My husband is English-speaking, but on my birthday he always signs cards in Russian. This year I open the envelope and read: "I love you porn". On my faint face expression, he said that the last word must mean the whole. It turns out he hit the Google translator xxx (smiley for kiss))))

*Comments to the survey "Beer or Girl?"*
Masterstop: The girl of course! Try to have sex with beer.
Try to drink a girl.
Masterstop: Fair

The task of 1C:
a request to create a superuser "Anarchist" who will
The right to edit any documents backwards.

of Irkutsk. Commentary on the film.
Impressed by the operator. The feeling of being in the cinema...especially this clumsy director’s move – people getting up and going away.

has now stumbled.
My friend, a former classmate for as long as 10 years, writes that she went to a dating site and there she writes a boy 19 years old.first he threw her compliments.then began to offer her a cunny, type very want him a woman older.she sent him accordingly
He writes anyway.
The culmination...

my parents up to 7 at work and no one will bother us, well what you complex

Now a little swallowed. I went out to the balcony to smoke, in front of the house a kindergarten, which I once went to, I stand, smoke, children on a walk, I hear not the usual children's range, but some walk-building song. Well, little, learned and all that and suddenly I hear such a roar of some aunt, apparently an educator, "Do not break the system, your mother! Pull the socks! Who is Marching?Something is wrong with this kindergarten today.

Asked the accountant what to do at work if suddenly nothing to do. I was advised to learn to tie.
Now it is clear why they have flower pots in wrapped blankets in the office, wrapped curtains on the windows, and a bookkeeper in a wrapped dress.

I have nothing to do with my husband:
“Let’s play Batman, you’ll be Batman and I’ll be a Cat Woman.”
My husband is tired:
“Let’s be a cardboard woman, and I’ll eat you?”

A friend went to rest in Sochi, told a story
In short, in front of me lived a nice neighbor, with mommy. The neighbor's breasts are three, the face is cute, everything is cool. Eventually, I gathered forces to get to know. I knock on the door, she goes out, in a towel, apparently after a shower only. Well, I say, “Girl, I liked you very much, can I get to know you?”" she clothes on a cushion, one uncomfortable move, a towel on the floor, a second break, a whisper, and then her mom goes out of the pool. by Fuck. I was losing my stool and rejoicing at the same time...Imagine my eyes when a naked girl is standing, whispering, and her mother goes and sees all this...the next day they left. But now I can tell everyone that only when I try to get to know the bodies are dressed right in front of me.

In the "European Union"
A 50-year-old woman buys a memory card for a digital device. With her a girl aged 15-16. Well, the consultant showed them everything, established, broke the check. And here he asks:
I wonder, why do you need a map? You have one right now.
And it is filled.

and pause. The consultant looked at the other and said nothing to them!!! to
And they went away, happy with the purchase! 😉

I wonder how many of them have such "filled" memory cards at home? ))))))))

To know a person well, you need to get drunk and sleep with him, although... with men enough to get drunk, and with girls... enough to sleep.

He is so tired of looking for his only one that his hands fall.
I am tired too :(

The doorbell at the threshold of Jehovah’s Witnesses
...
Do you want to ask the creator?
– Oh, Mom, here are Jehovah’s Witnesses, call the police?

What kind of plant is this on the Ave?
- This is "Rosyanka", it eats all kinds of bugs) home would be like this) The child is already large - it will not wean, and there are no cats.
Does it eat cats?
Well, if you break a little, probably yes.

Littlelynxx: The title and the picture reminded me of my first years in a psychiatric hospital – one of the first patients was a man who, among other things, claimed to be managing mosquitoes. When asked how he manages, he replied: “Well, how do I open the door and shout to them: ‘Go, Naaaahui!’”

Today at work in the afternoon the lights were turned off, my boss is sitting at the next table:
Head of OP! A quiet hour.
In five minutes I hear:
Head of HRRRRRRRRR...
The iron nerves.

If you want to successfully sell 2 million bottles of shit beer, write on the bottle that you have only produced 5 thousand.

Recognize that you are an insensitive, ungrateful animal!
M: Okay, I admit...
G: Please prove it!

Victor Tsoi was not only a rock musician, but also a predictor of the future!
In the film "The Needle" he said this phrase:
People in the world are divided into two categories: some are sitting on the tubes, and others need money.

He would know when he was right! Now the situation in our country is such that people are divided into 2 categories: Some are sitting on tubes, and others need money =)

When I was young, I was often taken for a boy. And one day it happened that my parents could not take me out of the room for a long time, and I had to sit in the company of two guards all night. The case is closer to 8, in the winter street... And then one guard says to another: “Eh, Sing, girls are missing...”. I, having decided that I was again taken for a boy, interfered in the conversation: "And I am not a girl?" To which the guards who bowed from the whistle replied: "Neeeet". I never understood at the time what was wrong with me, but in any case, I abandoned the artist.