevent the monstrous injustice.

One of the fun in Ostia was to visit the cinema. The owner of the cinema, a good man, complained to me that things were going badly, and I decided to help him. This week was the movie "The Girl of My Dreams", which has a scene where beautiful actress Marika Rock is bathing sitting in a barrel. There was no naked nature or sexuality in this scene, except for the barrel, but I approached the mail and started a conversation about the movie:

"Beautiful still, the grandmother, the breast of perfect shape, and when she calmly, without the hassle comes out of the barrel...

I was interrupted, all this movie was already seen and Marika's coming out of the barrel was not noticed.

“So you missed it,” I said, and the whole barrel, a man of 70, ran to watch her get out of the barrel. Marika, of course, did not come out of the barrel, which I was told.

Are you playing me? I was surprised.

Okay, I’ll go see again.

I did not go to repeat the film, of course, which did not prevent me from painting my long legs, a girl's chest and perfect lines of the buttocks again.

We can’t understand anything, they said. Let’s run again, and go. The result was the same - the naked grandmother did not want to get out of the barrel.

I understand, I said. - They probably have two options: one, daytime, when children go - then they do not release it from the barrel, and the second, evening - for adults.

Go to the last session.

By this time around the barrel was already agitated: a man went two hundred. Needless to say, except for the barrel, they saw nothing, and I went, supposedly, to the director to find out what it was about. He returned and that the mechanic had taken them for some important delegation and reassured, allowing the day option, but tomorrow at the last session he will allow the evening version, and will scroll the episode of exiting the barrel twice, the second time with a speed.

The next day, the hall was closed to rejection, but Marika Rock was stubbornly sitting in the barrels. The hall trembled from insults and curses against the barrel. When I told the cinema owner about the barrels and the naked grandmother, he whispered, kissed me and said I saved him the neighborhood.
(c) http://lib.rus.ec/b/172098/read

[ + 50 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68598
 17.08.2012
The accountant Sidorov when receiving the passport by habit put the signature of his director.

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68597
 17.08.2012
The first humans will land on Mars in 2023, but they will not return. Project Mars One offers a ticket to Mars to anyone. True, it will be a one-way ticket, warns the project administration. Financing the one-end flight is planned through a reality show that will be broadcast on television.

Maks Sora: Send all the participants to House 2, I will even start voting by phone

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №68596
 17.08.2012
[clairseach]: Once we rented an apartment and we had Arabs, four people, living on the opposite site. And they were like advanced Arabs, they really learned Russian well and found a job in Moscow. We had a coupled phone. These were modem times. When we sat on the network, their phone didn’t work. They approached our door and ringed. For us, it was a signal to turn off – they needed the phone. We didn’t even look, because if someone was visiting, they were calling on the cell phone at the approach, and only those Arabs were at the door. The call is disconnected. We pick up the phone ourselves. The link is back, the link is back. And then one day, it wasn’t very long, a few hours. We think - well, how much you can shake, or the telephone was misplaced... and went to them. We say, sorry, check the phone, or the silence on the line at us... and a man! In full seriousness! He brought us to our door! And he said, "You know, sometimes the phone just breaks, and to fix it, you have to press this button." He showed us on the call...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №68595
 17.08.2012
News that the torches for the 2014 Olympics will be made at a factory that produces nuclear missiles "blue".

And they will fly by themselves, and the torch will be divided into 6 torches.
YYY: and everyone will fly to the target in the cloud of false torches.
zzz: If anything, these fakes on the road can smash a couple of small countries...)))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №68594
 17.08.2012
I think I have Stockholm syndrome. I am beginning to like my job.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №68593
 17.08.2012
Today, he broke into the documents of the staff of the 90s, found a magazine, well such a typographical, of the type of an ambar book. Tolstoy is such - pages 100, on the cover, as usual, "start-end", on each page a row of 20-25, 4 graphs. Title of the journal "Journal of nuclear explosions"(!!!), graphs on the pages: "Style of explosion", "Height of the sky rising above the horizon (gr.)", "The presumed force of explosion (kilotons)" and "Note"....
100 pages...
The form of the magazine was developed and approved either by irreparable optimists or by fantastic dolphins.
I was crying...

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №68592
 17.08.2012
XXX: The Crying
YYY: that
I fell from the stairs.
Tagged: youth
YYY: How are you?
xxx is alive
XXX I am at work.
XXX: You are
The waitress goes so gracefully through the room.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
I started laughing before I finished.
I thought this ladder would not end.
XXX: And below, a similar picture,
The grief is so long, and the waitress comes out, just as gracefully, but slightly restrained.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №68591
 17.08.2012
mibj: gathered with the guys means to strike, took the machines, costumes, shells of dohuya, and went into the woods, ran into the corners, we sit quietly... only occasionally 2-3 shots are carried out.
mibj: And then Max became impatient, well, he could not hold the guano in himself anymore, dislocated himself in the high grass and did his black business, and swiftly went away from there, because it smells.
mibj: to be understood shit, after such a tactical move he got shit first piece, since when his mine was found Denis did not hold back and said "Fu shit", after this phrase Max successfully sent the line to his trap.

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №68590
 17.08.2012
Mother went somewhere for business and left a note:"She went for business". To the note she painted a cheerful rose.
I come, read the note, and there is already a comment from my sister:"Well, where did you go?and "

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №68589
 17.08.2012
ALLIOT: I got the fucking... :( I am not an Ashot! I am Elliot!! to

[ + 32 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68588
 17.08.2012
YuG: So tell me, what’s in these cats that’s not in others? How is a cat different from a dog?

NZM: How is it "how does a cat differ from a dog"? All of us! The cat...is usually smaller, independent. And the dog is ready to jump in your ass. And the cat goes where he wants and thus supports your interest in his person. He will eat, he will eat, he will eat, he will eat, he will eat, he will eat.

YuG: A-a-a, and did I get such a cat? Which neighbors eat?

NZM – It is economical! And strategically true: your neighbors love your cat, so do you too! You can take care of him if you go somewhere.
And then, look: the cat is soft, furry, murmuring. They bring it to you in such a basket, and from there look two large eyelids, and the cat itself is still small, cute, needs warmth and affection. Then you feed it, it grows. He sleeps on your knees, heats you at night, wakes you up to work if the alarm doesn’t sound... brings your clothes...

I don’t want to get married, I want a cat!!! I want to!

NZM – Here you see!

YuG is OK. You can marry a cat!! to

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68587
 17.08.2012
“Imagine: you’re the head of Google Chrome development at Google’s headquarters, the director comes in, and you’re browsing through OPERA.

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